Dr. Evil's Laser Shark Plan Finally Comes to Fruition

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Dr. Evil's Laser Shark Plan Finally Comes to Fruition

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Sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!

In all fairness, the 50mW laser beam on the shark seen here to the right is not actually on its head, but rather clipped to its dorsal fin - which is close enough, really. The stunt was the work of marine biologist/nature show host Luke Tipple and Hong Kong-based laser manufacturer Wicked Lasers, to test a "clamping apparatus" that Tipple had invented. Frankly, if you want to test a device that clips something to something else, you might as well test it on the apex predator of the ocean.

Initially, says Tipple, he was against the idea, considering it a frivolous stunt. But when he realized that it could be a way to test his clamps - normally used for actual scientific equipment - he reconsidered, reports Wired. "It was a low-powered laser that couldn't be dangerous to anyone, and there's actually useful applications in having a laser attached to the animal."

Believe it or not, Tipple's "useful applications" have nothing to do with the sheer coolness of laser-beam-sharks. The laser helped monitors track the shark's velocity and trajectory relative to a target in real time, he said. "You can get a very clear description, via the laser, of what the shark's body is doing."

Beyond that, he had hoped to test anecdotal evidence that sharks were repelled by laser beams of certain colors and wavelengths - only to find that the opposite was true. Sharks were actually attracted to the Wicked Lasers light, which means that anyone intending to use laser beams to fight off sharks in a scuba-diving scenario would probably want to reconsider.

Though Tipple stressed that the experiment posed no threat to the shark at all - the new clamp is designed to be as non-invasive as possible, after all - and he does have the credentials to back his claims up, some have disagreed with the experiment.

"[If] this is just to respond to a scene in the Austin Powers movie, I don't see value," said Rosenstiel School of Marine and Atmospheric Science assistant professor Neil Hammerschlag. "You're just causing unnecessary stress on the animal. It's not respectful." He did, however, agree that the clamp seemed the right way to do it.

Meanwhile, Wicked Lasers was warning about another threat, as of yet unforeseen by any qualified biologists - the danger that sharks could figure out how to turn their laser equipment against others. "Depending on the power of the laser that they are armed with, the sharks could be significantly more dangerous," said CEO Steve Liu.

"If there was a way the shark could operate the laser on its own accord and use it against humans, we wouldn't even attempt this."

Source: Wired

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It's Sharks... with FRICKIN laser beams attached to their heads! (Dorsel fins... but whatever)

And this potentially causes them stress? So not only did you piss the Shark off, but you gave him a laser to which he could vent his frustrations. Brilliant!

Thank you science very nice, very nice.
And up next is....?

Thit could in now way come back and bite us in the ass. Or fry us.

OT: So it's for monitoring the sharks, You could have fooled me.

"If there was a way the shark could operate the laser on its own accord and use it against humans, we wouldn't even attempt this."

So... what was the point of it then?

Is there anything lasers cant do??

I don't see how this will backfire at all. I for one welcome our new shark overlords.

next they shall teach them how to deliver candygram.

I have one dream, and that is SHARKS WITH FRICKIN' LASER BEAMS ATTACHED TO THEIR HEADS. Today, that dream is realized.

You fools! What have you done!? You exposed my laser sharks before we installed their bionic legs. The element of surprise was key! Now everyone will be watching the shore, looking out for the day when my army of laser sharks walks out of the sea.

I'll have you thrown into the Pit of Mild Melancholy for this.

It's fucking science bitches!

FOR SCIENCE!

DevilWithaHalo:
It's Sharks... with FRICKIN laser beams attached to their heads! (Dorsel fins... but whatever)

And this potentially causes them stress? So not only did you piss the Shark off, but you gave him a laser to which he could vent his frustrations. Brilliant!

You sir just provided the plot of the next Michael Bay monstrosity(<--I think there is an "e" somewhere in there). Hats off to you.

John Funk:

Sharks were actually attracted to the Wicked Lasers light, which means that anyone intending to use laser beams to fight off sharks in a scuba-diving scenario would probably want to reconsider.

Duly noted!

Quality journalism. Not only is this story beyond awesome and out the other side into [insert appropriately over-the-top adjective here] but it's also educational.

Saulkar:
You sir just provided the plot of the next Michael Bay monstrosity(<--I think there is an "e" somewhere in there). Hats off to you.

I would watch this. Don't judge me...

Motha fucking sharks!

They're in your oceans, rivers, and lakes! Motha fucking sharks...

Now with lasers!

and still no one posted this:

off i go, holding the world hostage.

DVS BSTrD:

"If there was a way the shark could operate the laser on its own accord and use it against humans, we wouldn't even attempt this."

So... what was the point of it then?

To find out for sure.

sharks with lasers just jumped the shark

Tipsy Giant:
Thank you science very nice, very nice.
And up next is....?

Up next is Nike promoting their products by putting running shoes on a bear and having it do a little dance.

Of course that probably won't go down quite as well...

>.>

Preacher zer0:

Tipsy Giant:
Thank you science very nice, very nice.
And up next is....?

Up next is Nike promoting their products by putting running shoes on a bear and having it do a little dance.

Of course that probably won't go down quite as well...

>.>

Nike shoes will never be as cool as a lazer and bears never as cool as sharks

Revnak:
It's fucking science bitches!

I think you meant to use this image instead:

image

"If there was a way the shark could operate the laser on its own accord and use it against humans, we wouldn't even attempt this."

OK Mr Scientistman, what you need to do bolt these lasers to Sharks with an intuitive "fin" based interface for them to operate as sole (hyuk hyuk!) assassins, but the contingency plan is to shape the lasers into the shape of penguins, so if a Shark uprising does happen then they'll eat each other thinking they are tasty tasty penguins.

Yeah that's right, I capitalised Sharks but not penguins, penguins are screwed.

Hazy992:
I don't see how this will backfire at all. I for one welcome our new shark overlords.

Is that before or after they overthrow the bear overlords?

Daystar Clarion:

Hazy992:
I don't see how this will backfire at all. I for one welcome our new shark overlords.

Is that before or after they overthrow the bear overlords?

Shush! The bears might be listening!

I was just joking! I love the bears! Really I do! There's nothing more satisfying than working in the honey mines!

(To the tune of the Spiderman cartoon theme)
Laser shark, laser shark, oh god, run, it's a laser shark!

This just in! In response to the laser shark epidemic that is rampaging across the world's oceans, killing divers and loads of fish alike, scientists from around the globe have teamed up to teach lions how to drive jet skiis and use machine guns. The machine guns will be mounted to the tails of the animals in order to leave their razor sharp claws and deadly teeth free. When asked about the public concern about lions using machine guns on people, lead scientist Ima Nideeot casually replied, "Eh. It's not like they're that much MORE dangerous now. Lions are very peaceful creatures, and if we thought they could use guns on people, we wouldn't do this." More at 11:00....

Revnak:
It's fucking science bitches!

I prefer this, but whatever

Now I can finally finish that overly elaborate and easily escapable trap to drop my nemesis in! Brilliant!

Can't believe no one posted this comic.

I love science. Science is fun.

crazyarms33:
This just in! In response to the laser shark epidemic that is rampaging across the world's oceans, killing divers and loads of fish alike, scientists from around the globe have teamed up to teach lions how to drive jet skiis and use machine guns. The machine guns will be mounted to the tails of the animals in order to leave their razor sharp claws and deadly teeth free. When asked about the public concern about lions using machine guns on people, lead scientist Ima Nideeot casually replied, "Eh. It's not like they're that much MORE dangerous now. Lions are very peaceful creatures, and if we thought they could use guns on people, we wouldn't do this." More at 11:00....

Oh God that made my ribs hurt from laughter.
Best thing I've read all day.

'claps'

OT: The way the news portrayed it, it was some dude doing it for the hell of it. It makes me feel just a bit less awkward that there were actual reasons behind this other than pure fun.

Still awesome. I'm pretty sure that beats the hell out of anything anyone else did that day.

With this guy cautioning us that the lasers are harmless, I have to wonder if this means there was any potential for lasers to be mounted on sharks that would actually be viable as weapons....

I'd imagine not, but simply him having to clarify it makes me wonder. :)

That said, it would be cool if some mad scientist did start arming animals. I remember the old "Gammarauders" game and things like that. It would be terrifying, but awesome at the same time. :)

Laser Sharks would also give the Navy the reason to develop the Sharktapus as a countermeasure.

And yet we still have no jetpacks...

TurtleCannon:
And yet we still have no jetpacks...

Be glad! These jerks would probably give jetpacks to the sharks.

Sharks with lasers AND jetpacks... the horror....

Most excellent, I'll have to purchase one for the moat surrounding my flying gorrillavampires.
Yes, I believe this should do nicely, have they said anything about the camouflaging raptors yet?

Mother of God...

What's next? Ninja Underwater Tigers?

"causing unnecessary stress on the animal".
Shows what you know! Look at the smile on his face! Hes not stressed, hes elated! "Hey guys! I haz lazorz!" And why wouldnt he be stoked? Hes the first shark in history to be given a potentially dangerous weapon to use as he sees fit! (Stare into long enough and you might go blind!)

And he did prove sharks are drawn to lasers! That could have many a divers life. What if sharks started using these to organize raids on port towns and to take do container ships of packaged food at sea? I say we give this man a Medal, and fund his next research project without question.

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