April Fools' 2010 Roundup

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April Fools' 2010 Roundup

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It's that time of the year again - the one day of the year where finding legitimate news on the internet is harder than finding a Mac user at a LAN party.

The professional newsie part of me hates April Fools'. It's the one day of the year when I have to actually pay attention to things, you know? The rest of the year, news is news is news (and the odd hoax out is easy to spot), but this is the one day where I have to, like, use professional judgment. Is Epic really releasing Gears of War 3 for the PS3? I have to make decisions, and that's hard!

Anyway, we've used our top-notch noggins to pick out some announcements that we're reasonably sure are April Fools' jokes, and have compiled them here for your perusal purposes. Look, laugh, and if there are any more that we've missed (and I'm sure there are) let us know!

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2001 Monolith Action Figure - The Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey is one of the most iconic and striking sci-fi images of our time, which is pretty strange considering it's basically just a big black slab. But now ThinkGeek is selling a mini-Monolith (proportions 1:4:9, of course) that you can have on your own desk at home! My god, it's full of stars...

BioWare Reveals The Old Republic's Sarlacc Enforcer Class - Did you think that all of the SW:TOR classes had been revealed? Think again, bucko! The Sarlacc Enforcer is perfect for all of those players who want other players to experience a new kind of pure suffering as they are digested over the next thousand years.

4ColorRebellion Is the Most 90s Web Page Ever - MIDI background music? Animated gifs? Web rings? Under Construction signs? A bizarre obsession with Dragon Ball Z? Yeah, it doesn't get more Late 90s than 4CR's new design.

Secret New Super Mario Bros. Wii "Gloomy Mode" Unlocked! - Are you tired of the overly cheerful and colorful Mushroom Kingdom? You might be happy to know that one enterprising Mario fan has uncovered a secret, previously unknown mode in NSMB Wii that makes the entire game dark, gloomy, and ominous. It's the exact opposite of Diablo III!

And speaking of Diablo III...

Everything Blizzard Does Today - Blizzard frequently goes all-out on its April Fools' jokes, and today is no exception. There's a bunch of them, and I'm still not sure I've seen every single one.

Games Become Reality With Battle.net Neural Interface - Experience World of Warcraft like never before with Blizzard's new Battle.net Neural Interface, a device that allows you to mentally synch your unique brainwave signature with the device. You will truly form a permanent and unbreakable bond with your WoW character, as removal can result in permanent brain damage or death.

Blizzard Announces Blackthorne 2: Thorne Harder and Queen's Quest for iPhone - Blizzard has revealed two new mobile games in development. One is a sequel to their very, very old title Blackthorne featuring the main character's return to earth to stop an alien menace, boasting "magical, revolutionary gameplay" and "[some] sort of arbitrary Twitter and Facebook integration. Your friends will thank you."

The other is Queen's Quest, an old-school adventure game starring Kerrigan, Queen of Blades. Save the Zerg Swarm using just your words! Queen's Quest will utilize a "revolutionary Digital Rights Management (DRM) scheme in 5 easy steps" including code wheels, pass-phrases hidden in the manuals, and verbal authentication.

Get the Diablo III Snuggie and Body Pillow - Are you cold when raiding in WoW, but find that traditional blankets hamper your ability to press "2" over and over again? Blizzard has revealed its X-Treme Gamer Blanket (which is a Snuggie), to help you out in just that occasion. Buy two X-Treme Gamer Blankets (in Magi Blue or Blunderbore Brown) and get a Diablo III body pillow free!

Drive in Style With the Deckard Cain GPS Voice Pack - Is your regular GPS boring? Do you wish that instead of just telling you to "turn right on Hayes Street," your GPS told you that - and then related a story about a bard it used to know named Hayes? Well, Blizzard has you covered. Buckle up, stay a while, and listen! (I'm not going to lie, guys, I really want this).

WoW Officially Measures Your Equipment Potency EquivalencE Number (EPEEN) - Previously, determining your worth as a player in WoW was a difficult and arduous task involving counting out how many epics you had and linking your Achievements in the trade channel. Now, Blizzard is doing away with that with the Equipment Potency EquivalencE Number, a handy little metric by which you can determine how much better you are than everyone else. Thanks, guys!

Ecco the Dolphin Returns, and This Time He's Angry - Gamers may fondly remember Ecco the Dolphin, an adventurous little sea creature who had to save his sea-animal friends from something or other. I don't know, I never got past the first screen or two on the Game Gear version. Sega has announced that Ecco will be returning in Ecco: Water Wars 2, in which he must rally his ocean-dwelling friends in a war against humanity - including the elderly. This time, he's not leading you to safety.

Google Renames Itself Topeka - Last month, the city of Topeka, Kansas unofficially renamed itself Google, Kansas. Now, Google is returning the favor.

Google Japan Creates Best Keyboard Ever - Everyone knows the Japanese are all about efficiency, right? Well, Google Japan realized that the standard QWERTY keyboard wasn't cutting it anymore, and so has devised a brilliant new keyboard for its employees to use. Now drummers may actually have a place in the workforce!

Starbucks Unveils "Plenta" and "Micra" Drink Sizes - Is a Venti not big enough for you? Is a Tall too big for you? Well, Starbucks has you covered with its new 128 fl oz "Plenta" drink size and its new 2 fl oz "Micra," thanks to consumer feedback. Never drink more (or less) coffee than you need to again!

Battle.net Matchmaking Finds Dates, Not Games - We've heard quite a bit about Blizzard's vaunted new matchmaking system for Battle.net, but what we didn't know was that it also was meant to help you find more than just a game. Battle.net's matchmaking will help lonely Orc Warriors find a hardy ally to take on Utgarde Pinnacle with, and then to cuddle by the candlelight. Find your match today!

Razer Venom Keeps You Gaming All Night - Ever want to stay up at a crazy LAN party, but find that your weak mortal body just can't cope with the pressures? Razer's new Venom substance, taken intravenously, will help keep you alert and gaming as long as you're drip-fed the stuff!

IGN Debuts Halo Movie Trailer a la Bollywood - IGN has continued its tradition of breaking the hearts of gamers who want to see faithful film adaptations of their favorite games this year. Only "faithful" isn't exactly the word for this Halo movie, given how it transforms the fight for survival against the Covenant into a dancing musical number straight out of Bollywood.

YouTube Unveils TEXTp Resolution - Streaming high-resolution video can be pretty expensive, which is why YouTube has announced TEXTp, a brilliant new viewing option that will render all of your videos in ASCII art. Not only does it look cool, but you're saving them $1 in bandwidth every second!

Secret Mass Effect 2 Sex Scene - What happens when female Commander Shepard and one of the notoriously emotionless Elcor fall for each other?

Something like this.

Halo: Reach Multiplayer Goes Turn-Based - When Bungie's Halo: Reach team looked back through time to return to the old classic styles of multiplayer, that didn't mean classic Slayer - it meant something much different.

(Have we missed one? Of course we have - post a link in the comments thread!)

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John Funk:
(Have we missed one? Of course we have - post a link in the comments thread!)

You missed off the huge numbers of people getting banned.
Well at least we're hoping that's April Foolery.

*runs and hides*

Edit: The XKCD webcomic has a good one, though you'd only really find all of it funny if you're a fan.

Cpt_Oblivious:

John Funk:
(Have we missed one? Of course we have - post a link in the comments thread!)

You missed off the huge numbers of people getting banned.
Well at least we're hoping that's April Foolery.

*runs and hides*

I don't know what to make of the bans. I'm always gullible so I belieev everything is true until the egg ends up on my face, Which it quite often.

OT: That Google prank was silly. I like my April Fools jokes to be obvious.

If you go to ign they have live footage of the first Halo movie.

http://movies.ign.com/dor/objects/40236/halo/videos/halomovie_trl_040110.html

4chan has (hopefully) jokingly added a Facebook connect to it's posting system.
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Cpt_Oblivious:

John Funk:
(Have we missed one? Of course we have - post a link in the comments thread!)

You missed off the huge numbers of people getting banned.
Well at least we're hoping that's April Foolery.

*runs and hides*

Take this, you will need it.

I like this one http://xkcd.com/

Edit: There's also the new time measurement that it takes to Google Topeka something.

And Xfire's old school website design.

I spend far too much time on the internet.

Really good April's day today, lots of pranks, banns, and other pranks a mere mortal would believe, but a lot of stuff is too obvious. Actually I didn't see any April fooling anywhere other than here on the Escapist.

EDIT: actually the one about CERN making a black hole was cool. It was on teh NEWS.

this is god awful but its one none the less

http://uk.ps3.ign.com/articles/108/1081231p1.html

JAgex made a new announcement on the runescape website announcing there opening a RuneScape Theme Park. THE HORROR!

http://services.runescape.com/m=news/newsitem.ws?id=2817
http://services.jagex.com/m=news/img/Large/wildy_en.jpg

Duke Nukem Forever Demo

http://www.fileplanet.com/210966/210000/fileinfo/Duke-Nukem-Forever-Demo?r=5

dont know what it really is but IGN put it up and people dont seem to like it

Another one for Blizzard

http://us.battle.net/matchmaking/index.html

At least... I hope it is April fools...

Edit: And wow.com has gone... Gaga?

http://www.wow.com/

Oh my god, the Old Republic one made my laugh loudly, especially when I saw the combat tactics videos.

So you list two more obscure Google april fools pranks and miss their "Animal Translation Service"?

DarkSaber:
So you list two more obscure Google april fools pranks and miss their "Animal Translation Service"?

Apparently that's UK only. We get the cool jokes :D

Bungie released a Halo movie trailer that's also a joke... I hope or they are really outsourcing themselves.

http://amazingsuperpowers.com/

I assume that's an april fool's ^^

I only know what the monolith is because of Cosmo's Cosmic Adventure.

if you try to access gmail, they took all the vowels out.

www.gmail.com

http://www.razerzone.com/venom/

Game Forever! Green Mist for your LAN Party Raids

IV Gaming Juice!

Also Wikipedias front page:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

and for the Politiaclly muindeed UK Resident:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/apr/01/labour-gordon-brown-hard-man

Ye Gods, the 90s-isation of 4ColorRebellion bought on some significant waves of nostalgia.

YouTube has a resolution option "TEXTp" where it'll show your video as animated text. Says you're saving then $1 a second by choosing the text option. Looks really cool.

I Love how the tauren loots battered hilt and ashes of Al'ar In the pictures
http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/info/underdev/equipmentpotency.xml

This has a bunch of good ones, and I think you can upload new ones that aren't on there too.

Well, Kuliani banned Furburt, Fat Man Spoon, Neonbob, and Hubilub in what I am really hoping is an April Fool's prank.

Edit 2: Also Sassafrass, Ren3004, and SirBryghtside
Thanks Extreme Tazer!

Edit: wow, the 4colorrebellion site's music reminded me of DOOM.

Holy shit the memories...

Good times.

Bungie just released a fake VIDOC for Halo: Reach.

Link: Fake VIDOC

Direct Video..:

Secret Mass Effect 2 sex scene... with an Elcor.
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/secret-romance-mass-effect/63941

Gerrawn:
Oh my god, the Old Republic one made my laugh loudly, especially when I saw the combat tactics videos.

Yeah, between seeing a Sarlacc trying to spit people at...other people...and it's Death Star Laser, that one's my favorite of the day so far.

EDIT: On second thought, after watching the IGN Halo trailer and seeing that they've run it as being reinterpreted as a bollywood musical rather than playing it straight like they did with Zelda a few years back, that one just might be my favorite instead.

zombie711:
Duke Nukem Forever Demo

http://www.fileplanet.com/210966/210000/fileinfo/Duke-Nukem-Forever-Demo?r=5

dont know what it really is but IGN put it up and people dont seem to like it

It is a bunch of Duke Nukem sound files, actually pretty entertaining.

Thinkgeek has a lot other jokes, my favourite being Canned Unicorn Meat... Magic in every taste!

Irridium:
Well, Kuliani banned Furburt, Fat Man Spoon, Neonbob, and Hubilub in what I am really hoping is an April Fool's prank.

Don't forget Sassafrass, Ren3004, and SirBryghtside.

And, as always, either fucking annoying, or fucking annoying that they aren't real.

No Cain GPS? WHY? Blizzard, I am very disappoint.

I hate April fools. It's a wasted day.

Google... err, Topeka is going all out, their language tool now feature new languages such as Elmer Fudd or l33t.

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