Iranian Scientist Claims Mastery of Time Travel - UPDATED

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Iranian Scientist Claims Mastery of Time Travel - UPDATED

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An Iranian scientist has registered a device called the "Aryayek Time Traveling Machine" with the nation's Center for Strategic Inventions.

I've often said that no good can come from time travel, because sooner or later somebody's going to flip out and step on a butterfly and then ka-blammo, it's dystopian nightmare time. It's a terrible power by any measure - and now Tehran-based scientist Ali Razeghi claims to have perfected a "time-traveling machine" that he's been working on for the past ten years, and he's now registered it with the Iranian government.

The good news is that the device won't let Iran send modern troops back to, say, 1776 to nip this whole Great Satan thing in the bud. Instead, it foretells with great detail and accuracy the next five to eight years of the life of its user. "It will not take you into the future," Razeghi said. "It will bring the future to you."

This is still problematic. With it, the Iranian government could ensure maximum preparedness for future military conflicts or fluctuations in oil prices, or plot its foreign relations with allies and adversaries with a far greater degree of certainty than has ever before been possible.

"Naturally a government that can see five years into the future would be able to prepare itself for challenges that might destabilize it. As such we expect to market this invention among states as well as individuals once we reach a mass production stage," Razeghi said. He also dismissed concerns that his future-seeing device violates Islamic religious tenets, adding, "The Americans are trying to make this invention by spending millions of dollars on it where I have already achieved it by a fraction of the cost."

The good news for those concerned about the possibility of a prescient Iranian state is that Razeghi hasn't yet built a prototype of the device, apparently because he's worried about copyright issues. "The reason that we are not launching our prototype at this stage is that the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight," he said.

Source: The Telegraph

UPDATE: I am shocked - SHOCKED! - to report that Iran has now officially denied that it has a time machine.

"Making scientific claims is free for all, but registration of these claims as inventions should undergo certain legal stages based on scientific proofs and evidence," Iran's Deputy Minister of Science, Research and Technology Mohammad Mehdinejad Nouri told Fars News Agency. "Such a claim has not been registered in Iran's State Organization for Registration for Strategic Inventions."

An absolutely baffling deception, to be sure - but, I must admit, a relieving conclusion.

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If he hasn't built it yet, how can he possibly know it works? Let alone claim it can look forward with 98% accuracy. It would have to have a working example and enough time to pass to check the results.

Simply knowing the future would probably change it. Seems to me it would be somewhat different every time you used it as a result. Didn't Iran fake images/reports of a new jet fighter and some missile launches awhile back?

Also, I call BS.

"The reason that we are not launching our prototype at this stage is that the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight," he said.

Holy shit, I am both endlessly amused by this statement and endlessly horrified by the very concept of such a device in the hands of the Chinese Government. I do NOT want to have to live in that world. I can see 5 years into the future if that were to ever happen because I know for damned sure I'd be at the forefront of the rebel movement.

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Let's all cower in fear everyone! As soon as he builds this thing we're doomed!

Am I on a cattle ranch? Because I smell a whole lotta bullshit.

And here I thought the Iranian sense of humor was as dead as their homosexuals

Andy Chalk:

The good news is that the device won't let Iran send modern troops back to, say, 1776 to nip this whole Great Satan thing in the bud. Instead, it foretells with great detail and accuracy the next five to eight years of the life of its user. "It will not take you into the future," Razeghi said. "It will bring the future to you."

Fun fact: time also brings the future to you. In fact, there's nothing you can do to stop that.

Yes, I know that's not exactly what he meant. I read it. Still, it sounds really stupid. If nothing else, shouldn't he be able to use such a device to figure out how to keep China from stealing the device? I mean, really, if you have future knowledge, being a dumbass in the present is inexcusable.

You know, unless you're lying about your time machine.

EDIT: And another thing! If you want to keep people from stealing your time machine plans, I'm pretty sure step 1 should be: don't announce to the entire fucking world that you've designed a time machine. Seriously, even if I believed you could make a time machine, I wouldn't believe he'd done it, because he's clearly an idiot.

Genocidicles:
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Let's all cower in fear everyone! As soon as he builds this thing we're doomed!

& here I was at a lose for words in which to respond to this article; seems like you've summed it up quite nicely :)

Until this guy shows up with a fistful of winning lottery tickets, I remain happily skeptical

Is this like North Korea and the unicorns? I think this is like North Korea and the unicorns: total BS. I'll believe it when I see it.

I literally laughed out loud when I saw the title of this article. Having read it through, yeah, I'm laughing even harder. I cry bullshit.

The...

...

Actually, not so outlandish, depending on how it's supposed to see into the future. Predicting things is nothing new. If he'd come up with some method of predicting social/finance/whatever trends, he wouldn't be wrong as such.

US must invade Iran. this device is threat to Israel

I could use one of those. Let me know when they start selling them at Wal-Mart.

I think Nicholas Cage said it best


In other news, Korean computers are now using a variation of Missile Command from the Atari 2600 as a future targeting system. But not really.

Why thank you Andy for reminding me of one of the dumber scenes in the history of cinema with that image. "No, I couldn't just sit on the counter like a normal person, I need to leap up into a mid air split action and balance precariously across the counters". Van Damme, you are as dammed crazy as this Iranian guy and his crystal ball.

I'm trying to read his quotes in the voice of a sane person but it's not working :/ I don't even know

I do think it's entirely possible. Just like in this comic:

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Yeah i'm sure this is as legit as the iranian stealth fighter!

Unless it's a two point talkie-walkie thing (where there are two machines, like a camera and a monitor), EVEN if this thing works, it's practically useless on a bigger scale such as weapon development or similar.
Why? Just take into account the Earth's rotation around the Sun and that already really limits the complete alignment. Not to mention the Milky way rotation. Unless the machine moves in space as well as time, most likely you'll be staring at the vast emptiness of space.

So...

Ahmadinejad: "Aw, damnit, why won't anyone take us seriously?"
Kim Jong-Un: "I know! Here's what we're missing: Death rays! Let's say we can build those, they'll totally take us seriously this time!"
Ahmadinejad: "You sure? You sounded pretty ecstatic about this idea of hypnotic suggestion being snuck into American broadcasts. That went nowhere fast."
Kim Jong-Un: "Trust me, we're not cartoon characters. I mean, Boris Badenoff and Natasha Fatale failed every time because they're stupid. We're not, we're human! What's more, we're not American! We can totally nail this death ray thing!"
Ahmadinejad: "Okay, then."
Kim Jong-Un: "Let me just finish torrenting my research material off of my superfast 56K modem. It'll take a couple years."
Ahmadinejad: "What's that material, exactly?"
Kim Jong-Un: "Oh, just the best in cutting-edge American engineering. They've got this company called Acme, see? There's this guy, Wile E., who swears by them."

Does this mean that when foreign powers are forced to overthrow the Iranian government their last resort will be going back in time and vaporizing Barack Obama?

Although if the rest of his calculations are as accurate as his views on the Chinese and copyright infringement then I fully expect the fabric of space and time to unravel like a bootleg designer jumper.

So Doctor number 12 will be Iranian?

In other news, I just invented a perpetual motion machine AND the frictionless bearing. I'd start making prototypes but you know what those wacky Chinese are like. In the mean time I'm testing my cure for death before moving on the the new model of the bullshit detector. For whatever reason it exploded when I read this article.

Finally I get an excuse to post this video:


So basically he claims to have perfected it, yet has not even built a prototype. Seriously this is cartoonish like crazy, and it took him 10 years to come up with it and he's worried the Chinese will suddenly find ways to make millions of them? I can't stop laughing. XD

Okay Iran, you're starting to reach a North Korean level of silliness. How are we supposed to take evil dictatorships seriously with stuff like this?

so. he's created that machine from the movie paycheck? I'm sure that'll end well.

Sounds like a combination of hate combined with zealous over statement. Also, his device sounds like it reads an individuals future, so even if it hypothetically existed and worked, they'd need a living person, ideally the one closest related to a scenario, to make the device work in the way he is describing...

Yeah I think this sounds a little too far out there.

Iran is no better than North Korea when it comes to their claims. They also revealed this recently: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2274025/Dominant-313-Critics-shoot-Irans-homemade-stealth-fighter-detected-radar.html

Yeah, they expect us to take it seriously.

Getting details from the future =/= time travel.

If your going to make things up, try to make it slightly believable by making sure it is actually labelled right.

Props to the guy if the machine does something like hand you a note saying, "You decompose," and then blows your head off with a shotgun.

Iran: "Damnit, North Korea is getting all the attention. Quick, someone say or do something incredibly stupid!"

Time Travel? That's ridiculous. We've always been living under the Glorious New Persian Empire.

I'm really happy this news story was delivered straight.

It sounds basically like the guy claims to have manufactured a Magic 8 Ball and we're all supposed to be impressed.

Leaving aside all of the other common sense arguements here, if this machine is supposed to predict things accuratly 5-8 years in the future, how did he actually test this, unless he claims to have used it 5-8 years ago and had the device since then. In which case there are questions about how big the sample audience was, what was predicted, and the accuracy, etc... none of which is information he's providing, just that we're supposed to take his word for it.

It also raises questions about possible futures, and of course whether he's saying you can alter anything you see based on this device.

For the most part I'd imagine the only real "use" for this would be to copyright it so nobody else can examine it, claim you have all kinds of evidence that it works, and then charge people huge amounts of money to have their future told without much in the way of repercussions since it will take 5-8 years for any of that to come to pass.

I believe the scientologists did something similar with their machines, they claimed they can solve all of these problems, but are copyrighted so nobody out of scientology can really examine them or tell much about them, attempts to pry into it meet with lawsuits like most attempts to examine their documents, texts, and equipment. Thus while the goverment can say there is no confirmed medical or scientific value from their devices, the scientologists can claim there is internally, hiding behind how nobody except for them know how they work or are properly used.

My big question here is why this was newsworthy, other than a few laughs.

That said I do think he's right on the money about the copyright problems at least, not that I expect his device would be worth stealing anyway.

Who knows though, maybe the world is about to change radically, I'm not holding my breath though.

Pfft. Jokes on him. I built will build mine in a few years.

I have a time machine too. Mine allows you to travel to the future at the speed of 1 second at a time!
I can get 3 days in the future in about 250K seconds

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