Steve Jobs Not Dead

Steve Jobs Not Dead

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The Mark Twain jokes should be flying fast and furious because as it turns out, Steve Jobs is not actually dead.

Jobs' not-quite-demise was reported by Bloomberg, although the numerous placeholders and incomplete information in the obituary, not to mention the list of people to call for comment in the event of his death, made it clear the public release was a mistake. However, Jobs' battle with pancreatic cancer and ongoing concerns over his recent physical appearance have left people a bit jumpy about the state of his health and perhaps somewhat more susceptible to premature reports of his passing.

Bloomberg has, predictably, retracted the report, saying it was "inadvertently published" and adding, "The item was never meant for publication and has been retracted." The report of Jobs' death contains no new information about his health, and according to Gawker, having this sort of pre-cooked obituary standing by is actually quite common for news organizations. Gawker has the full obituary, along with the retraction, here.

So, good news for Apple fans, and of course, for Steve Jobs himself. Just a pity he wasn't able to turn the exaggerated report of his death into a pithy quote.

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...Damn.

Eggo:
...Damn.

What he said.

meatloaf231:

Eggo:
...Damn.

What he said.

Agreed. We need to make sure they do the job properly next time.

"This is going to be ... HUGE. It's the biggest thing to hit obituaries ... EVER. An obituary that's SMALLER ... FASTER ... and with NO DEATH. It's AMAZING. And it's coming this week."

All of the assassins sent after him killed eachother instead of him... it never goes well.

PedroSteckecilo:
All of the assassins sent after him killed eachother instead of him... it never goes well.

Damn you Clouseau!

You know, I'm probably supposed to be laughing at these comments, but instead I find it offensive. It kind of goes beyond "karma" to be pissed that a guy is still alive just because you don't agree with his business tactics or because he screwed up and admitted it. Wait, this is the guy from Apple? Meh, screw him.

Lulz.

He's still dead to me.

Sheesh, Am I the only one who's not pissed? Maybe it's because, I'm a Apple guy.

You know Alfred Nobel (the inventor of dynamite) decided to clear his name by creating the Nobel prizes after a newspaper accidentaly printed a ruthless obituary. Steve Jobs, where's your name-clearing international award?

Isn't the only possible answer to this "The reports of my death have been highly exaggerated"

Russ Pitts:
"This is going to be ... HUGE. It's the biggest thing to hit obituaries ... EVER. An obituary that's SMALLER ... FASTER ... and with NO DEATH. It's AMAZING. And it's coming this week."

And it just works.

-- Steve

Wait, so my ninjas failed?

Fatalis67:
Wait, so my ninjas failed?

No, the Ninja's worked fine, but they were equiped with knives xp, not Steve Jobs compatible.

i guess im going to have to fire Altair then!

Well Mr. Jobs, I can't say that I'm not suprised you are still alive. After all, you are doing science and you're still alive. Yes Mr. Jobs, the jokes will continue until morale improves.

Random argument man:
Sheesh, Am I the only one who's not pissed? Maybe it's because, I'm a Apple guy.

I'm Microsoft to the core and I'm still a little perturbed about some of these comments. Regardless of how you feel about his company, don't wish the man dead.

Damn that man's iLive!

I feel that this is appropriate.

Well not really, only it's title. But it's a good song.

EDIT: Wait, what? This came up in the news bit earlier today... that's how I saw this thread. Just checked the date... what the hell?

Perhaps four years ago when this thread was made was relevant and then subsequently died.

Now?

Not so much.

... The article on the trololo guys death linked me to this one.

I didn't check the date until after the article was finished.

oops....

upgray3dd:
... The article on the trololo guys death linked me to this one.

I didn't check the date until after the article was finished.

oops....

You too?

Wow...this is sure to turn some heads, Stevie Jobs has never really grinded my gears like he evidently has some people here.

nevermind

Hahaha, the Necromancer strikes again!

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Steve must be rolling in his grave over this... or not...

NECROMANCY!

Why? Because I was reading the article about John McAffee being "dead" and in the "Related Content" I saw this:

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Maybe you should start including the year as well...

Hahaha, the Necromancer strikes again!

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Steve must be rolling in his grave over this... or not...

Wait, why have I the sudden feeling of deja vu?
I look forward to seeing this thread again next year!

 

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