Japanese Erotic Game Keeps Self-Pleasure Statistics

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Japanese Erotic Game Keeps Self-Pleasure Statistics

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What's the thing you want most in a Japanese porn game? Is it the ability to track how many times you choke the chicken? If the answer is yes, then boy, do we have an eroge for you.

Let's be honest here: Most of the people who play Japanese erotic games aren't doing so because they find the story interesting and the characters compelling and likable. Most of the people who play eroge are doing it just to get their rocks off - and now, finally, we have a game that quantifies just that.

Migite ga tomaranai boku to, osanajimi no shimai (a title which very loosely translates to "A story about me - a guy who can't stop masturbating - and two sisters I was childhood friends with," is an eroge developed by Waffle. It clearly knows its focus right from the title screen (or, indeed, the title), because the title contains an in-game masturbation stats page that helps you keep track of your time spent slap-boxing the one-eyed champ.

According to Canned Dogs, the masturbation statistics keep track of important things such as: "Today's playstyle: Socks masturbation", "Number of times you wanked today", "Total number of times wanked so far (graph display possible)", "Time taken for ejaculation" and "Average time taken for ejaculation."

Not only does the game keep track of "Total time spent wanking so far" and "Total number of ejaculations so far," but it'll also show you in handy graph form just how long you take to flog the dolphin!

If ever there was a meter to quantify loneliness, this is it.

(Via Kotaku)

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The real question is how will that progress the game?

"You need two more gallons of ejaculate to continue!"

Oh Japan.

That's all there really is to say, isn't it?

This is just funny. I almost hope it gets a translation...

It's like a boring business man just discovered porn and made a game on his experiences!

Wow o.o Well, only in Japan! XD

I've gotta ask beause it's bugging me: How does it know?

Wow, I just have to wonder: who actually cares about those statistics? I know I would be too busy jacking off.

Amnestic:
I've gotta ask beause it's bugging me: How does it know?

You probably press an "I've finished" button.

Or it uses a camera to tell you when you've stopped moving, but that's just creepy.

How does the game know? Is there a peripheral that you attach to your wang and wrist? Similar to the Wii?

Amnestic:
I've gotta ask beause it's bugging me: How does it know?

Playstation eye?

I think/hope/pray to Dawkins that itīs tracking the ingame protagonists' (probably player controlled) digital masturbation though...

Why, Japan, why? Is it a severely limited edition gift game for Michael Atkinson and pals? Who would ever buy this???

This is terrifying, how am I going to shake hands with the one-eyed milkman while staring at a graph?

Amnestic:
I've gotta ask beause it's bugging me: How does it know?

An addon for your penis? Some sort of Wii-Style strap thing?

Amnestic:
I've gotta ask beause it's bugging me: How does it know?

They are always watching.

Well, I appreciate that they're giving you data in correlation to the amount of spankage occurs.
Japan truly is the land of strange and hilarious.

can a girl play this game?????

Deofuta:
Uh oh, Escapist Forums beat the Escapist it self!

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.176264-New-japanes-erotic-game-lets-you-track-your-playing-with-yourself-time

Honestly?

We don't care. They're two different things. As has been explained over and over again.

An expensive stopwatch? This doesn't really suprise me.

Spending all that money to see a graph of how cripplingly lonely you are doesn't really appeal to me.

Sevre90210:
This is terrifying, how am I going to shake hands with the one-eyed milkman while staring at a graph?

The graph is obviously going to be on the underwear of your little sister's best friend or something if history has told us anything about these games.

Now I've met my laughing-quota for the day.

OT: I believe it'll be somewhat popular. Shit sells.

Binerexis:

Sevre90210:
This is terrifying, how am I going to shake hands with the one-eyed milkman while staring at a graph?

The graph is obviously going to be on the underwear of your little sister's best friend or something if history has told us anything about these games.

I'm sorry but raking the garden to a graph across the thighs of that little girl does not sound fun.

Can I have a badge for euphemisms?

Speaking as an Australian gamer who will almost definitely have this used against me I'd just like to say "Thanks Japan, Thanks, really"... honestly if countries were people Japan would be the creepy dude in the trench coat on the bus.

tkioz:
Speaking as an Australian gamer who will almost definitely have this used against me I'd just like to say "Thanks Japan, Thanks, really"... honestly if countries were people Japan would be the creepy dude in the trench coat on the bus.

Actually, I think it would be hilarious for Michael Atkinson to have to decribe this game, I mean, it's probably not worth it, but still, it'll be hilarious.

Lets hope they don't include a leaderboard...

Gives a new meaning to the term "grinding for experience"

(sorry, I just couldn't resist)

I knew there would be a news thread about this one.

I say we file this under "Oh Japan" in the fail folder.

I'm a sucker for statistics, but eh... I think I'll pass up on this one.

Deofuta:
Uh oh, Escapist Forums beat the Escapist it self!

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.176264-New-japanes-erotic-game-lets-you-track-your-playing-with-yourself-time

This happens all the time,but not everyone browes the forums

I'm loving all the euphemisms here. Very inventive. Bravo Funk.

sniperworm:
Lets hope they don't include a leaderboard...

That's the joke of the day, absolutely brilliant mate. High five.

I'm sorry but this just made me laugh a lot. (Yes I'm very immature)

Its definitely disturbing, but at the same time hilarious.

sniperworm:
Lets hope they don't include a leaderboard...

Oh god that be funny if they did.

1: Flog the dolphin? Really? I've never heard that before.
2: There are a lot of games classified as Eroge because they have maybe 2 sex scenes at the end, like Shuffle!, which I haven't played (I'm watching the anime), but that actually have a decent story. Also, both Fate/Stay Knight and Tsukihime are classfied as Eroge's.

Is it just Wanking? Does it also count anal ejaculation?

Now that's just silly.

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