High Voltage Software Apologizes for Upcoming Conduit 2's Awesomeness
We receive a lot of letters at The Escapist. Most, I have to admit, don't get more than a cursory glance - especially those from game-maker PR.
The letter we received today from High Voltage, however, stood out for a number of reasons:
1. They addressed me by name, which is always nice.
2. They were apologizing, again, also nice.
Turns out, though, what they were apologizing for was being awesome, which, while a bit conceited, is also funny. Therefore I submit for your approval the letter in its entirety. Read and weep:
We have been advised by our legal council [sic], as a preventative measure against possible litigation, to issue a missive apologizing for ruining your ability to judge other video games, especially within the context of the Nintendo Wii and the shooter genre. While our game, Conduit 2, is something you were planning upon viewing and playing, we understand that part of your life is still expected to play other games. For our part in showing you, what was no doubt, the best visual media you have ever viewed, we sincerely apologize.
It was not our intent to cause you to lose your impartiality, nor your video game integrity. We understand that your standard 1-10, or A-F rating will next a new category: "Conduit 2-esque", in order to appropriately denote something that has haunted your dreams and occasionally caused involuntary tremors of anticipation for the release date of the game. We understand if you are upset at having to wait for the April 19th street date. We, ourselves, would prefer it if we could get it to you today.
However, as the world needs an appropriate acclimation period to this much awesomeness, it has been repeatedly stressed to us that we need to proceed slowly. Despite any permanent damage to your neutrality in judgment, or long-standing effects of withdrawal from even this briefest of previews, for do apologize. In the future, we will be creating a support group specifically for those who have found that all other facets of their lives have lost a jubilant luster. Once such a group is established near you, we will invite you to share how this pinnacle of gaming excellence has affected you.
In the meantime, we thank you most sincerely for your participation, and wish you all the best during your recovery.
Very truly yours,
High Voltage Software
The original The Conduit was a standout Wiii title, but mainly because there hadn't been many good, action-based Wii titles before it was released. In most other respects it was a bit of a disappointment.
Having just come from GDC and previewed the sequel, I can honestly say it does look dramatically better than the original, and incredible for a Wii game. Will it rewire the brains of all journalists who play it however? I doubt it. But we thank High Voltage for the apology nonetheless.
Once it hits the third paragraph it goes from "kind of douchey but funny" to "oh fuck of with your bullshit".
The humour gained them some points that they immediately compelled me to cast aside and put them in the negative. I now have a lower opinion... that's some good PR.
Well that was interesting.
That's quite pretentious. Quite funny nonetheless.
I agree with this cat above; what better way to promote your likely below average title that sending an overly self boasting promotion to editors.
I'd be a bit more than put off by it were I in Russ' shoes, but that's just me.
Oh, Yahtzee's gonna havefun with this one.
I could imagine a letter like this coming from a game like Bulletstorm which was marketed as way over the top, for this game it just sounds bad.
So basically they sent a letter apologizing for their game being so awesome? And they say they'll set up a support line for all the people who's life simply can't measure up anymore?
I hope this game crashes, burns, and weeps in eternal shame. Just so the escapist staff can send them a letter saying "Apology accepted"
and all I can think about is how fast their foots will reach their mouths when it comes out and every game journalist/reviewer/critic says it sucks.
But either way, an apology in advance is always nice, I only wish other developers and publishers would do the same.
maybe then I wouldn't of wasted my money on such games as Two Worlds I or WWII Online.
Shooter on Wii.
And not a single crap was given that day.
Where is that picture of a Charmander striking a pose when you need it.
And considering the quality of the original, this would likely be far more appropriate.
Can you feel...
I assume you'd need a game with at least some mild interest attached to it before you even begin thinking about buying the A4 pad that you draft this sort of crap on.
I can't wait to see this one crash and burn. Granted April 19th is a bit long to wait for a punchline but I'm sure it'll be absolutely fantastic.
Considering that the original was a flat-out terrible game (even by Wii shooter standards) i remain skeptical about any of HV softwares upcoming games especially a sequel to a shitty game.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of brain surgery one must favor to aspire a career in Public Relations.
The Conduit 2 does look pretty good, but what the hell happened to The Grinder?
so, in tl;dr terms: "We apologize for making an awesome game?"
Damn. Someone's ego is just a bit inflated... of course if they're being quasi-facetious then I can understand...
Perhaps they can apologize to me for spending £12 on The Conduit.
Did they include a picture with them doing big puppy eyes?
lol thats awesome. I never get letters like that.
Given the number of typo's etc. in that letter.. the [sic] was classic.
It's good to know EA isn't the only one pulling of stupid marketing stunts.
I can hardly wait for the punchline that is Conduit 2.
Wait....didn't The Conduit suck? That's a lot of confidence with no performance to back it up.
I see their taste in cover art has not improved;
Honestly that comes off as insipid rather than funny to me. If this was the sequel to a low-end or poorly received title I'd probably understand some self-deprecating humor but even this is difficult to pull off, Two Worlds Two attempted this and it just came off as forced instead of funny.
Maybe my standards of humor are too high, the e-mail was woefully deficient in flatulence humor. ;)
Well they DID say Conduit 1 was going to revolutionize the shooter genre, so I'd imagine the hype will be the same here.
I think you should draft a faux letter from your "lawyer" seeking litigation after the life-crippling let down that the game turned out to be after all of that anticipation. Your abillity to review games being hampered because every game you play, no matter how utterly horrible and broken, is absolutly wonderful in comparison to "Condiut 2" causing you to unfairly lionize them due to your trauma.
I thought it was pretty funny. I don't get why some of you feel the need to act offended and declare that the game should be burned at the stake.
sweet cant wait to see yathzee rip this game a new one
Oh, Yahtzee's gonna havefun with this one.
Only if they send him a hammer and a box playing annoying music.
That's some big talk from High Voltage. I sure hope they can back that all up with a solid FPS. From the previews I have seen, they have the possibility. Hopefully they don't screw it up.
Mmm let see who will have the last laugh once I've bought the game but none the less it's a funny letters.
Yeah, not so funny.
Conduit 1 was fun at first, mostly because of the different controls, then it quickly dragged itself down to the "DNF" area of my games shelf. Luckily it was my brother's, and this was after he'd beaten it.
Conduit 2? Don't play Wii enough to get anymore Wii games.
EDIT: And there are better shooters coming out than this one, by the way. Duke Nukem, Crysis 2, etc.
Hell, most people would probably rather pick up the Halo remake than this.
Calling it now: It's gonna be shit.
Or it'll be another one of those "Good... for a Wii game" titles.
What's it with publishers these days, hyping their games to such a degree that they can't possibly meet the expectations?