MovieBob Presents E3: The Movie

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MovieBob Presents E3: The Movie

E3 gets the Hollywood treatment.

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I think someone still has aspirations to becoming a screenwriter.

Skimmed over it, but as SyFy (ugh) cheesy as it sounds, I'd still watch it if Bruce Willis was actually in the thing.

(wipes tears from laughing) That was epic.

even though that wasn't real, it was cringe-worthy all the same.

E3 getting "bigger" every year is debatable; more and more publishers don't center their hype machine around it anymore with more big announcement being made before or after it. Heck, the event can hardly get to three days when it used to be five.

Reminds me of Metal Gear Solid a lot.

Even does the repeat-last-phrase-of-what-the-other-guy-just-said thing.

This was absolutely hilarious. Well done, Mr. Moviebob, well done.

My only complaint is that it doesn't really feel like an actual Hollywood script. It's just too intellectual and sophisticated.

I know we're being trolled, but now that this article exists on the internet I am suddenly VERY worried. This really does sound like a not-into-games writer trying to make a movie similar to Scott Pilgrim. This could happen and actually get a movie deal...

Neat article, but weird formatting; I'm guessing it would only be about 2-3 pages if there were more than 5 words per line during the dialogue bits.

It helps that I read this while listening to a random chiptunes mix in u2b on another tab.
Excellent, Bob. Very entertaining. Please, don't ever do that again.

I get that the Onion has popularized fake news stories for satire, but you gotta commit to it for it to work.

Is it... is it bad that I actually want to see this?

Like, I know it'd just be a big ol' parody, but still... I'd watch it.

Is it sad that I feel like I've seen this movie before? Like, seriously, I've seen all that split up among many, many movies.

Ugh... so bad.

Don't you know this is better than any video friend?
It's an action movie
Here we go watch the bad guys get their butts kicked
Really makes me feel good

Don't you know it's Nintendo?
Really gets the blood flowing through my veins now
Don't you know it's a feel good show, electronic bliss
It's a video, video

There they go now, there go all my friends...

238U

Noooooooooo, not Doug!

He... he comes back for the sequel, right? He's not really dead... ooh, maybe they use some respawning tech like in Edge of Tomorrow to bring Doug back, thus giving him extra lives!

What on earth did I just read? I get that it's supposed to be a parody or something, but I don't even get what it's trying to be a satirical towards.

In the next one, a proxy for Peter Molyneux starts using Occulus rift to make people smarter and stronger for games, but also slowly turns them into willing slaves for himself, which he intends to use to over throw the President.

Only Dirk and New Doug (played by Jonah Hill as a former Games Designer for Molyneux) can stop him.

Only this time in act 3 New Doug has to snap Dirk out of being controlled and as Dirk rips off the VR Device and battles the mind control, seeing in his enslavement he killed Tess, all he can do is growl in a manly way: "I didn't ask for this."

Roll credits.

BOOM! Billion bucks and a set audience for the conclusion.

We could also do a none canon spin off where Doug and New Doug have to bumble around to see the new Metal Gear movie before general release, involving a road trip, Seth Rogan, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.

Can we get Garry Oldman as the terrorist leader? And Lee Ermey (sgt. Hartman) as Dirk.

Nope! Nope! Got as far as 'They're optioning Peeps for a movie' and couldn't read any more.

Is Bob getting inspiration from Jim Sterling? The inclusion of Defoe made this feel like something he'd write, of course with much less erotic male on male situations.

You tried so hard to make a terrible screenplay that it accidentally wrapped around and became the BEST SCREENPLAY EVER.

This is glorious. I couldn't even get through the first sentence of the screenplay without bursting into laughter.

Not sure if the spelling and grammar errors outside of the dialogue are intentional or not though.

Please tell me Doug gets rebuilt ala Robocop.

Fall Out 3: "War.. War hasn't changed..."
Metal Gear Solid 4: "War.. War has changed..."

Now no script is ever complete without one of the above.

Kudos on fulfilling the requirement Bob!

EDIT: Get Bobby Kotick on the phone for the last scene. He has experience in acting (Moneyball).

Doug! NO!

i crie ery tiem

That was pretty great, Bob. Thank you for the grin.

I was expecting this to be a comedy with Dirk having no idea of video games.

Or an anthology like Four Rooms or Love Actually with different people doing different things and having interconnected story arcs including people scrambling for last minute demos and fights between publishers and developers and some inde team coming to the show for the first time, with cameos from people like Greg Miller from IGN or whoever covers E3 for the Escapist. It would probably be the first time game developers, publishers or journalists would be seen as actual people in a movie instead of whatever passes for them these days.

The second one, I would love to watch.

soh45400:
I was expecting this to be a comedy with Dirk having no idea of video games.

Or an anthology like Four Rooms or Love Actually with different people doing different things and having interconnected story arcs including people scrambling for last minute demos and fights between publishers and developers and some inde team coming to the show for the first time, with cameos from people like Greg Miller from IGN or whoever covers E3 for the Escapist. It would probably be the first time game developers, publishers or journalists would be seen as actual people in a movie instead of whatever passes for them these days.

The second one, I would love to watch.

Don't be silly, we all know games publishers aren't people, they are hideous alien monsters with no idea of what a human conscience is or feels like.

As for Games Jurnos, we all know those are paid traitors, bought by the publishers to keep the human cattle ready for extinction by draining their wallets with dozens of micro dlc payments.

Eh, it could be watchable. I mean, Edge of Tomorrow apparently ended up being not-terrible and it was a FAR dumber concept/script than this.

I think Squarejaw McChiselface should be played by Ron Perlman, though. I mean, we already know he can straight-face the "war never changes" line, and I'd be interested to hear him deliver the "it's dangerous to go alone" line if nothing else.

Doug's part was obviously written intentionally for Shia LeBouef. Is he still alive?

Right Hook:
Is Bob getting inspiration from Jim Sterling? The inclusion of Defoe made this feel like something he'd write, of course with much less erotic male on male situations.

After the reveal of Willem Dafoe, I was waiting for Brendan Fraser to also make an appearance! The line before that also sounds like something Jim Sterling would say in his movie pitches: "A team of terrorists wearing kickass black tactical gear (note: but also those head-cloth things, or else how will we know they're terrorists?)".

Lol, very good, Bob!
Thanks for the smiles :)

I freaking lost it at "War... is not a game."

Well done sir, well done indeed.

haha! Oh Bob. Seriously though E3 looks like fireworks vomited out of a Michael Bay-directed fire porno, relatively speaking of course.

Bravo Bob! That's the best thing I've read all week! I just can't decide whether it was the lampooning of e3, or Hollywood which was best. No, no, it was the one liners. Definitely the one liners!

LOL Was The Game Overthinker the creative consultant for that script?

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