Apple-Themed Child Names on the Rise

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Apple-Themed Child Names on the Rise

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Would you name your child after your brand of choice? No? Congratulations, you're well-adjusted.

Naming a child is difficult. On one hand, you don't want to give them something too weird. They might appreciate it when they're older, but growing up with an easily-mocked handle isn't fun - take that from someone who went through secondary school with a middle name that rhymes with "gay." On the other hand, you don't want to give them anything too boring, like Dave or Andy. If you're going to do that, you may as well go the hog and christen them "Mediocre Smith." One thing you probably shouldn't do, however, is name them after your preferred brand of personal computer.

But that's exactly what more and more parents are doing according to the latest yearly analysis of baby names. The name "Apple," while still relatively rare, rose 15 percent for girls, climbing up 585 spots in the space of a year. For boys, "Mac" climbed by 12 percent. "Siri" has seen a 5% increase in popularity as a girl's name. Yes, I am sirius. Ha ha. Ha.

Now, all of these are actual, genuine names, that aren't necessarily linked to Apple's growing market and pop-culture dominance. No wait, Pippin, Lisa and Newton have all climbed the rankings too, that can't be a coincidence.

According to the fact-finding Elves who work behind the scenes on British TV show, QI, last year there were five babies in the US named "Princewilliam." Princewilliam. One word.

On a not-entirely-unrelated note, back in 2008, a pair of New Zealanders who named their daughter, "Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii," had their guardianship temporarily revoked so the court could change her name to something less ludicrous. The judge who ruled on the case described the girl's moniker as a "social disability and a handicap."

Source: The Register

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It still baffles me why we need to take tests for so many things, but don't need basic competency tests to bring a new life into the world and prove we are capable of not screwing it up.

That's not just related to this, but there's been a lot of stories of idiotic parents recently. Like one here in the UK where the mother pretended her ten year old had terminal cancer to trick people into giving her money.

I don't care how stuck up or elitist it makes me sound. Some people should not have children.

Princewilliam... seriously?!

For a country that fought a war against British Colonial rule at its inception, America's obsession with the British Royal family borders on the unhealthy at times. Hell, if we ever decided to abolish the monarchy, the USA would probably adopt them!

Legion:
It still baffles me why we need to take tests for so many things, but don't need basic competency tests to bring a new life into the world and prove we are capable of not screwing it up.

That's not just related to this, but there's been a lot of stories of idiotic parents recently. Like one here in the UK where the mother pretended her ten year old had terminal cancer to trick people into giving her money.

I don't care how stuck up or elitist it makes me sound. Some people should not have children.

Agreed.

Reminds me of the couple who named their child 'hash tag' because they love twitter so much...

Even the gene pool needs a little chlorine every now and then.

Legion:
It still baffles me why we need to take tests for so many things, but don't need basic competency tests to bring a new life into the world and prove we are capable of not screwing it up.

Because thaqt would require we regulate people doing the thing that comes before it. It would also require that, if a person failed the test, the fetus be aborted. There's a gigantic number of people in America fighting about doing that to a woman willingly, you really want to throw doing it against her will into this?

Grey Carter:
The name "Apple," while still relatively rare, rose 15 percent for girls, climbing up 585 spots in the space of a year.

Well look on the bright side: in 18 years there will be no shortage of hookers and strippers.

Legion:
I don't care how stuck up or elitist it makes me sound. Some people should not have children.

Naming your child should be the competency test. Something like Adolph Hitler would result in permanent suspension of parenting license

Daystar Clarion:

Legion:
It still baffles me why we need to take tests for so many things, but don't need basic competency tests to bring a new life into the world and prove we are capable of not screwing it up.

That's not just related to this, but there's been a lot of stories of idiotic parents recently. Like one here in the UK where the mother pretended her ten year old had terminal cancer to trick people into giving her money.

I don't care how stuck up or elitist it makes me sound. Some people should not have children.

Agreed.

Reminds me of the couple who named their child 'hash tag' because they love twitter so much...

Even the gene pool needs a little chlorine every now and then.

It's mostly because it doesn't cost any money to make with the sexy time.

If sex was as complicated as building a car I'm sure we'd manage it instead of letting any loony toon father 12 kids.

I know it's terrible, but that one name from the New Zealand couple made me crack up.

Anyway, I don't think it's fair to couple the name Apple and Princewilliam into the same category. Apple is a bit unorthodox but Princewilliam is downright stupid.

In eastern Asia they have names that mean really nice things and no one bats an eyelid.

Grey Carter:
The name "Apple," while still relatively rare, rose 15 percent for girls, climbing up 585 spots in the space of a year.

I wonder how many of those babies' middle name is "Bloom".

Well at least Baby Dovahkiin has a one up on them.

Grey Carter:
Congratulations, you're well-adjusted.

*wipes away tear*

No one has ever said that to me before.

I saw this a while ago on yahoo about the pope getting upset at people not giving kids proper Christian names.

Apparently one couple in Sweden tried (as a protest against strict naming laws) to call their child Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 which was somehow pronounced Albin. The Swiss have also banned Metallica, IKEA, Veranda and Q but somehow Google was fine.

New Zealand also has had problems with parents trying to call their kids Fish and Chips (twins), Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy, Sex Fruit (these were banned), Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence (strangely these two were allowed).

As a couple of people have said already, some people shouldn't have kids.

Meh. Most of these kids will just use nicknames anyways. Including the ones who got too boring names. They will just use exotic nicknames.

Besides, weird-ass names are so common nowadays, that they are the norm. Only old people are complaining about it, that EVERYONE is giving weird names to their kidsnowadays, which doesn't make much sense.

If your Siri has classmates called Ryker, Annyston, Payton, America, Esmee, Midnight, Righteous, and Ritcher, then no one is standing out.

I honestly don't care about what other people name their children. Sure, if a parent ends up naming their child something like "Budweiser" or "Silverado", then there's a good chance that they might not be the most responsible individual in the world. But it's not a guarantee. They may very well be just fine at parenting, only a bit eccentric. I've never understood why people get so upset sometimes at unusual baby names. Is it YOUR child? Does that child's existence somehow get in your way? Do you perceive their unusual name to be a personal attack on your sensibilities? If so, get over it.
Also, for all of you who have already or will use this article as an argument in favor of eugenics, kindly reconsider.
Nobody wants to see a comment sections turn into a flame war. Especially not the sort flame war where everyone get called a Nazi at least once, where or Idiocracy is brought up like it's on the same level as 1984.

On a side note:
George Lopez once did a bit where he whined about "white people" baby names, likes apple. He made the claim that no Mexican family would ever name their daughter Manzana (ie, Apple).
Then, about a year later, I met a girl named Tulancingo...while touring in Nezahuacoyotl. Sure, she probably didn't come from what some people would consider an "educated" family. But she came from a family that probably loved her unconditionally, and loved so that they named her for their home town. I don't think they care for your judgement.

CardinalPiggles:

In eastern Asia they have names that mean really nice things and no one bats an eyelid.

That's a feature of the kanji writing system, in Chinese and Japanese, EVERY possible character sequence has an inherent meaning, so if they have to pick a new sound sequence to represent their names, they might as well prefer the one that means "daughter of the serene river", instead of "purpleshit stonebiter".

Otherwise, they still have a limited list of acceptable canon names, and lots of beautiful concepts that would still sound silly as a name to them.

Come to think of it, I wonder what their metric is for these percentages. A "5% increase" in kids being named "Siri" from last year could represent as little as one child if they're measuring based on the total number of children with that name. If there really is some big trend towards naming kids after Apple products, wouldn't it be up more than a hundred percent? Hell, "Siri" probably means something in Hindi or something; all of those kids named Siri might be accounted for by a few random Indian parents.

I was joking earlier, but those Apples and Macs might legitimately be accounted for by My Little Pony fans. I mean, that show has risen more in popularity over the last year than Apple products, especially Macs. Have someone run the numbers on "Rarity" and get back to me.

It's great to name your kid after a company based around restricting their stuff and using child slave labor, that's something to love isn't it?
Unless it's named after the fruit then the kid better hear bad jokes about his/her name being fruity! ...At least from idiots like me who tell bad jokes.

Or apple-a-day keeps the doctor aw-okay okay I'll stop!

my niece is named Apple and shes like 15 >_>

People who are named stuff like apple do get picked on alot among other things.

Could be worse. Japanese's linguistic structure allows for some pretty wonky choices. I've heard stories about parents naming their kid "Work", for instance, seeing as they impossibly divined that this little newborn of theirs would be a hard worker later in life.

I can only assume that a lot of these parents haven't watched Seinfeld.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRUdaWZ4FN0

But in all seriousness, some names like Mac and Siri aren't too bad. Apple is a bit of a stretch. Princewilliam and Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii? What were you smoking during those 9 months?

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I'll just leave this here.

Lets say i'm losing the will to live.

Siri and Mac are whatever but who the fuck names their kid Apple? I mean come on seriously why put your kid on the spot like that for future harassment?

arc1991:

I'll just leave this here.

Lets say i'm losing the will to live.

I'm ashamed to call myself human, knowing that there is someone that stupid amongst our number. Apple at least works as a sort of normal name... but Hashtag?! Really?

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Sometimes I think we need a government mandated list of acceptable names, to stop imbeciles like that naming their children after the flavour of the month.

Grey Carter:
On the other hand, you don't want to give them anything too boring, like Dave or Andy. If you're going to do that, you may as well go the hog and christen them "Mediocre Smith."

Hey, what'd I do to deserve that!? Well, damn you too, Jonathan.

And my mommy says I'm the special-est boy in the whooooooole world.

Apple and Mac are a bit iffy sounding, but still acceptable. Lisa is perfectly fine and even Pippin or Newton, while kinda archaic sounding, are ok.

But it could be much, much worse. Imagine if some wonderful fresh parents decide to name their newborn child iKid or something like that.

The new iKid ... a multifunctional, full HD single core device with a large storage capacity for poo, pre-installed unlockable apps like puberty and a staggering battery life of give or take 66.5 years.

i decided. I am naming my born children chuck letbunni Hoimyr and and Barb Edalh Hoimyr.

arc1991:
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I'll just leave this here.

Lets say i'm losing the will to live.

you're comletly Justified losing it. (sexy russian? that's good marketing!)
Princewilliam? Hashtag? What the hell is child services doing while these people are going in to labor? Or the grandparents? Or friends? Seriously. It doesn't seem that hard to say #buddy. That is the stupidest idea I have ever hear" I think I should actually phone my parents and thank them for my name

Yeah I'm seeing a massive increase in the number cases of school yard bullying in a few years, of course not including all the teachers laughing their asses off. The first rule of naming a child should be not to name the child something that can be made into a joke without much effort i.e. "Alright Big Mac". This rule should be then written in giant fluorescent pink on the cover of every baby name books everywhere.

arc1991:
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I'll just leave this here.

Lets say I'm losing the will to live.

I couldn't stop thinking about gathsaH and how much better that would have been.

Captcha: Chaise Lounge. Thank you, Captcha. That would also have been acceptable.

Who the hell names someone after an Apple Newton?! I've used a Newton. It's like trying to write in WordPad using a WoolyWily pen and an Etch-A-Sketch. I hate WordPad!

DugMachine:
Siri and Mac are whatever but who the fuck names their kid Apple?

Gwyneth Paltrow. Her other kid is named "Moses". And IIRC the two kids both have two middle names after their grandparents, and that's where all the sanity is; the most exotic middle name is "Blythe" (and ain't nothing wrong with being named after Blythe Danner).

Oh dear mother of god thats depressing.

Hell I am one of the biggest technophiles a large number of people know, but even I wouldnt name a kid something that utterly stupid....

And poor baby hashtag... just...just fuck..

NinjaDeathSlap:
Princewilliam... seriously?!

For a country that fought a war against British Colonial rule at its inception, America's obsession with the British Royal family borders on the unhealthy at times. Hell, if we ever decided to abolish the monarchy, the USA would probably adopt them!

I am pretty sure the majority of us dont give two shits about some royal family.

Its just some of the more...special... folk who care about em at all, though worryingly those special ones seem to be breeding.

Fosters Princewilliam.
Humphrey McCafferty.
Maximillion Swag.
Bruce Wayne-Rooney.
Irma Plank.
Karl Dilkington.
Dover Keen.
Dirk Jacket.
Barbie StJohn McFuckinnands.
Ice Cube.

Those ones are free - only a soulless bastard would charge.

Edit: Bernie Cash. Robin Barr Steward. Richard Head. Frank Leline.

I'm fuming for all the wrong reasons now. Great, so now the media goes "look, people really get addicted to technology after all."

But maybe I'm thinking too much about the implications. I'll just sit back, enjoy and see the next wave of wonderful names come in for the next generation. I'm certainly not naming my kid like that...

Formica Archonis:

DugMachine:
Siri and Mac are whatever but who the fuck names their kid Apple?

Gwyneth Paltrow. Her other kid is named "Moses". And IIRC the two kids both have two middle names after their grandparents, and that's where all the sanity is; the most exotic middle name is "Blythe" (and ain't nothing wrong with being named after Blythe Danner).

Well those kids will be rich so who cares about name calling at that point :P

Clearly this is the fault of Apple Jack, Apple Bloom, and Big Macintosh.

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