Unskippable: Final Fantasy XIII Lightning Returns

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Final Fantasy XIII Lightning Returns

And boy, she's quite mad she didn't get invited to this party.

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That was a pretty awesome fight scene, but I haven't the slightest clue what was going on.

Could someone explain for the uninitiated what the hell is going on?

The black mist seems evil, and the jackal guys come out of the Evil Wallpaper and dragged a girl into there, so you'd think that would be a dangerous place. But apparently Snow can just make a portal and go walking on in. And now there is a three-way battle between the jackal-demons, the saviour of the world who enjoys eating souls, and Snow, who is maybe-evil and has awesome ice powers but apparently wants to spend the end of the world at a nightclub.

On a side not, it's hilarious to me that Lightening's broken sword is still larger than the average real sword.

I only saw the FF13 review that Spoony made, so I have no clue what happened in FF13-2 or this one. But I think I know enough not to want to play this.
I was rooting for Anubis' puppies there. Also, she's Raziel from Soul Reaver now...?
And, yes, the fight scene was pretty awesome-looking, but then so was the intro to FF13. It's... it's like these developers should make actual CGI movies rather than games. Oh, and get better writers while they're at it, because visuals and choreography alone aren't enough for a good movie, either.

Thunderous Cacophony:
Could someone explain for the uninitiated what the hell is going on?

The black mist seems evil, and the jackal guys come out of the Evil Wallpaper and dragged a girl into there, so you'd think that would be a dangerous place. But apparently Snow can just make a portal and go walking on in. And now there is a three-way battle between the jackal-demons, the saviour of the world who enjoys eating souls, and Snow, who is maybe-evil and has awesome ice powers but apparently wants to spend the end of the world at a nightclub.

On a side not, it's hilarious to me that Lightening's broken sword is still larger than the average real sword.

Black mist is called Chaos. It's basically evil energy. Snow can enter the chaos because he was a l'Cie/he's the reason that the mist is there/weird Japanese logic. Lightning isn't eating souls, she's saving them (main gameplay mechanic). Snow's evil because he is being slowly consumed by chaos for over 500 years. He's wasting his life away because he blames himself for his fiance's death. He's also there because he's the "leader" of Yusnaan.

Source: Currently playing through the game.

I have played (and actually kind of enjoyed) ff13 and I have no bloody clue wtf was going on there.
Also is sazh in this? He was my favorite character but it seems he got kinda left behind.

I watched the KStW of this. Despite the insulin tilt, from what I saw... Well, I think it was agreed that we don't speak of how it went.

the FFXIII series makes me feel so bad for Troy Baker the same way that the Halo games made me feel bad for Jen Taylor.

I mean he's a really good actor, and he's trying so hard. But he has to read such cringe worthy lines and act opposite one of the worst actresses alive today.

And what ever happened to Ali Hillis anyway? She was really good in Mass Effect 1. Did she have a lobotomy between ME1 and FFXIII?

Mikeyfell:
And what ever happened to Ali Hillis anyway? She was really good in Mass Effect 1. Did she have a lobotomy between ME1 and FFXIII?

Actors play the role they are given, so blame her flatness on the fact that after the tutorial it is revealed that Lightning was made emotionless.

And as someone who actually likes the FF XIII trilogy, I still call bull on that.

I kinda liked ff13 and this whole blathering about "sin", "god" and "darkness" is just so irritating.
Like, can squeenix even tell a story that isn't "grr religion bad" anymore?
Everything they established in 13 by making people read the goddamn footnotes has been thrown out of the window.

What even is a fal-cie anymore? What about lightnings focus or any of that crap?
Will she still turn into a cyberzombie if she doesn't fulfill some poorly defined task or what?
What's with those anubis things and dragons, are those things that lived on pulse?
Where are the robots and cyborgs, isn't this some sort of ridiculously advanced hyper future?

There was no reason for this to be a ff13 game at all. The setting doesn't even match.

Mikeyfell:

And what ever happened to Ali Hillis anyway? She was really good in Mass Effect 1. Did she have a lobotomy between ME1 and FFXIII?

The line "We were brought back without emotions to get the job done" is something they actually say in the game.

Possibly slightly paraphrased because I really don't want to bother looking through three hours of Youtube or Twitch footage to find it exactly, but yeah.

Thunderous Cacophony:
Could someone explain for the uninitiated what the hell is going on?

Probably not, no. The game makes no sense at all. And the asinine twist at the end makes it make even less sense.

OT: I watched all seven-eight hours of Kathleen streaming that game, and my first thoughts when it was over were "It takes a lot of work to make Final Fantasy XIII look subtle and restrained, and yet somehow they managed to do it."

I mean, it's impressive enough that they managed to be even more melodramatic than Kingdom Hearts, but I didn't think they could make the Final Fantasy XIII storyline even more ridiculous.

loa:
I kinda liked ff13 and this whole blathering about "sin", "god" and "darkness" is just so irritating.
Like, can squeenix even tell a story that isn't "grr religion bad" anymore?
Everything they established in 13 by making people read the goddamn footnotes has been thrown out of the window.

What even is a fal-cie anymore? What about lightnings focus or any of that crap?
Will she still turn into a cyberzombie if she doesn't fulfill some poorly defined task or what?
What's with those anubis things and dragons, are those things that lived on pulse?
Where are the robots and cyborgs, isn't this some sort of ridiculously advanced hyper future?

There was no reason for this to be a ff13 game at all. The setting doesn't even match.

As I understand it Bhunivelze ("god") is sort of the arch-fal'Cie, and he told Lightning to save the world. So presumably saving the world is her focus and she will become a Cie'th if she fails (though since the world would end it probably doesn't matter). The anubis things and dragons are Chaos spawn and Chaos is the "demonic" force which will, according to Bhunivelze, end the world.

As for the robots and cyborgs, I believe that it was mostly just the Cocoon civilization that was extremely advanced so with them being destroyed such technology would be rarer.

Lightning should be renamed to Woodstump. Describes her character much, much better.

Final Fantasy XIII was fine all on its own, despite its flaws. Convoluted sequels were the last things it needed.

Rawbeard:
Lightning should be renamed to Woodstump. Describes her character much, much better.

Or possibly 'Stoney'

I think wallpaper is an underrated method of travel

Mahorfeus:
Final Fantasy XIII was fine all on its own, despite its flaws. Convoluted sequels were the last things it needed.

Isn't that quote something we call all describe the direct sequels to FF in general though?

"Final Fantasy X was fine all on its own, despite its flaws. Convoluted sequels were the last things it needed."

"Final Fantasy VII was fine all on its own, despite its flaws. Convoluted sequels were the last things it needed."

The problems to this franchise derive from one thing: unnecessary Direct sequels. Same can go with KH and it's games (KH3D,RE Coded, and 358/2 days). and other companies in Japan need to stop doing this too (LOOKING AT YOU ATLUS)

I haven't played any of the FF games since the original XIII, so I have no idea how we got from that to the events I just saw in this video. Should I try and find out, or would it just confuse me more?

Who do you find that's willing to serve drinks at an "end of the world" party?

Yeah, my End of the World party will definitely be BYOB. If I happen to have a surplus of liquor at the time, then at the very least, it's gonna be Pour Your Own.

thejboy88:
I haven't played any of the FF games since the original XIII, so I have no idea how we got from that to the events I just saw in this video. Should I try and find out, or would it just confuse me more?

Nah, It's become my rule to just say NO to the direct sequels. Play just the number titled games. That's where the best balance of story, character development and battle system is.

Is 'the Nightclub at the End of the World' something like 'the Restaurant at the End of the Universe'? You get to go back and experience the show every evening? Or is it more exclusive than that, like they have the End of the World once a month and it's invitation only?

Oh crap... that actually looked awesome 0.0 I want to play this one now... but it's gonna be a while til I get around to it.

I wonder if Noel is gonna be in it... whatever the heck is going on with Serah has me intrigued.

EDIT: To those who are wondering; if you finished XIII but not XIII-2 then you're still not gonna have a snowflakes chance in hell of comprehending what's going on here. Even those that have played both are very lost.

[sarcasm]Oh, boy! Lightning's back! One of the least engaging video game protagonists ever. And as impractically scantily-clad to boot![/sarcasm] But seriously, who's glad she's back? I mean, I didn't ask for this, SO WHO FREAKING DID?!

Okay I think I get it.
1. Snow is bad, but has a romantic past with Lighting.
2. Lightning is better at fighting, she's the Mary Sue here, but is also grumpy.
3. The kid throwing pink lightning is being controlled by an external force to end the world.

So far I don't know who's the good guy, maybe the kid? Why is Lightning so grumpy? Why is the world ending?

Evil Smurf:
Okay I think I get it.
1. Snow is bad, but has a romantic past with Lighting.
2. Lightning is better at fighting, she's the Mary Sue here, but is also grumpy.
3. The kid throwing pink lightning is being controlled by an external force to end the world.

So far I don't know who's the good guy, maybe the kid? Why is Lightning so grumpy? Why is the world ending?

No that kids lightning.

...this actually makes me want to play the game...

I don't like grumpy pink-haired rule 63 bondage Jesus.

...Ok, I'm just gonna grab Drakengard 3 instead because at this rate it's stories going to make more sense.

Plus, it looks to be more interesting:

shrekfan246:

Mikeyfell:

And what ever happened to Ali Hillis anyway? She was really good in Mass Effect 1. Did she have a lobotomy between ME1 and FFXIII?

The line "We were brought back without emotions to get the job done" is something they actually say in the game.

Possibly slightly paraphrased because I really don't want to bother looking through three hours of Youtube or Twitch footage to find it exactly, but yeah.

Prime_Hunter_H01:

Actors play the role they are given, so blame her flatness on the fact that after the tutorial it is revealed that Lightning was made emotionless.

And as someone who actually likes the FF XIII trilogy, I still call bull on that.

That's an excuse for Final Fantasy 13 but what about Liara?
was she brought back without emotions too?

Her method acting for FFXIII is bleeding over into all her other work.

Mikeyfell:

shrekfan246:

Mikeyfell:

And what ever happened to Ali Hillis anyway? She was really good in Mass Effect 1. Did she have a lobotomy between ME1 and FFXIII?

The line "We were brought back without emotions to get the job done" is something they actually say in the game.

Possibly slightly paraphrased because I really don't want to bother looking through three hours of Youtube or Twitch footage to find it exactly, but yeah.

Prime_Hunter_H01:

Actors play the role they are given, so blame her flatness on the fact that after the tutorial it is revealed that Lightning was made emotionless.

And as someone who actually likes the FF XIII trilogy, I still call bull on that.

That's an excuse for Final Fantasy 13 but what about Liara?
was she brought back without emotions too?

Her method acting for FFXIII is bleeding over into all her other work.

[picks up bait]

[puts bait back down again]

[picks up bait]

[puts bait back down again]

...

Urgh. Dude... Mass Effect 3 is dead and gone. Let it go.

Infernai:
...Ok, I'm just gonna grab Drakengard 3 instead because at this rate it's stories going to make more sense.

Plus, it looks to be more interesting:

But... Drakengard 2 didn't make a whole lot of sense either.

Neither did Drakengard if I remember correctly, it's been years since I played.

shikakuzetsumei:

Infernai:
...Ok, I'm just gonna grab Drakengard 3 instead because at this rate it's stories going to make more sense.

Plus, it looks to be more interesting:

But... Drakengard 2 didn't make a whole lot of sense either.

Neither did Drakengard if I remember correctly, it's been years since I played.

Sad part is it's still easier to follow then 13 at this point.

However, I will admit Drakengard is a half cup of batshit mixed with a teaspoon of what the everloving fuck, but on a basic level it's still able to be followed.

It also helps if you just pretend Drakengard 2 never happened because the original team wasn't involved in making it. In-fact, Enix basically made sure they weren't because they wanted to tone down the dark stuff and make it more "Safe". It explains an AWFUL lot about Drakengard 2. However, I will admit the scene with Caim and Angelus (As well as their boss fights) were legitimately good, the gameplay mechanics were at-least a step up from Drakengard 1 and the soundtrack wasn't bad. Still, just consider DG2 non-canon and just go with Nier being the sequel to Drakengard 1. It hurts much less that way.

Well... anyone else get that feeling of turning over two pages at once?

Not only did they redress her in her sleep they also gave her breast augmentation. Now that is creepy dont you agree graham?

"I actually have no idea"

Final Fantasy XIII's entire plot summarised in one sentence.

"I'm going to sulk in my wallpaper"
Greatest teen sulk ever!

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