Unskippable: Alpha Prime - In Space, No One Can Hear How Awful Your Game Is

So I actually got this game on steam like a million years ago for $.99. It was strangely enjoyable. Like an edwood movie. the combat and dialog is so cheesy it's hilarious. It was fun and just short enough not to be miserable to get through. God watching that again, I forgot how nonsensical this game is.

Is that in USD or CAD? I mean, 99 cents might be okay, but I would probably pay 20 Zimbabwe dollars for it.

vxicepickxv:
Is that in USD or CAD? I mean, 99 cents might be okay, but I would probably pay 20 Zimbabwe dollars for it.

Look if you wanna stir someones heart go read poetry at an old folks home.

Livia sounded like she was being filtered through one of those video game communicators that every protagonist gets in games that don't want to seem like they're throwing too many cutscenes at the player.

Oh thank goodness. I thought for a minute that Livia was afflicted with some terrible disease that required her to constantly walk around and lounge in uncomfortable positions, but I guess she was just trying a bit of that old-fashioned sex appeal. I guess you need that when wall ads might distract people at any time by spouting narratively-convenient dialogue and then becoming silent again.

Also, is it too much to ask for people to wear t-shirts in space? I mean, the guys on the ISS don't go around in form-fitting bodysuits, there's no reason for it unless you like hearing the squeak of pleather and nylon every time you move.

piscian:
So I actually got this game on steam like a million years ago for $.99. It was strangely enjoyable. Like an edwood movie. the combat and dialog is so cheesy it's hilarious. It was fun and just short enough not to be miserable to get through. God watching that again, I forgot how nonsensical this game is.

I had it for god knows how long too and tried it out two days ago, it did seems to have some cool stuff, that vision mode that lets you hack into stuff had a cool interface at least, but I really liked how smooth it ran on my very crappy computer considering what it offers visually. I was suprised when I noticed how the glass could be interacted with, it even had some refraction that distorted what was behind it and its kind of an evolved version of what was already present in Half Life 2 but its still miles ahead of what is usually now present in games.

josemlopes:

piscian:
So I actually got this game on steam like a million years ago for $.99. It was strangely enjoyable. Like an edwood movie. the combat and dialog is so cheesy it's hilarious. It was fun and just short enough not to be miserable to get through. God watching that again, I forgot how nonsensical this game is.

I had it for god knows how long too and tried it out two days ago, it did seems to have some cool stuff, that vision mode that lets you hack into stuff had a cool interface at least, but I really liked how smooth it ran on my very crappy computer considering what it offers visually. I was suprised when I noticed how the glass could be interacted with, it even had some refraction that distorted what was behind it and its kind of an evolved version of what was already present in Half Life 2 but its still miles ahead of what is usually now present in games.

It's a strange piece of software. Not surprisingly it's from one of those Far eastern european countries which explains why the dialog translation is pretty deranged.

I found the combat enjoyable because it's insanely hard and the AI acts completely bizarre. At times it will charge directly at you guns blazing only to retreat and strafe across hallways laying down suppressing fire. The game is fun if you can put yourself in the right mindset for it. I honestly can't remember what the story was even about.

I find myself enjoying this "out there" kind of games especially from "1c company". It's another far eastern publisher and my favorite game from them being Cryostasis. This FPS about being trapped on a ship in the Arctic, freezing too death and reliving the crews deaths to solve the puzzles and escape. At the end you fight a God or something I don't know.

Oh god I remember when LRR played this live on stream.

You should see the melee weapon in action. Breaks physics I tell ya!

That was so awful, I couldn't even finish watching. I pray for whoever watched the whole mess of **** dialogue.

"Don't play this game."

Thanks Graham, but I was already turned off this game. You needed have bothered saying that.

Yeah, I was barely able to get that even with the commentary. Had to pause half-way through to recover from the first half.

Doesn't get much more terrible than that.

So is it just me, or was the actress phoning it in?

I mean... literally

It's like she was doing her lines on a conference phone.

This game sounds like they used a Madlibs generator to make fake Mike Hammer/film noir dialogue. All they need to do is SAY THAT as a selling point, and this could actually be hilarious!

If they're serious, on the other hand... *sigh!* It's so, so sad.

Okay, wow... that's not even worthy of being called voice *acting*... I'm not sure WHAT it is, but not that. :O
Perhaps something with the word "lobotomy" in it.

UNLESS! The characters previously all got hit by terrible amounts of "radiation" and the voice actors in fact delivered top notch impressions of what that would do to a person!!! :D

Well shit, now I HAVE to see this game. Off to the Tubes of Yu'uu, I guess...

Guess you played it a bit first... sure the models were PS2 era, but the narration wasn't any clumsier than any of a dozen other games you've done.

You'd think that if it's for Positronic Brains, they would have called it Asimovium or something.

Kenjitsuka:
Okay, wow... that's not even worthy of being called voice *acting*... I'm not sure WHAT it is, but not that. :O
Perhaps something with the word "lobotomy" in it.

UNLESS! The characters previously all got hit by terrible amounts of "radiation" and the voice actors in fact delivered top notch impressions of what that would do to a person!!! :D

Maybe Hubbardium(?) emits radiation that....turns you into a Scientologist? I got nothing.

I'm going to have to call BS the gameplay was solid and better than most COD/BF games,reminded me of Unreal pre Unreal 2:We tried copying halo, its a not great but its endearing tho as far as bad but good B titles go Cryostaisis:Sleep of reason rocks.

I do not judge B titles and AAA titles with the same level of hatred, trashy 70$ AAA titles need everything that can be thrown at them.

Speaking of fun B titles anyone play Damantion? Sure its dragy and it has AC levels of filler climbing but it was kidna cool.

Have to give an honorable mention to Singularity while a AAA tile not really deserving of full price it was a decent game at least, better than BS:I....

In space, no one can hear you sigh.

"Glomar" sounds like a Santa Claus Conquers the Martians character.

 

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