Not Wanting a Girlfriend is a "Serious Illness"

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 NEXT
 

Nicolaus99:

Boyninja616:
I don't have a girlfriend, but that's no big deal.

According to the Japanese, i'm ill.

According to American teenagers, i'm a nerd.

According to my friends, i'm a weird, shut-in w**ker.

Oh well. At least I have disposable income, a car, a property and free time.

Unlike many people of my age, I grew up. I understand that one needs to be a realist and needs to work towards building a stable and independent life, which dating would quite frankly ruin. I don't understand why girls feel the need to go out with some arse just "Because" and guys feel the need to wear Polo or Checkered shirts and stick their hair in spikes to attract females. It's stupid and fatuous.

Seconded.

With all the modern entertainment options available today, many of us feel that the opposite sex has little to offer that you can't more conveniently see to yourself or rent for infinitely less cost/stress. Toss in the current 50% divorce rate and likely high percentage of married/commited people you know personally who are miserable in their relationship or have a very high turnover rate thereof and not only do you lose interest in looking, the FINDING becomes a negative in itself.

Unless you have a direct goal of having children (Do a cost/benefit analysis of THAT in your head) you have no need for a sexual partner beyond entertainment and emotional satisfaction. If you can fulfill those needs at far less cost/stress with other entertainment options, then a partner is outright undesirable.

"It would be nice." is a far cry from "This is my top priority."

"Porn: Cheaper than dating" becomes oddly appropriate.

But, to a tee, this is precisely the problem. For a lot of people, the effort, time and expense of finding (And keeping) a partner, for any purpose, motivation or length of time simply far outweighs the benefits (At least, at my age). Call me old fashioned, but a good night out involves spending an evening at my local Conservative Club with my best friend, playing Snooker and mingling with people who actually have a functioning brain cell.

Maybe I just don't understand the appeal of it all, but I honestly can't see why someone would slowly deafen themselves listening to Dubstep until 3 in the morning and then stagger home, having come out about 80 quid out of pocket, with nothing to show for it. Ridiculous.

Aeshi:
Isn't Japan overpopulated anyway?

Sort of but the main problem is that they will have a huge amount of people needing support or at least not being able to work. This is the first time in human history that there is a chance that the majority or atleast a large amount of people are very old and cannot contribute. Thats probably worse than overpopulation.

Waaghpowa:

I live in a town filled with gweedos (However the hell you spell that). I swear it's like Jersey Shore her sometimes.

It's spelled Guido, and it is a racist slur for italians.

Eh, I think it is definitely a problem that Japan's population is shrinking. But they've always had huge problems when it comes to, well, just about everything about gender roles and mental health and the like.

By the way, the bit about not wanting a girlfriend because of social pressures, gaming and the like is absolutely true.

But I am not convinced that this is a bad thing.

anthony87:
Well gentleman...with this news presented to us we have but one choice. And that is to...

image

It'll be hard but goddammit, it's for the good of the Japanese people!!!

Oh yes, it'll definitely be hard...

I am prepared to accept the death penalty for that

Okay, for a second there, I thought that applied to me, based on the title. There's kind of a difference between "not wanting" and "wanting, but not getting." I'm actually in the "not wanting" category. Most people want romantic relationships. I don't. Granted, I still have that whole Schizoid personality disorder (how many times have I mentioned that on here?) thing, but I wouldn't call that a "serious illness." It's just a lack of desire for social interaction.

Smertnik:
I wonder, what about women not wanting boyfriends? Are they sick, too?

Also, wtf is waifu?

I believe it's a character someone obsesses over and forms an emotional connection with. I should mention that I'm not entirely certain I understood the explanation myself. Personally, I couldn't help but think it was a portmanteau of wi-fi and Kung Fu. I'm still waiting for somebody to develop an internet-based martial art.

spartan231490:
The title is completely misleading. He said that if you actually want a gf but your self-esteem is so low that you say you can't get one and try to pretend it's ok, that is an illness. Calling it an illness might be going too far, but it's certainly not a good thing.

What if I have 13 years of empirical data and have simply made a decision not to waste anymore time, money and energy trying? Is that low self-esteem or good logic? For claritys sake: not trying to be a snarky a-hole. Genuine question. Also, not trying to sound like an Elcor, but it happens.

Side-note, I don't so much "pretend it's ok" as "deal with it". Similarly, I will never be an Olympic athlete. This is a thing one must decide on at some point. Considering I wouldn't want children if I had a relationship anyway, I don't see how it much matters.

OT: I just... I don't... I'm tired, okay? I'm too damn tired.

RonHiler:
Given that the population of the planet just hit 7 billion, and we can't sustain that many people, I can't help but wonder why this isn't considered a good thing. Maybe we should distribute games, anime, and manga to everyone and perhaps we could drop the entire planet population by 20% by 2050.

Okay there have been 7 billion+ people on Earth for around 4 months now and nothing has changed so please tell me how we can't sustain that many people?

There are now more obese people than starving people on this planet and we have the ability to produce far more food than we currently do so that is not an issue.

The Earth's population is expected to reach 9 billion by 2050 mostly because of Sub-Saharan Africa. Then it's expected to start to decline.

A good example is fertility to life expectancy for example India

1980 4.7 children per woman, 55 life expectancy
1990 3.9 children per woman, 58 life expectancy
2000 3.1 children per woman, 62 life expectancy
2010 2.6 children per woman, 65 life expectancy

these links have more information

http://arstechnica.com/science/news/2011/07/peak-child-and-the-graying-population-of-the-developing-world.ars

http://www.gapminder.org/world/#$majorMode=chart$is;shi=t;ly=2003;lb=f;il=t;fs=11;al=30;stl=t;st=t;nsl=t;se=t$wst;tts=C$ts;sp=5.59290322580644;ti=2010$zpv;v=0$inc_x;mmid=XCOORDS;iid=phAwcNAVuyj0TAlJeCEzcGQ;by=ind$inc_y;mmid=YCOORDS;iid=phAwcNAVuyj2tPLxKvvnNPA;by=ind$inc_s;uniValue=8.21;iid=phAwcNAVuyj0XOoBL%5Fn5tAQ;by=ind$inc_c;uniValue=255;gid=CATID0;by=grp$map_x;scale=lin;dataMin=0.85;dataMax=9.2$map_y;scale=lin;dataMin=12;dataMax=83$map_s;sma=34;smi=2.65$cd;bd=0$inds=

Yeah long link

maybe the japanese women will get fed up with their men and jump the pond for some anglo-saxon romance.

a man can dream.

You'd hope that someone studying things scientifically wouldn't make ridiculous value judgements that can't be proven in any way. I'd expect a chemist to explain how a molecule fits together, not spew unprovable nonsense about how it looks prettier if you don't fit it together. I'd expect someone studying relationships to explain how they work and the effects they have, not tell me that people who are single are terrible people. And I'd expect them not to venture into bloody medicine. Illnesses are not his field; he could at least brand it a social problem or something. That might even make some objective sense.

"If [one] begins thinking, 'I can't get a girlfriend, but that's not big deal,' that is a serious illness," he writes.

Next time don't make such misleading titles. Not wanting a girlfriend and wanting one but thinking you can't have one isn't the same.
People who want a girlfriend but think they can't have one so they use the "I don't want it anyway" is what he's referring to.

Also, what about gay people? They surely don't want a girlfriend.

And why are they blaming men?
For God knows how long, women gave up on finding a partner and creating a family because they wanted to have a career. With the lack of women, men had lots of free time and a need to replace them (healthy or not isn't the question). That's how a waifu was created. Welcome in the world where male and female are obviously different, but try to act like they aren't and everyone can do the job of the other. Welcome.

...what if the girls don't want boyfriends? Is that a lesser concern? I mean, in theory, I'd like to be dating someone, but only if that someone is someone I'd like to be dating. I don't think waiting to meet someone I'm genuinely interested in is considered an illness.

Although I guess it doesn't matter, since they say nothing about girls not wanting boyfriends being a concern.

runnernda:
...what if the girls don't want boyfriends? Is that a lesser concern?

You're assuming that culture in Japan is to the point where they realise women have a will of their own.

I'm afraid you're assuming wrong there.

Cool! Then according to this I have an extremely horrible cancer since I'm gay and don't want a girlfriend in the first place! Maybe I can go donate plasma to research centers and watch them as they scratch their heads. On the plus side, I suppose the check I'd get from that would be pretty decent.

Boris Goodenough:
1) Japanese women often don't feel appriciated by the men. High risk of rape (despite death penalty for rape) plus descrimination etc.
-snip-

Solving their people shortage problem won't be easy.

GonzoGamer:
For some reason, I get the feeling women as a whole don't mind so much.
Incidents of rape have gone down. That's a plus.

Where the hell are you getting this from. I know that it is conventional wisdom that rape is under reported in Japan, but I still don't see that means it is converted to a worse problem there than else where.

Look at the stats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics): Japan has rape incidents of 1.2 per 100,000, the US has 28.6 per 100,000 in 2009. Even if under reported there would need to be 28 rapes not reported for every one that was just to match the US rate. There is no evidence to backup the idea that you run more risk being raped in Japan than anywhere else. Just because the Japanese seem to have a worrying obsession with rape porn does not translate into more chance of being raped there as anywhere else, at least as far as evidence goes.

anthony87:
Well gentleman...with this news presented to us we have but one choice. And that is to...

-snip-

It'll be hard but goddammit, it's for the good of the Japanese people!!!

For the last time to the people who are thinking 'lets rush to Japan to get some girls'. You are idiots. Unless you are ethnic Japanese, then Japanese people are not going to be interested in reproducing with you. They are a bit racist and only want to hook up with other Japanese people. This is why the population decrease is more pronounced in Japan than elsewhere, even though the same thing is happening. In other countries the effect has been slowed by immigration and inter marrying. This does not happen so much in Japan. I think even if you marry a Japanese girl you still are not allowed to automatically stay in Japan or become a citizen, that is only for people who are ethnically Japanese (I saw this somewhere but cannot remember where to back it up, yes I know this contrasts with my rant about looking at actual facts above re: rape stats).

Edited as that part is not true after a bit of looking around.

ph0b0s123:

Boris Goodenough:
1) Japanese women often don't feel appriciated by the men. High risk of rape (despite death penalty for rape) plus descrimination etc.
-snip-

Solving their people shortage problem won't be easy.

GonzoGamer:
For some reason, I get the feeling women as a whole don't mind so much.
Incidents of rape have gone down. That's a plus.

Where the hell are you getting this from. I know that it is conventional wisdom that rape is under reported in Japan, but I still don't see that means it is converted to a worse problem there than else where.

Look at the stats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics): Japan has rape incidents of 1.2 per 100,000, the US has 28.6 per 100,000 in 2009. Even if under reported there would need to be 28 rapes not reported for every one that was just to match the US rate. There is no evidence to backup the idea that you run more risk being raped in Japan than anywhere else. Just because the Japanese seem to have a worrying obsession with rape porn does not translate into more chance of being raped there as anywhere else, at least as far as evidence goes.

anthony87:
Well gentleman...with this news presented to us we have but one choice. And that is to...

-snip-

It'll be hard but goddammit, it's for the good of the Japanese people!!!

For the last time to the people who are thinking 'lets rush to Japan to get some girls'. You are idiots. Unless you are ethnic Japanese, then Japanese people are not going to be interested in reproducing with you. They are a bit racist and only want to hook up with other Japanese people. This is why the population decrease is more pronounced in Japan than elsewhere, even though the same thing is happening. In other countries the effect has been slowed by immigration and inter marrying. This does not happen so much in Japan. I think even if you marry a Japanese girl you still are not allowed to automatically stay in Japan or become a citizen, that is only for people who are ethnically Japanese (I saw this somewhere but cannot remember where to back it up, yes I know this contrasts with my rant about looking at actual facts above re: rape stats).

Christ dude it was a joke. A silly moment. An attempt at humour.

Lighten the hell up yeah?

anthony87:

ph0b0s123:
-snip-

anthony87:
Well gentleman...with this news presented to us we have but one choice. And that is to...

-snip-

It'll be hard but goddammit, it's for the good of the Japanese people!!!

For the last time to the people who are thinking 'lets rush to Japan to get some girls'. You are idiots. Unless you are ethnic Japanese, then Japanese people are not going to be interested in reproducing with you. They are a bit racist and only want to hook up with other Japanese people. This is why the population decrease is more pronounced in Japan than elsewhere, even though the same thing is happening. In other countries the effect has been slowed by immigration and inter marrying. This does not happen so much in Japan. I think even if you marry a Japanese girl you still are not allowed to automatically stay in Japan or become a citizen, that is only for people who are ethnically Japanese (I saw this somewhere but cannot remember where to back it up, yes I know this contrasts with my rant about looking at actual facts above re: rape stats).

Christ dude it was a joke. A silly moment. An attempt at humour.

Lighten the hell up yeah?

Yours may have been but it is a much repeated statement across the 6 pages. Yours was just the nearest and a good jumping off point to explain why Japan's birth rate issue may be a bit unique.

BiH-Kira:

"If [one] begins thinking, 'I can't get a girlfriend, but that's not big deal,' that is a serious illness," he writes.

Next time don't make such misleading titles. Not wanting a girlfriend and wanting one but thinking you can't have one isn't the same.
People who want a girlfriend but think they can't have one so they use the "I don't want it anyway" is what he's referring to.

Also, what about gay people? They surely don't want a girlfriend.

And why are they blaming men?
For God knows how long, women gave up on finding a partner and creating a family because they wanted to have a career. With the lack of women, men had lots of free time and a need to replace them (healthy or not isn't the question). That's how a waifu was created. Welcome in the world where male and female are obviously different, but try to act like they aren't and everyone can do the job of the other. Welcome.

Atleast you're not blaming videogames.

The root problem stems from an impressive work ethos. A career in Japan involves 12 hour work days or more sometimes 7 days a week all for the good of the company. That, or terribly low income. Careerwomen are rarer than men, but the same applies to them.

Laudable and competitive in itself, but not very fun and definitely not something you can combine with a family.

Japanese women still want men, but only if the guy is so rich and so secure that the girl can safely give up work for the rest of her life and still pay the bills. The average guy doesn't stand a chance.
Those happy Escapists above who think they can pick up a japanese girl got no chance either, unless they are rich.

This will probably come across as Xenophobic but, I thought the reason Japan warred a lot with China historically was because Japan wanted more land because their population was too big.

Boris Goodenough:

Vault101:

huh?

1. I thourght japan or like some japanise citys were suposed ot be some of the safest ever, even walking around at night

2. oh come one..where are you getting THAT evidence?

1. Yes, for the mere fact the rapes aren't reported because of shame and sending someone to their death isn't on everyones mind. Evilthecat wrote a rather long post on this a fair bit back.

2. You mean besides my Japanese friend? http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=366192 if you look at the statistics lower down.

2)I don't think its the size that is being questioned, but rather whether or not Japanese women feel that their men are inadequate. For instance, how many women in living in Japan have actually had sex with a Caucasian, African, or someone with a penis size outside the norm? If they never did then why would they feel that their men are inadequate. The point that I'm trying to make is that its all relative.

For example, a man who is circumcised since birth does not feel any loss of sexual pleasure when having sex, because he never did bang anyone with an uncircumcised penis.

DTWolfwood:
Time to incentivize baby making. OR have an exchange with China, i hear they have too many men and not enough women!

XD

Given how there is still some lingering animosity between China and Japan and that Japan is a bit xenophobic, I cannot see something like that going over well.

Does that include gay people? No I suppose it doesnt, but its a good joke.
Honestly, I dont think anyone has an obligation to have a romantic relationship. I think its a good thing if you do, its fun and all but its also a very personal thing, I cant judge for everyone.
Certainly wouldn't say youre sick just because I think youre missing out on something fun.

So am I to understand there are a surplus of Japanese women who are looking for husbands?

Boyninja616:
Unlike many people of my age, I grew up. I understand that one needs to be a realist and needs to work towards building a stable and independent life, which dating would quite frankly ruin. I don't understand why girls feel the need to go out with some arse just "Because" and guys feel the need to wear Polo or Checkered shirts and stick their hair in spikes to attract females. It's stupid and fatuous.

I do agree entirely. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now and we are very happy together - simply because she and I think entirely alike but perfectly complement each other when it comes to our skills and some hobbies.

When we met, neither of us was actively looking for a relationship. If you're compatible, things just play out. Going out and having your divining rod guide you may be fun to some men, but it certainly does not necessarily lead to a happy relationship

Oh WE DO WANT a girlfriend... they are just so out of our league and those who are. Those we aren't interested in.

In hindsight, this is why we should just invent human cloning and do away with having to use sex for reproduction. Then no one has to feel obligated to have sex if they dont want to and no woman has to go through iunimaginable pain to give birth.

ph0b0s123:

Where the hell are you getting this from. I know that it is conventional wisdom that rape is under reported in Japan, but I still don't see that means it is converted to a worse problem there than else where.

Look at the stats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics): Japan has rape incidents of 1.2 per 100,000, the US has 28.6 per 100,000 in 2009. Even if under reported there would need to be 28 rapes not reported for every one that was just to match the US rate. There is no evidence to backup the idea that you run more risk being raped in Japan than anywhere else. Just because the Japanese seem to have a worrying obsession with rape porn does not translate into more chance of being raped there as anywhere else, at least as far as evidence goes.

Evilthecat, so I assume it has some validity.

Ha. Ha ha. Gods this article is funny. Just another crack pot with a degree spouting nonsense for some bizarro reason. I'd say we should stop paying attention to them if they weren't so gosh darned hilarious...

Zetatrain:

2)I don't think its the size that is being questioned, but rather whether or not Japanese women feel that their men are inadequate. For instance, how many women in living in Japan have actually had sex with a Caucasian, African, or someone with a penis size outside the norm? If they never did then why would they feel that their men are inadequate. The point that I'm trying to make is that its all relative.

Well, it must be bad if they complain when there are no reference points, no? Well the information is second hand since I am neither Japanese nor female.

Zetatrain:

For example, a man who is circumcised since birth does not feel any loss of sexual pleasure when having sex, because he never did bang anyone with an uncircumcised penis.

But the loss is still there though.

Im nearly 22 and ive never had a girlfriend, i just bang chicks casually.

Call me what you want, its honest and its easy.

Monsterfurby:

Boyninja616:
Unlike many people of my age, I grew up. I understand that one needs to be a realist and needs to work towards building a stable and independent life, which dating would quite frankly ruin. I don't understand why girls feel the need to go out with some arse just "Because" and guys feel the need to wear Polo or Checkered shirts and stick their hair in spikes to attract females. It's stupid and fatuous.

I do agree entirely. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now and we are very happy together - simply because she and I think entirely alike but perfectly complement each other when it comes to our skills and some hobbies.

When we met, neither of us was actively looking for a relationship. If you're compatible, things just play out. Going out and having your divining rod guide you may be fun to some men, but it certainly does not necessarily lead to a happy relationship

Wow i'm becoming popular today :)

A lot of men think that while you're young you should, in the words of a wise man, "Get your d**k wet" a hell of a lot. Frankly, I don't see the appeal. I would strive for a mature relationship with someone a little older than myself, with intelligence and experience, rather than go for some Autumn Orange Plastic Fantastic doll with hair extensions, high heels and glitter.

GOD I hate being young.

Oh Japan. If there's anyone who can draw attention away from the embarrassingly retarded discussion in the US on gay rights (or rather, the depressing lack there of), it's you. You with your wacky sociopolitical views, your xenophobia, and your even more oppressive stance on homosexuality and woman's rights.

The_root_of_all_evil:

Well, there are certain lengths that Japanese men can't get to. Allegedly. Perhaps quality is the right word?

Boyninja616:
Unlike many people of my age, I grew up. I understand that one needs to be a realist and needs to work towards building a stable and independent life, which dating would quite frankly ruin. I don't understand why girls feel the need to go out with some arse just "Because" and guys feel the need to wear Polo or Checkered shirts and stick their hair in spikes to attract females. It's stupid and fatuous.

This is pretty much why i haven't spent as much time as i probably could have trying to get a girlfriend. Yes, i have females that I spend time with on a regular basis, but no-one i can really claim as having a romantic relationship.

Having said that though, I've had a girl who just entered high school out of frigging nowhere call me her "boyfriend" and suddenly we were an item. that lasted about 2 months and i believe she got bored, she never "broke up" with me, but just stopped acting like a freaking stalker. I like her yes, but I wanted to explain to her how I don't think I want to be an item with someone who's just entering high school and that I've known for less then a week. x.x

More on-topic related, I can date a female when I choose too, I fail to see how it makes me a shut-in when i decide not too, I have regular, daily conversations and social events with friends who are both male and female, but never something I can construe as a "date"

quick edit: same guy I quoted posted something just above me that also encompasses many of my feelings XD just thought I'd throw that in there as well.

Doomcat:

Boyninja616:
Unlike many people of my age, I grew up. I understand that one needs to be a realist and needs to work towards building a stable and independent life, which dating would quite frankly ruin. I don't understand why girls feel the need to go out with some arse just "Because" and guys feel the need to wear Polo or Checkered shirts and stick their hair in spikes to attract females. It's stupid and fatuous.

This is pretty much why i haven't spent as much time as i probably could have trying to get a girlfriend. Yes, i have females that I spend time with on a regular basis, but no-one i can really claim as having a romantic relationship.

Having said that though, I've had a girl who just entered high school out of frigging nowhere call me her "boyfriend" and suddenly we were an item. that lasted about 2 months and i believe she got bored, she never "broke up" with me, but just stopped acting like a freaking stalker. I like her yes, but I wanted to explain to her how I don't think I want to be an item with someone who's just entering high school and that I've known for less then a week. x.x

More on-topic related, I can date a female when I choose too, I fail to see how it makes me a shut-in when i decide not too, I have regular, daily conversations and social events with friends who are both male and female, but never something I can construe as a "date"

quick edit: same guy I quoted posted something just above me that also encompasses many of my feelings XD just thought I'd throw that in there as well.

Yeah. Even the most unappealing of us have stalkers, it seems (No offence intended).

That said, I could swear that one of the cleaners finds me attractive. The only time she smiles is when she sees me. She even came into our department early when she knew I was working and started cleaning.

But i've learnt to take things with a pinch of salt. There's usually a reason why a stranger finds you attractive despite never having met you.

Boris Goodenough:

ph0b0s123:

Where the hell are you getting this from. I know that it is conventional wisdom that rape is under reported in Japan, but I still don't see that means it is converted to a worse problem there than else where.

Look at the stats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics): Japan has rape incidents of 1.2 per 100,000, the US has 28.6 per 100,000 in 2009. Even if under reported there would need to be 28 rapes not reported for every one that was just to match the US rate. There is no evidence to backup the idea that you run more risk being raped in Japan than anywhere else. Just because the Japanese seem to have a worrying obsession with rape porn does not translate into more chance of being raped there as anywhere else, at least as far as evidence goes.

Evilthecat, so I assume it has some validity.

Your counter argument to facts and statistic is, a guy on a forum told me this is so, so it must be so? Wow...

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here