Escapist Editor in Chief Battles Christmas Tree

Escapist Editor in Chief Battles Christmas Tree

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Procuring a Christmas tree often signals the beginning of the holidays; conjuring memories of firelit chimneys, softly playing carols and the tactical precision in which one decorates their tree. For Russ Pitts, it means war.

Despite having already lost the war against wayward pine needles the year before, Russ gritted his teeth and changed his game plan. A few days before Christmas, he waded through a meagre display of remaining trees and chose his combatant. With vigilance he set up the tree, decorating it with fuzzy sheep and other decorations, determined to enjoy the tree for the few days he owned it, and then promptly dispose of it afterwards. Little did he know that the tree had training in biochemical warfare:

At around 11:00 a.m. I awoke to the startling sensation of being unable to breathe. My throat had closed up, my eyes were on fire, my chest was full of sputum and my nose had turned into a faucet. Something was clearly amiss. My experience with allergies told me that I was having a reaction to something. Common sense told me that it was the tree.

Clever move, tree. There are plenty of stories about the holidays involving triumph, elation, and love. Here's a story for the Scrooge in all of us. Read "The Year My Tree Tried To Kill Me," and share your own stories of holiday battles with us.

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my family has "the pickle in the tree" holiday tradition, where you find the pickle, you get +1 gifts.

little did we realize that the kitten, boog, incidentally liked pickles.

now this seems straight forward, kitten attacks tree, christmas is ruined, more time to game for me, but no, after finding said pickle, he got tangled up in the cruddy faux pine needle string we used to cover bald spots in the tree. this of course scared him to the point of runing through the house with a trail of green plastic behind him, and Im not sure about most of you, but when a cat is scared, and armed with claws, you have a real battle on your hands.

also, three weeks later we found a half eaten pickle with kitten bites in it behind the couch, damn cat.........

Wow, that sounds like it had to suck...

...Do I even want to know what "sputum" is?

SharPhoe:
Wow, that sounds like it had to suck...

...Do I even want to know what "sputum" is?

I don't suppose you want to...
BUT I'M TELLING YOU ANYWAYS!
It's any liquid that is expectorated through the mouth. Mostly saliva.
You can call me "asshole", but I'd much rather go by the name "Black Mage" :)

That's hilarious XD

Tonimata:

You can call me "asshole", but I'd much rather go by the name "Black Mage" :)

That's... actually not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. So thanks for clearing up my mangled imagination.

Could someone good at photoshop or GIMP get a picture of Russ Pitts aiming at a christmas tree with another right beside him?
Tag line.

"Clever girl"

SharPhoe:

Tonimata:

You can call me "asshole", but I'd much rather go by the name "Black Mage" :)

That's... actually not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. So thanks for clearing up my mangled imagination.

No probs. I'm around here all week. And I also know all sorts of stuff. Some that would really blow your mind. Such as the mid-air detonation code of the bomb that is headed straight to your location right now.

You can also call me "The unmangling mangler that mangled your mangled imagination"
Or "Master Wordsmith".
Or "All of the above" :)

You could imagine the coroner report on that one...

Ah well, not the first time I have known someone with an allergy to the christmas tree (We we actually found was not the tree itself but some chemical which had been used on it apparantly...)

 

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