Terrifying Kissing Device Enables Long-Distance Love, Sort Of

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Terrifying Kissing Device Enables Long-Distance Love, Sort Of

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Pucker up, baby.

Long-distance relationships, especially the romantic kind, can be tough. Partners miss a million lovely little things while they're apart, with the perennial act of kissing leaving one of the largest and most irritating gaps. But what if you could close that gap with the assistance of a pair of robotic lips stuck to a giant plastic egg? That's right - that thing to the right is a long-distance kiss simulator.

The lip-egg is none other than the "Kissenger," a long-distance kissing solution developed by Singapore-based tech firm Lovotics. Armed with two of these babies and an internet connection, anyone with lips can attempt to simulate mouth-based romantic moments of the family-friendly variety from anywhere in the world. Apply your lips to your lip-rock, and the lips on its partner rock will use clever robotics to mold themselves into a facsimile of what your lips are doing. If you're still not convinced, you can watch a video of the love machine in action right here.

"People have found it a very positive way to improve intimacy in communications with their partners when they are apart," said Lovotics' Hooman Samani, adding that he is not interested in "sexual uses for [the Kissenger]."

Thankfully, Samani also indicated that the device pictured is still just a concept (though whether it stands as an improvement on previous iterations of the Kissenger, which featured googly eyes and fluffy ears, remains to be seen). According to him, no Kissengers will be unleashed on the public until "all the ethical and technical considerations are covered."

"The main aim is to improve long-distance relationships. We've taken several steps to minimize the creepiness," added Samani.

Whatever you say, dude. While the Kissenger is an admirable concept, it's just...I mean, look at that thing. Although the other most notable attempt at designing a long-distance kiss machine wound up looking like a pencil sharpener with a straw shoved in one end, at least it couldn't frown at you. Or who knows - maybe that's a good thing. Maybe once these things hit the market we'll discover that the technology behind them works well enough to genuinely deliver the feeling of a kiss across distance, resulting in improvements in mood across the globe. How could that ever be a bad thing? In that spirit, go kiss someone you love for the fun of it just now if you're able. And when you're done, don't forget to thank whatever spirits or stars you like best that you didn't have to do it using Mr. Potato Head's faceless cousin up there.

Source: New Scientist

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That image looks like something out of a nightmare I had once.

Which I'm probably going to have again tonight.

Jesus christ, that image is pure nightmare fuel.

You'd have to be pretty desperate to get your face close to that thing, let alone put your lips to it.

Edit: Watched the video explaining the device...do they expect people to carry this thing around as if its a cell phone for on the go kissing? Were I at the cafe that lady was using this thing in I'd swear I was going insane.

... I know it's inappropriate but... Does it do blowjobs? It has the mouth, don't look at me like that!

Reminds me of the big bang theory (the show).

It's just so disturbing looking. I wonder if they'll start work on the rest of the body... ew.

We are officially one step away from sentient sex toys.

Am I the only one who sees that thing and my mind immediately screams "OH DEAR LORD, TIM CURRY IS OUT FOR REVENGE!!!"

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Dignity? WTF is that? Make way for science

ruedyn:
... I know it's inappropriate but... Does it do blowjobs? It has the mouth, don't look at me like that!

Question is, do you WANT it to?

And it looks more like a pad than an actual replica of an orifice. In fact, all of these "kissing" machines are just god-creepy horrors of technological monstrosities. Beating pad-lips and swirling straw tube-tongues. You can't replicate a kiss like that!

Where's the warmth of flesh? A bit of breath? All that extra jazz that lets you know what you are kissing is actually some living thing! I mean god, just watching the tube kiss replicator, that guy looked more focused on just twirling tubes than showing how that in any way looked normal!
If anything, that thing was closer to a "BJ" simulator than a kiss one, and not in a way most men would probably like it to be...

This is ALMOST as bad as the American-made(if I remember right) Fembot, the horse-faced square-chinned female sex robot... Maybe worse. I'm also a little worried because I can't easily distinguish which one is empirically the worse of the two...

Hevva:
We've taken several steps to minimize the creepiness," added Samani.

So what they have now is an improved, less creepy version?
Holy shit, what did the prototypes look like? This?
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Add randomly placed nose and eyes and this would be a very nice behelit.
http://berserk.wikia.com/wiki/Behelit

.....

looks like something I created on Spore Creature Creator once

>_>

<_<

(don't judge me)

Okay, if I had this I couldn't not put massive hipster glasses on it.
Why does it look so disappointed?

Sorry future, you can't beat the feel of a real kiss. No technology is going to take that place.

Still better than the ACTUAL Kissinger.

Um... Ew?

Also... *SHRIEK*

Plus... NOPE.

Altogether we get a big ol' stinking: Don't ever market this. Please.

‎...
This would kill a long distance relationship faster than the long distance.

oh god! i dont know if they took the big bang theory too serious

or this tings have evolved


i will not eat only your money but your very soul.

i wonder how long it will take until we hear about dick "inappropriate use of the device" stories from long distance partners....

The only step that could minimise the creepiness of that thing would involve high-yield explosives. What the hell was going through the minds of the beings who thought up such a thing!? They can't seriously be expecting people to buy them, I refuse to accept such a reality.

oh my god..........the Photoshop potential for this thing is through the roof!!!

*a few minutes later*

TAH-DAHHHH!!!

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HardRockSamurai:
oh my god..........the Photoshop potential for this thing is through the roof!!!

*a few minutes later*

TAH-DAHHHH!!!

Please put hipster glasses on it.
It must be done.
I wish I still had photoshop, this thing is perfect for it.
Also, that looks awesome.

Just give it a moaning device and it'll be a featured article on Cracked!

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That is the scariest thing I have ever seen. Also how long do you think it would be before someone tried to use it get a long distance blowjob?

Phasmal:

Please put hipster glasses on it.
It must be done.

Sure, why not.

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HardRockSamurai:

Phasmal:

Please put hipster glasses on it.
It must be done.

Sure, why not.

image

Oh my god.
That is amazing.
I actually kind of want one now. I could put glasses on it and face it out the window so it could judge people as they walked by.

I feel like if someone tried to kiss it, that thing would eat them whole. Can't you picture it growing, stretching, morphing around the mouth and just swallowing someone? If there was ever inspiration for a horror movie, this is it.

Erm... between 1:11 and 1:18 on the video... dafuq?

NameIsRobertPaulson:

Am I the only one who sees that thing and my mind immediately screams "OH DEAR LORD, TIM CURRY IS OUT FOR REVENGE!!!"

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Nope. And it's a scary, scary thought.

That is just a little too frightening to look at.

How long, I ask you. How long until we go somewhere, somewhere we can never go back from? How long until we start adding this function to sex dolls? And then some lonely genius decides to add this feature to an A.I. they've been developing?

How long until the A.I. technology is advanced enough that it is sentient? How long until it feels LOVE? And what do you think will happen when it tries to BE loved? Most people would reject it. And then what'll happen? We'll all be killed by scorned love-robots. I'll let you dwell on that thought for a moment...

In all seriousness, is it weird I actually want to see what it's like?

Actually...I call major shenanigans. If were another time of year I'd call it an April Fool's joke. I don't believe for an instant that this thing works. We NEVER once see in the video the device actually working. All we see is a foam egg thing with immobile lips, some far-away shots of people pressing it to their faces, and computer animations of how it's SUPPOSED to work.

Nope.

Shenanigans.

Anyway, even if it did demonstrably work, it's terrifying beyond my capacity for reason. It'll never fly.

NameIsRobertPaulson:
We are officially one step away from sentient sex toys.

Am I the only one who sees that thing and my mind immediately screams "OH DEAR LORD, TIM CURRY IS OUT FOR REVENGE!!!"

image

I was laughing at this article until I saw that picture.

It reminds me of an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? (If anyone knows that old show) where a giant mouth showed up like that. Exactly like that. And of course, it was evil or haunted or something of that sort.

I used to be afraid of that show so...yep, nightmares might make a comeback...after 15 years.

Then again, it also reminds me of the Annoying Orange.
And the Dwarf in the Flask from FMA.
So I dunno...

Ed130:
That image looks like something out of a nightmare I had once.

Which I'm probably going to have again tonight.

You had that one too?
Damn... so it isn't just me.

Anyway...
umm... they really could've tried making this thing a bit more believable... or stylishly presentable at any rate...

as is... this seems a bit like kissing an egg-monster from Silent Hill.

Interesting idea, I'll grant, but I think their execution was a bit... lacking.

HardRockSamurai:

Phasmal:

Please put hipster glasses on it.
It must be done.

Sure, why not.

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Still has more characterization than any of the actual characters from Gears.

OT: First thought: So they decided to actually make the thing from Big Bang Theory?

Second thought: Good lord that is hilariously terrifying.

Third thought: *too busy laughing at all of the comments in this thread*

Does it have a tongue?

That's good I've always wanted to make out with something that eats souls. Now I can!

Seriously though da fuq?

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