Stolen Pixels #55: Crass Effect

Ah, Mass Effect. Epic storyline, intricately detailed character models, and the potential for girl-on-girl action. Guess which one got the most attention?

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Hooray for boobies. I hope that there will never be console peripherals with the potential to pinch us guys in sensitive areas... More or less because I can't think of a healthy application for it.

I bet you anything it already exists. At least in japan.

/sigh. I remember hearing about this whole controversy but before getting the details I'd play it myself. Everything seemed modest in terms of decency, the characters were interesting and not full of cliche and the story was quite good.... then i watched that fox news report about Mass effect and I wanted to have my ears removed just for hearing such fail.

I think this whole thing made people realise the media were making shit up about games just so they have something controversial to talk about.... if that wasn't already obvious. But hopefully it also made the public more aware that games (or some should i say some games) actually have quite good stories and include sex just for the romance subplot. Frankly, when Mass Effect 2 comes out I wouldn't be surprised if Fox mentioned it's release, claiming what a brilliant story it has (and that would be even more ironic if it turns out it doesn't.)

I wonder what kind of people actually watch Fox News and take it seriously. To me, it's on par with The Onion.

Excellent work Shamus! More Mass Effect please, it's the only reason I haven't sold my 360, infact, you've made me want to play it again. When's 2 out? I'm bored of waiting.

Great humor there...

I have to admit, I bit at the "lesbian sex" bait, playing a Female Character and hooking up with Liara, but on my second play through I realized I made the better choice. Jennifer Hale was a better voice than the male lead... and who the hell wanted to sleep with Kaidan Alenko? He was such a douche. But then again, most Female Characters in games get stuck with the whiney, needy members of the male cast (Carth, that annoying not-paladin from Baldurs Gate 2, Kaidan).

Jennifer Hale was way better than the male lead in that game, but Ashley is so much better to hook up with than Kaidan. Tough choices!

Was there really any way to hook up with Kaiden without feeling a little... odd about it? As a ladybits marine I always went the Liara route (agree about the voice acting superiority, by the way). Just couldn't make myself do the small talk romancing with Kaiden.

I think that it's because if my girlfriend ever came in and said, "Oh hey, that Mass Effect game. What're you doing?" and I had to reply "Talking to this dude over and over so he'll bang me," I would never hear the end of it.

Hey! That's not a boob joke! Where's our boob joke?

Haven't played this one yet, so this was my first view of that... armour did you call it? Looks like some sort of vinyl fetish gear to me. Complete with faux panty-lines painted on the butt - fantastic!

Yeah yeah, I know; science fiction mumble-mumble hi-tech materials handwave alien tech reverse the polarity on the neutron flow. Blah. I don't care how tough the saran wrap that suit is made of is; it can't _weigh_ much. One hit from any kind of projectile weapon and shes going to be sitting on her skinny little painted arse. Whats wrong with big clunky armour that actually looks like armour?

Confession: I did the romance thing with Kaiden, although I didn't do the deed at the very end. I liked his character and his story, although I never took him with me on missions because I liked to bring along people who would be useful in a fight. (Oh thanks for making those guys float for a few seconds Kaiden. Now you can stand there looking smug until they stop floating and KICK YOUR WIZARD ASS. Next time I'll bring Wrex, who will SHOOT PEOPLE instead of doing magic tricks for them.)

Anyway, I wouldn't have done the deed with any of them if the game didn't bribe me with an achievement for my trouble. Despite my infantile humor, I actually cringe at most movie / game sex scenes.

Shamus Young:

Anyway, I wouldn't have done the deed with any of them if the game didn't bribe me with an achievement for my trouble. Despite my infantile humor, I actually cringe at most movie / game sex scenes.

You sound really, really easy to bribe. You know what, I'll give you TWO achievements if you do a comic about Star Control 2 ;D

Speaking of 2s and Mass Effect, I hope the next game doesn't have a b-movie plot and boring sidequests :(

Fantastic punchline in the last panel, actually made me chuckle out loud a bit.

Dectilon:

Shamus Young:

Anyway, I wouldn't have done the deed with any of them if the game didn't bribe me with an achievement for my trouble. Despite my infantile humor, I actually cringe at most movie / game sex scenes.

You sound really, really easy to bribe. You know what, I'll give you TWO achievements if you do a comic about Star Control 2 ;D

Speaking of 2s and Mass Effect, I hope the next game doesn't have a b-movie plot and boring sidequests :(

If you're going old school, how about something involving original bionic commando and his unwillingness to BEND HIS KNEES to get over an obstacle. "I have to use this arm thing"

I think that's more like, if you had a jet-pack, why would you ever walk again? ^^

I laughed more at the "Hey, a girl, are you the lesbian sex?" than anything else.

Whoa... I thought he was acting like "lesbian" was a gender on its own. Then I found out he wasn't that kind of stupid. He's a different kind of stupid, but still just as stupid.

Stupid, stupid. There, that's five.

vdgmprgrmr:
Whoa... I thought he was acting like "lesbian" was a gender on its own. Then I found out he wasn't that kind of stupid. He's a different kind of stupid, but still just as stupid.

Stupid, stupid. There, that's five.

I thought he just had Shepard talk like your average youtube-user :)

Shamus, as always, excellent strip.

Dev Null:

Yeah yeah, I know; science fiction mumble-mumble hi-tech materials handwave alien tech reverse the polarity on the neutron flow. Blah. I don't care how tough the saran wrap that suit is made of is; it can't _weigh_ much. One hit from any kind of projectile weapon and shes going to be sitting on her skinny little painted arse. Whats wrong with big clunky armour that actually looks like armour?

It's the sci-fi equivalent of a chainmail bikini, really. To be fair, the male jumpsuit version isn't all that better (accentuating the six pack and tight butt), just not that obvious because males tend to be less curvy. The colors are a bit much though.

Mass effects good but if you haven't played it, and herd the so called sex scene its like 3 seconds of bare ass.

Patrick_and_the_ricks:
Mass effects good but if you haven't played it, and herd the so called sex scene its like 3 seconds of bare ass.

Well it's still a "sex scene". Just not a very vivid one.

illiterate:

Dectilon:

You sound really, really easy to bribe. You know what, I'll give you TWO achievements if you do a comic about Star Control 2 ;D

Speaking of 2s and Mass Effect, I hope the next game doesn't have a b-movie plot and boring sidequests :(

If you're going old school, how about something involving original bionic commando and his unwillingness to BEND HIS KNEES to get over an obstacle. "I have to use this arm thing"

He's not _unable_ to bend his knees. That never stops him from getting anywhere. In fact, he'll even kneel behind cover. He just prefers the arm.

If I was allowed to use a grapple arm to swing out of my cubicle, I'd never walk out the door again. And getting out of bed in the morning - that's a no-brainer.

On another note:
I'll give Shamus three achievements and unlock BONUS CONTENT if Shamus will add the occasional panel to DMoTR. There have got to be jokes he never worked into the main storyline.

mgmchenry:

I'll give Shamus three achievements and unlock BONUS CONTENT if Shamus will add the occasional panel to DMoTR. There have got to be jokes he never worked into the main storyline.

For the longest time I had a few LOTR minis. Just Boromir, Pip, and Merry. I had this joke in mind that would show them on a battlegrid, talking, Irregular Webcomic style.

The comic would take place just before Frank's (Boromir's) death. It would have the three of them cheering about the fact that they were FINALLY going to see some action, and maybe some stupid meta-comedy about how players get to decide where they're standing at the start of a battle.

Then: THUMP. A television-sized box drops into the frame, beside the battlegrid. On the side is written ORCS.

DM: You guys ready? Ok, help me set these up.
-fin-
Yeah, yeah. Not great. More of a visual joke. Ended up giving the minis away to someone who actually needed them instead of making the joke.

Just thought that might amuse you.

That one simply HAD to be done. Someone should so the same for yaoi girls who will play or watch anything with potential guy-on-guy.

I will give Fallout this, at least when a female character puts on the power armor she remembers to wear the chest plate.

Shamus Young:

For the longest time I had a few LOTR minis. Just Boromir, Pip, and Merry. I had this joke in mind that would show them on a battlegrid, talking, Irregular Webcomic style.

The comic would take place just before Frank's (Boromir's) death.

...

Just thought that might amuse you.

YES!!! It's a great gag to start with, but there are plenty of layers you can add in there.

In the previous strip, you could have Borimir/Frank confront Frodo at Path Galen(or is it Amon Hen) about getting all the loot, then have Frodo convince him that Merry and Pippin have been holding out on even better stuff.

Finally in the orc battle strip, Borimir would choose to set up near Merry and Pippin, sure in the fact that they won't survive the battle and he'd take their loot.

The objective being to subvert Borimir's redemption story into a greedy, ironic death. Nah... that's probably too much for one comic.

Now for my end of the bargain: You get the Master Pixel Thief achievement for creating two web comics without any drawing, and you get the Invisble Visionary achievement for creating a supplemental comic without any images whatsoever.

Please do something about the "add this" button. It gets in the way of the text.

Shamus Young:

Just thought that might amuse you.

That was hilarious. I wish you'd gotten a chance to film it while you had the miniatures.

nerdsamwich:
Please do something about the "add this" button. It gets in the way of the text.

You sure it's not your browser? The button seems fine to me, unless he fixed whatever it was back then.