Gird Your Loins for Kane & Lynch: Nude Men

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Gird Your Loins for Kane & Lynch: Nude Men

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Great news for gamers who thought Kane & Lynch: Dead Men was just a couple wangs short of greatness: Word has it that the sequel will include a level in which our two protagonists run around completely in the buff.

Many Kane & Lynch reviewers complained that while the the game offered engaging characters, pulse-pounding action and an intense, tightly-wound plot, it ultimately felt short thanks to a pronounced lack of peen. In response, Eidos has apparently upped the ante with the inclusion of an entire level in which both Kane and Lynch will run around completely nude.

The pair end up in the altogether, so the story goes, because "in the previous level they get ambushed and are about to get sodomized." One can only assume that an incompetent gimp will figure largely in their escape.

Kotaku says the report comes from a "regularly reliable tipster," although Eidos has yet to comment. A much-less-reliable rumor that Eidos has brought in an elite team of Japanese boob-jugglers to assist with the implementation of the new, cutting-edge wang flapping technology also remains unconfirmed.

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Well, it made me chuckle at least...

I... I don't think I want to see Kane or Lynch in the buff.

I do not feel like girding my loins, perhaps tomorrow.

God this is creepy, I actually would still get creeped out if it was a women. Thats how fair and balanced I am!

no...........defenitly not. wont be picking that up any time soon.

Pulp Fiction references, eh? Now this I gotta check out.

Ok...

Why would they do that again?

Oh mein gott. Thirty seconds ago i was lamenting on how good games slip past me. Now i want to just go and throw up.

Lots and lots of times.

...Gonna go ahead and erase everything about this game series that I've ever heard now...
OT: I thought the original was crap. Didn't everyone get mad because they paid off someone to give it a good review?

geldonyetich:
I... I don't think I want to see Kane or Lynch in the buff.

My thoughts exactly. It was... unsettling enough seeing Watchmen in theaters and being exposed to the 'blue wang' scenes. If memory serves, the levels in the first K&L game were fairly long, and I just don't want to see two middle-aged men running around in their birthday suits for who-knows-how-long.

I'm scared. I really am. It was a bad game before, let alone now.

Methinks you just gave reason to my passing over of this game. Yeah.... nooo.. thats not ok with me.

Oh so when Metal Gear Solid does it with an effeminate whiny killing machine it's ok. But a couple of manly men with scars and mental problems get the "oh it's weird" treatment.

Fucking hypocrites.

Sonicron:

geldonyetich:
I... I don't think I want to see Kane or Lynch in the buff.

My thoughts exactly. It was... unsettling enough seeing Watchmen in theaters and being exposed to the 'blue wang' scenes. If memory serves, the levels in the first K&L game were fairly long, and I just don't want to see two middle-aged men running around in their birthday suits for who-knows-how-long.

you now have the image of Kane and Lynch's hairy bums in your mind, you cannot deny it.

well, Eidos sure pulled a fast one, still, I hated the first one so this really doesnt affect me at all.

however, should there be a multiplayer level based off of this, then yes, I will get it and that is all I would play every day, tea-bagging everyone and anyone.

The Infamous Scamola:
Pulp Fiction references, eh? Now this I gotta check out.

Who's Zed?
Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead

Well, its gotta be tasteful.

I was just thinking to myself, "You know what more games need? Dickings."
And here we are!

I'm so damn proud of this moment.

*checks calendar*

Well, I didn't jump into the future to April 1st... what the hell? Is there a new prank day? Please, tell me this is a prank...

Lono Shrugged:
Oh so when Metal Gear Solid does it with an effeminate whiny killing machine it's ok. But a couple of manly men with scars and mental problems get the "oh it's weird" treatment.

Fucking hypocrites.

For the record, I think it's weird no matter what. Computer generated boobs are not my thing.

oppp7:
...Gonna go ahead and erase everything about this game series that I've ever heard now...
OT: I thought the original was crap. Didn't everyone get mad because they paid off someone to give it a good review?

The game is crap...but I'm guessing you haven't played it? I'm guessing nobody has played it?

And allegedly (Really more speculation since involved parties are not allowed to speak of it) a former Gamespot employee was fired for writing a bad review. Which is bad but still a significant amount less outrageous than what you're pushing across and really Gamespot would deserve the most ire were that to be true. But yeah. Eidos is totally shady.

As far as the topic goes? It's likely just going to be some bare ass and comedic hijinks. It's a bit of a common trope in fiction today. We can all grow up a bit.

It's one thing when BioWare advertises it's in-game sex scenes, but why on earth would Eidos brag about the in-game Kane and Lynch, two very very very old men, being naked??? WHY???

Who told you this was a good idea. Okay, design team gather over here. I'm not mad...okay I'm a little mad. But I want to know who thought this was a good idea. I need to have a frank talk about how you're a frakking moron.

ZeroMachine:
*checks calendar*

Well, I didn't jump into the future to April 1st... what the hell? Is there a new prank day? Please, tell me this is a prank...

Lono Shrugged:
Oh so when Metal Gear Solid does it with an effeminate whiny killing machine it's ok. But a couple of manly men with scars and mental problems get the "oh it's weird" treatment.

Fucking hypocrites.

For the record, I think it's weird no matter what. Computer generated boobs are not my thing.

It's not a prank or a troll or anything scary like that. I just think naked men are unfairly represented in video game media. Raiden was hairless and feminine while these guys obviously don't wax and are wrinkled. I demand a balanced depiction of the male form!

In all seriousness. Male nudity is pretty much considered more shocking than female nudity, especially in these gay-paranoid xbox live times. I honestly doubt we will be seeing digital cock and balls. (thankfully) This is probably the usual Mass Effect style hyping up. I bet it's just a 30 second cut scene shot like the fight scene in Beowulf. Everyone is getting so worried it's hilarious

HardRockSamurai:
It's one thing when BioWare advertises it's in-game sex scenes, but why on earth would Eidos brag about the in-game Kane and Lynch, two very very very old men, being naked??? WHY???

Because it's hilarious and you know you want to see it. Out of nothing other than sheer curiosity, naturally, but don't pretend you don't want to see that level. :)

I just hope there's an Achievement for taking somebody down with your wang. That would be epic.

Susan Arendt:

HardRockSamurai:
It's one thing when BioWare advertises it's in-game sex scenes, but why on earth would Eidos brag about the in-game Kane and Lynch, two very very very old men, being naked??? WHY???

Because it's hilarious and you know you want to see it. Out of nothing other than sheer curiosity, naturally, but don't pretend you don't want to see that level. :)

I just hope there's an Achievement for taking somebody down with your wang. That would be epic.

I.

I don't even want to know the scenario running through your mind for that one, Susan.

Screw the nakedness...why the HELL are they making a sequel at ALL?

Kane and Lynch is meant to be offensive people!

More civilian casualties...more cursing...that was a given...

The male nudity is the cherry on top thats gonna keep things fresh...

Susan Arendt:

I just hope there's an Achievement for taking somebody down with your wang. That would be epic.

Oh gosh...literal "tea-bagging"....

Lono Shrugged:
Oh so when Metal Gear Solid does it with an effeminate whiny killing machine it's ok. But a couple of manly men with scars and mental problems get the "oh it' weird" treatment.

You just see his ass in MGS2, according to this story you get full frontal.
Not really that hypocritical.

That'll probably be the shortest level ever...

Oh my word.

Well, I think Eidos has really achieved something here today.

Um...
ah...
uh...

*Headsplode*

Frank_Sinatra_:

Lono Shrugged:
Oh so when Metal Gear Solid does it with an effeminate whiny killing machine it's ok. But a couple of manly men with scars and mental problems get the "oh it' weird" treatment.

You just see his ass in MGS2, according to this story you get full frontal.
Not really that hypocritical.

1. I was making a bit of a joke.

2. There will be no full frontal cock and ball action in this game.

Maybe I'm just being stupid by thinking about this logically and not jumping to conclusions. A main stream, male marketed game will not have ball and dong

Susan Arendt:

HardRockSamurai:
It's one thing when BioWare advertises it's in-game sex scenes, but why on earth would Eidos brag about the in-game Kane and Lynch, two very very very old men, being naked? WHY?

Because it's hilarious and you know you want to see it. Out of nothing other than sheer curiosity, naturally, but don't pretend you don't want to see that level. :)

....................?

Susan Arendt:
I just hope there's an Achievement for taking somebody down with your wang. That would be epic.

I don't think there's a drug in the world that could make Kane and Lynch able to do that.

That's Hideo Kojima territory you're entering....

That's the most fucked up way of boosting sales I have ever seen.

Susan Arendt:
I just hope there's an Achievement for taking somebody down with your wang. That would be epic.

I don't want to tempt the wrath of the moderators with a low-content reply, but...

omg waht

GuerrillaClock:
Oh my word.

Well, I think Eidos has really achieved something here today.

I find your avatar oddly appropriate for this topic.

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