Police Called After Banana-Man Attacks Gorilla-Man in Ohio

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Police Called After Banana-Man Attacks Gorilla-Man in Ohio

A costumed altercation in Strongsville, Ohio is causing all sorts of havoc in the food chain.

We here on The Escapist have mostly free rein to write about whatever we want as long as it in some way dovetails with videogames and gamer culture - which mostly means that anything sufficiently nerdy is fair game. At other times, however, we're sent stories that for whatever reason, we just can't not write them up. This is one of those times.

Law enforcement officers in the town of Strongsville, OH are looking for a banana on the run. Rather, they're looking for a man in a banana costume, who last week attacked an employee at Wireless Center while the man was outside promoting sales on cell phones. Which ordinarily wouldn't be all that amusing, except that the employee in question was dressed as a gorilla.

The story of a banana attacking a gorilla is pretty funny in itself, but what makes this so surreal - and so hilarious - is the report on it by local news station Fox 8 Cleveland, which you can see here to the right. Seriously, just watch the video. No, watch it right now.

The reporter's insistence on using some truly wretched banana puns is entertaining enough, but it gets all the stranger when the report continually refers to "the gorilla," as if it were a genuine great ape and not just a man in a mascot uniform. But without a doubt, the best part is manager Brandon Parham's description of the attack.

"The kid in mid-air, flying like this ... like a Spartan from [the film] 300, except he was a banana."

That's an amazing mental image and I will treasure it until the day I die. You can't make this stuff up, folks.

Happy Friday.

(Fox 8, via Mediaite)

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Not normal of the food chain eh?

THanks for making my day, which os soemthing considering i've been up for 14 hours now.
THats 14 hours of day you just beat.

It's like they designed a story with the idea of creating as many opportunities for puns as possible.

Regardless, I'm happy the guy in the gorilla costume didn't get angry after he was talked. I myself would have gone ape.

Stop with this monkey business

Actually, one of my friends is planning something...similar. You see, in my area there is a Chick-Fil-A restaurant. As part of their advertising, they have a person in cow costume standing outside urging people to "Eat Mor Chiken". Cute right? Well, my friend just happens to own a chicken costume. And that's all I'm gonna say on the matter.

OT: A banana sprinting towards and then tackling a man in a gorilla suit is indeed a hilarious image, but that guy sounded like a moron. He pronounced "spartan" all weird.

Well, obviously that guy was bananas. I just hope not too many idiots see that. You know the old saying: monkey see, monkey do.

I like noticing those stories early so I still have time to make my terrible puns look original enough to be funny...

Stories like this just really appeal to me.

...Why is my last acid trip being reported by FOX?

Ambush Buganana?

Wait.........
What?

Of course he won. The banana was the one using guerrilla tactics. God, that was terrible.

Its times like this I wish Hankman didn't get his ass banned.

and its stories like this that are currently getting me through this hell of babysitting. Thanks for the laugh. And hopefully the guy looks out for bananas in the future.

I'm just sad that it was a banana and not an Italian plumber.

That was amusing, and this is obviously just an attempt at a joke at who ever was the banana, but this was unexpected.

Oh if only there was a world where bananas and apes could coexitst in peace.

Very funny though.

*blank*
oh man, i had so many puns in my head when i read that article but now they are all gone. damn vodka.

Wow In america they pay you to stand around with sign in stupid costume?

The economy is not THAT bad if there are still such superfluous jobs in existence. Go to some Eastern Europe where the best work you'll find is digging ditches for 12 hours a day.

Treblaine:
Wow In america they pay you to stand around with sign in stupid costume?

The economy is not THAT bad if there are still such superfluous jobs in existence. Go to some Eastern Europe where the best work you'll find is digging ditches for 12 hours a day.

Your avatar is so very VERY appropriate

But yeah after reading that story my face was frozen in a bwuh?!? position for a good min.

I believe the following is all that needs to be said...

If that ain't what they're referencing, I don't know what it is.

Yeah FOX we are going to start to take you seriuosly now, after attacking POrtal 2 with the weakest of all arguemnts. Oooh anything to rise your viewing!

FalloutJack:
I believe the following is all that needs to be said...

If that ain't what they're referencing, I don't know what it is.

I miss that cartoon. That one and Danger Mouse.

With so many puns abound, where's Hankman when you need him???

Seriously though, this story was funny. The only way it could've gotten any better was if it incorporated Fruit of the Loom somehow.

EDIT:

PureIrony:
Its times like this I wish Hankman didn't get his ass banned.

Nevermind. His puntastic insight will be missed.

For gods sakes shouldn't there be security footage of this kid running away or even better of the attack. It's a banana running..... and attacking. I demand footage of this!

Yikes, people sure aren't going as APE over this as i thought...although this thread still is rather PUNishing.

FalloutJack:
I believe the following is all that needs to be said...

If that ain't what they're referencing, I don't know what it is.

Curses, ninja'd . DC Thomson did a wonderful job of animating Bananaman.

Like a spartan out of 300... except a banana.

I fucking love that guy

Say what? And this actully happend?

That is just to damn wierd.

Wait, are you trying to tell me something interesting happened in Ohio? About time, cool stuff like this doesn't happen often here but when it does it is usually hilarious.

All right, now to attempt a pun that isn't completely horrible. Umm... I guess that guy should have played more Ape Escape. Yeah, I failed.

Let the photoshops begin!

Seriously, this sounds like something I would've done in high school, except I would've planchaed the gorilla in question like a Mexican wrestler.

CrazyCapnMorgan:
With so many puns abound, where's Hankman when you need him???

Seriously though, this story was funny. The only way it could've gotten any better was if it incorporated Fruit of the Loom somehow.

EDIT:

PureIrony:
Its times like this I wish Hankman didn't get his ass banned.

Nevermind. His puntastic insight will be missed.

Oh what?! He got banned? Why did he get banned? Damn, I'm going to miss his insightful commentaries.

This is ripe for some puntacular jokes! Where's HankMan when you need him?

EDIT: Oh wow. I got ninja'd. Hard. Same words, too.

]DustArma[:

CrazyCapnMorgan:
With so many puns abound, where's Hankman when you need him???

Seriously though, this story was funny. The only way it could've gotten any better was if it incorporated Fruit of the Loom somehow.

EDIT:

PureIrony:
Its times like this I wish Hankman didn't get his ass banned.

Nevermind. His puntastic insight will be missed.

Oh what?! He got banned? Why did he get banned? Damn, I'm going to miss his insightful commentaries.

I'm just going out on a limb on this one...but he probably violated some rule while having his "forum health bar" on its last block.

sravankb:
This is ripe for some puntacular jokes! Where's HankMan when you need him?

EDIT: Oh wow. I got ninja'd. Hard. Same words, too.

It's OK, man. I'm sure everyone who has read this thread and that knows of Hankman feels the same way. At least you have the benefit of not being completely ninja'd verbatim.

Just like the motto in my profile says:

Most Buckeyes believe, that at some point in their lives, a psychiatrist will jump out from behind the bushes, point at them, and say "Aha! I knew it!"

Bananas, psychiatrists... they're all the same, right?

Not to be THAT GUY, but did anybody else's bullshit sensors start going off when the manager started talking? Like maybe this is just a stunt, or didn't even happen, to get his store onto the news?

I guess what I'm saying is,

uh......lol?
I'm going to bed now...

haha but the Spartan banana part was the best
except that guy was kind of odd ish

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