No Right Answer: Living with Depression

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I too am depressed guys. I'm sitting here crying and i must say thank you for this video. I'm going to an appointment tomorrow. I never watch your show but i plan on watching you both from now on, thank you, just thank you!

One thing I'd share from my own experience is not to jump too fast at the medical diagnosis. If it doesn't fit you properly, go for second opinions or more detailed evaluations before getting stuck on meds. I got diagnosed and medicated for nearly three years before a severely bad reaction. Only to eventually come around to a new doctor and find out I had an austistic spectrum disorder, and my depression was significantly due to trying to force myself to act "normal" against it and failing.

Zachary Amaranth:
Chris, if you think Christian faith has stopped you from trying to kill yourself, that's fine, but it sounds like people who say they have prayed cancer away. I know you say that it's not a solution for everyone, but most suicides in the states are Christian. Pointing to Christianity as a resource here likely only serves to delay help (as your mom did by saying "pray."). Hell, it's one of the reasons I used to cut myself. This is something I'd rather not talk about normally, but if the video's intent is to start discussion, well, time to be frank. It's why I avoided help, avoided treatment, avoided talking to people about depression and other issues.

On that note, I doubt faith had anything to do with you not killing yourself. People often say that faith is the only reason they don't do X or Y, but when they leave their faith they find out they still don't do X or Y. I've been an atheist for the majority of my life now, and I'm yet to kill myself. Or kill anyone else, steal, cheat, whatever. I stopped self harma long time ago. This isn't to say post hoc, ergo propter hoc, but it was a contributing (specifically, aggravating) factor.

I don't say this to attack anyone's beliefs, but there are issues here at play that should be discussed.

I am happy that our video resonated with you as strongly as it did, and I also appreciate your open discussion. I would like to explain my remarks about my Christian faith a bit more though so as not to be confused or misunderstood.

In the video, I mentioned off-hand that part of what's helped me and ultimately kept me from going down a darker road is my faith in Jesus and His teachings, but I also tried to be careful to say that I wasn't suggesting it was the solution everyone should go to first or necessarily even at all for this particular issue. I actually tried not to make any sweeping solution statements at all if I could help it.

While I understand where you're coming from in regards to Christianity and faith, please understand that I gave a very short version of my faith here in this video. Explaining that aspect of my life would take much longer and wouldn't have fit well into this particular discussion. I purposefully withheld the majority of that back so as not to go on an unproductive tangent.

Needless to say, my reasoning for why my faith has been an anchor to keep my boat from drifting to darker waters (I've decided to go with a nautical analogy here) is another more personal matter that I'm not quite ready to share with The Escapist at large just yet. Maybe someday in the future, but for now, I wanted the focus on something different. I can assure you that nether I nor my family are of the belief that you can just "pray cancer away." We believe very strongly in modern medicine. Basically, I pray to God for strength, peace, and thanks, but not for magic cure-alls or quick-fixes. Again, I'm starting to travel down a more complicated road with this (now the analogy is on land again), so I'd better stop typing. :)

Excellent episode guys, hit the nail on the head with the whole "depression is your identity" thing. That's how it felt, but on a more subconscious level. As soon as I realized that the problem was me and not some mysterious outside force, I was half way better already.

I have had depression some, heck, i guess i could call it long time ago now, that i managed to "get over" or "cure" or whatever term fits you better, what matters is that i no longer have it now. That being said iat first i thought this was totally unnecessary video. Yes, a person has died, people die every day, not going to make a video every time now are you guys.
But then i read the comments section, and understood why the video was well in order. so i tip my hats to you sirs, you knew your community and did what was appropriate. Well done.

P.S. i never realized just how many depressed people are on the escapist, this is truly an unique place.

Seth Carter:
One thing I'd share from my own experience is not to jump too fast at the medical diagnosis. If it doesn't fit you properly, go for second opinions or more detailed evaluations before getting stuck on meds. I got diagnosed and medicated for nearly three years before a severely bad reaction. Only to eventually come around to a new doctor and find out I had an austistic spectrum disorder, and my depression was significantly due to trying to force myself to act "normal" against it and failing.

I never thought about it, but now that you say it it could be actually possible that this helped me without me even knowing it. I know its bad and shunned all around t self diagnose but sychological diagnostics are kinda poor thing in my country and the best i ever got from a doctor is "youll grow out of it", but i do believe i have what was used to be called aspergers syndrome, and realizing that and accepting that i am not like the others nor should i try to be seem to coincide with me getting out of depression.

Thank you guys so much for doing this episode.

I also have a history with depression although interestingly I was one of those rare few who somehow didn't have it triggered until after I got out of high school because by some miracle High School was actually pretty chill for me. I seriously have no idea how it happened but I am someone who can definitely count their blessings. The long and short of it is that I come from a background of sexual abuse AND a biological link through my father's side to depression and suicidal tendencies (my dad's family history turned out to be pretty bloody when we started digging through it). Again, I have no idea how I remained mentally stable through high school. On the flip side, however, NOT confronting it for 20 years probably allowed a few things to rot in my brain during that time to the point that when memories of my sexual abuse resurfaced years later, I found out that I had repressed those memories so thoroughly that I had constructed an entirely fabricated version of events that made me believe that because I had gone to therapy, I had been "fixed." Obviously depression is not something you tighten a few loose bolts on and you're good to go for another 3000 miles.

When I learned I had rejected the therapy and refused to talk about what had happened, I was mortified. I had allowed it to fester and grow and when it was finally triggered by another emotionally traumatic moment in my life... let's just say the flood gates were opened and depression had free reign over my life for almost a year and a half where I was simply paralyzed into submission. Thankfully I had family and friends who helped me get professional help and medication which allowed me to normalize my situation and begin sorting through my emotional baggage. But as anyone who's suffered from depression can tell you, it is definitely an uphill battle on a very slippery slope and I myself have had relapses with the very real possibility of taking my own life but I'm still here and kicking so as long as I have two legs to stand on, I can kick my depression square in the nuts when it needs to be put in it's place!

For anyone wondering, I am no longer on medication because the side effects were becoming a little too difficult to manage (especially overwhelming drowsiness while at work) so I stopped taking them but after this past week I think I might actually get a refill and start using them again and see how I feel in a couple of weeks.

It makes me happy that people are willing to make a good impact after what happened, you guys rule.

I've lived with issues myself. Depression, followed by anxiety, followed by anger issues, etc etc. Throughout my experience with it, I've heard alot of people saying alot of things about depression that are complete bullshit. For example; that people who seek suicide just want attention. That one really pisses me off because in the times of my life where I've attempted to hurt myself, it wasn't to get pity. I was taking my pent up emotions on myself - partly because of my anger and partly out of desperation to end the weight on my conscious.

There was a moment when I was talking to someone about things, and they said that I was going through had a reason to it and that life would naturally give something back later down the line. After some back and forth chatter I said that I didn't believe that to be true. People can have problems that never leave and sometimes people never recover from depression sadly. It isn't for any reason. She then replied by saying "But you have to believe there is something good coming don't you?" I had never thought about it before, and I never really intend to. I try to solve the problems I have at the time and not anticipate things, be it good OR bad. Whether that's for better or worse, I don't know. But I'm getting off topic...

Because I've felt that and experienced what it's like, I absolutely empathize with anyone who has to deal with anything like this. JewWario seemed like a very nice person and it's tragic he was going through what he was. I feel so sorry for his family and friends, it's so hard to lose someone in your life.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for making this video.

I don't know if you and anybody is going to read this by the way escapist setup their comments but I really hope you do.

I was really depressed when I broke up with the love of my life but I also learn alot from it especially about people and about myself.
Most people will try to talk to you more but I figured most of them are just curious and don't really give a shit about you, they wanted to know that other people are more miserable than they are so they can feel less lonely of being depress.

But the best advice I got during the whole ordeal is by a friend, he just went through something similiar, he didn't asked for any details of my break up and just said "Try doing exercise espeically push ups, it really helps". With that, with out any long conversations, he help me more than anyone that talk to me about it for hours.

And it really did helped, exercising release endorphins in the body which makes you feel better and it also makes you look better and healthier. Two birds with one stone.

So if you are depressed, try doing exercise especially push ups.

Strazdas:

P.S. i never realized just how many depressed people are on the escapist, this is truly an unique place.

It really isn't.

I've already said this in this thread, but 1 in 4 people will be affected by a mental health problem at some point in their life (or even in any given year, at least in the UK), and depression's one of the more common ones.

http://www.who.int/whr/2001/media_centre/press_release/en/

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/statistics-and-facts-about-mental-health/how-common-are-mental-health-problems/

Given the number of users the Escapist has, the number of people in this thread is hardly surprising.

The fact that it still seems surprising and unusual just goes to show how much more work needs to be done to raise awareness.

Eamar:

Strazdas:

P.S. i never realized just how many depressed people are on the escapist, this is truly an unique place.

It really isn't.

I've already said this in this thread, but 1 in 4 people will be affected by a mental health problem at some point in their life (or even in any given year, at least in the UK), and depression's one of the more common ones.

http://www.who.int/whr/2001/media_centre/press_release/en/

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/statistics-and-facts-about-mental-health/how-common-are-mental-health-problems/

Given the number of users the Escapist has, the number of people in this thread is hardly surprising.

The fact that it still seems surprising and unusual just goes to show how much more work needs to be done to raise awareness.

Interesting, my nations statistics show 1 in 3 people, but i guess samples accuracy can be questioned. I am aware that a lot of people have mental problems however that does not mean they all suffer from depression or even are aware of it (there are plenty of people not aware of their own mental problems).
Considering the amount of comments this feature usually gathers this is already more than the average and almost every single one (myself included) seems to have suffered or are suffering depression. Granted, escapist population is pretty high so it may just be attracted by the crowd problem here, however it still seems rather strange.
Then again, its not the first time i notice that escapists are more likely to be not the "normal" stereotype (nothing wrong with that mind you). My theory is that there is higher density of such people here because they are not discriminated agiasnt here whereas many other websites i saw people making lynch mobs to hunt people for as little as homosexuality (in some cases even actually finding out their real life addresses, which is scary).

But yes, you do have a point with the common case. I wish we would find a more efficnet way to combat said problems, but i guess a lot can be furthered of said people would go to consult with professionals to begin with (dont know how it is in the rest of the world but here the general consensus sadly seems to be that only the loonies go to psychiatrists, which discourages a lot of people.)

P.S. capcha seems to be very keen on asking me to decribe brands lately. i always type "no.". seems to work.

fantastic video guys, its good to know there are others with mental illness of some sort who love the stuff I do

I'm going to share a bit:

So, I'm about to turn 32 and I've been in psychiatric treatment since I was 15. My entire adult life has been spent collecting new diagnosis' and under constant, varying awful psychiatric medications, outpatient therapy and hideous bullshit. I've gone through many different SSRI, tricyclic, anti-psychotic, benzodiazapine tranquilizer and offlabel usages of weird medications in the pursuit of therapy. I have co-morbid intermediate-severity autistic spectrum disorder with other more prevalent issues. As is common for such persons, it took YEARS of hard personal work to break out of the bubble of panic, social anxiety and severe unipolar depression, acute psychotic episodes and chronic insomnia.

I do agree that it's something you can & should acknowledge as a problem you DEAL WITH and it's HEALTHY to speak genuinely and without shame.

I completely disagree that depression or other mental disorders are something to be adopted into your sense of self. Speaking as a veteran 'troubled person', personally defining yourself by and assimilating your problems into your very IDENTITY is a shitty, unhealthy idea. Yet, it's understandable why people do so - especially when what you've experienced is 'validated' with a label presented as new information when you're vulnerable and susceptible to any idea that looks like clarity.

You are not your problems any more than you are your chores or your taxes or your illnesses. The key difference in the discussion is just that the symptoms of any dysfunctional neuro-chemical imbalance is perceived by others only through behavior, ascribed to volition. Regarding behavior, if you had a bad cold and cough - you could tell people that and explain you're under the weather, but it's still unbecoming and rude to sneeze and cough in their face and the same is largely true of mental symptoms. That's just day to day management, but if you're truly in suicidal despair, go to a fucking hospital as you would if you were seriously ill with anything else, rather than trying to seek help from untrained friends and family.

Unfortunately, the rub is that the medications are addictive, unreliable and expensive. It's not pseudoscience, but it's not yet reliably effective treatment compared to other conditions and solutions, so approach with caution. I'd argue that experiencing and understanding the options of treatment are ultimately better than rejecting them offhand, but be wary and aware of what's being prescribed and especially aware of doctors suggesting "increasing the dosage" in the face of sub-optimal results (Perticularly, SSRIs (effexor, zoloft, prozac, paxil) and tranquilizers (alprazolam, diazepam, temazepam) etc... One thing they offer reliably is addiction, side effects and withdrawl symptoms.

The silver lining to my above distaste for the current offerings of psychiatric pharmaceuticals is that most of the symptoms I take them for have dissipated through experience and age. Take heart that once your HGH levels taper down as your approach your late 20's a lot of the precipitating hormonal precursors and dispositions for brain chemistry imbalance.

In short, SURVIVE long enough and things WILL improve.

As someone whose entire life has been defined by my depression, I've found that talking to people has only succeeded in driving them away, but I guess your mileage will vary. At least you can get treatment nowadays for it, when I was a teenager the attitude in the UK was basically to "walk it off".

It's also very positive that Nintendo are supportive with your depression. Again, this might be a specifically European prejudice, but admitting and seeking treatment for depression effectively walls off certain roles for you in the UK and companies will actively avoid employing anyone with any confessed mental illness.

The idea that being depressed becomes a component of your self-image resonated strongly with me and I think it's a major factor in preventing a lot of people from seeking help. Frankly, any mild side effects caused by taking anti-depressants are worth enduring if you can make a difference to your life and the lives of those who care about you.

I started taking prozac when my wife became pregnant, for the simple reason of not wanting to inflict my depression on my child. Although I've fallen back into depression now after being made redundant, up until that point I hadn't realised how much what was largely a chemical imbalance had become an established character trait.

These thoughts are not well organised. Apologies for that.

Fantasically mature discussion. In addition to the honesty and frankness of what was shared, I'd like to give props to the editing which helped keep it focused and on topic. Also, as someone who finds evangelism disconcerting, I thought the extent to which you mentioned your faith was wholly appropriate to this discussion and appreciate your ability to bring it up without presenting it as a 'sweeping solution statement'.

I don't suffer from depression (nor do I play such a person on tv) but I've certainly had friends who have. It is validating to know, if only in hindsight, that the listening is so helpful. When you're a friend to someone who goes through this, it can be hard to tell especially after they have a run of good days and you start to see them sink again. As you mentioned at one point in the video, if you don't have it there's a desire to cure which can't really be ignored.

There are limits to what a friend can do and no shame in suggesting therapy. Just as the person who's depressed shouldn't feel they have to shoulder the burden alone, neither should those who want to help.

I never really get 'sad'. More of a general... numbness.

I'm bipolar and I'm not sure which is worse, the depressive or manic episodes.

Strazdas:

P.S. i never realized just how many depressed people are on the escapist, this is truly an unique place.

Well, I have to wonder how many of them have actually been diagnosed. Depression is kind of like Asperger's in that people who demonstrate traits of the disorder simply claim they have it without any actual medical diagnosis. Much like being an emotionally oblivious introvert doesn't mean you have Aspergers, being depressed doesn't mean you have clinical depression. Another example, someone can have obsessive compulsive traits (such as myself) without having obsessive compulsive disorder.

I really do encourage people who believe themselves to be depressed to seek a diagnosis as it might not be depression. It could be a form of bipolar disorder (they're commonly confused, even by doctors). It could be one of the several kinds of anxiety disorders. It could be simple dietary and lifestyle changes (vitamin D & iron deficiency). It could be low testosterone levels.

Kurt Cobain, while many imagine him as clinically depressed musical genius had scoliosis which resulted in severe back pain. This constant pain put him in an awful state. Some believe this is what lead him to his heroin use because it eliminated the pain. Which, of course, messed his brain up even more.

Long story short, feeling depressed does not necessarily mean you have clinical depression.

I've rode that depression rollercoaster before. (as has virtually this entire thread, so I'll keep my story brief.)
With all the meds, the quacks with prescriptions and the "get over it", and of course, the supremely incompetent school system bent on punishing me for it (and my ADHD, whatever that's worth now since everyone is apparently ADHD)

From my experience, it's a war within the mind. Not just feeling down, but the innate urge to plunge ever further down.
It comes with a proclivity of cynicism for every minor success and a confirmation for every failure.

And yes, I was suicidal before. Several times.
I used to contemplate without any sense of danger or irony, the ease with which I could die via this or that.

Medication did nothing. Counseling did close to nothing. The best "remedy" (which I use with the greatest of tentative airquotes) was getting out in the sun, away from places and things that enabled me to dwell on things, and to just redirect my mind away from the horrible spiral within.

(hell, I was on the initial trial for Paxil; the batch that ended up as the basis for a lawsuit. That shit made me into an emotional angry monster.)

As someone else said, do not integrate yourself into your problems. The moment you include your identity as part of the problem, is the moment you begin questioning and doubting every single part of you. And it leads to literal self-destruction and cynicism.

Contrary to how it's used (especially online) self-cynicism is NOT a badge of honor, nor is it a strength.
It eats away at your being in an insidious way.

So...thanks. Thanks for posting this video. It's especially "topical" during these cold dark months in the norther hemisphere. But depression is ongoing all the same.

I was unaware of this video- but thanks to one of my friends... he mentioned about this video's existence.
Must say I have gained a lot more from that then you guys can imagine. Thank you Chris and Kyle for making a video on this subject.

OT: Despite that you're okay, you are always free to hit the community up if you need help. Me, other members whom want to help or will to- shall be more then happy to lend you our ears. We love you man, and same goes to Kyle. I've dealt with people who were depressed and facing issues from months on end in high school. Heck, some point in my life in college- I was immensely depressed because I lost a child ( my ex had an abortion... still haunts me actually).

Regardless, I make the best of life and try to be happy. Luckily, I am happy and have a lot to be thankful for, and yet.... I understand if others are having trouble being happy. As I mentioned, everyone is free to hit me or your friends up. There are people who care and want to help you (while not going overboard and assuming you're just going to kill yourself.)

Wish the majority of people in society understood this better... yet, they do not. Despite therapy and medication is good, it isn't for everyone. I went to therapy before and it didn't help at all, let alone resort to me getting better. But what DID help was talk to people I care for and them showing me that there's more to life then stressing over the past. People just have to find what suits their life style and what helps ease the depression. So again, thank you guys for this video. I bet many gained a lot from it like I did myself.

It's really hard for me to understand, I don't think I've ever suffered from depression that was without reason. But, I've always tried to be empathetic and avoid 'cheer up' or 'get over it' kind of phrases. Cuz I've been there when I was 15 my pregnant girlfriend called me on the phone to say "it's your fault" then shot herself in the stomach then head. That took me a long time to get past.

<--Curious Non-Depressed Person Here:
Is a depressed person sad about something? Or are they sad for no discernible reason?

Also, I've heard that those suffering may appear to be happy on the outside; Is it a constant sadness, and happiness is almost like a mask, or does it come and go?

A great and sensitive video, especially after something I heard here in the UK the other day which is the number of young people committing suicide has risen because they feel their life is going nowhere.

I am trying to get into the games industry as a designer and a writer and when you are sat at home all day, looking for a job to get you that first step but there is nothing and no-one is willing to give you a chance, it is very easy to see how people can feel that their life is going nowhere. For me I have too much I want to do to contemplate suicide but it does get you down and it is hard to drag yourself out of bed to face another day of rejection because every company wants someone with a years experience, then there is no guidance on how to get said experience.

I know this is a temporary situation for me and I don't want to insult anyone who suffers from chronic depression with this but it is an issue in this country and for people like me, who come out of University with these hopes and ambitions, its does get you down and it is hard to see the light at the end of it all.

Living_Brain:
<--Curious Non-Depressed Person Here:
Is a depressed person sad about something? Or are they sad for no discernible reason?

Also, I've heard that those suffering may appear to be happy on the outside; Is it a constant sadness, and happiness is almost like a mask, or does it come and go?

The answer will be very different for a lot of people and can get rather complicated. For me, personally, it's a feeling of pressing doom/hopelessness. A lot of times, it'll hit without warning and last for completely random amounts of time, sometimes only half a day and sometimes for over a week. My energy levels plunge, but I can't sleep, so it culminates in a general restless, listless feeling. I lose interest in things that would normally make me happy and find myself pacing, unable to make any decision as to what I should do with my time. While I can never pinpoint exactly what triggers my times with depression, I know that worry regarding finances make things especially worse, as well as lack of consistently good sleep.

As I said though, it's different for everybody affected. For some, they aren't necessarily even "sad" so much as they just don't feel much of anything. In high school, I tended to cope by avoiding feeling anything at all, justifying it by saying that that even though I couldn't feel happy, I also couldn't feel sad or disappointed, but that was really difficult to live with for extended periods of time.

So, the short answer here, we're all unique little depressed snowflakes, complicated in design and so very, very cold. :)

Weaver:

Well, I have to wonder how many of them have actually been diagnosed. Depression is kind of like Asperger's in that people who demonstrate traits of the disorder simply claim they have it without any actual medical diagnosis. Much like being an emotionally oblivious introvert doesn't mean you have Aspergers, being depressed doesn't mean you have clinical depression. Another example, someone can have obsessive compulsive traits (such as myself) without having obsessive compulsive disorder.

I really do encourage people who believe themselves to be depressed to seek a diagnosis as it might not be depression. It could be a form of bipolar disorder (they're commonly confused, even by doctors). It could be one of the several kinds of anxiety disorders. It could be simple dietary and lifestyle changes (vitamin D & iron deficiency). It could be low testosterone levels.

Diagnostic problem can exist from specialists side as well. I self indentify as Asperger, however i got no official diagnosis. When i wanted to be diagnosed the doctor instead told me "you will grow out of it" and didnt actually check.
I do wonder how does one be obsessive compulsive without being obsessive compulsive though, because i think i would fit into that category.

I do agree that there can be many confusions, however elimination tactic is possible, when you eliminate all other possibilities and thats whats left then that is whats left. Of course that brigns the problem of change, as people do change and that makes such diagnosis all the much harder. Theres also lack of knowledge poblem, like i only recently found out omniverts even exist, which actually answered a lot.

Such an inspiration guys, its really admirable to have people come out and talk about their experiences so frankly and openly. I wish there were more people like you in the world and reading the above comments it makes me proud to be part of this community.

I have looked after family members with severe mental health problems all my life, even experiencing my own depression at times and on of the things I found hardest to deal with was the amount of people who were just saying 'chin up/ pick yourself up' because its not that simple. I'm sure its been said before but honestly, the best thing to do, to really help someone out is just listen, if you don't know what to say tell them that, but just continue to listen openly and honestly, its amazing what a good friend to lean on can be worth.

I hope you guys know that the community is right behind you :D
Keep up the amazing content, I love your show.

I've dealt with my share of depression in the past, but from where I'm standing now I think it was more to do with growing pains, various rough patches and some of the more unpredictable elements of my own psyche (mostly low-level forms of autism).

I've had friends who've had it far worse than myself, one of whom ended his life a few years back. It's a pretty sad subject, but at the same time I'm glad you're taking this opportunity to talk about it (and more importantly to encourage others to talk about it).

Big feels to those of you out there dealing with depression.

In my case, I think depression comes from trying to be useful and failing or not getting the results I was going for. If I don't feel useful to myself or others, I feel like I don't belong and if I feel like I don't belong, that's when I get the most depressed. Of course, I don't want people to tell me "you did good" when I didn't do a good job, but I do want people to appreciate me for my skills I guess which is kinda shallow but we all want to be appreciated for something. I think in someway this is true of all of us, we deal with depression because there's something we want to change in ourselves or in other people and we don't know the way to do it. Same can be and is true for material gain (money, promotion, social stature, etc). Sometimes the bigger the goals, the bigger the chances of getting depressed. Other than that, reaching those goals is the cure to your depression for a short term at least until you change your priorities and one thing is certain, priorities always change.

Living_Brain:
<--Curious Non-Depressed Person Here:
Is a depressed person sad about something? Or are they sad for no discernible reason?

Also, I've heard that those suffering may appear to be happy on the outside; Is it a constant sadness, and happiness is almost like a mask, or does it come and go?

Depression.... is a bit complicated.....

Depression is a mix of negative emotions, fear, anger, sorrow, guilt, and more. What causes depression varies from person to person, the most common symptom of depression is intense levels of guilt. Depressed people feel there's something wrong with them, they feel they are not conforming to societies standards, or that they're being a burden on their loved ones. They legitimately feel modest, none of that 'Oh, it was nothing, really.' stuff.

And people with depression don't fake their happiness, they hide the unpleasant emotions they have because they want to appear normal. Of course, this isn't always the case since depression varies between person to person.

Depression is sometimes just imbalances in the chemicals the mind produces, so medication might help.

But if you really want to know about depression, google it and find some trusted sources.

It is good to see something serious and close to the heart on here. I am sorry to hear about your friend, i understand the pain all too well as i lost a friend a while back to such problems, also as a long term sufferer of this and social anxiety (the whole lovely little box of 'fck with my life' issues), i have been in similar situations many times.

As for treatment, it is as complicated and varied as each personal case. To be open, i had issues since 11 but wasnt aware of what it actually was till 15. Went through suicide-heavy period for a few years. Then a 'self medicate' anything goes, drug heavy period for longer until i lost almost everything. At that point, after even more attempts at my life, i had to confront my problems seriously and seek a mixture of anti-depressants and psychological therapy (because councilling hadnt worked for me in the past as it works sort of like hypnosis where you have to trick your own mind and it always felt like lying to myself).
The problem is, when bad things begin to happen again (and they certainly did for me), you can fall further and harder than ever before. No amount of meds and cognitive therapy can make it go away. It has been about 3 to 4 years since then with a few more bad decisions and attempts with the ride, a couple of months on a mental ward and much more in supported housing, i can honestly say that i feel broken now, ruined after trying to overcome it all and failing with each bad event that serves only to push me back down. Recently the issues are worse and i havent coped well, not being able to deal with friendship and especially love lately. So it is strange to see this video on here currently.

Apparently this is all down to genetic inheritence from both sides of my family and my less than savoury upbringing, so i guess i was royally screwed from the start.

Lastly, there are others who like to play the victim for various personal reasons (often centered around attention). I have had extensive experience with these types throughout life, and although they are harmless as far as i know, it is incredibly fustrating to endure them doing their thing whilst most believe their every word.
It isnt easy to tell what people are like this without spending uncomfortable amounts of time with them and your own personal issues.

Sorry for the essay. Have never been this open online before. I hope it doesnt offend anyone if read.

As a follower of some of Justin Carmical's videos during his partnership with Channel Awesome, the news of his suicide hit me pretty hard. What has resonated with me more following this news has been the online vlogs and discussions, in particular Angry Joe's vlog and now this video.

As someone who has already commented here on Escapist about his own depression, I knew the video content would hit close to home, but it felt like my heart momentarily stopped beating when Chris confessed that obtaining a relationship and employment did not help solve his depression, as I'm in the exact same predicament now. I've just been denying the fact that having a girlfriend wouldn't cure my depression (as for my job I already know it very often exacerbates it).

Back in late November I entered my first proper relationship, and with my feeling more positive at the time combined with financial worries, cancelled the therapy I was paying for shortly thereafter. Only last Monday, my girlfriend do something to me that made me slip back into depression, but with a mixture of denial and not wanting to worry her, I've never talked about it, in fact only hours ago I blew off her subject when she asked me if I was currently unhappy.

Watching this video has opened my eyes to my recent mistakes, and even without a therapist I realise that I need to talk to someone if I am to improve. At the very least I will sit down and confess my depression to my girlfriend tomorrow and be honest with her. I just hope that she accepts it as currently a part of me.

Chris, thank you so much for this video, your words really resonated with me, and I'll do my utmost to follow your advice.

Thank you for using your internet personality outlet to talk about this difficult issue. Through this one act, you have reached in to an established community and probably saved lives. You should be commended :)

Maybe I'm overgeneralizing, but I think a big cause of depression in the geek culture for males is not having a girlfriend or something similar.

I'm sure all of us have been in the friendzone at some point in our life and have felt forever alone. There is a reason why these concepts are so well known.

Personally, I have been going though bouts of depression since Jr. High up until very recently when I got my first girlfriend at 31. Unfortunately I was only with her for six months, we broke up for reasons not related to my depression but it was the first time in my life that I actually felt happy.

Maxtro:
Maybe I'm overgeneralizing, but I think a big cause of depression in the geek culture for males is not having a girlfriend or something similar.

I'm sure all of us have been in the friendzone at some point in our life and have felt forever alone. There is a reason why these concepts are so well known.

Personally, I have been going though bouts of depression since Jr. High up until very recently when I got my first girlfriend at 31. Unfortunately I was only with her for six months, we broke up for reasons not related to my depression but it was the first time in my life that I actually felt happy.

I think you are overgeneralizing, though a lot of guys undoubtedly feel that way.
I've been in three relationships(3-1-1 years) and a bunch of smaller ones lasting a season or less. I've been head over heels for two of them and these were people I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with.
However, you can't just substitute feelings with a relationship, even if they do make you happy. Since there's a variety of depressions, it is possible to overcome it in a relationship, but if you're chronicly depressed as Chris pranger seems to be(or as I am), it's not a solution.

He did mention this in the vid; Getting the perfect job, getting the girl or moving on from one goal to the next is not something that fixes a depression.

I'm sorry to say that even a one night stand can elate you for a while and trick you into thinking that you're happy, because our bodies and biology betray us in that way.

You mentioned geek culture, but I think the truth lies closer to being an introvert or socially secluded in some ways (I'm not saying you are, just that it's a common truth to a lot of people in our circles). A lot of us don't feel comfortable with who we are and that's a horrible way to live, so when someone does fall for you or gets into a relationship with you, that person legitimizes who you are and that's part of what makes you feel better. I'm sure a lot of depressions are connected with some measure of selfloathing or lack of confidence.

Please, don't take what I'm writing as any kind of analysis of you. If anything, it's something I relate to and might explain why some feel just getting a girl is a solution for them. I can tell you first hand that it doesn't work like that, though it can help. Maybe you can recognize some of what I'm saying or maybe you don't relate at all, either way I think it explains some of what many think.

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