Even Strippers Think Hitman's Saints Are Silly

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Even Strippers Think Hitman's Saints Are Silly

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"Most of the strippers I knew would not walk around in public dressed that way," says Athena about The Saints.

You probably remember that whacked-out Hitman: Absolution trailer featuring leather-clad pseudo-nuns The Saints - the one that IO Interactive later had to apologize for - and no doubt you wondered at the time what a real stripper would make of it all. As you do. Anyway, Athena (not even vaguely her real name), former stripper, has given her verdict. "What kind of Christians are they?" Athena wondered. "Republicans?"

"Most of the strippers I knew would not walk around in public dressed that way," she goes on to say. "I don't know why they would keep on their stiletto heels unless they were planning on stabbing someone with them," she adds. "That's not very practical."

"If stiletto platforms gave you the advantage in warfare, how come our Marines and Navy SEALs don't wear them?"

That would make a hell of a movie, to be honest; SEALS in heels and leather dresses assaulting, well, pretty much anything. It doesn't have to be a long movie, mind you; the gag would probably wear thin pretty quickly.

Or take this other idea, also from Athena: "You never see male assassins in a thong with dollar bills hanging out." Maybe we should. That could be Schwarzenegger's comeback role.

Athena, as might have been expected, didn't enjoy The Saints all that much. "It just looks like violence porn to me," she said, "and I'm concerned about the minds of men who would come up with a game like this." At the time the trailer controversy broke out, IO Interactive claimed it hadn't been trying to offend people and was surprised it turned into a huge topic, which, as excuses go, ranks right up there with 'the dog ate my homework'.

For better or worse, Hitman: Absolution is out now. It's been rated Aquamarine by the Clueless Gamer, for what that's worth. He also found the game pretty silly.

Source: Forbes

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I had most of the same thoughts "Athena" did when I first saw the trailer. Though Seals with Heels would be an awesome movie. To the script!

Coming soon, to theaters:

They are the best of the best. They protect the innocent and smite the agents of terror and oppression in hot zones all over the world...But can they protect the president's daughter at her own prom? Dwain Johnson must go undercover to take down assassins at the president's daughter's prom...And must do it...While disguised as a highschool teenage girl.

This november, Dwain Johnson is "The SEAL in Heels!"

Didn't we drop this issue months ago? Like when IO said that they would change the level in which those strippers were in?

Why is that trailer back in relevance?

Well 'Athena' sounds like a retard.

Devoneaux:
Coming soon, to theaters:

They are the best of the best. They protect the innocent and smite the agents of terror and oppression in hot zones all over the world...But can they protect the president's daughter at her own prom? Dwain Johnson must go undercover to take down assassins at the president's daughter's prom...And must do it...While disguised as a highschool teenage girl.

This november, Dwain Johnson is "The SEAL in Heels!"

I would watch that movie. And Perfect actor for it too, Kudos!

This again?

The trailer was fun
It said hey, there is a fun game coming out where you can do fun things to people who look funny!
And I thought, hey! that seems like an excellent idea, I am going to buy that!

The "outrage" over this whole thing has been bloody pathetic, people should just relax and enjoy their fun little box that shows changing lights in such a way as to make things appear on a screen, and then they use an input method to change those things, and then fun is generated. Anyone who has put more thought beyond that into the trailer is boring, and that is no fun

People are taking all this shit way too seriously. Lighten the hell up, people. It's seriously like all the Moms of America have started playing games recently and voicing their concern for the children. Does anyone have that Maud Flanders reaction image? I think it suits this whole situation well.

Maybe they were Mormons and it was supposed to be Magic underwear?

MortisLegio:
I had most of the same thoughts "Athena" did when I first saw the trailer. Though Seals with Heels would be an awesome movie. To the script!

Charging into battle alongside the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade: Airborne wing!

VanQQisH:
People are taking all this shit way too seriously. Lighten the hell up, people. It's seriously like all the Moms of America have started playing games recently and voicing their concern for the children. Does anyone have that Maud Flanders reaction image? I think it suits this whole situation well.

No it's not, it's like people have suddenly grown up and can't help but just roll their eyes at the stripper nun commandos saying "Really?"

But that's a matter of perspective, what isn't is that the trailer itself is a bad trailer.

What does the absolution trailer actually tell you about the game (Other than there's nun soldiers in it) Nothing, you learn nothing of the plot, you see no game play, no in game footage, no nothing. It's just a developer team showing off how awesome they are.

Thanks for pointing out the bloody obvious after such a long time. But we should really get used to seeing silly trailers for action games. They aren't gonna go away anytime soon

I personally would like to see someone who thinks that the Saints aren't silly. I want to get the game, don't get me wrong, but even I had to look at the Saints and go "Really? Really? Well I guess stranger things have happened in the series", but I've yet to see someone look at them and go "What? There's nothing silly about this. Sexy nuns with guns, what's silly about that?" I don't think it's as harmful as people say it is, but at the same time I'm not going to stop someone from saying how silly it all looks.

Also, at the risk of sounding like a dumbass, what exactly was meant by "What type of Christians are they? Republicans?" I want to get the joke, but I guess I'm too tired to process it.

Devoneaux:
Coming soon, to theaters:

They are the best of the best. They protect the innocent and smite the agents of terror and oppression in hot zones all over the world...But can they protect the president's daughter at her own prom? Dwain Johnson must go undercover to take down assassins at the president's daughter's prom...And must do it...While disguised as a highschool teenage girl.

This november, Dwain Johnson is "The SEAL in Heels!"

He played the tooth fairy and wore a tutu, this is just the next logical progression for him

AzrealMaximillion:
Didn't we drop this issue months ago? Like when IO said that they would change the level in which those strippers were in?

Why is that trailer back in relevance?

I think from gameplay videos I've seen the Saints are still there, sexy nuns with guns and all, I guess the way the level plays out though is different then what it was in the trailer.

Devoneaux:

No it's not, it's like people have suddenly grown up and can't help but just roll their eyes at the stripper nun commandos saying "Really?"

But that's a matter of perspective, what isn't is that the trailer itself is a bad trailer.

What does the absolution trailer actually tell you about the game (Other than there's nun soldiers in it) Nothing, you learn nothing of the plot, you see no game play, no in game footage, no nothing. It's just a developer team showing off how awesome they are.

You kidding? Look at all the attention the game has gotten because of the trailer. Ever heard the saying "No publicity is bad publicity, not even bad publicity."? The trailer sure as hell doesn't say anything about the game but I know a couple of people that looked up gameplay footage to see what all the fuss was about and decided to buy the game. This trailer has achieved exactly what a trailer is meant to do; garner attention.

People can turn their nose up and try to act all mature all they want, they will just look snooty in the end. A person with any amount of maturity will brush it off and move on with their life unharmed by the nuns with guns in leather outfits. To each their own.

People are taking this way too seriously. Do people not remember some of the things you had to kill in Blood money? Anyone remember Eve?

Remember the mission dance with the devil, she's one of the agents you have to kill, she gains sexual pleasure from doing it. It also made me laugh, but she hides about 10-15 stiletto knives in that outfit as well as a desert eagle. That crazy makes no sense stuff is what I've known Hitman for, and to be honest come to love it for.

I can understand why people hated the nuns with guns trailer, because it had no purpose when it came out. I had no idea they were being sent to target Agent 47, I had no idea who they were, and it was really over the top. But the game is also, just less cinematic about it.

VanQQisH:

Devoneaux:

No it's not, it's like people have suddenly grown up and can't help but just roll their eyes at the stripper nun commandos saying "Really?"

But that's a matter of perspective, what isn't is that the trailer itself is a bad trailer.

What does the absolution trailer actually tell you about the game (Other than there's nun soldiers in it) Nothing, you learn nothing of the plot, you see no game play, no in game footage, no nothing. It's just a developer team showing off how awesome they are.

You kidding? Look at all the attention the game has gotten because of the trailer. Ever heard the saying "No publicity is bad publicity, not even bad publicity."? The trailer sure as hell doesn't say anything about the game but I know a couple of people that looked up gameplay footage to see what all the fuss was about and decided to buy the game. This trailer has acheived exactly what a trailer is meant to do; garner attention.

People can turn their nose up and try to act all mature all they want, they will just look snooty in the end. A person with any amount of maturity will brush it off and move on with their life unharmed by the nuns with guns in leather outfits. To each their own.

Oh it's good publicity i'm not denying that, but as a trailer it falls short. While yes part of a trailer's job is to get itself noticed, a good trailer should be able to do that while feeding me information about the game a company wants me to buy. This trailer doesn't do that, it's just a 90 second spectacle of agent 47 beating up some hookers with a sign that says "BUY THIS GAME!" you might disagree, but I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone working in the advertising business who would flat out disagree with my point of view. (for whatever that's worth)

Devoneaux:

VanQQisH:
People are taking all this shit way too seriously. Lighten the hell up, people. It's seriously like all the Moms of America have started playing games recently and voicing their concern for the children. Does anyone have that Maud Flanders reaction image? I think it suits this whole situation well.

No it's not, it's like people have suddenly grown up and can't help but just roll their eyes at the stripper nun commandos saying "Really?"

But that's a matter of perspective, what isn't is that the trailer itself is a bad trailer.

What does the absolution trailer actually tell you about the game (Other than there's nun soldiers in it) Nothing, you learn nothing of the plot, you see no game play, no in game footage, no nothing. It's just a developer team showing off how awesome they are.

It tells you that Agent 47 is an assassin and that he's wanted by an agency of contract killers. I don't remember if it shows that he is a former member, but I think it did show his file from when he worked for them and it was marked.

Why get the opinion of an ex-stripper for a piece about a video game trailer based around assassins who dress as sexy nuns?
Sounds like a Fox News expert.

As far as trailers go, I think it's pretty cool. Nothing fantastic or really worth discussing.
You could make the argument that assassin woman wouldn't dress like that. I don't know any assassins, so I can't be sure.
I do know quite a few girls who, if they were assassins, would totally dress in similar style. They like flare and being sexy and badass and all that.
Not very practical, but who cares.

As long as the game is good, they can have a trailer of Arnie Schwartz's penis swinging in the wind. I'd still be happy.
In fact, they should have a level in Hitman where Agent 47 is naked, cock swinging in the wind, while he sneaks around murdering his ennemies in strangely erotic ways.
Instant Game of The Year.

This has always been a stupid controversy. The trailer was good, and Hitman had been whacky before.

Also, in game terms stilleto heels make the character taller for better or worse. So yes there is a point to them besides being sexy.

Wait, wait, wait...are you telling me that the Hitman series (which previously included such gameplay as dousing a celebrity's panties with chloroform so that when her bodyguard would go to sniff them he'd be knocked out) is silly? Well stop the presses.

Seriously, Hitman's always had a bit of weird humour and exploitation in it, it's nothing new. If that's your thing, good for you. If that's not your thing, good for you too. But this asinine back-and-forth over it will go nowhere because it always devolves into personal attacks about maturity, sexism, etc. The most mature response for both parties to to accept the fact that entertainment is subjective and move on.

VanQQisH:
People are taking all this shit way too seriously. Lighten the hell up, people. It's seriously like all the Moms of America have started playing games recently and voicing their concern for the children. Does anyone have that Maud Flanders reaction image? I think it suits this whole situation well.

moms of america!OMfg that is too funny.

Yeah I guess were just reaching for hits this thanksgiving week.rolls eyes.

"But no guys sriously this is important we have to talk about this" All te menz will be influenced and think bad tings bout womenz"

yeaaaahhhhhh nope.

"Most of the strippers I knew would not walk around in public dressed that way,"

Pff... Lazy strippers.

That stripper lady sounds retarded to me. It was a good idea, you see many women in movies doing things in heels they shouldn't be doing so why bring the issue up in a video game. Twice.

What would she say about the men who made gta.

Its a style that they tried, they even did it in the last hitman game, why is this still an issue? All the people going "that's ridiculous, why is that in the game" are clearly missing the point, because it's been in the game in the past. It's meant to be silly.

Anyone remember Terminator 3? Arnie gets his outfit from a male stripper. So realistically, those should have been tear-away pants. So in the fight with the Terminatrix (sigh) when she picks him up by the crotch and collar, those pants should have ripped right off. It's not that I wanted to see Arnie finish that fight in a thong, but it would have been hilarious and appropriate given the circumstances.

This reminds me of the story that broke around the release of Hitman: Blood Money, in which Jerry Barr of the Clown Union said that a clown accepting a job for someone in the Witness Protection Agency, and then showing up for said job in full clown attire, was "silly" and "laughable".

Let us also not forget the narrowly avoided shitstorm that almost erupted when the Society of Mardi Gras Performers said that "number of bird costumes on display was highly unrealistic and pandered to an outdated stereotype of what occurs at Mardi Gras".

It seems that the Hitman games can't help but court controversy with their silly and unrealistic portrayal of video game characters.

Karloff:
That would make a hell of a movie, to be honest; SEALS in heels and leather dresses assaulting, well, pretty much anything.

I'd pay to see that.

Karloff:
Or take this other idea, also from Athena: "You never see male assassins in a thong with dollar bills hanging out."

That too. Well, not the dollar bills part, but male stripper-assassins would be fantastic.

Dani Bito:
Also, in game terms stilleto heels make the character taller for better or worse. So yes there is a point to them besides being sexy.

Hey Dani, I want to welcome you to the site! Or at least to posting. ^_^

As for your post: Yeah, heels make a character taller. But this is a video game - we can just make their legs longer. Or make them taller. Or make the guys they are standing with shorter. Seeing as all of those take the same amount of time and effort as putting heels on a character model, I don't see how "character model height" is a reason for putting the [assassin]Nuns in leather and stilettos.

I got to admit, she did raise a good point on why on Earth they were wearing stiletto heels if they are assassins, not very pratical.

Why do people keep calling them nuns? They're not nuns, they're assassins, albeit not very subtle assassins. After all I imagine most assassins would use a sniper rifle and not a rocket launcher, but then what do I know about assassinating people? Although dressing up as nuns is a clever idea to avoid suspicion. ...right up until they throw off most of the outfit to reveal the black leather fetish outfit, pull out the rocket launcher, and blow up half a motel that is.

EDIT: I found that trailer to be incredibly amusing, mostly because of how absurd it was.

DVS BSTrD:
Maybe they were Mormons and it was supposed to be Magic underwear?
Charging into battle alongside the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade: Airborne wing!

With fantastic makeup! and a fantastic gun!

OT: Right cool, I stopped caring a while ago :P

Because we are all very concerned with a stripper's opinion of a video game.

What does JA think!

All the latest news straight from the strip club, ah escapist you always have the good stuff :D

It is quite interesting how a lady working in the erotic entertainment business doesn't understand that some might enjoy watching voluptuous ladies.

No one cares what strippers think. Like hookers, they have no souls.

Also, what are they doing watching video game trailers? GET BACK TO WORK! THESE ONES WON'T GET IN YOUR PANTS BY THEMSELVES!

Bleh. I bet when they made the trailer, they thought it'd been abundantly clear they weren't gunning for "practicality", much less "realism".

What became of that, by the way? Did they change anything about the game?

DVS BSTrD:
Maybe they were Mormons and it was supposed to be Magic underwear?

MortisLegio:
I had most of the same thoughts "Athena" did when I first saw the trailer. Though Seals with Heels would be an awesome movie. To the script!

Charging into battle alongside the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade: Airborne wing!

whats up with all that crazy talk? its all nunsense
image

This is a story? Asking what a stripper thinks of a months old trailer whose controversy has come and gone (no disrespect)?

Jesus, Forbes.

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