Development Begins on Asteroids Movie

Good news, cinemaphiles! The wait is almost over! Universal Pictures has secured the rights to develop a movie based on the 1979 arcade classic Asteroids!

Yes, I'm talking about Asteroids, the famous arcade stand-up in which players control a triangular spaceship battling hordes of rampaging space rocks in fully-rendered 2-D. The ship not only rotates and fires but can also actually move forward, allowing particularly skilled players to relocate the vessel to other, less asteroid-filled parts of the screen. The asteroids themselves are complex adversaries that break down into increasingly smaller components each time they're shot, until they finally dissipate into nothingness in the cold, empty void of space.

Universal actually had to struggle through a bidding war with three other studios to pick up the rights to develop the film, according to the Hollywood Reporter. The film is being produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura, whose most recent credits include the critical darling Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and the hotly anticipated dramatic ensemble G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, while scripting duties will be handled by Matthew Lopez, the wordsmith behind the latest Dwayne Johnson smash hit Race to Witch Mountain.

Concerns that the Asteroids back-story might be a little too thin to support a full-length feature film are perhaps valid but this won't be the first tough project Universal has tackled: The studio is also in the process of creating movies based on other classic game properties including Battleship and Candyland. Rumors that Gary Busey has been cast as the flying saucer could not be confirmed by press time.

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Alright, now im just going to sit back and wait for the frogger movie.

Please, God, let this be a joke.

In other news: the Tetris movie has just been announced!

Wasn't a thread like this made an hour ago?

What will they do next? Tic Tac Toe live action movie? Or a dramatic romance between two objects in Tetris?

"Sir, there's something on the radar."
"Asteroids, I should have suspected that those no good rocks would try to ambush us here... In an asteroid belt."
"Should we go around it, sir?"
"No! We must stand and fight!"

If it's like that, I'm totally going to see it.
Maybe there'll be a dramatic scene where the Asteroids overpower the USS Octogon while the crew of the Triangle watch helpless.

Well turns out the asteroids are actually a super-intelligent breed of rock created by the United Federation of Madeuptopia. The asteroids (or Asteroids as they call themselves) will stop at nothing to float at things menacingly in hopes to someday rid the Universe of tiny one-man spaceships powered by quarters.

AmrasCalmacil:
"Sir, there's something on the radar."
"Asteroids, I should have suspected that those no good rocks would try to ambush us here... In an asteroid belt."
"Should we go around it, sir?"
"No! We must stand and fight!"

If it's like that, I'm totally going to see it.
Maybe there'll be a dramatic scene where the Asteroids overpower the USS Octogon while the crew of the Triangle watch helpless.

They need to bring you in to help write the script, nothing that they can come up with could ever match this.

AmrasCalmacil:
"Sir, there's something on the radar."
"Asteroids, I should have suspected that those no good rocks would try to ambush us here... In an asteroid belt."
"Should we go around it, sir?"
"No! We must stand and fight!"

If it's like that, I'm totally going to see it.
Maybe there'll be a dramatic scene where the Asteroids overpower the USS Octogon while the crew of the Triangle watch helpless.

Wow... That's actually interesting. I would really like to watch a film like that.

Just 'lol'.

Hasn't this movie already been made? Wasn't Armageddon about breaking apart asteroids?

AmrasCalmacil:
"Sir, there's something on the radar."
"Asteroids, I should have suspected that those no good rocks would try to ambush us here... In an asteroid belt."
"Should we go around it, sir?"
"No! We must stand and fight!"

That sounds like a dialog betewen Captain Zapp Brannigan and Lieutenant Kif Kroker...

Tom and Jerry the MMOG? Oh wait...

/headdesk

How in God's name does this work?! And who's directing this mutant abberation of cinematography? 'Cause dimes to dollars it's either Brett Ratner (who said he'd like to do a Guitar Hero movie, another movie which WOULDN'T WORK) or Uwe Boll(sack).

NoMoreSanity:
Universal:Set to wreck Childhood memories since 1886!

Actually they were Champion Studios back then.

I had completely no idea Asteroids had any sort of story, I thought it as complex as here are some asteroids, they hurt you, also heres a space gun.(It actually took me til 03 to find out you could move the ship.

Well, at least unlike previous videogame adaptations, this game actually doesn't have a plot to adapt, so it's not like the movie will have the same juvenile plotline as the game.

On NPR they did an interview with an exec from Hasbro, which is the company that makes all these games and toys that are being turned into movies (yah, that's right. Remember how Transformers and G.I. Joe were just clever ways to create back story for our toy collection, and in turn, make us want to buy those toys even more, so we could personally own the ones we identified with? Well, they're doing it again, except this time, they want live action movies), and this exec was all cheerful about how they were doing big things, and how they'd had to go and make toys that looked like the Transformers in the movie (how they managed to create a toy that could pull off action sequences consisting primarily of jump-cuts, I'll never know).

And then he trotted out this surprising little tidbit of information. RIDLEY SCOTT is working on the Monopoly movie. Yes, that's right, they're turning Monopoly into a movie, and Ridley Scott (who's the good Scott brother, the one who made Bladerunner, not Tony Scott, who's a good filmmaker if you average the results: he made Days of Thunder at his worst). I mean, getting Michael Bay to work on Transformers, yah, I could see that. But getting Ridley-Here's-Another-Cult-Film-Classic-Scott to work on Monopoly? Cripes. Nothing can stop Hasbro.

Chekov of Star Trek should be in this movie.

Asses in space, the South Park parody would make a good spoof of this movie.

xmetatr0nx:
Alright, now im just going to sit back and wait for the frogger movie.

As a kids film by Disney/Pixar Frogger could work.

As a April 1st joke its rather late. But assuming its serious, its just armageddon with a spaceship that isnt 3 decades old :D

If they go full blown sci-fi it could be pretty good. If they give a space shuttle a laser itll suck balls. If Tea Leoni is anywhere near it during filming I geuss thats be the kiss of death.

The struggle of humanity continues.......IN SPACE!!!!!!!

Watch as the fearless crew of the Triangle set out to protect Earth from the merciless space rocks. A tale of drama and action (in space), this summer don't miss your chance to experience the thrill of ASTEROIDS!!!!!!!!!!!

Rated PG-13

Internet Kraken:
The struggle of humanity continues.......IN SPACE!!!!!!!

Watch as the fearless crew of the Triangle set out to protect Earth from the merciless space rocks. A tale of drama and action (in space), this summer don't miss your chance to experience the thrill of ASTEROIDS!!!!!!!!!!!

Rated PG-13

in space.

I would watch it for the lol's. Though I'm pretty sure this article is supposed to be a joke. Please, God, let it be a joke.

Are none of my childhood memories safe?
Surely if this is the level they have dropped to for movie ideas, we will see film versions of every game that we know and love.

Imagine a movie based on the E.T game.
My god, it would be the WORST.FILM.EVER.

Wait a minute...

Moar special effects please. Actually I think I could make a better Asteroids movie, all I need is a hypercam and a way to add some text into the game as I play it. It will be epic.

Sadly, the plot will be like this:

Rugged Ex-Space Marine with a chip on his shoulder has something to prove. Lost his family on a 'safe and secure' Space Marine evacuation vessel. He quit the Space Marines and goes from space station to station selling salvaged ship parts for money. He's scared of Asteroid fields.

Love interest that knows there's something good in the Space Marines heart. She's a thief.

Have the Space Marine meet this woman, who just stole food because she's hungry, and he gets her out of there. They float in space for a bit and eventually get chased by some space cops. They speed off and run in to an ASTEROID FIELD! OH GOD!

They enter, the cops stop chasing (queue Star Wars reference of the chance to live while going through an A.F. (that they will call asteroid fields), and the space marine and thief have to make it through the asteroid field alive!

And that's the entire movie.

Credge:
Sadly, the plot will be like this:

Rugged Ex-Space Marine with a chip on his shoulder has something to prove. Lost his family on a 'safe and secure' Space Marine evacuation vessel. He quit the Space Marines and goes from space station to station selling salvaged ship parts for money. He's scared of Asteroid fields.

Love interest that knows there's something good in the Space Marines heart. She's a thief.

Have the Space Marine meet this woman, who just stole food because she's hungry, and he gets her out of there. They float in space for a bit and eventually get chased by some space cops. They speed off and run in to an ASTEROID FIELD! OH GOD!

They enter, the cops stop chasing (queue Star Wars reference of the chance to live while going through an A.F. (that they will call asteroid fields), and the space marine and thief have to make it through the asteroid field alive!

And that's the entire movie.

Sadly, I think you may be right.

Also, I swear that there have been quite a few movies made about asteroids being blown up to defend Earth? (Armageddon with Bruce Willis being the only one I can remember off the top of my head)

Credge:
Sadly, the plot will be like this:

Rugged Ex-Space Marine with a chip on his shoulder has something to prove. Lost his family on a 'safe and secure' Space Marine evacuation vessel. He quit the Space Marines and goes from space station to station selling salvaged ship parts for money. He's scared of Asteroid fields.

Love interest that knows there's something good in the Space Marines heart. She's a thief.

Have the Space Marine meet this woman, who just stole food because she's hungry, and he gets her out of there. They float in space for a bit and eventually get chased by some space cops. They speed off and run in to an ASTEROID FIELD! OH GOD!

They enter, the cops stop chasing (queue Star Wars reference of the chance to live while going through an A.F. (that they will call asteroid fields), and the space marine and thief have to make it through the asteroid field alive!

And that's the entire movie.

OH GOD IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE *mashes face into keyboard sobbing*

Well, it will be able to have more artistic freedom and plot freedom than most video game based movies, so perhaps it will be great.

I just wonder what the trailer's going to be like. And why do I have the feeling Michael Bay's going to direct it?

Dectilon:
Hasn't this movie already been made? Wasn't Armageddon about breaking apart asteroids?

That was exactly what I was thinking.

I don't get it.

AmrasCalmacil:
"Sir, there's something on the radar."
"Asteroids, I should have suspected that those no good rocks would try to ambush us here... In an asteroid belt."
"Should we go around it, sir?"
"No! We must stand and fight!"

If it's like that, I'm totally going to see it.
Maybe there'll be a dramatic scene where the Asteroids overpower the USS Octogon while the crew of the Triangle watch helpless.

Now this sounds like a film worth seeing. Maybe you should write the script?

oliveira8:

AmrasCalmacil:
"Sir, there's something on the radar."
"Asteroids, I should have suspected that those no good rocks would try to ambush us here... In an asteroid belt."
"Should we go around it, sir?"
"No! We must stand and fight!"

That sounds like a dialog betewen Captain Zapp Brannigan and Lieutenant Kif Kroker...

Probably the only way it'd be good.

It could totally work as a tongue in cheek action comedy... Something like Snakes on a Plane. In fact now that I've said that, if it had Samuel L Jackson in it it would have no choice but to ROCK HARD.

Awesome.
Rocks going to go boom.
KA-BEWM.