The Ceiling Fan of Damocles

The Ceiling Fan of Damocles

Your comfort dangles precariously above you.

Read Full Article

Humans need to learn to treat their fans with respect, lest they rebel.

Shameful.

Lions, tigers and bears, you say? Oh my!

We recently moved into a property that was already home to a number of ceiling fans. The poor creatures had been neglected by the previous human occupants and were in a hideous, filthy state. My lady and I carefully cleaned them, replaced blown bulbs and fixed those that were broken. I hope this has helped earn their trust so that we can co-habit harmoniously. Not sure I'd be comfortable sleeping beneath one otherwise.

Barbas:
snip

Is that video supposed to be funny or impressive or something? *Googles who Steve O is* Oh, Jackass. So "no" to my questions then.

Ceiling fans are harmless enough, as long as you don't get close. This is usually easy, but beware the days when gravity is reversed. Being indoors on gravity-reverse days is of course recommended, but please ensure you are not right below a ceiling fan at that point.

It should be noted that the stories of vegitarian ceiling fans have all been proven to be hoaxes.

Teoes:
Lions, tigers and bears, you say? Oh my!

We recently moved into a property that was already home to a number of ceiling fans. The poor creatures had been neglected by the previous human occupants and were in a hideous, filthy state. My lady and I carefully cleaned them, replaced blown bulbs and fixed those that were broken. I hope this has helped earn their trust so that we can co-habit harmoniously. Not sure I'd be comfortable sleeping beneath one otherwise.

Barbas:
snip

Is that video supposed to be funny or impressive or something? *Googles who Steve O is* Oh, Jackass. So "no" to my questions then.

I dunno, I found it amusing to watch someone try to take on a common household appliance and lose. His hubris was his weakness...or maybe that was the alcohol.

We used to have solid steel ceiling fans in the old country's schools. If you jumped, you would likely get a slash across the head. I was in danger of hitting them if I raised an arm. The edges were pretty sharp, too. I wonder if they're still getting away with those now...

Nick, I expect my royalty cheques to be mailed by Friday. I kid, of course, but nevertheless, as a returning escapist, I found the name of a feature on this site so closely-sewn to the hem of my username worthy of a hearty chortle.

And uhh...I'm glad to live in a place, amidst a culture, and at a time, when ceiling fans don't seem to be something that I encounter often. I thought they were too slow, their rotor blades dull enough to obstruct any form of tragedy becoming a heading in their otherwise wallflower-like existence.

Maybe people get their...hair stuck in them more than anyone would care to admit? In any case, if this tidbit of information has truth to it, I'm glad that I haven't ever tried to sate my curiosity regarding them, as I've always wondered how it would feel like to stick my hand into one and let the blades hit my hand. Apparently their rarity here has saved my life.

Fraught:
I'm glad that I haven't ever tried to sate my curiosity regarding them, as I've always wondered how it would feel like to stick my hand into one and let the blades hit my hand. Apparently their rarity here has saved my life.

It feels like your hand got hit by a bat.

That said, I was injured while dusting one by falling off the counter I was standing on, so I'm pretty sure that statistic is accurate.

lacktheknack:

Fraught:
I'm glad that I haven't ever tried to sate my curiosity regarding them, as I've always wondered how it would feel like to stick my hand into one and let the blades hit my hand. Apparently their rarity here has saved my life.

It feels like your hand got hit by a bat.

Does it? I mean...the surface area hitting your hand is smaller, and it's much slower (though it depends on how fast the hitter hits, I guess).

Either way, the sensation seems intriguing. I might have to try that out one day.

Fraught:

lacktheknack:

Fraught:
I'm glad that I haven't ever tried to sate my curiosity regarding them, as I've always wondered how it would feel like to stick my hand into one and let the blades hit my hand. Apparently their rarity here has saved my life.

It feels like your hand got hit by a bat.

Does it? I mean...the surface area hitting your hand is smaller, and it's much slower (though it depends on how fast the hitter hits, I guess).

Either way, the sensation seems intriguing. I might have to try that out one day.

Just don't leave the fan on high speed. Then it feels like your hand got hit by a whip. D:

kailus13:
Ceiling fans are harmless enough, as long as you don't get close. This is usually easy, but beware the days when gravity is reversed. Being indoors on gravity-reverse days is of course recommended, but please ensure you are not right below a ceiling fan at that point.

It should be noted that the stories of vegitarian ceiling fans have all been proven to be hoaxes.

It's also worth noting that hungry ceiling fans have been known to wander out of their normal habitats.

lacktheknack:

Fraught:

lacktheknack:

It feels like your hand got hit by a bat.

Does it? I mean...the surface area hitting your hand is smaller, and it's much slower (though it depends on how fast the hitter hits, I guess).

Either way, the sensation seems intriguing. I might have to try that out one day.

Just don't leave the fan on high speed. Then it feels like your hand got hit by a whip. D:

Depending on the speed, a bat could potentially be a lot worse, though. I mean...what's worse, lacerated skin or broken bones?

As a sidenote, I clicked your Spinning Button badge, and I have to say...kind of fitting. To the whole thread, and the discussion at hand. (Ha, at 'hand'.)

Oh this is particularly amusing for me, as right now in my city there is wide-spread arguing and protesting over the culling of sharks off of our beaches. I wonder what both sides would think of a ceiling fan cull? I mean, they kill more than sharks, they have to be worse right?

Fraught:
Nick, I expect my royalty cheques to be mailed by Friday. I kid, of course, but nevertheless, as a returning escapist, I found the name of a feature on this site so closely-sewn to the hem of my username worthy of a hearty chortle.

And uhh...I'm glad to live in a place, amidst a culture, and at a time, when ceiling fans don't seem to be something that I encounter often. I thought they were too slow, their rotor blades dull enough to obstruct any form of tragedy becoming a heading in their otherwise wallflower-like existence.

Maybe people get their...hair stuck in them more than anyone would care to admit? In any case, if this tidbit of information has truth to it, I'm glad that I haven't ever tried to sate my curiosity regarding them, as I've always wondered how it would feel like to stick my hand into one and let the blades hit my hand. Apparently their rarity here has saved my life.

As you may have already suspected, there is no royalty in what I do.
If you can find me, I will draw you a picture and buy you a hamburger.

There are many reasons why Finland has such a high quality of life.
Their respectful fear of the ceiling fan is just one.
You live in a modern utopia where the common man can let his hands and hair fly free.

Drummodino:
Oh this is particularly amusing for me, as right now in my city there is wide-spread arguing and protesting over the culling of sharks off of our beaches. I wonder what both sides would think of a ceiling fan cull? I mean, they kill more than sharks, they have to be worse right?

If only there were a way to use sharks as air conditioning then your city could finally find peace and comfort in harmonious accord with the sea.

Nick Lerman:

Drummodino:
Oh this is particularly amusing for me, as right now in my city there is wide-spread arguing and protesting over the culling of sharks off of our beaches. I wonder what both sides would think of a ceiling fan cull? I mean, they kill more than sharks, they have to be worse right?

If only there were a way to use sharks as air conditioning then your city could finally find peace and comfort in harmonious accord with the sea.

That's so crazy it just might work. I should take that idea and start a viral campaign.

Shark-conditioning: It's just like being at the beach, without the threat of skin cancer!

Thousands of lives would be saved!

Nick Lerman:

Fraught:
Nick, I expect my royalty cheques to be mailed by Friday. I kid, of course, but nevertheless, as a returning escapist, I found the name of a feature on this site so closely-sewn to the hem of my username worthy of a hearty chortle.

And uhh...I'm glad to live in a place, amidst a culture, and at a time, when ceiling fans don't seem to be something that I encounter often. I thought they were too slow, their rotor blades dull enough to obstruct any form of tragedy becoming a heading in their otherwise wallflower-like existence.

Maybe people get their...hair stuck in them more than anyone would care to admit? In any case, if this tidbit of information has truth to it, I'm glad that I haven't ever tried to sate my curiosity regarding them, as I've always wondered how it would feel like to stick my hand into one and let the blades hit my hand. Apparently their rarity here has saved my life.

As you may have already suspected, there is no royalty in what I do.
If you can find me, I will draw you a picture and buy you a hamburger.

There are many reasons why Finland has such a high quality of life.
Their respectful fear of the ceiling fan is just one.
You live in a modern utopia where the common man can let his hands and hair fly free.

I'd love to say I'm too lazy to, but the thought of that picture is close to pushing me over the edge and convincing me to at least try.

And maybe the two have gone hand-in-hand through history, but I think the relatively cold average temperature here might also contribute to the lack of ceiling fans. I'm glad to live in such a sensible society though, whatever the reason for their absence. It has saved more lives than we can imagine.

Also, that last bit about here being a modern utopia where the common man can let his hair fly free does, amusingly enough, lend a ton of credibility to the prevalence of all the metal bands here, and in Sweden.

Glad I don't own one of those!

Truly, what is the condition of our air?

Well, I'm glad that I chose to instead attach a large wild cat to my ceiling to properly regulate airflow. Definitely the safer option, I feel.

Sometimes the predators become confused when transplanted into a new environment and fail to adapt properly.

image

Drummodino:

That's so crazy it just might work. I should take that idea and start a viral campaign.

Shark-conditioning: It's just like being at the beach, without the threat of skin cancer!

Thousands of lives would be saved!

Sharks make great air conditioners. Between the constant motion to circulate the air and the natural cooling properties of their gills, they are amazing.

Zachary Amaranth:

Drummodino:

That's so crazy it just might work. I should take that idea and start a viral campaign.

Shark-conditioning: It's just like being at the beach, without the threat of skin cancer!

Thousands of lives would be saved!

Sharks make great air conditioners. Between the constant motion to circulate the air and the natural cooling properties of their gills, they are amazing.

They can smell your heat from over a mile away!

kailus13:
It should be noted that the stories of vegitarian ceiling fans have all been proven to be hoaxes.

This made me laugh more than Nick's cartoon. Today, you are the ruler of The Escapist. Claim your crown and moderately priced scepter. Not the ermine robe, though--I didn't laugh out loud. It was more of a silent chortle to myself.

I am a fan of the story of Damocles. But I am not a fan of the fan Damocles. Much like Cicero, I have tried suspending my ceiling fans from the ceiling with horse hair. But, the hairs are poor conductors of electricity and the horse is unaccomodating.

In defense of bears, tigers and lions... They attack less often, but with more vigor--favoring quality over quantity. It's like the nursery rhyme my "au pear" used to sing me:

The fan on the ceiling
May leave you reeling.
Bears, tigers & lions
Instead leave you dyin'.

 

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here