U.S. Government Denies Existence of Mermaids

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I always assumed mermaids were just seals or sea lions as seen by some VERY lonely early sailors...

How Rubenesque.
Or as Pepe would say. "So round, so firm, so fully packed"

Thanks I really needed to know that. I couldn't decide if a mermaid were real or not using my feeble mind until now!

So they'll deny the existence of Mermaids, but the CDC has a plan for Zombies.

You know every time the US government denies something, a flaccid conspiracy theorist gets an erection?


Sorry, had to. Because, really.

Organization that wouldn't want the public to know of the existence of mythical creatures:
Mythical creatures don't exist


I'm not saying I have a belief in mermaids. I'm saying not only is this a paradox, but for how pointless it is as a paradox that it's a total waste of time and resources.

The thing about mermaids is that they're usually depicted without either gills or a blowhole, when current taxonomy dictates that at least one of these is necessary for vertebrates to live in the sea. Also, seafaring folk are traditionally one of the most superstitious demographics around. Their affinity for unsubstantiated causality has even given rise to various commonly used phrases such as: whistling up a storm.
There's no joke there I'm afraid; just cold bare fact today, folks.

Thank god for that, I can swim in the sea again.

Now you just have to watch out for the dolphins.
Roving gangs of dolphins.

There go my wet dreams :(

This denial seems a little fishy to me.

I'm so sorry... :P

But They've sure got the gills to deny the existence of mermaids, haven't they?

Okay...That was bad. I'm going back to my game now

That sound you hear is the whole world whaling at those terrible puns you two made. I hope you realize the depth of your crimes against comedy: if there was any justice I'd have you both exiled to Finland.

Makes you question the real porpoise of their research.

Ok so we know the government doesn't want us to think mermaids exist. That raises questions.

1 Where did all the mermaids go?

2. What is the government using the mermaids for?

3. Why do they want to be able to deny their mermaid plans?

We must find them and save them from our government! Or are mermaids running the government?

They went extinct because they all murdered each other. As documented in the song "Murmaider"

hmmm why would they just say this out of nowhere unless OF COURSE THE US GOV IS SAYING THAT MERMAIDS DO NOT EXIST BECAUSE THEY ARE MAKEING THEM TO USE FOR A WAR WITH ATLANTIS BECAUSE THY ARE SELLING WMDS TO AL-QAEDA AND THE US WANTS TO HAVE A DANIEL PLAN IN PLACE IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE or you know it is because they do not exist but if glenn beck can have stupid conspiracy theories so can i

Atmos Duality:

Thank god for that, I can swim in the sea again.

Now you just have to watch out for the dolphins.
Roving gangs of dolphins.

Actually I do, there are several documented cases of dolphins attempted rape on humans.

Sir! Excuse me!

Bob Harrison, ISN News. Would you also care to comment on the existence of aliens? Of Fae? Jabberwocky? Dragons? Eldritch Horror? And everything else seen or heard of in Cabin in the Woods?

Its a good thing i dont work in the government. The sarcasm Id have on issues like this would justbe awful

Define 'real'. If believing in mermaids is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

Well...yeah. Between the tales of company-starved, horny, dehydrated and delusional seamen, and the whole "victorian showmen would sew bits and pieces together to create a show piece", were we seriously considering this as a real thing? I mean, yes, some do, but some people believe we haven't landed on the moon. Was this really a big deal, or was this just a "no, now quick asking that retarded question" kind of thing? Are we now going to have to fail to find evidence of all the other fictional creatures in formal releases?

Andy Chalk:

"But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found," it continues. "Why, then, do they occupy the collective unconscious of nearly all seafaring peoples? That's a question best left to historians, philosophers, and anthropologists."

Translation: Science done, let the humanities have it, it's of no worth to us.

I want to believe

Sooooo, what?

They accepted the existence of mermaids before?

Why bring this up...unless they really do exist and want to cover it up..naw

In other news, scientists have confirmed that water is, indeed, wet.

Why do they need to tell us this?

To me coming out randomly with NO ITS NOT REAL when no one has mentioned the subject at hand just makes me even more suspicious...


Atmos Duality:

Thank god for that, I can swim in the sea again.

Now you just have to watch out for the dolphins.
Roving gangs of dolphins.

Actually I do, there are several documented cases of dolphins attempted rape on humans.

Dolphins are assholes. Male dolphins will often separate a female from its pack and keep it from escaping until it mates with them.

Well, if I were working for NOAA, I'd totally say "There is absolutely no such thing as mermaids", just to laugh at the conspiracy theorist guys who begin talking about our government working with mermaids.
Seriously, that's something I would totally do.
Now I have the picture in my head of a bunch of shady government officials laughing and high-fiving each other.
Hey, I finally got through one of these Government announcement concerning the paranormal/unexplainable things with no X-Files references!

Rob Zombie and Rainn Wilson disagrees.

Well not on Earth, they're Aliens guys.

That's just what someone wanting to hide the existence of mermaids would say!

So, a total of TWO people wrote to the NOAA about mermaids, and now the government feels like the issue needs to be addressed? Sounds like a huge waste of time and money for something so trivial.

Never before have I seriously considered the possibility of the existence of mermaids until now.


Well, if they are denying it, what do they have to cover up?

Reverse mermaid, that's what.
They never said anything about those!

In any case, it seems like they've gone out of their way to deny this... >_>

This denial seems a little fishy to me.

I'm so sorry... :P

I 'sea' what you did there.



Oh god that game was awesome.

OT:HA! Just like Florida has no zombies eh?


They denied it
They must be real

If you make a mermaid into sushi does it still count as cannibalism

Official goverment statement about such thing is a good thing. Now people arguing about it can state that US goverment thinks they dont exist and reference them to the statement, instead of wondering what would goverment thing and all. So far i only see US do such clear statements, but im not really looking for them either.

Seriously? A Government agency had to make a public announcement like this because of a fictional documentary on TV?

Hey...remember when the Discovery channel had shows about Science, Animal Planet had shows about Animals and the History Channel had shows about History?

That was awesome.

Now we have 12 hours a day of shows about stupid people who live in shitty places, asinine cryptozoology specials and "Ancient Astronauts."

Hey...lowest common denominator...it's not a fucking competition! Nobody is going to deny that you "kept it real" if you stop wallowing in your own shit for a while.


they are lying. they are just trying to hide facts. just like they did last time, when a troll was summoned.

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