These Aren't Your Grandpa's Presidential Portraits

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These Aren't Your Grandpa's Presidential Portraits

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Washington fighting zombies? Jefferson sucker-punching gorillas? Jackson murdering aliens? Go on ...

Up until now, presidential portraits have been fairly stodgy affairs. They always involve boring poses and basic backgrounds that (occasionally) feature flags or curtains in the background. They've never been featured appropriately epic poses for such, well, epic men of history. Now, however, an artist has come up with some pretty amazing portraits of the United States' past presidents that makes them look like the superheroes history textbooks would like students to believe they are.

Artist Jason Heuser has created a series of portraits that look like they're straight out of the latest Hollywood blockbuster or big-budget videogame. There's stuff like George Washington massacring zombies, Teddy Roosevelt squaring off against Bigfoot, Abraham Lincoln riding a grizzly bear (not, it should be noted, hunting down vampires), and the image of Franklin D. Roosevelt doing an Optimus Prime impression seen here.

Several of Heuser's images are for sale right now on Etsy, while supplies last. That said, while the various presidents look pretty amazing as they're rendered by Heuser, they still can't hold a candle to (Eventual President) Steven Colbert riding an eagle.

We've included a selection of Heuser's more memorable images in the gallery below. You should totally check them out. For America.

Source: Comics Alliance

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What, No Teddy Roosevelt? For Shame.
Never mind, found him

Killing aliens does seem like something that Andrew Jackson would do. That dude was so batshit insane enough to try.

These are amazing! Washington's was the best. I totally want to look like that once the zombie apocalypse occurs.

Hey UK U jelly? I want some of those pictures to paste in the history textbooks when the teacher isn't looking.

gabe12301:
Hey UK U jelly? I want some of those pictures to paste in the history textbooks when the teacher isn't looking.

Please, Henry VIII's walking staff was a big spiked mace with three gun barrels in the head. That's way more bad-ass than these silly fictional portraits, although probably not more bad-ass than these men were in real life.

FDR's mecha suit is awesome, where can I get one? As part of the presidential swearing-in ceremony, every candidate should have to punch gorillas while holding the Declaration of Independance.

TheGoldenMan:
What, No Teddy Roosevelt? For Shame.
Never mind, found him

Yeah, but his is the only one that is real.

Abraham Lincoln on a bear?

Considering the guys a vampire hunter, I'm not surprised xD

I saw the one with FDR earlier, and got quite the tickle when I noticed the picture of Eleanor tacked onto his suit.
Excellence.

gabe12301:
Hey UK U jelly?

Nope.avi

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B.L.A.I.R. 1, 2000 AD.

And we don't really exonerate our ex-PMs, they tend to be asses.

I call bullshit on the Roosevelt picture, that is clearly a historical photography!

Russia called, they want their bear cavalry back.

Overall I tend to dislike American patriotism, but at times like these I can't help but say "Fuckin' A" or "Oo-rah!".

Bullcrap. Teddy wouldn't need a gun.
Gotta say, I do love the Andrew Jackson. Needs is a visor cap, though.

Quaxar:
I call bullshit on the Roosevelt picture, that is clearly a historical photography!

Yes, it is quite clear. Why else do you think no one can find proof of bigfoot's exsistance? BECAUSE THEY DONT EXIST, ROOSEVELT KILLED THEM DEAD!

That one of Teddy Roosevelt? Yeah, That actually happened. Every day.
Every. God. Damned. Day.

::Explanatory Edit::
He didn't use a machine gun though. They didn't have those.
...That would be silly.

TIMESWORDSMAN:
::Explanatory Edit::
He didn't use a machine gun though. They didn't have those.
...That would be silly.

Well, obviously.
He forbade them because they didn't prove any challenge. Teddy used to hunt with only a slice of watermelon worth of spitable seeds. It's all in the books!

Captcha: risedoi Heavy-Ion. I'm no chemist but that sounds dangerous.

TIMESWORDSMAN:
That one of Teddy Roosevelt? Yeah, That actually happened. Every day.
Every. God. Damned. Day.

::Explanatory Edit::
He didn't use a machine gun though. They didn't have those.
...That would be silly.

Indeed. He beat things down with his bare damn hands.

Martin Van Buren, number eight. A good old six shot chief of state!

OT: This is the kind of stuff I love; so silly that it just goes right around into awesome territory.

Yep, that picture of Mr. Roosevelt is traced, as I saw it in several of my college history books, as well as his name in the dictionary, which has words like "Badass", "chuck norris", and "bow to your sensei" directing you to him for their definitions.
The only thing added was the machinegun, a foolish attempt to try and make him look "cooler", when in fact when Teddy Roosevelt threw a punch, the result looks a lot like the spreading fire of a machine gun. Because the air knows better than to resist the fist.

Remember kids!
Teddy Roosevelt was the original Chuck Norris, and is still Chuck Norris.

War Penguin:
Killing aliens does seem like something that Andrew Jackson would do. That dude was so batshit insane enough to try.

Except he probably wouldn't have a lasergun. Jackson would probably have a machete & flamethrower and would be running around like Brock Samson on pcp.

I like how they turned FDR's wheelchair into a transformer.

but how about a bear with monocle and top hat riding President Lincoln with laser-eyes

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These pictures are absolutely awesome. I'd love to see one for each President, as it would be quite a series. To think of a piece that encapsulates all 43 presidents in all their sci-fi glory. I'd pay money to own a piece like that.

Smokej:
but how about a bear with monocle and top hat riding President Lincoln with laser-eyes

snip

Admit it, guys. Lincoln was one of these two types of badass in real life.

I think the Andrew Jackson one was probably my favorite. He actually seemed like he belonged in the Starcraft universe as a Battlecruiser Admiral.

Coop83:
These pictures are absolutely awesome. I'd love to see one for each President, as it would be quite a series. To think of a piece that encapsulates all 43 presidents in all their sci-fi glory. I'd pay money to own a piece like that.

I literally just bought all of them. I can't wait to frame them and have a wall of awesome in my living room.

Wait, where is Millard Fillmore?

i want this as a game. you pick a president (instead of an RPG class) and get dropped into a zombie apocalypse open-world.

Teddy roosevelt doesn't need a picture him fighting bigfoot he needs a picture of him-self suplexing a train.

Well its settled, I'm American now!

Sadly that picture of Theodore Roosevelt is less awesome than what the man actually did in real life.

TheGoldenMan:
What, No Teddy Roosevelt? For Shame.
Never mind, found him

I actually have a small issue with the Roosevelt one: He's shooting the crap out of a bear. In reality however, he could have taken that bastard bare-fisted.

Not gonna lie...............thats pretty bad ass

I'd follow Roosevelt Prime into battle any day, and I'm not even American.

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