Cracked Aquarium Launches Sharks at Shoppers

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bladester1:

The Artificially Prolonged:

Riobux:

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Meanwhile in the ocean...

Shark Jnr: "Mother when's daddy coming home?"
Mother Shark: "Oh dear sweetheart, I'm afraid daddy is... sleeping with the fishes now"
Shark Jnr: "Oh, so he'll home real soon then?"
Mother Shark: "No I mean he's... he sleeps in the big ocean in the sky"
Shark Jnr: "So... you mean he's...*sniff*...dead?"
Mother Shark: "I'm sorry Junior"
Shark Jnr: "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I swear I'll revenge you father! I will hunt down and kill everyone of those two legged land fish they call man!
Mother Shark: "Don't you think you are being rash here Junior?"
Shark Jnr: "Damn it mother stop calling me Junior! Call by my father's name... Jaws."

*cut to black*

Um... the Japanese kinda beat yea to that one, with this.... http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xfhd0h_squid-girl-episode-1-who-s-up-for-a-squid-vasion-hold-on-a-squid-aren-t-you-a-compatriot-aren-t-i-ju_shortfilms#.UNzOVW9lV8M Yes yes a squid is not a shark. MEH...

Ehh, the japanese have done everything. They're like the simpsons.

anthony87:
Anyone else read the title and think that Cracked.com opened an aquarium dedicated to launching sharks at people?

I would totally support this idea.

PunkRex:
Look at those arse holes just snapping pics of the poor sharks, THEY NOT SELL BATH TUBS IN THAT SWANKY MALL, THEY NOT SELL EVIAN AND SALT!?! DO SOOOOOOOOOOOMETHIIIIIIING!!!

It's China - the sharks might have been toxic to human skin.

More seriously, that was damn thick glass. Even with that much water it seems like there had to have been structural flaws in either the glass or the framing structure (maybe the building pressing down, flexing it). Or maybe the sharks had diamond drill bits or frickin' lasers on their heads.

At least the cracked aquarium didn't launch the shoppers at the sharks.

That would have been disasterific.

Riobux:

The Artificially Prolonged:

Riobux:
...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

I read that in a cockney accent... does that make me a bad person?

OT: aww ): Those poor sharks. Why are they so horrid to sharks in China?...

SkarKrow:

Riobux:

The Artificially Prolonged:

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

I read that in a cockney accent... does that make me a bad person?

OT: aww ): Those poor sharks. Why are they so horrid to sharks in China?...

Haha, it might of been because I wrote "alright" as "awright" as though it was a London mobster.

Tbh its china, they probally shot someone for this (joke, i hope... <.<) but some one got in a pile of crap for this so fear not the sharks were probally avenged for the massive amount of stupid in play here.

Riobux:

SkarKrow:

Riobux:

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

I read that in a cockney accent... does that make me a bad person?

OT: aww ): Those poor sharks. Why are they so horrid to sharks in China?...

Haha, it might of been because I wrote "alright" as "awright" as though it was a London mobster.

That may well have been it. I love sharks though, so this is kinda sad ):

"Sir! The people are enjoying the fish too much!"

"Very well. Release the sharks."

It's too bad this particular aquarium didn't work out, but I've gotta say putting shark tanks in shopping malls seems pretty cool.

felixader:

McMullen:
This sounds like the injuries were due only to the the glass and water, not the sharks. That much water and glass being thrown at people would be just as harmful if it contained sea bass, even if they were not mutated or ill-tempered.

Yeah it is a bit sad to see such headline-behavior on the Escapist.
I am not calling out a case of KOTAKU just yet (i was there when it all went down pretty fast. X-( ) but it is still a bit sad.

What happened to Kotaku? I haven't read much from them in awhile, but I remembering them being a pretty decent publication.

Why is it I get the feeling PETA is only going to care about the Sharks?

This is the second saddest news I've heard all year.

Those poor sharks.

DarkRyter:
This is the second saddest news I've heard all year.

Those poor sharks.

...I'm not sure if to ask about the most saddest news, but I'm guessing it's going to be something akin to "I went to the fridge one day and found out we're out of Coca Cola, and all we had left was store brand diet cola. It was terrible."

POSTING IN AN EPIC THREAD

And here I was thinking we had another innovation from Cracked.com... Dang you, misleading headlines!

looking at the video: this is what you get for photographing sharks. they suicide just so the picture wont come public.

Marshall Honorof:
-Cracked-Aquarium-Launches-Sharks-at-Shoppers'

Who chose this title? This is a much better title than Yahoo's. --> http://sg.news.yahoo.com/shopping-terror-as-shark-tank-bursts-in-busy-mall---video-010321090.html

4 people =/= busy mall.

Riobux:

DarkRyter:
This is the second saddest news I've heard all year.

Those poor sharks.

...I'm not sure if to ask about the most saddest news, but I'm guessing it's going to be something akin to "I went to the fridge one day and found out we're out of Coca Cola, and all we had left was store brand diet cola. It was terrible."

Have you had store brand cola? I'd be bawling my eyes out if I had to drink that stuff.

It was the Evil Porpoises. They planned it every step of the way.

I guess the moral is if you're going to have a giant fish tank in a shopping center and then you're going to then fill said tank with sharks then you either want to have frequent maintenance checks or stronger glass.

Amethyst Wind:

tf2godz:

Amethyst Wind:

Shark 4: Well of course you never followed your dream. You obviously never found the right...

shark 1: Where did this forth shark come from.

Shark 4: Oh that's real nice. Doesn't know me even though we've been in the same school for years.

Shark 5: Hey guys! What if....we bury down through the ground. I hear there is water under the ground: And if we do that, we can bury a tunnel out of here and swim to the ocean!

Shark 2: .....Remind me why we havn't cannibalised this moron?

Infernai:

Amethyst Wind:

tf2godz:

shark 1: Where did this forth shark come from.

Shark 4: Oh that's real nice. Doesn't know me even though we've been in the same school for years.

Shark 5: Hey guys! What if....we bury down through the ground. I hear there is water under the ground: And if we do that, we can bury a tunnel out of here and swim to the ocean!

Shark 2: .....Remind me why we havn't cannibalised this moron?

Shark 6:Hey hare those human pricks taking pictures of us
Shark 7: OMG were going to be famous make sure they get my good side ^_^

knight steel:

Infernai:

Amethyst Wind:

Shark 4: Oh that's real nice. Doesn't know me even though we've been in the same school for years.

Shark 5: Hey guys! What if....we bury down through the ground. I hear there is water under the ground: And if we do that, we can bury a tunnel out of here and swim to the ocean!

Shark 2: .....Remind me why we havn't cannibalised this moron?

Shark 6:Hey hare those human pricks taking pictures of us
Shark 7: OMG were going to be famous make sure they get my good side ^_^

Shark 8: "Why did they put so many sharks in one tank? No wonder it broke."

oldtaku:

PunkRex:
Look at those arse holes just snapping pics of the poor sharks, THEY NOT SELL BATH TUBS IN THAT SWANKY MALL, THEY NOT SELL EVIAN AND SALT!?! DO SOOOOOOOOOOOMETHIIIIIIING!!!

It's China - the sharks might have been toxic to human skin.

More seriously, that was damn thick glass. Even with that much water it seems like there had to have been structural flaws in either the glass or the framing structure (maybe the building pressing down, flexing it). Or maybe the sharks had diamond drill bits or frickin' lasers on their heads.

yeah, nothing new to that in China, isn't like they have codes or standards, never mind all the corruption and swindling.

The Artificially Prolonged:

knight steel:

Infernai:

Shark 5: Hey guys! What if....we bury down through the ground. I hear there is water under the ground: And if we do that, we can bury a tunnel out of here and swim to the ocean!

Shark 2: .....Remind me why we havn't cannibalised this moron?

Shark 6:Hey hare those human pricks taking pictures of us
Shark 7: OMG were going to be famous make sure they get my good side ^_^

Shark 8: "Why did they put so many sharks in one tank? No wonder it broke."

Shark 9: what are you talking about son?
Shark 10: He said how many of us made the glass break!
Shark 11: How are we evening talking without water?
Shark 2: Can you guys just stop!
Shark 42: Now this is ridiculous T___T

felixader:

McMullen:
This sounds like the injuries were due only to the the glass and water, not the sharks. That much water and glass being thrown at people would be just as harmful if it contained sea bass, even if they were not mutated or ill-tempered.

Yeah it is a bit sad to see such headline-behavior on the Escapist.
I am not calling out a case of KOTAKU just yet (i was there when it all went down pretty fast. X-( ) but it is still a bit sad.

You think this is the first such headline? Escapist has a very good (or bad if you will) reputation for them.

I just read through the whole shark chat...
I think I should start to get worried about the mental health of people on this site....

knight steel:

The Artificially Prolonged:

knight steel:

shark12

shark13

Shark42

See what I mean?

D Moness:
well the dutchwebsite refrred to this dutch commercial made in 1999 (for the dutch yellow pages) very relevent >.<

When in doubt blame the cleaners >.>

Bloody shame it's lost on so many, as that's perfectly relevant xD

Marshall Honorof:
Now, let us share a moment of silence for these three perfect killing machines.

That "perfect" is a bit of overstatement if lack of water proves to be their downfall.

erttheking:
Why is it I get the feeling PETA is only going to care about the Sharks?

They're the only ones to die. In this case one might say they're justified.

Xan Krieger:
I do feel bad for the sharks, especially since the people just stood there and took pictures instead of picking them up and rushing them to the nearest fishtank.

Personally, I wouldn't feel safe going near a shark, regardless if it's suffocating or not.

Guffe:
I just read through the whole shark chat...
I think I should start to get worried about the mental health of people on this site....

knight steel:

The Artificially Prolonged:

shark13

Shark42

See what I mean?

I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy at all.....your the crazy one you with your red shirt avatar you
Shark 731: Dude he might have a point....
Shark 999: Yeah this is going to far man.
Shut up your just in my mind be quiet or I'll Drown you Drown you allllll HehehehehEHHehE O_O


Is it wrong that this is the first that came to mind?

I first read "fifteen sharks injured; 3 humans dead", and I thought that the whole ordeal was pretty funny and stupid. Then I found out that people only got injured, and those poor sharks died. This turned something that was funny and stupid into an outright tragedy. Whoever thought of putting those animals in such a precarious position should go to jail for crimes against huge manatees.

NameIsRobertPaulson:

anthony87:
Anyone else read the title and think that Cracked.com opened an aquarium dedicated to launching sharks at people?

I would totally support this idea.

I secind this opinion. Somebody needs to start a kickstarter just to raise money for an aquairium that launches sharks at them.

Looks like those shoppers...

*puts on glasses*

...jumped the shark.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

SkarKrow:

OT: aww ): Those poor sharks. Why are they so horrid to sharks in China?...

Umm because it's China? they're horrible to people there, too. ><

I feel really bad for those sharks :( I don't like them, personally, but I sure as hell wouldn't want to see them suffer in such a way.

EDIT: Sorry, I semi-hate when people do this, but my Captcha for this post was plain sailing...go to hell, captcha

China, apart from being goods pirating of the world, are also king of the cowboy builders.

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