400 Unqualified Schmucks Sign Up For One-Way Mission to Mars

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400 Unqualified Schmucks Sign Up For One-Way Mission to Mars

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Hundreds of grossly unqualified volunteers have signed up for a proposed one-way trip to Mars as part of a cost-effective private industry effort to colonize the planet.

Douglas Adams fans will recall that one of the three sapient forms of life on this planet actually descended from the Golgafrinchans, who eons ago decided to tidy up their society a bit by tricking the most useless one-third of the population - hairdressers, insurance salesmen, management consultants, telephone sanitizers and the like - to board a great colonist spaceship which was then hurled out into space and eventually crash-landed on Earth. Now, believe it or not, a group of like-minded citizens is hoping to recreate the journey, except this time they want to make it happen in real life.

Getting to Mars is a relatively simple gig. Getting home is something else entirely. Any team that makes the journey to the red planet will have to take everything it needs for the return trip with it and that's just not practical. One simple yet radical solution is detailed in the November 2010 Journal of Cosmology: what goes to Mars, stays on Mars, people included. It's the ultimate suicide mission, yet it's also an idea that a lot of people with dodgy skillsets say they find very attractive.

"I've had a deep desire to explore the universe ever since I was a child and understood what a rocket was," Peter Greaves, a jack-of-all-trades who started his own motorcycle dispatch company and fixes computers and engines on the side, told FoxNews.com. "I envision life on Mars to be stunning, frightening, lonely, quite cramped and busy. Unlike Earth I wouldn't be able to sit by a stream or take in the view of nature's wonder, or hug a friend, or breath deeply the sweet smell of fresh air - but my experience would be so different from all six to seven billion human beings... that in itself would make up for the things I left behind."

"As the human race continues to expand, it only make sense to explore opportunities for human life out in the cosmos," added Reverend Paul Gregersen, pastor at the Clarno Zion United Methodist Church. "Also, I have the feeling that spiritual issues would come up among the crew. The early explorers on Earth always took clergy with them."

Astronaut psychology expert Albert Harrison said he wouldn't be surprised if a future mission to Mars included someone to serve as a chaplain but pointed out that going there wouldn't actually be the exciting and romantic journey that some enthusiasts might think. "Each day will be pretty much like the rest. The environment, once the novelty wears off, is likely to be deadly boring," he said. "Despite being well prepared and fully equipped there are certain to be unanticipated problems that cannot be remedied. One by one the crew will get old, sick, and die off."

Journal of Cosmology editor Lana Tao said she initially thought the responses to the proposed mission were a joke but as the emails continued to roll in, she realized they were sincere. Among the serious (and seriously under-qualified) volunteers was 69-year-old computer programmer Pasha Rostov, who wrote, "I do VERY well with solitude. I am handy with tools, very good at making things work, have generated my own solar energy, built three houses (with my own hands) and am quite sane and stable. And I am ready to go to Mars. Sign me up."

For the record, the one-way trip to Mars won't be launching anytime soon; the Journal of Cosmology estimated it would be 20 years before a privately-funded mission could get off the ground.

via: Slashdot

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Totally unqualified people, banding together for a likely suicide mission.

This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've read all day.

And I spent 20 minutes on fanfiction.net earlier.

Seriously? I mean seriously, these people would probably get bored after 20 days and just kill each other. Or the paranoia would drive them crazy. So many things would go wrong.....but if it went right! SIGN ME UP!

The Martians are going to be like "WTF? How stupid are these earthlings?"

...Then they'll blast the humans with laser weapons.

When life emulates The Onion...

Wow. Just wow.

What.
This is...
I don't quite...
How...
Plants...
Dongle...
Blrgff...

User "DragonsAteMyMarbles" has encountered a problem and needs to shut down. We apologise for the inconvenience.

This could be a very effective way of dispensing of... undesirables. Is there room for PETA?

Sounds fun amirite?

But really the technology just isn't there yet, We won't be colonizing anywhere for a while and shouldn't send unqualified up most certainly.

Oh oh, pick me!
I probably wouldnt pass the phsyc test though

........................

Fuck it, lets do this! Sign me up!

20 years? WELL THERE GOES YOUR SHOT, MISTER 69.

Idiots.

Sign me up i would so go

A hooray for Russia agreeing to launch private space missions :P

I don't know if this is good or bad... In a way, we're putting those people to some good use. Like a lab experiment. Testing technology that real scientists can use later on with less risk. On the other hand, if they find a way to survive there, or if they make contact with an hypothetical alien race...it will be written for all eternity that real human space exploration was started by 400 Schmucks.

We need a backup plan.

Andy Chalk:

Douglas Adams fans will recall that one of the three sapient forms of life on this planet actually descended from the Golgafrinchans, who eons ago decided to tidy up their society a bit by tricking the most useless one-third of the population - hairdressers, insurance salesmen, management consultants, telephone sanitizers and the like - to board a great colonist spaceship which was then hurled out into space and eventually crash-landed on Earth.

That's the very first thing I thought of when I saw that title. Let's just hope they call the ship the 'B' Ark.

Let them go. Maybe something cool will happen, like maybe they'll all get sick with some sort of alien virus and turn into hideous monsters.

*I've been playing a lot Dead Space

Look, just because they ain't university qualified is probably a good. The people who signed up may know how to actually fix mechanical stuff, unlike University grads..... who know how to write a good essay.

Honestly, if I was going, I would prefer to be with the guy who could fix the oxygen generator -- and not the guy who can write a highly literate report about the advantages of repairing the damn thing.

This is the last thing we need: Mars, completely populated of people who are only American. Atleast send some Canadians up or something, mix it up a little.

This makes me insanely excited.

MOVIE BOB PREDICTED THIS.

For the record, the one-way trip to Mars won't be launching anytime soon; the Journal of Cosmology estimated it would be 20 years before a privately-funded mission could get off the ground.

I LOL'D BIG TIME
I'll be back on this thread in 20years to lol at the amount of fail...again

WHO'S WITH ME?

Sparrow:
This is the last thing we need: Mars, completely populated of people who are only American. Atleast send some Canadians up or something, mix it up a little.

What about the British? We could bring our weather.... actually, scratch that.

No!! Bring the British, we know how to make a good cup of tea!!!

I like this. It could be funny. I'm not gonna call them stupid or anything. My guess? They got tired of the company that they keep and said "Let's do this thing, Star Trek style!". Eh, I don't blame 'em if others got on their nerves from here.

*Looks at people in the thread*

This sounds like some shitty reality tv show from the future.

I actually think this is a good idea. It would not only fix the population crisis, but also unemployment. We could also find valuable resources that could be mined by the colony.

It's really not going to be as nice as they imagine, and they're not imagining it will be very nice.

I predict cannibalism in the first year.

Hm... The idea of sending 400 people into space alone is extraordinary, considering that in the Space Shuttle era of the NASA program, they only sent 7 people, and it was this ratio that essentially made it impossible to send more then a dozen to twenty people into space.

Still... I kinda like the idea, though I think we should just stick menaces to society and people that cause the world's culture to go through retardation.

Sparrow:
This is the last thing we need: Mars, completely populated of people who are only American. Atleast send some Canadians up or something, mix it up a little.

Why? THey're not going to live. These people are sending themselves to die.

Please say the Admins are having a little joke at our expense... No? Ok then allow me to say lolololol they'll start killing each other a few weeks in... I mean there's no internet connection on Mars.

That would make a reality TV show i would actually watch though "day 345 Charles is currently battling Steven to the death on the surface of Mars. While Leeroy is picking off survivors with his sniper rifle in Atrium 7"

Also the reason "because it's different" has to be the worst reason to commit suicide via Mars evar!

Onyx Oblivion:

And I spent 20 minutes on fanfiction.net earlier.

You've got some courage, man :(
Although some of those fanfics are too hilariously awful not to be considered entertaining...

OT:Yeah, can't add anything to what hasn't already said by Onyx here. I mean what the hell are they thinking?

Anyone else think this would be an awesome premise for an RPG?

vrbtny:

Sparrow:
This is the last thing we need: Mars, completely populated of people who are only American. Atleast send some Canadians up or something, mix it up a little.

What about the British? We could bring our weather.... actually, scratch that.

No!! Bring the British, we know how to make a good cup of tea!!!

Bah, I've been making good tea my whole life, and I'm American!

(grumble grumble... British, think nobody else can make tea... mumble... )

emeraldrafael:

Still... I kinda like the idea, though I think we should just stick menaces to society and people that cause the world's culture to go through retardation [on the ship].

Bad move, unless you want to create MARS AUSTRALIA!

Note for any mods: (Before you assume I'm insulting Australians, it's their history. Just stating that outright here before I get modded or some nonsense.)

philosophicalbastard:
I actually think this is a good idea. It would not only fix the population crisis, but also unemployment. We could also find valuable resources that could be mined by the colony.

How would you get it back? This is a one way journey.

Also... how are you goind to send 400 people into space without one of them even knowing how to operate the craft their in? They'll burn up and die from someone doing something like being "that guy who's a total douche" and screw something up in the craft. Ten to one odds it burns up before ever hitting the troposphere, fifty to one before it leaves the stratosphere, and 100 to one before it leaves the Mesosphere.

If there was no life for me here, I'd probably do it. Might as well make myself useful, eh? It'd be interesting, before the madness kicks in at least.

Samurai Goomba:

emeraldrafael:

Still... I kinda like the idea, though I think we should just stick menaces to society and people that cause the world's culture to go through retardation [on the ship].

Bad move, unless you want to create MARS AUSTRALIA!

Note for any mods: (Before you assume I'm insulting Australians, it's their history. Just stating that outright here before I get modded or some nonsense.)

Why? Its a suicide mission. They're all going to die (if they even make it out of the atmosphere without a qualified person to run the ship, and its not like they're coming back or sending anything back. this is just a way to get rid of the undesirables, like someone else said in this thread.

And I know what you mean about Australia. Its the Same with Georgia (the state, not the country). that was filled with prisoners (rapists and murders and such) and freed slaves so the Spanish didnt march right up to South Carolina from Florida.

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