Cave Johnson Announces "Blappeture Mesa"

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Cave Johnson Announces "Blappeture Mesa"

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The famed Black Mesa research facility has a new owner.

Something is afoot at blappeture.com! The Blappeture Mesa site, which came to the notice of the internet at large earlier this evening, sports an oddly-familiar logo and a link to a recording of none other than Cave Johnson, the head honcho of Aperture Science, announcing himself as the new owner of Black Mesa, the cutting-edge research facility that served as the setting of the original Half-Life. He also called for the immediate shutdown of Black Mesa's anomalous materials research "before you idiots end the world."

It's definitely the voice of Cave Johnson [or someone who does an absolutely picture-perfect impersonation of his delivery and management style], but a quick /WHOIS reveals that the blappeture.com domain was registered on April 30 by Joe Angry of Madbox, Newfoundland, which, I'm sad to say, is a fake address. Probably a fake name, too. So what's going on?

Alas, it looks like the whole thing is an elaborate troll. While some long-suffering Half-Life fans are continuing to search for the hidden meaning, the general consensus is that somebody is messing with us. Steam forum users, and probably others elsewhere, pointed out that the audio clip is actually an Easter egg found in the new "Perpetual Testing Initiative" DLC for Portal 2, and the rest of it could have been put together by anyone. As a long-suffering Half-Life fan myself, the mere reference to Black Mesa in a Valve game gives me hope that somewhere, somehow, the wheels are turning, but this particular site? It's fun, but I don't think there's anything to see here.

Don't forget to click the Blappeture Mesa logo on the way out, though.

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It probably is fake but it is pretty good. Love the little touch to the logo they put in.

That's... very clever... and mean...

Also, if you click on the Blapperture logo... you can see Gabe himself O.o'

GAAAAAAAAAAABE!

Defiantly his voice....but...trollish....am confused...

I sure hope this doesn't mean Half-Life 3 will be some sort of comedy shit.

I saw troll in the title of the group. Maybe I'm not a huge enough Portal fan, but that logo combined looked too weird to be real. I give Valve more credit than that.

Still clicked it anyway, just to hear the voice.

That's a very good recreation but my ears are usually good at this and I can hear some very veeery small differences. But damn if that wouldn't convince me if the website was better and less trolltastic.

Creepiest Gabe-face EVER.
I don't know why it's possible for a black and white drawing to startle me. :(

Something about his voice seemed off to me, as if indeed it was an impersonator, but if it's in the game's files, it's in the game's files.

does this mean I'll finally get a game from them i care about or will i drop dead before that happens

Simple, the aperture science of our universe bought out Black Mesa and is now forcing them to make test chambers along with the rest of us, Multiverse and all that.
All hail the sentient cloud.

Probably fake. Source code says the sound file is hosted over at archive.org. A look over there says it's registered to blappeture@flamehaus.com.

Half life 3 and Portal 3 will be the same game...

Calling it now!

Sounds similar, but I'm pretty sure that isn't the same voice actor as Cave Johnson.

Well if the audio isn't unique then as it was pointed out in the article, there's nothing really linking this to Valve.

Doesn't stop it being hilarious though, the logo was a great touch.

Sounds a bit too fast to be Cave's voice, but then it is apparently from the source files. Meh.

Still, nice little egg even if it is fake! When Im older, I want to be just like Cave Johnson.

Blackmesasource (a mod/total conversion) is mentioned in the code and as others pointed out, the audio is downloaded from another website.

Chances of this being something official: pretty damn small.

--

I take the Gabe Newell face to imply it's probably fake, but how long ago was that file available? The site was registered on 30th April, and wasn't the perpetual testing content only out today? I'm open to the idea that it might have snuck out in another update, but people usually seem to catch random files rather quickly.

..... The "blaperture" thing may be fake but the voice lines are REAL and tie in with the "Multiverse" concept in the "story arc(s)" the Perpetual Testing Initiative (PeTI) DLC. One of the alternate earths has Black mesa being bought out by Aperture Science. (Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuDfvbxT57c )

Whois record:

"Registrant:
Joe Angry
[REDACTED]

Registered through: GoDaddy.com, LLC (http://www.godaddy.com)
Domain Name: BLAPPETURE.COM
Created on: 30-Apr-12
Expires on: 30-Apr-13
Last Updated on: 30-Apr-12

Administrative Contact:
Angry, Joe
[REDACTED]

Technical Contact:
Angry, Joe
[REDACTED]"

Yeah; this has nothing to do with VALVe. Sorry guys!

Andy Chalk:
Snip

Now written underneath the logo:
'just in case it hasn't been clear, this site has nothing to do with valve. we're they're not announcing anything in june at the la convention center. nope.'

tony2077:
does this mean I'll finally get a game from them i care about or will i drop dead before that happens

you might get a hat based on a refrence of an obscure game they at one time were thinking about making before they made a hat trading simulator, but I wont count on seeing HL3 for a long while.

Really, they get tons of money anyway through Steam, why would they want to spend any of it on a game that gamers have been wanting for years now?

Miles000:
Half life 3 and Portal 3 will be the same game...

Calling it now!

I'd have thought that was obvious Loooooooong before now.

That's it, Valve are officially trolling us.

Heh heh.

That's funny to me.

I'd kill to see a Portal Gun in Half Life 3 by the way. Can't wait to see it, Valve.

Joe Angry? Is this a reference to game reviewer Angry Joe?

Half Portal III incoming ...

That said ... Honestly, the whole trolling around VALVe gets a bit ... heavy nowadays.

Wait... Joe, Angry... Angry Joe?

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This guy?

Alright Joe, what are you up to today?

*goes to poke him on Twitter*

I predict that The Half-Life series will never hit a 3, ever. The next one would be 2.2.1, then 2.2.2, then 2.2.2.1.

Here's another thought, by buying Aperture Cave Johnson has created an alternate dimension in which the Black Mesa incident never happened. Cave saved the world! *salutes*

DRTJR:
I predict that The Half-Life series will never hit a 3, ever. The next one would be 2.2.1, then 2.2.2, then 2.2.2.1.

Valve does seem curiously reluctant to release 3's. Half Life, Half Life 2 episodes, and Portal are well known, but also Team Fortress and Left 4 Dead have 1's and 2's. Maybe they'll ALL be combined in one mammoth game known simply as THREE. (Or, not.)

Kalezian:

tony2077:
does this mean I'll finally get a game from them i care about or will i drop dead before that happens

you might get a hat based on a refrence of an obscure game they at one time were thinking about making before they made a hat trading simulator, but I wont count on seeing HL3 for a long while.

Really, they get tons of money anyway through Steam, why would they want to spend any of it on a game that gamers have been wanting for years now?

I'd be happy if they announced any games at all I'm interested in. not really a fan of dota style games

Genuine Evil:
Yeah this is probably a fake I just spent an hour spidering through the site and analyzing the MP3 but from what I can tell this is just a randomly posted site =(

right now im just bruteforcing my way through random directory names but this seems hopeless.

Shame I actually got exited by this

Wow people spend a lot of time analyzing anything having to do with portal or half life. I'm not saying that's a bad thing or making fun of the people who do it but I have to admit it's amazing the amount of effort that's put into both making these things and tearing them apart. Still I get why it's done with the real stuff after the whole valve Portal 2 Potato hunt, it's just another marketing tool that makes every release like a mystery novel with hidden codes and double meanings.

God Valve are good at this

Well, Angry Joe has denied any involvement with it.

I wouldn't be surprised if Valve themselves are behind it, they are after all masters of messing with the heads of their fans.

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