Conan O'Brien Enjoys Killing Nuns in Hitman: Absolution

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Conan O'Brien Enjoys Killing Nuns in Hitman: Absolution

Naked women and destructive nuns keep the Clueless Gamer interested in Hitman: Absolution.

Conan O'Brien's "Clueless Gamer" segment returned this week, and once again the talk show host and avid non-gamer got a chance to play one of the most anticipated games of the year: Hitman: Absolution. According to Conan, publisher Square Enix asked him to rate the next game in the stealth-shooter series, which was "a mistake for them, and a waste of time for me." While "web guy" Aaron is clearly excited to be playing Absolution, which hasn't been released yet, Conan lays down the law, stating, "I will decide if it's awesome."

As usual, Conan begins by stating his disinterest in video games, but a few things about Hitman interest him, particularly the naked lady in the shower seen in the opening menu and nailing headshots once the game starts. His stealth skills leave something to be desired, and he's unsure of how to remain undetected when "I have a barcode on the back of my bald head!" His excitement picks up during the infamous "Attack of the Saints" mission, and when the demo is done he declares that Hitman: Absolution may just be his favorite "Clueless Gamer" review game yet.

It's interesting to see how Conan, a non-gamer, reacts to gameplay mechanics we're so used to that we don't give them a second thought: enemies looking around slowly after being shot, being asked to stay inconspicuous when you have a really obvious defining characteristic, and how someone can drag and carry so many dead bodies around without developing lower back problems. Conan rates Hitman: Absolution "aquamarine" on his review scale of nonsense, so be sure to take that into consideration if you're thinking about picking it up next week.

Source: Team Coco

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"The uploader has not made this video available in your country."... I really hate it when companies do this to me, silly Conan.

Any interest or hope I had for this has dissipated after hearing about PCG's rather damning review - written by Tom Francis no less, a huge Blood Money fan.

What a shame.

You can click on the source link and watch it there.

I did...eh. Not terribly funny, one or two of the usual snarks that everyone makes about this sort of thing.

image

Yeah I can't see this ending well at all. Someone enjoys killing stripper nuns I just...oh God this is gonna hurt. Still, at least he likes the game, good for him.

Did you see the way he took out that nun?
Irish nearly clover in two!

Woodsey:
Any interest or hope I had for this has dissipated after hearing about PCG's rather damning review - written by Tom Francis no less, a huge Blood Money fan.

What a shame.

Well remember Resident Evil 6? If Conan actually likes the game, it's gunna suck :(

I can't even bring myself to say "good for him".

DVS BSTrD:
Did you see the way he took out that nun?
Irish nearly clover in two!

A failed pun deserves a failed assassination attempt.

*Blows up your car and burns down your garage in the process while walking away dramatically*

-----

Now, I don't use American talk show hosts to determine the likelihood of me purchasing a game, especially when I'm already determined to buy it, but I actually felt like I was watching a novice enjoy their first Hitman game just as I did with Hitman 3 (I did not play them in order). That's a positive for me.

I still don't get why there are fake nun assassins
However it will be a big let down if I'm ever forced to actually gun through a situation or be automatically discovered at any point

inb4 "misogynist pig". Poor Conan, he doesn't realize the pandoras box of fuck he just opened.

Are they actually nuns or are they gang that just dresses up as fetished nuns?
I always thought that they were later rather than former

Watching a gamer watch a nongamer play is always comedy gold.

Jesus christ, that was awful.
This guy is so unfunny it's offensive to me.
Fuck.

I absolutely love these. So funny and also a little sobering given how gamey some mechanics are that are frequently just overlooked by people used to playing games.

What, only an Aquamarine? I was hoping for at least a Fuchsia, or maybe Mayonnaise rating. Now I don't know if I can get this.

NSFW...as in you will audibly laugh out loud. Therefore, NOT SAFE FOR WORK! XD

Woodsey:
Any interest or hope I had for this has dissipated after hearing about PCG's rather damning review - written by Tom Francis no less, a huge Blood Money fan.

What a shame.

Too bad most people who've played the game and read the review have called out the review for either blatantly trolling or straight-up lying. Having seen parts of the game already (walkthroughs have started leaking online), the fans definitely have a point.

For one thing, assassinations are not done in cutscenes - there are specific circumstances that can lead to the victim being kidnapped, but it's very easy to lure someone out and kill them on the spot.

Checkpoints are only on Easy or Normal difficulty. The game apparently kicks your ass on Expert/Purist mode - enemies are greatly buffed up, no Instinct, no checkpoints.

There are something like 40-50 levels total in the game - some missions are extremely short, while others are incredibly expansive.

The game does not encourage you to kill people - the tutorial mission ("A Personal Contract") even stresses that how you proceed through the game is up to you, and you lose points for needlessly killing.

I could go on, but the point is that the only people I've seen (so far) trashing the game are hardcore fanboys still hurt that they changed up the formula slightly. Don't take one man's word for it - you can see the footage online for yourself. It's really, really good.

crazyrabbits:

Woodsey:
Any interest or hope I had for this has dissipated after hearing about PCG's rather damning review - written by Tom Francis no less, a huge Blood Money fan.

What a shame.

Too bad most people who've played the game and read the review have called out the review for either blatantly trolling or straight-up lying. Having seen parts of the game already (walkthroughs have started leaking online), the fans definitely have a point.

For one thing, assassinations are not done in cutscenes - there are specific circumstances that can lead to the victim being kidnapped, but it's very easy to lure someone out and kill them on the spot.

Checkpoints are only on Easy or Normal difficulty. The game apparently kicks your ass on Expert/Purist mode - enemies are greatly buffed up, no Instinct, no checkpoints.

There are something like 40-50 levels total in the game - some missions are extremely short, while others are incredibly expansive.

The game does not encourage you to kill people - the tutorial mission ("A Personal Contract") even stresses that how you proceed through the game is up to you, and you lose points for needlessly killing.

I could go on, but the point is that the only people I've seen (so far) trashing the game are hardcore fanboys still hurt that they changed up the formula slightly. Don't take one man's word for it - you can see the footage online for yourself. It's really, really good.

I've been following it since it was announced. Until the last few weeks, it has looked like a complete and utter regression in pretty much every facet. Then it started to redeem itself, and then the final round of previews cast yet more doubt, and someone who I find is usually pretty spot-on with this sort of thing says it's almost a complete regression as well.

That was very funny. The commentary on mechanics and features we simply accept was particularly good. Also, the disembodied woman's voice in the prologue and silly gameplay and level design has really put me off. The trailers and information so far hasn't made a good case for this game and that actual gameplay footage has put the nail in the coffin. I'll be getting that when it's 10 or less on Steam and not a day before. Blood Money is 10 times the better game.

Woodsey:

I've been following it since it was announced. Until the last few weeks, it has looked like a complete and utter regression in pretty much every facet. Then it started to redeem itself, and then the final round of previews cast yet more doubt, and someone who I find is usually pretty spot-on with this sort of thing says it's almost a complete regression as well.

Would you care to say who? I preordered the game because I've been eager to play the hitman series since Blood Money (my PC at the time wouldn't run it). Since it was only about $40 where I live, I thought it might be a good deal to get the whole series for that price. I'm a little bit worried about the previews, though.

mateushac:

Woodsey:

I've been following it since it was announced. Until the last few weeks, it has looked like a complete and utter regression in pretty much every facet. Then it started to redeem itself, and then the final round of previews cast yet more doubt, and someone who I find is usually pretty spot-on with this sort of thing says it's almost a complete regression as well.

Would you care to say who? I preordered the game because I've been eager to play the hitman series since Blood Money (my PC at the time wouldn't run it) and since it was only about $40 where I live, I thought it might be a good deal to get the whole series for that price. I'm a little bit worried about the previews, though.

As in, personal doubt. Previews tend to be positive or, at the very worst, neutral if something's pretty shit.

Please stop posting these.
I despise this man and his live audience of hyenas.

Dondonalien44:
Please stop posting these.
I despise this man and his live audience of hyenas.

nobody's forcing you to read the article, watch the video, or make the effort to go into the thread for the article just to post your displeasure over something you are not required to read or watch

Anyone got an international mirror?

Needs more nun punching.
Not that I would know though seeing that the video isn't avaliable in Australia.

I love Conan O'Brien and I love his Clueless Gamer videos. I was not disappointed with this particular one.

Minecraft was still the best episode, though.

Americans are funny?....ok then.

Mangles69:
Americans are funny?....ok then.

Nope. We've never been funny ever. Sorry for the confusion.

That was quite funny.

I have never watched much of Conan's stuff, but I think I might have to track down the rest of his video gaming stuff.

Only cunts people like us would look at this video and whine about misogyny.

I don't recall seeing him have this much fun in past "Clueless gamer" segments. The lack of excessively confusing mechanics and cutscenes to get in the way of shooting people has paid off.

P.S. Thanks

lithiumvocals:

Mangles69:
Americans are funny?....ok then.

Nope. We've never been funny ever. Sorry for the confusion.

This is why war is our major export. We just kinda figure if we can't kill them with comedy...

Been looking forward to this game for a while and Conan was pretty damn funny in this one. I think I will also enjoy killing nuns.

His review scoring system makes more sense this 7-10 scale most outlets use.

Dondonalien44:
Please stop posting these.
I despise this man and his live audience of hyenas.

There is this really cool thing you can do if you don't like the videos. Don't watch them. I know, I know, but what would you have to complain about? Well don't worry, I am sure you will find something.

Why so much hate for this guy, did he offend anyone?
I found him funny, I laughed along whenever he pointed out how silly the AI was and his reactions were great ^_^

I guess my sense of humor is pretty at the ground-floor :(

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