Movie Defense Force: Dungeons & Dragons - Jeremy Irons Says NYANANANANA! Pages PREV 1 2 | |
For my part ever since Jeremy Irons did his whole "Gay marriage is bad, men will marry their sons for tax/inheritance purposes" I've not been able to enjoy anything he's done anymore. It's a shame too, I liked him in Eragon. One of two decent performances in that film and the other was just voice acting. | |
I liked Dungeons And Dragons. It wasn't D&D, but it was entertaining. Also, I seriously had no idea there was a second film, and I found out there's even a third when I looked it up. I might have to watch them. | |
I remember two things about this movie. First was that they killed off Marlon Wayons at some point. I cheered. I was so happy. It made the rest of the film almost worth watching. And then, they revived him (or heavily implied it anyway) in the final scene. They took back the one redeeming thing this movie had going for it. The pain, the sorrow. Few true dramas have caused me as much heartbreak as this film did. | |
Maybe on Streaming. Scanning to fun parts. There's just so much really GOOD content out there. | |
Come on now, the Bruce Payne vs Marlon Wayans fight doesn't get a mention? And Marlon Wayans has such an epic death scene... I mean, this would be a great moment of pathos if his character wasn't the most annoying thing to ever be created by humans in the history of the world. I think Jeremy Irons had a vibrator stuffed somewhere I don't want to contemplate the entire time he was "acting" in this movie. Watching him alongside Thora Birch, who barely acts at all though, is painful. You've got Irons looking like he's orgasming whenever he speaks, while Birch looks like she doesn't understand any of the dialogue she's been given (which, to be fair, is quite understandable... I didn't "get" a lot of it either.) And the Crystal Maze will NEVER be obsolete. | |
Hahahahahahahaha. You said it! That ending... uuurgh. Honestly I think the film would've been so much better-received if it hadn't have been for that. | |
Jeremy Irons: I"M ACTING HARDER THAN ANYONE EVER HAS BEFORE!!! Seriously, was like the ghost of Raul Julia merged with them, and they became the Devourer of Scenery. | |
You left out the best thing about Dungeons & Dragons: every single deleted scene consists entirely of crucial plot exposition. | |
There is one thing that can make this movie actually good. Insert Four scenes. Scene one Scene two Scene three: Thora Birch says "MOM SAID YOU HAVE TO LET ME PLAY YOUR GAME OR YOUR FREINDS HAVE TO GO HOME!" Scene four Every time someone does something cool the sound of dice rolling on a table should be in the background. Then instead of it being a crappy movie plot with bad acting, its people playing a game and imagining whats going on. | |
Fun fact: they are still making sequels. | |
Ok, one page in and this might already be the best comments section ever. (The Thora Birch line made me spit on my keyboard.) Hooray for hilariously crappy movies! | |
Oh christ, this movie. I saw this movie in theaters. Some of you kids who weren't into roleplaying games at the time may not remember the guarded optimism we had going into this movie, fearing it would suck but really, really, really, really hoping it didn't. I remember the exact moment when it was clear to me that it was going to suck. It was about ten second in during the opening narration. I let out a loud, low groan. The movie actually got worse as it went on. The reason why is the scriptwriters didn't know dick about this kind of adventure story, so the director, Courtney Solomon, had them watch a bunch of movies. You can tell which movies they watched because many scenes are stolen directly from those movies. The thieves' guild "maze" is actually a series of traps taken from the Indiana Jones movies. Since then, I've been watching Solomon's career ever since. This movie was terrible, but somehow he got a theatrical release. He has so far directed three movies. All three have been released in theaters. I have seen all three in theaters. I have had to get up to pee during all three. It's a tradition, now. Thirteen years in the business and he still hasn't learned a god damned thing. It's amazing! | |
Got this one awhile back, and the one time I wanted to start checking it out, the power failed or something. | |
I second this motion. Hell, I'll settle for just a close up picture of his face. For 4chan reasons mostly. | |
Ask and you shall receive | |
well it's about frelling time! good work! could have use one more zoom level, however. THANKS! | |
They forgot to mention the most WTF part of the entire movie, the last scene where the rest of the party gather at Snails' grave, turn into sparkles and fly away for no reason. | |
Completely agreed, Jim. It's quite a good film if you want to be entertained.
You've awoken the Kraken there, son. The book was flirting with being more Star Wars rip-off than homage, but at least it was good. The movie, though ... Oh god, the movie. They managed to completely and utterly buttfuck every, single plotpoint so that they can't possibly adapt the second book in to a movie without turning it in to a story like The Bourne Supremacy ... To be fair, even The Bourne Identity managed to fuck over continuity by making an elderly, shoddy legged black man in to a white, middle-aged bad guy agent that gets shot. (even though he plays a MAJOR part in Webb's life in later books) [1] The same can be said for Eragon, but shhhh, don't mention Eragon. | |
As i said earlier, i still think that The Gamers: Dorkness Rising is the best D&D film ever made. Its an actual movie, instead of just a guy talking at a camera for 2 hours. | |
Jim, I don't understand why people think you're scraping the bottom of the barrel. Trying to make light of this film is a Herculean task and I applaud your effort. But I saw this when it came out in theaters, I had to admit after my friends calling it a waste of money, that they were right. If a movie can make Zoe McLellan look like a decent actress, there is something seriously wrong. Anyway, a movie trying to foster interest in the granddaddy of tabletop gaming because they were having a hard time making a profit should have produced anything but this movie, but it wasn't absurd or spontaneous enough to be a comedy, just a cringefest. Even something styled as the Saturday morning cartoon or that Forgotten Realms comic published by DC would have been at least interesting. I can at least still look back at those and enjoy the effort of storytelling while savoring the mild cheddar as opposed to trying to overlook that giant slab of Roquefort that was released in 2000. Wizards of the Coast/TSR had the resources to make something good and turned it into the same sad joke as EA trying to pass off Sim City as an MMO. They had so much material that could be considered entertaining not just to a medieval fantasy audience but has instead let train after train run off the rails just as they're leaving the yard. I apologize if I look like I'm taking this too seriously, but I really do feel that a movie like this could have been so much more with just a little more thought and planning. | |
Check out the movie i posted above. It is actually a really good D&D movie that approaches the subject in a unique way. They may not have been able to ACTUALLY license D&D, but in the film the characters are all playing an unnamed RPG that is very much like D&D in spirit. | |
I worked in a video store (remember those?) shortly after this movie came out and there was one guy who came it about once a week for 3 months straight with no other purpose in mind but to argue with me about this movie. I had taken the stance that it was an unwatchable steaming pile of shit made only watchable by just how fascinatingly bad it is, and he was of the opinion that it was a labor of love from the screenwriter and that it deserved credit for being such. That was it, his whole argument rested on the fact that it deserved a participation award just for trying. I always assumed he had a relative involved in the production of the film, or that he was an extra because there's no other reason I can think of that he would dedicate that much of his time acting as a missionary for this movie and trying to convert the unbelievers. | |
| Pages PREV 1 2 | |
