Zero Punctuation: Thief: The Dark Project

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It seems like I'm the only person who actually liked the zombie levels. Bonehoard was probably the creepiest thing I'd ever experienced in a game at that point. Rope arrowing over a flight of trapped steps stealing jewels, frantically trying to manage your holy water, and freaking the fuck out when the first restless dead appeared. Awesomeness.

The sprawling building levels are also great fun, except for Constantine's house. Finding a key placed on ONE FUCKING TILE of a very large carpet was not fair in the slightest.

"Gorn to the bear pits tomorrer. Wanna come with?"

I played all the Thief games when they were originally released, so watching this was a great bit of nostalgia. Anyone who hasn't played Thief needs to, so they can see how stealth games should be done.

And to play through The Haunted Cathedral.

"Join ussssss join ussssss join us now."

Now this a welcome yet unexpected game to review lol! Nice one!

Sinking of the SS John Romero?! Ahaha!

I personally enjoyed Thief very much and as a previous poster said, I should perhaps go and look for Thief 2 now if it was even better.

Good review of a game of old, thumbs up here. :)

Yeah, the PC gaming part nearly killed me. As for the whole retrospective reviews, I think they are actually quite a good thing on the whole and they shake things up every once in a while.

Its good to see retro reviews reminds me of the good old days ahh so good yet now gone...

Does Yahtzee ever learn to keep his thought straight, or does he need to learn to shut his fucking yap. In SH5 he claimed that fans need to shut up, now he claims that game companies need to listen to fans, if this doesn' scream that his a fucking hypocrite I don't know what does...

Blastcage:

Poisoned Al:
It's people like you that makes the gaming industry what it is today. An unending river of shit.

People like who? Yahtzee or a poster?

The poster. I buggered up, as I'm not used to this forum. I had this funny notion that the reply button on a post, replied to that post and didn't stuff a comment on the end of the page. Stupid of me to use logic I know :p

was it just me, or was yahtzee kind of hard to understand in this review. And don't say that I'm not used to listening to yahtzee because I've written transcripts for a bunch of his reviews. There were like 4 or 5 words i couldnt understand...
Hmm hold on i has urge to write transcript to see if i can do it ^^
brb

Retrospective Review eh? I never heard about this game but I'm willing to try it.

Also, Mr. Croshaw joked some parts of the year 1998, in which an unexpected noise just scared the living crap out of me.

Vlane:

BlueInkAlchemist:

klc0100:
And now we watch thief sales rocket on steam.

It's available on Steam? *goes and purchases*

But only the third game.

Thats free on Gametap.. but the last gametap game i downloaded refused to work so.. eeh

Anyway, twas a pretty good review, its nice that you could actually tell he cared about this game rather than just following the normal bashing formula.

What, no mention of the Cradle? ;(

I'm disappointed, the Cradle was one of the more epic moments in PC gaming! (though the Haunted Cathedral is a decent enough substitute)

Nice, not as drop dead hillarious as some but more of a review then others. Although slapping the velociraptor "across the bons" was great :D

Thief 1 was, imo, better than Thief 2 but this is of course a matter of preference. T3 was obviously sh!t except for the focking AWESOME Shalebridge Cradle level which every (true) gamer knows for being the single most horrific level of a game ever designed.

The review was nice and it's relaxing to hear Yahtzee finally say something nice about a game but it's this melancholic bastard's opinion that the game is still isn't praised enough. Thief 1 is a landmark for stealth games, it practically invented the genre and every stealth game should try to learn from it.

All in all, awesome review. It made my Wednesday :)

I am soooo glad Yahtzee reviewed a thief game, i know he's a fan but it was about time.
I have to say i think the thief games are one of THE best game series available even in this day and age.
Its such a shame that they are so widely unknown about. Hopefully this will help to bolster the ranks of Thief fans!!
:D
Bes the workerings of hammerfools.

Anyone who didn't hear about this game should be ashamed.

Throw out your PC, now.

Kanashe:
Does Yahtzee ever learn to keep his thought straight, or does he need to learn to shut his fucking yap. In SH5 he claimed that fans need to shut up, now he claims that game companies need to listen to fans, if this doesn' scream that his a fucking hypocrite I don't know what does...

Would you like some cheese with your WHINE?

You are wrong in so many ways; this compounds the whole "if you do not have perfect grammar on the internet you are always wrong" thing.

Ah, Thief. I love those games.
I did everything in my power to beat every frikkin' level by not being seen. At all.
Great review.

klc0100:
And now we watch thief sales rocket on steam.

Blastcage:
Everyone who hasn't heard of Thief needs to go back to school.

VIDEOGAME SCHOOL.

That was bad. Really bad.

thats an undersatatement if you ask me :P (the bad part, not the "joke")

Avida:

Vlane:

BlueInkAlchemist:

klc0100:
And now we watch thief sales rocket on steam.

It's available on Steam? *goes and purchases*

But only the third game.

Thats free on Gametap.. but the last gametap game i downloaded refused to work so.. eeh

Anyway, twas a pretty good review, its nice that you could actually tell he cared about this game rather than just following the normal bashing formula.

I think he discussed how shit Thief 3 was, and I can second that somewhat (though obviously with less bile), so don't bother :P

Simply super review - although honestly I only played the third part - and had a feeling Yahtzee would bash it - simply because fans of the series feel the same - for me - I loved Deadly Shadows - it was a new experience for me at the time - and since I am more of a TPS player I was happy that it was possible to play from a third-person view (something that also ignored the old fans) but hey it was just a possibility, the FPS view was still there.
The story was brilliant, the city was magnificent, Garrett was a great main character - it was a very detailed game I enjoyed playing with it very much - if someone doesn't know the series I suggest trying the third part at least - from my experience it cam down to the fact :
If you haven't played with the series yet it can become a great experience since you won't notice the facts and changes from the first two parts that the fans maybe complaining and ranting about. Story, gameplay, graphics can be marked as great for the third game in my point of view.

Also the 9th chapter which takes place in a haunted orphanage was one of the scariest times I spent in a videogame :)

I think I only played the first game once or twice. Might need to go back and revisit the series now.

And since when is Yahtzee anything but a charismatic stallion?

Blastcage:

Kanashe:
Does Yahtzee ever learn to keep his thought straight, or does he need to learn to shut his fucking yap. In SH5 he claimed that fans need to shut up, now he claims that game companies need to listen to fans, if this doesn' scream that his a fucking hypocrite I don't know what does...

Would you like some cheese with your WHINE?

You are wrong in so many ways; this compounds the whole "if you do not have perfect grammar on the internet you are always wrong" thing.

Now, but would you like to go and fuck yourselfe? I think Yahztee can use another dick sucker

I didn't mind Deadly Shadows so much, excepting the ridiculous fence system, the faction drama, and the underground city full of FUCKING MURLOCS.

Kanashe:

Blastcage:

Kanashe:
Does Yahtzee ever learn to keep his thought straight, or does he need to learn to shut his fucking yap. In SH5 he claimed that fans need to shut up, now he claims that game companies need to listen to fans, if this doesn' scream that his a fucking hypocrite I don't know what does...

Would you like some cheese with your WHINE?

You are wrong in so many ways; this compounds the whole "if you do not have perfect grammar on the internet you are always wrong" thing.

Now, but would you like to go and fuck yourselfe? I think Yahztee can use another dick sucker

What wit!

Well I did like the forced stealth setions in nolf, so I guess i'll have to do the same volucer.
and as for yahtzee, very educational as always.

stiver:
Err I don't think I have ever heard of this game.

Bah who cares about old games?

The people who have played a good games do. The theif games are great. One of the best games ever. The best games where made in the 90's. Sure it sad to say that when the grapgic where bad and the engines where limited but that maybe why the games where so good. Now a days games makes are all about copy and paste game after game after game. Where they spend 99% of their money on graphic and a physic engines. The resualt is the game looks great it feels great but it has leaves you with nothing to do sence the story seems to been scribbled in at the last 5 mins. The AI is just as dumb as bricks so having it on ultra hard is just to easy. The gameplay is always lacking to make you even want to force your self to finish the game. Worsest of all is the need to make the game 5 hours long and then force you to spend 900 hours of multiplayer to get your moneys worth of the game. If I want to shoot people up I would not go to a game. I just unload a few clips in the nearest mall for my multiplayer. At less then they do not cheat/hack/explote or even lag for that matter. Game of the next gene are quickly falling under the rent/torrent group. It pains me to say but anytime I hear hype about any game comming out I put it in the shit group sence I tend to find the more hype the worse the game is.

I know of the Thief games, but never really took a good look at them. I think I may have to check them out. Thanks for the review, Yahtzee.

I always wanted to play Thief. Actually, I bought Thief. The only problems seems to be that old computer games only play on old computers! I tries every single way to get it to work but failed, it still freezes after the intro :( So now it's just collecting dust, at least I can say I tried.

Blastcage:
I think he discussed how shit Thief 3 was, and I can second that somewhat (though obviously with less bile), so don't bother :P

Heh, ok, reccomendation noted. I suppose i have a habit of not taking his critism seriously, when i hear yahtzee say something's shit that roughtly translates to a 'meh' or above as far as im concerned. In fact some of the gameplay videos i've seen actually looked really good.

ah yes the stealth gameplay, very good choice Yahtzee. Whenever i play one of these games, like splinter cell, i can feel my heart pounding in my chest as if im really there sneaking through the CIA(splinter cell 1) or Soeul South Korea(splinter cell chaos theory) and yes i know i might have spelled Soeul wrong but who cares. Point being these kinds of games are very well done and fun to play in their own way.

Running commentary:
11:01: Oh... I see Yahtzee made the most recent post in the Featured Content forum. Let's see what it is...
11:02: Huh? The thread isn't showing up on the forum! Refresh... still not showing up. Back/forward, still nothing...
11:03: Let's head elsewhere and see if there's a link... oh, so there is. Here's the thread. Let's see what he's reviewing... uh oh, I remember him taking a few snipes at this one in his other reviews...
11:04: And we're off:

REVIEW:
00:19: Huh? A game he liked? I could have sworn he took some shots at it before...
00:25: If I ever commit murder, I'm going to write THAT on the wall.
00:33: Now THAT line will get some attention...
00:37: This line, on the other hand, I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who cares anymore.
00:41: Okay, I need to pause and see if that was what I thought it was... yes, it was.
00:56: And they haven't moved past that limit since.
01:06: One of the few times on which I unreservedly agree with Yahtzee.
01:19: That tone of voice rarely means anything good...
01:32: I'd like to see a casual game where the graphics all look like that and you can only track the characters by their eyes.
01:53: I wish they'd make a game where characters swear in Chinese (hint, hint).
01:59: Anyone who catches that reference should win a prize.
02:02: I confess I wasn't expecting that.
02:11: Trust me, THIS isn't what you should be worried about. And nice coat.
02:19: Somewhere, you know someone's masturbating to this...
02:26: Good thing you included the "reasonable person" qualifier, because some people like that too.
02:50: You just know this will become a new meme.
03:00: I like him already.
03:07: Redundant redundancy alert...
03:12: Ah, so THIS is what sets them apart from regular rent-a-cops. I was wondering.
03:42: Too squeamish to make the magazine cover a picture of furry hentai? Yahtzee, I still like some of the 3D Sonic games, and even I think you should have done that.
03:50: Yahtzee channeling Dr. Seuss... a disturbing combination.
04:00: So much for listening to the fans.
04:06: That explains that.
04:24: It's going to be the Imp under there, I just know it.
04:28: Yep.
04:32: Too much information, Yahtzee.
04:35: I don't get it.

Wow, that came out of nowhere - and it was a blissful change of pace as well. Thief II firmly sits in my top 5 games of all time, and replaying it a few months ago was a marvelous descent into old-time quality gaming.

And he is right - PC gaming doesn't matter anymore, at least to me when I realized that an Xbox 360 could play virtually every game out there. Slight hardware issues were a minor storm next to not having to upgrade every six weeks to deal with graphical upgrades.

That was so sexy.
Day Of The Tentacle, System Shock 2, or Alice next plz.
I need to pull out my Windows 98 and get back into good gaming.

stiver:
Err I don't think I have ever heard of this game.

Bah who cares about old games?

I think it would be safe assume that you're a graphics wh**e who only buys video games for how pretty they look, and nothing else. A lot of gamers care about older games, mostly because the majority of current generation games can't hold a candle to most of them. But with an attitude like that you don't strike me as a real gamer.

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