Stride Gum Takes On Uwe Boll

Stride Gum has joined with the videogaming community in its most noble pursuit: stopping Uwe Boll before he directs again.

The ridiculously long-lasting gum has apparently decided to help Boll along on his way to promised retirement by offering a coupon for a free pack of gum to everyone who signs the Stop Uwe Boll petition if it reaches its target of one million signatures. In April, Boll was reported by Slashfilm as saying he would stop making movies if he was presented with a million-signature petition asking him to do so.

"Since gamers are one of our most supportive groups, we've been looking for ways to return the favor," said Gary Osifchin, North American marketing director for Stride. "And what better way is there to get gamers' backs than by helping them rescue their cherished videogames from the clutches of Uwe Boll?"

The only catch, according to a report by 1Up, is that the petition has to hit the million signature mark by May 14 in order to get the free gum. The petition has only achieved 250,000 signatures thus far, leaving the free gum odds a bit long, but if the petition does reach its goal, Stride promises to issue coupons redeemable on May 23, the release day of Postal, Boll's latest movie.

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I can't bring myself to sign it. Uwe Boll is horrifically untalented and a public menace to boot, but there's something about his unsurpassed bloody-mindedness that I've grown rather fond of. He's like a cute but particularly stupid puppy whose inability to perform even the most basic tasks or tricks eventually becomes endearing. I want to whack his nose for chewing up the paper for the 300th consecutive day, but he's such a precious little rapscallion... I just can't do it.