Wipe Your Backside With Moby-Dick

Wipe Your Backside With Moby-Dick

image

Someone is selling a ... 'unique' copy of Melville's Moby-Dick on eBay.

I really do mean 'unique'. This particular copy of the great American novel was hand-typed onto rolls of toilet paper. An ultra-softcover, if you will.

The current, and only, bid stands at $199.95 US dollars. It doesn't reach the auction's reserve, so you've still got a chance to become the proud owner of this fabulous example of raw, human determination.

Why? I'll leave that to seller the_heppcat:

"My friend and I once joked that toilet paper should have instructions printed on them for certain people," says the listing. "One day, the conversation grew from there and turned into a wager that i couldn't (or wouldn't) be able to type out a novel on toilet paper."

Heppcat evidently won that bet, after managing to squeeze the entirety of Melville's 200,000-word-plus warning against the dangers of unfettered whale-hate onto four-and-a-bit rolls of clean, 2-ply, Cottonelle toilet paper. Only the best bog-roll will do for classic literature.

"I've kept this mod oddity in a box in a cool, dry place for the last 10 years and have only broken it out to prove to doubters that I actually did it," continues the listing. "Considering what it's been through, it's in amazing condition."

Indeed. From Hell's heart, I wipe at thee.

Permalink

Grey Carter:
An ultra-softcover, if you will.

That was terrible.

*Looks at the rest of the article*

Wow, that's a perfect storm of puns.

Zen Toombs:

Grey Carter:
An ultra-softcover, if you will.

That was terrible.

*Looks at the rest of the article*

Wow, that's a perfect storm of puns.

More like a shit storm.

...

Sorry, I just had to.

Also, this would make reading on the toilet so much worse.

Chicago Ted:

Zen Toombs:

Grey Carter:
punny

puns

More like a shit storm.

...

Sorry, I just had to.

Also, this would make reading on the toilet so much worse.

No worries friend, I would have said it first m'self but I stopped cursing a year ago.

Zen Toombs:

Chicago Ted:

Zen Toombs:

puns

More like a shit storm.

...

Sorry, I just had to.

Also, this would make reading on the toilet so much worse.

No worries friend, I would have said it first m'self but I stopped cursing a year ago.

That's just shocking.

Display how you really feel about a particular english classic by getting it on toilet paper.

The title of this article is probably the best possible title ever. *shudder*

They call me shitmel.

How fitting! A tale for your tail!

Grey Carter:
Heppcat evidently won that bet, after managing to squeeze the entirety of Melville's 200,000-word-plus warning against the dangers of unfettered whale-hate onto four-and-a-bit rolls of clean, 2-ply, Cottonelle toilet paper.

It must have been a fluke

Eh, it's nothing nearly as strange as anything you'd see on your everyday restroom graffiti.

Speaking of which, a recent one that amused me was one I found at the mess hall men's room at Allegheny College, PA while I was visiting. Had an arrow pointing to the paper rolls and said "Pull here for a Liberal Arts Degree"

I'll stick to 20 dollar bills thank you very much. Would've gone with call me shitmel, but that was taken... word for fucking word.

I can think of a few books better suited to that treatment.
I wonder how litigious Stephany Meyer is?

Zen Toombs:

Grey Carter:
An ultra-softcover, if you will.

That was terrible.

*Looks at the rest of the article*

Wow, that's a perfect storm of puns.

I think you mean a shit storm of puns, my lad

I don't know about this guys. If I was going to use classic literature to wipe my derriere I think I would rather use Great Expectations by Charles Dickens.

I prefer 20,000 Leagues :D

There is no way you didnt laugh when you finished typing the Title.

cue (Moby) Dick-butt jokes.

meh, that was weak. I got nothing.

If we're doing War and Peace, we may have to stop at Walmart first.

That's extremely appropriate.

That's one white whale you're sure to get on your poop deck.

 

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here