IT Security Mag Tricked Into Publishing Hilarious Nonsense

 Pages 1 2 NEXT
 

IT Security Mag Tricked Into Publishing Hilarious Nonsense

image

"Our Experiments soon proved that micokernelizing our PDP 11s was more effective than exokernelizing them."

Here are a few excerpts from an article called Nmap: The Internet Considered Harmful - DARPA Interference Checking Kludge Scanning. The article ran in the latest eBook edition of Hakin9's guide to Nmap, the popular security scanner.

"Unlike other authors, we have decided not to enable time since 1967 [20]. Along these same lines, we are grateful for randomized kernels; without them, we could not optimize for usability simultaneously with simplicity."

"Had we prototyped our heterogeneous cluster, as opposed to simulating it in courseware, we would have seen degraded results. First, cyberneticists added 10GB/s of Internet access to our network. Further, we removed a 7TB USB key from our highly available cluster to consider our Xbox network."

Are those perhaps a bit too subtle? How about this code that appears on the second page of the article.

/ Anti ROP kernel heap non exec stack payload bypass

/ 8=============================================> ( (

/ Success!

The article is, of course, absolute gibberish. There's no such thing as DARPA Inference Checking Kludge Scanning, or DICKS as it's often called. The article was submitted to satirize the magazine's less-than-competent fact checking as well as its habit of spamming security researches with requests for them to submit articles for free. Hakin9 ran the piece in its entirety, ASCII dongs and all.

"Maybe they were sick of Hakin9's constant please-write-an-unpaid-article-for-us spam and decided to submit some well-crafted gibberish in response," security researcher Gordon Lyon (Fyodor) wrote in a post to the popular seclists mailing list last week. "They clearly chose that title so just so they could refer to it as DICKS throughout the paper. There is even an ASCII penis in the 'sample output' section, but apparently none of this raised any flags from Hakin9's 'review board'."

Hakin9 has since apologized to its readers for the "accident."

"We can only wish that this, hopefully, single error will not undermine the general perception of Hakin9 as a professional magazine; offering the highest standard possible. We would also like to kindly ask you not to pass any judgement on the authors collaborating with us, who devote their time and put their hearts into the quality of every issue."

The fake article bears a resemblance to physics professor, Alan Sokal's, hilarious Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity, in which he argued that quantum gravity was a social and linguistic construct, mainly to see if a magazine called Social Text would run an article made entirely out of nonsense. It did.

Source: The Register

Permalink

That made me almost as happy as watching the movie Hackers.

Prank responses for legitimate annoying spams.

So gooodd

At the pharmacy I work for, my boss is way too super nice to these spamming companies that keep badgering us when we're clearly not interesting. He nicely suffers the same speeches over and over while they consistently refuse to hang up.

So one day I positive ID the most annoying one and proceed to pretend to be a Pizzaria with Indian workers. Fooled the guy into thinking I was Indian and working at a restaurant I made up (Peppino's pizza)

only to awkwardly find out the next day the store actually existed >_>

I have never heard of this magazine but they are clearly morons.

It also reminds me of the time when my mother and a teacher colleague of hers submitted a project to no less than the state bord of education that consisted of about 20 pages of very well-formulated glibberish... and got a special mention for "best project submission" or something similar.
That was a very funny day for us all indeed.

It's... It's beautiful...

image

There's so many treasures in here. I mean, look at this!

The rest of this paper is organized as follows. First, we motivate the need for A* search.
Second, we place our work in context with the previous work in this area. As a result, we conclude.

"As a result, we conclude".

Just... Wow.

One must understand our network configuration to grasp the genesis of our results. We performed a real-time deployment on our planetary-scale cluster to prove John McCarthy's construction of the Internet in 1986.

And then it shows a graph e-commerce and "independently unstable modalities" measured with "work factor" in cylinders (???) and energy (!!!???) in GHz (!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!).

Is it Hakin9 or Hackin9?

I'm...I'm just so happy right now reading all of this.

I want more. I need more.

I know absolutely nothing about computer coding and such...but I still found this article to be pretty damn funny.

The /penis followed by /Success! really got a good laugh out of me. To think that a "respectable" magazine would print something so obvious is just damn funny.

Hackin9? More like K9, because this made them look like bitches.

Now that's a Dick move.

A Fabulous Dick move, of which its creators should be duly proud.

Two things:

1) The article is quite clearly absolute gibberish, even if one were to skip trying to make sense of the offensive acronyms or the offensive ASCII artwork. Any publication that wants to be taken seriously should catch this in their shit filter shields, which should always be up and running. From the get-go, it sounds like something Jared Loughner did when he was in his pre-amok loopy phase.

2) So, what I just learned is this: HAKIN9 'magazine', for which they demand a somewhat high $180 to an insane $5000 a year, are asking/tapping/spamming professionals and people in the know to submit free articles? That's quite unacceptable, methinks.

Fantastic. I don't see this sort of thing often as a prank, but when I do, it never fails to amuse.

The art of trolling. Now a university major that takes 6 years.

Absolutely fantastic.

I love how it's also the very first thing in the magazine. Pride of house page one.

Even though we believe most readers of Hacking9 shall be
familiar with classic Nmap use as a port scanner, using Nmap as a weaponized tool for remote backdooring is essentially
not public.

Ok, the thing is called "DICKS" and it operates by "remote backdooring". Is this whole article an allegory for anal sex? Because that's beyond awesome.

Oh my oh my

Laughing so hard. This is worth printing out and reading on the train.

Quaxar:
I have never heard of this magazine but they are clearly morons.

It also reminds me of the time when my mother and a teacher colleague of hers submitted a project to no less than the state bord of education that consisted of about 20 pages of very well-formulated glibberish... and got a special mention for "best project submission" or something similar.
That was a very funny day for us all indeed.

Higher Education tends to hammer in one important fact into anyone who pursues it with any degree of cynicism, as is my case.

You can pass anything off as being scholarly and well-researched. Literally anything. Use complex words, sacrifice normal, average concise speech for deliberate verbiage, drop some quotes here and there and above all; build an obtuse bibliography. The more obscure the cited passages are, the more likely the review board is to go "Uuuuhhh... Okay! Pass!".

The problem comes from the fact that someone who's got two doctorates, a study group and a research department to take care of along with one or two masters degree-level applicants to coach isn't likely to have a lot of time to spend updating their knowledge of their covered field. The only way they can stay more or less up-to-date is with yearly conferences that can last agonizingly long weeks. A lot of 'em tend to go "Yeah, screw that. Too busy."

The more they keep doing that, the deeper the divide gets. Every promotion has its smartass snarker who figures he'll pass bullshit off to the review committee. I've corrected thesis projects over the past six months that left me with one huge question:

"What the fuck is this shit?!"

That's not surprising, seeing as I can't keep up with my promotion's rather wide range of research topics. I'm the resident Lovecraft nerd; I know jack shit about Per Walleu or Steig Larsson, much less about French Noir authors from the fifties and sixties.

Well, they really borked up here. I mean, anyone who has a decent knowledge of computers should have been able to tell that was just plain nonsense from 5 minutes with the thing. I doubt they will ever be respected by anyone as a legit, professional magazine after this. I know I won't. XD

EDIT: Damn, someone already mentioned it.

Really reminds me of the Sokal Affair:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sokal_affair

Basically, a theoretical physicist saw how much gibberish the social science journals were publishing, so he wrote up a fake, absolutely meaningless article filled with scientific-sounding baloney, and sent it in to see whether or not he could fool the editors. 99% of it was incomprehensible (and was written to be incomprehensible and meaningless).

It was lauded and published with much enthusiasm by one of the most prominent social sciences journals. You can read the "article" yourself, here:

http://www.physics.nyu.edu/faculty/sokal/transgress_v2/transgress_v2_singlefile.html

To people who know nothing about physics, it looks vaguely plausible. To anyone who knows anything about physics, it's complete nonsense.

antipunt:
....when we're clearly not interesting...

Little harsh on ourselves are we?

I love this.
Good God, I love this so much.

It's about time someone got back at those ridiculous nonsense magazines.

1337mokro:
The art of trolling. Now a university major that takes 6 years.

Also totally worth it. Whomever wrote this must've graduated with honours.

manaman:

antipunt:
....when we're clearly not interesting...

Little harsh on ourselves are we?

*opens mouth to speak

>_>

god dammit..

I think I'll just leave these here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlanta_Nights (An amazing book, I read six chapters before my brain exploded.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_Came_the_Stranger (NSFW)

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StealthParody

Formica Archonis:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StealthParody

And you Tvtropes'd me... there goes my evening...

On Topic, this is the most hilarious bit of news I've read in a while, I am also utterlly convinced that the "Timecube Theory," is actually one of these.

The minute I saw the headline I knew exactly who the magazine would be. They've been spamming me and a few people I know to write articles for free for ages. And to be honest none of us are really qualified to be doing that anyway.

It was only a matter of time before someone got annoyed and tried this.

This is the best kind of troll. I want to be this good

It's not the first time that meaningless specifications have been dressed up to look like something useful. There's the old Signetics write-only memory joke from way back, for example.

I'm surprised that they didn't start scanning the article once they saw the "X Considered Harmful" stock title, which dates back to one of Dijkstra's articles in Communications of the ACM. They've also missed out the dump of a /proc/cpuinfo file; so on, and so forth.

/ Anti ROP kernel heap non exec stack payload bypass

/ 8=============================================> ( (

/ Success!

image
now that is some impressive Code injection

Someone did this in science too. A professor thought that postmodernism, and especially the 'everything is just a construct' stuff had been the death of academic standards, and decided to write a load of rubbish, including the claim that gravity was nothing but a social construct, and try to get it published. Social Text obliged happily, the Sokal Affair that was mentioned before.

Some journals really just can't be taken seriously because they don't review their articles decently.

But when the title includes references to a fictional word used in sci-fi series Andromeda as a derogatory term for humans, the journal's editors really should've picked up on it being a hoax.

Well, I got a migraine trying to read that article. Almost every sentence is gibberish. How the hell did this get published? Was it just copy-pasted?

Richard A. Kiernan:
There's the old Signetics write-only memory joke from way back, for example.

I had that printed off and posted by my desk for years before someone saw it was BS.

This made my day! In their defense, though, sometimes it really is hard to tell the difference between random gibberish and advanced science terminology in highly specialized fields. As and explanation, check this out: http://snarxiv.org/vs-arxiv/

That said, these guys are hilariously inept and should not be given any money.

This article has made my weekend. I am crying with laughter right now.

Well you see what they needed to do was create a GUI Interface in Visual Basic and get to tracking IP addresses. Or at least that's what worked for the people on NCIS.

This is pretty funny how can they have not seen it was gibberish. Surely it would only take looking at it for a few seconds? My knowledge of computer science is only degree level and even I can see this is taking the piss.

I mean 7TB USB drive? :/

 Pages 1 2 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here