Jack Thompson Was Right

Jack Thompson Was Right

image

After years of denials, the videogame industry has been forced to admit a shocking truth: Jack Thompson was right!

Despite numerous victories in court that have repeatedly affirmed the First Amendment rights of videogames as a medium equivalent to books, movies and music, G4 is reporting that stunning new evidence has emerged offering incontrovertible proof that Jack "The Hammer" Thompson, an attorney who has fought to preserve the purity and innocence of today's youth, has been right all along. Gamers of all ages and stripes are rampaging in the streets, wielding baseball bats, pistols, machine guns and automobiles in an anarchic war that threatens to spiral out of control, leading one pundit to say, "The world is turning into Grand Theft Auto." Authorities claim that in one major U.S. city, at least ten prostitutes have been murdered with baseball bats in as many hours.

Fortunately, Thompson has agreed to come to the defense of civilization, meeting the hordes of frenzied gamers head-on, backed up by the resources of the U.S. government's Department of Homeland Security. Thompson, who's younger brother Timmy died in 1979 at the hands of two crazed Pong players who continually batted him back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth until his neck snapped like a twig, has been preparing for this videogame Ragnarok since before the release of the original Grand Theft Auto, and now stands as society's sole hope for a return to decency.

This breaking report, featuring a newly-buff Thompson with a "big-ass tattoo," is available exclusively at G4TV.com.

via: GamePolitics

Permalink

NNOOO!!!! NOOO!! IT CAN'T BE TRUE!

I....I..i won't believe it! I just played GTA4 for 9 hours! I'm not turning into a mur-.oh no....CURSE YOU JACK THOMPSON!!!!!

*goes off to murder prostitutes*

Funny as hell though.

I saw that during G4s E3 coverage. it was hilarious

HAHAHAHAHAHA... Oh my god, this just made my day.

Didn't De-Rez do this a few months ago?

WIN :D

Malygris:
Jack Thompson Was Right

image

After years of denials, the videogame industry has been forced to admit a shocking truth: Jack Thompson was right!

Despite numerous victories in court that have repeatedly affirmed the First Amendment rights of videogames as a medium equivalent to books, movies and music, G4 is reporting that stunning new evidence has emerged offering incontrovertible proof that Jack "The Hammer" Thompson, an attorney who has fought to preserve the purity and innocence of today's youth, has been right all along. Gamers of all ages and stripes are rampaging in the streets, wielding baseball bats, pistols, machine guns and automobiles in an anarchic war that threatens to spiral out of control, leading one pundit to say, "The world is turning into Grand Theft Auto." Authorities claim that in one major U.S. city, at least ten prostitutes have been murdered with baseball bats in as many hours.

Fortunately, Thompson has agreed to come to the defense of civilization, meeting the hordes of frenzied gamers head-on, backed up by the resources of the U.S. government's Department of Homeland Security. Thompson, who's younger brother Timmy died in 1979 at the hands of two crazed Pong players who continually batted him back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth until his neck snapped like a twig, has been preparing for this videogame Ragnarok since before the release of the original Grand Theft Auto, and now stands as society's sole hope for a return to decency.

This breaking report, featuring a newly-buff Thompson with a "big-ass tattoo," is available exclusively at G4TV.com.

via: GamePolitics

Permalink

I love you Malygris

What th- Oh, G4 eh.

The last desperate gasps of a horrible watered down travesty of a network. Hopefully this won't get much attention and they'll continue to slide into oblivion.

Like De-Rez, with a higher budget. And less funny.

NOOOO!!!

Jack "The Hammer" Thompson is about to be permanently disbarred. I predict he soon becomes Jack "The Homeless" Thompson, former lawyer by day and huddled mass at night, harassing passers-by demanding injunctions and spare change.

Ditto on G4. Playin endless Star Trek re-runs inside an annoying window is not as appealing as evidently some crackhead thought it would be.

I don't know if something like this should be in news. It seems like it would be more appropriate in Featured Content.

That.....was....EPIC!

I was kind of worried when I saw the heading... that was a great read, good job you guys

sunami88:
What th- Oh, G4 eh.

The last desperate gasps of a horrible watered down travesty of a network. Hopefully this won't get much attention and they'll continue to slide into oblivion.

Hey, they're better now then they were a couple of months ago (Arrested Development? Cops? Cheaters? Okay, the last two are still on but not as much)

I'm starting to see alot more "gaming" related shows on G4 and they might even make new episodes of old shows sometime soon.

Though, i found G4 in 2006, but back then I only watched X-Play and sometimes AOTS.

Jumplion:

I'm starting to see alot more "gaming" related shows on G4 and they might even make new episodes of old shows sometime soon.

Though, i found G4 in 2006, but back then I only watched X-Play and sometimes AOTS.

I'm Canadian and was watching back in the TechTV days, before and during the merger. Trust me on this, you don't know what your missing.

That skit was surprisingly funny. Jack "The Hammer" Thompson. Instant LOL!

It was pretty funny. I'll have a look for the De-rez one though.

Ha.

hahaha nice. that headline freaked me the hell out though. my heart skipped a beat.

Woah, that's supposed to be funny or something? That's what? Five minutes more or less and one half sarcastic joke with Pong (which didn't make me smile).
Hold me back.

I guess no one else here found the Tattoo the funniest part.

Still, HobbesMkii took the words out my mouth.

sunami88:

Jumplion:

I'm starting to see alot more "gaming" related shows on G4 and they might even make new episodes of old shows sometime soon.

Though, i found G4 in 2006, but back then I only watched X-Play and sometimes AOTS.

I'm Canadian and was watching back in the TechTV days, before and during the merger. Trust me on this, you don't know what your missing.

ORLY? I don't know what being Canadian has to do with it (didn't it take till '01 for you guys to get TechTV?), but I was watching the ZDTV back in the Year Of Our Lord 1998.

Bookmarked for Great Justice.

Some of the funniest stuff I've seen in a while.

this is complete nonsense. I'll finish this thought once I finish up playing manhunt

what was I talking about again? whatever. Who wants to kill some puppies? I know I do.

I would make a longer post, but I just died laughing.

I knew that it couldn't be true and Jack Thompson couldn't be right.

LOL

cut to the Star Wars line, "No, It's not true. THATS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!"

WTFHAX.
I knu; I sry fur hax. I give kookie KK? I giev nu moar hax tu Jack the Lawyer Thompson.

This was hilarious the first time I saw it on G4, and it's still funny now. I wonder what Jack thought lol

Ha ha, all out win. I needed that. Thank you Malygris.

Man, that's the G4 I know and love, I missed that stuff.

i saw this when they first came out with this on G4... it is hillarious

 

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here