Black & White Monster Penis Almost Got Peter Molyneux Knifed

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And it was fully morphable as well?
Kind of makes you wonder what an evil schlong looks like...

The more evil you are, the longer it gets. Eventually, it would have the word 'DESTROYER' tattooed on the side, be covered with spikes and have a huge piercing in the shape of a crescent axe on the tip. Also, dead bodies impaled on said spikes.

Hm, ponders what that would be like if the creature used it as a weapon... hm... oh god the horror of it. My eyes, my brain they burn... I don't about you but if I was in the enemies army... or even in the creatures one, I'd be running away screaming like a little girl while jumping off a cliff...

You know, even if I know I can not listen to his promises, I still like Molyneux. He always has an enthusiasm that makes even his crazy ideas seem exciting.

Wow, i read this article thinking it was about the new pokemon games........ :|

Onyx Oblivion:
Molyneux, you crazy bastard!

I have to try the B&W games. Should I start with 2?

Well, 1 had this really new thing going on in that there was no interface. Everything was intuitive. 2 had a very big interface. 2 improves certain things, but it also becomes more of a standard sim. I'd suggest starting with 1, even though it looks like shit.

Driven mad by penises, Mr Healy goes on to produce a game that is absolutely devoid of any kind of gender or anatomy. This explains why the mods were instantaneous with their powers of deletion.

Ahh it all falls in to place, Molyneux drove him to the point of insanity, and now he can't even look at genetalia without going mental.

In spite of his reputation, I'm starting to like this guy. He's clearly got a sense of humor.

Ol' Pete is a good guy, the stuff he gets moaned at about isn't really his fault, as he does genuinly love the industry and want to include the stuff he says he wants to put in, it just ends up being beyond the realms of possibility or the studio runs out of money/time.

uhmm... how do you respond to this?

I... I don't know...

But I'm frightened...

Wait, so Healy 'threatens' to knife Molyneux over an Ape Dong, but then goes on to make a game whose protagonist is called "Sack Boy". Uh-huh.

Also, this prickly thread needs some Monty Python.

.. Wow. Just wow.

That guy really doesn't know when to stop, a penis is worse enough but letting it grow and shrink really is awful.

Cool Story Bro, Penis.

Thats the best reason to be pissed off I ever heard!

"But sir I cannae make the penis any bigger!"

"Fool! You'll work through Christmas until that wang is beautiful and perfect!"

"But what of Tiny Tim!?!"


guess that helps explain Little Big Planet...

Pikey Mikey:
Molyneux is a pretty strange person, but he's also very likable, especially when Yahtzee is talking about him

lol very much so

soul-eaters must really want his

John Funk:
Black & White Monster Penis Almost Got Peter Molyneux Knifed


Lionhead chieftain Peter Molyneux claims that his original vision of a "physically correct" creature for Black & White ended up with an artist threatening to pull a knife on him.

This can get filed under the header "Things I never thought I'd find myself writing":

While speaking on a podcast with IGN UK (via iTunes) during the Gamescom event in Germany last month, Peter Molyneux mentioned that the sausages in the recording booth - because those Germans have sausages everywhere or something - reminded him of his earlier game Black & White.

Specifically, they reminded him of the creature's penis.

Now, if you've played Black & White, you probably know that the creature didn't actually have a (visible) Sgt. Peppy. No, this monstrous wangerdoodle was only in an early prototype of the game: "I for some reason had this obsession to make them anatomically correct. So the first version of this giant ape had this sort of beautifully physically correct - I'm going to say the word - penis dangling between its legs."

And in case the mental image in your head wasn't bad enough, said member "morphed depending on how excited your creature was."

That sort of thing would never fly in a game, of course, and Molyneux knows it. "I don't know what was going through my mind. I wasn't even on class A drugs! It was this bizarre thing," he says, and don't think we didn't notice that "class A drugs" qualifier, Peter. "It was this bizarre thing. Especially in America! Even if you show nipples they go insane, rating it under-the-counter product. It just goes to show you just how rubbish I am as a designer, really."

Nevertheless, Molyneux initially persisted, and the poor modelers working at Lionhead had to create the creature's morphable schlongalong. "The artist that modeled it ended up going completely insane. [He] threatened to knife me ... absolutely true story. He went on to found Media Molecule. Chap called Mark Healey."

Having never met Mr. Healey myself, I cannot say whether or not the founder of the LittleBigPlanet studio is likely to threaten to knife somebody (if only in jest). In all fairness, spending your work day painstakingly rendering a monster tallywhacker would probably drive most people insane, so it's hardly just him.

"Driven mad by making huge, sausage-like penises on apes - that's the sort of thing I get people to do at Lionhead."

Whether or not you believe Peter Molyneux's story here - because the only indication we have that this is the truth is the eccentric designer's word alone - I think we can all agree that it is, in fact, a story. A very interesting one. About a game artist going crazy from working on an animated giant monkey porker.

Happy Friday, everybody.

(Via CVG)


I don't mean to be annoying, but are we sure this is true?

EDIT: nevermind I thought that he made this for a pokémon game XD

So one of the creators of LBP threatened to knife Peter Molyneux, I'm not sure if he's being serious or spouting more exaggerations as always, and that's what scares me...

That title is gonna make so many people click on it...

Your prediction has come true.
I'm the evidence! =D

OT: It reacts to how excited the creature is?

Class B and C drugs will do it every time.....

PS:Man up people alil nip off the top is good for the soul :P

At least he never made it possible for it know make a big white mess everywhere...oh gosh why did I type this molyneux do not read this you sick bastard!

It seems that it was...


a dick move, to say the least.


Realistic penis almost get Moly knifed with a phallic symbol?
Classic. Petering.

You have been slain by a Molygrue.
It eats our brains.
Mortgage Hitler orange.

:insane screech from nearby house:

uhmm... how do you respond to this?

with a knife, obviously........

(looks at watch) Is it that time already?

I can't believe it's PeterMolyneuxDrumsUpPublicity o'clock

Hes either going to get locked up and they'll throw away the key .... or he'll make millions. Probably the later ... All Hail Lord British!

The person who thought of the title for this thread deserves the Nobel prize.

How is it that Molyneux can do the most dickish things, create so many half done games and yet still be the single most likeable person in the games industry? (aside from Sage Merill of course!)

It isn't exactly like he tries to be a cool guy, yet everything he seems to do seems to land somewhere between humorous sophisticated dicking around and stargazing naivete', and still seems to make him seem like the sort of guy you would have a drink with

In fact that's my new goal for this decade, have a drink with Peter Molyneux just to see if I can actually remember my crippling hatred for the failures in most of the things he has done whilst holding a conversation with the guy

...So Peter Molyneux needs an editor with a knife at hand to keep out his more ridiculous ideas? Maybe to stand behind him at PR conferences...?

All kidding aside, I actually kind of admire Molyneux. He often promises more than he delivers, but he's one of the few people remaining in the business who can honestly lay claim to having brought genres of games into being. He promises more than he can deliver, frequently, but at least he aims for the stars rather than churning out endless sepia-colored cash-ins.

Wow. I wonder how he'd react to this?

That's fucking hilarious, though.

Onyx Oblivion:
Molyneux, you crazy bastard!

I have to try the B&W games. Should I start with 2?

You can play either first...not like they have ANY connection between the two besides your helpers...but #2 is easier to work and understand and the army system make it alot easier/harder... (depending on you "aim")

...the fuck?

An interesting story, I guess, but..


Well, the name of the studio is "Lionhead."

Wow, i read this article thinking it was about the new pokemon games........ :|

Good, so it wasn't just me....

Peter Molyneux called a giant, morphing monster ape penis beautiful.

Read Molyneux's parts out to the next person you see.
I promise you, when they let you out of prison, I will pay you Ł5

John Funk:

...spending your work day painstakingly rendering a monster tallywhacker would probably drive most people insane."

This is one of the things that I kept thinking about when my friends and I would talk about the visual style of the Watchmen movie.

Dr. Manhattan is entirely CGI, that means that some poor artist had to spend at least a couple of days drafting, programming and animating his glowing blue wang.
No matter what the project is you don't go home after a day of dingus programing and really feel good about your life choices.

Anyway, as much as it pains me to say I can kinda relate to what Mr. Malyneux is saying here. Sometimes, as an artist you get a weird bug up your ass to include something in your design, and come hell or high water you are going to include it in your final draft.
The problem is that if you're working as part of a design team, sometimes you're the only one on board your little party wagon and nobody else is coming along.
And yes if you keep pushing for the unpopular option someone is eventually going to threaten to shank you.

I love Peter Molyneux!

I imagine his the kind of guy who in the creative process of making a game, simply opens all mental borders and goes insane. Nobody can doubt his vision.

If this is true, I think I know exactly why that artist would go crazy.

It's not the part about modeling an ape wang. Trust me, computer professionals get asked to do that kind of shit every day.

It's not that Molyneux was a taskmaster or crazy guy to work for.

No, what made the guy allegedly threaten Peter with a knife was most likely that the artist knew for a solid fact that the wang and it's morphing paths would NEVER make it to a shipping game. This meant that any time spent modeling the penis was time spent on something that would not even make it to a portfolio. Working any significant time on stuff that will never be published, seen, or even reused really pisses creatives and programmers off. After the second or third request to tweak the dynamics of the penis as it goes from semi to full erect, suspecting this ridiculous bit of crap is probably just fueling some weird masturbation mechanic for Peter Populous, I would probably have brought up a stabbing as well. With perhaps some flaying and roasting thrown in for good measure.

Really gang. Don't fuck with your creatives. They will likely leave. And they just might end up making a better product.


Do you actually know how much stuff gets created for a videogame that never sees the light of day? An artist can still include something in his/her portfolio even if it never makes it into the final product, you know.

If you're the type to get snippy over something you've worked on never actually being released, than you shouldn't be in the videogame industry. It's just how thinks work.

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