Facebook: Your Cat Is a Public Figure, Not a Person

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Facebook: Your Cat Is a Public Figure, Not a Person

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Facebook will disable 83.09 million accounts, and many of them have names like Mr. Fluffypants.

Cats are amazing creatures. They play nasty pranks, escape from dogs on surfboards, and really, really like treats. Perhaps that's the reason why millions of cat owners have decided to feature their beloved felines on Facebook with profiles of their own, often complete with way too many pictures, aribitrary political rambling, and non-stop torrential updates of what they're eating for lunch. Well, Mark Zuckerberg, it seems, is not amused. According to an updated regulatory filing, soon, Facebook will be closing down over 80 million fake accounts, a large portion of which to be what the site considers "misclassified" pet profiles.

Facebook considers these accounts "misclassified" because your little litter-lurker is, indeed, allowed on the social networking site, just not on equal footing with his or her human owner. And while some of you may immediately infer that they need take a subordinate role, the felinophiles out there won't be surprised to learn that it is, in fact, quite the opposite. Proper, and legal cat representation must be handled in the form of a fan page, akin to what you may find for other "Public Figures" on Facebook, such as a popular actor, musician, or author.

Though different from the other profiles set for the purge - including both "duplicate" (people who create more than one profile, say one for work and one for play) and "undesirable" (profiles that violate terms, such as spammers) accounts - "misclassified" accounts make up an impressive 2.4% of total active registrations.

So, if Miss Pawington is still detailing her life of napping, scratching, and butter-licking to all of her kitty cohorts on a daily basis, you may want to inform her highness that Facebook won't adhere to her nine-life policy: If your account is disabled as part of this process, you won't be able to create a new one without special permission from the company.

Source: CNN

Image: Catpicca Blog

Permalink

I wonder if this will apply to the profiles that people create for their babies, with the pictures of the ultrasound as the display picture and shit.

I call bullshit! EQUAL RIGHTS FOR CATS! RALLY AROUND MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

Also, you guys did it! You made the new design more bearable! Thank you!

Fappy:
-MEOW!-

I actually don't give a damn about Facebook, but if anyone needs something to rally behind, I offer this:

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FalloutJack:

Fappy:
-MEOW!-

I actually don't give a damn about Facebook, but if anyone needs something to rally behind, I offer this:

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It's the Malcolm X of Cats. He will be a brilliant leader!

Considering I was considering makeing a page for my dachshund now I know what to make it as. Thank you escapist for helping me avoid a lock.

I got a bad feline about this.

Oh my kitten...

this means the stockprices will drop even further....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWaLxFIVX1s

Wait.... if cats arn't people then I've been royally been screwing up that recipe for Solient-Green. No wonder I can't get it past the FDA, my ingredients list is totally off!

DVS BSTrD:
I got a bad feline about this.

That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.

CLmichaels:

DVS BSTrD:
I got a bad feline about this.

That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.

That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.

Fappy:

CLmichaels:

DVS BSTrD:
I got a bad feline about this.

That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.

That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.

There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.

SkarKrow:

Fappy:

CLmichaels:

That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.

That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.

There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.

I think I am going to have to write the mods and tell them Lee Meriwether hacked you guys' Escapist accounts.

EDIT: Though there could be other suspects.

Oh god I hope they delete all those stupid "Like this is you love jesus, ignore if you love devil" accounts. PLEASE for the love of jebus christ on a bun DELETE THOSE ACCOUNTS!

Also those silly community profiles that spam stupid meme pictures would be nice too.

Fappy:

SkarKrow:

Fappy:

That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.

There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.

I think I am going to have to write the mods and tell them Lee Meriwether hacked you guys' Escapist accounts.

EDIT: Though there could be other suspects.

Um.. I don't get the references? D: Sorry.

SkarKrow:

Fappy:

SkarKrow:

There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.

I think I am going to have to write the mods and tell them Lee Meriwether hacked you guys' Escapist accounts.

EDIT: Though there could be other suspects.

Um.. I don't get the references? D: Sorry.

No problem, it is a pretty old one. They both played Catwoman in the 60's Batman show/film and made cat-puns constantly. The recent Catwomen still do it, just to a less retarded extent :P

Hmmm...I wonder how much deleting duplicate accounts will affect the numbers of players that Facebook games think they have. I imagine that quite a lot of people make fake accounts for the purpose of gaining in-game benefits on their main accounts.

Didn't you guys know? Facebook is SIRIUS BIZNES. Who knows what could be at stake if the cats kept these profiles?

SkarKrow:

Fappy:

CLmichaels:

That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.

That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.

There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.

These puns really are giving me paws for thought. I'm not kitten around here!

Fappy:

SkarKrow:

Fappy:

I think I am going to have to write the mods and tell them Lee Meriwether hacked you guys' Escapist accounts.

EDIT: Though there could be other suspects.

Um.. I don't get the references? D: Sorry.

No problem, it is a pretty old one. They both played Catwoman in the 60's Batman show/film and made cat-puns constantly. The recent Catwomen still do it, just to a less retarded extent :P

Ahhh okay, see I know nothing of movies lol I just love puns. xD

Binnsyboy:

SkarKrow:

Fappy:

That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.

There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.

These puns really are giving me paws for thought. I'm not kitten around here!

Ah my brains frozen now I can't think of any more!! DD:

I'm sure the escapist forum must have some claws about being fruitlessly off topic with nothing but puns.
I'm mewved almost to tears by the dedication of this forum to bad puns.

SkarKrow:

Binnsyboy:

SkarKrow:

There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.

These puns really are giving me paws for thought. I'm not kitten around here!

Ah my brains frozen now I can't think of any more!! DD:

I'm sure the escapist forum must have some claws about being fruitlessly off topic with nothing but puns.
I'm mewved almost to tears by the dedication of this forum to bad puns.

I think you'll find puns rock!

Granite, we've had some stinkers, but you have to marble at some people's ingenuity.

Why exactly is facebook on this obsessive trip to demand reality? What value is there of only having "legitimate" profiles that are never allowed to be deleted, kept stored privately and in control of a billion dollar corporation that actually produces nothing of its own?

Yeah this facebook thing keeps sounding better and better all the time. Thank god for the IPO, because they have really gotten back to what is important. /eyeroll.

Binnsyboy:

SkarKrow:

Binnsyboy:

These puns really are giving me paws for thought. I'm not kitten around here!

Ah my brains frozen now I can't think of any more!! DD:

I'm sure the escapist forum must have some claws about being fruitlessly off topic with nothing but puns.
I'm mewved almost to tears by the dedication of this forum to bad puns.

I think you'll find puns rock!

Granite, we've had some stinkers, but you have to marble at some people's ingenuity.

Ah classy stuff, I think we've ran the cat ones into the ground though. Oh well, I'm sure they'll come up again.

And historians wills recount the Facebook Cat war, with it's terror of catnip drops, the fights over yarn ball posts, and the scratched up remains of Silicon valley.

Andy Shandy:
I wonder if this will apply to the profiles that people create for their babies, with the pictures of the ultrasound as the display picture and shit.

Oh I really fucking hope so.
Urgh I hate that shit. And the cat profiles are retarded.

I bet they could get rid of most cat profiles on the basis that they won't be over 13 years of age.

Is this going to have any impact on furries and petgirls?

frobalt:
I bet they could get rid of most cat profiles on the basis that they won't be over 13 years of age.

Dayum! Zuckerberg has it nailed now.

Inb4 Fappy

Also, this article. As a whole. Just. Brilliant

Made my morning =/

Andy Shandy:
I wonder if this will apply to the profiles that people create for their babies, with the pictures of the ultrasound as the display picture and shit.

I hope so. There's nothing I hate more on the Internet than that bullcrap. I'd much rather see a furry feline friend on there than a blobby mess of unborn boring rubbish though.

Wait a minute! I just realized what this thread needs! It's so obvious!

I like this, because I hate retards(people who make these kind of profiles) and cats.

They're messing with cats, and cats control the internet. If you have shares in Facebook sell them now, before our feline overlords retaliate.

Clearly this is discriminatory, the dogs are behind these restrictions.

It is a sad day for cats everywhere. :(

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