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Shipment of Stonking Great Tits Goes Missing

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The_root_of_all_evil
News Room Contributor
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Joined: 13 Feb 2008

Shipment of Stonking Great Tits Goes Missing

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A shipment of 130,000 fake breasts has gone missing on its way to Australia.

Australian Men's Magazine Ralph (NSFW!) has a problem: it's missing all of its stonking great (fake) tits. Not the kind of fake knockers you might find filling the sweater of nubile young Hollywood hopeful, but rather the plastic kind you wear on the front of your shirt (here, being modeled by Gazza).

The free boobs (worth $200,000) were meant to be given away with the January issue, but unfortunately something happened at sea.

Ralph editor Santi Pintado is desperate to find them because, amongst other woes, the magazine's parent company PBL media is already in major debt, to the tune of $4.3 billion.

"Unless Somali pirates have stolen them it's difficult to explain where they are," Pintado said.

Well...where would you look in Australia for someone obsessed with jubblies?

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Caliostro
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1694
Joined: 23 Jan 2008

Wanted: Fake Tits gone missing.

sirdanrhodes
SUSPENDED
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I thought they meant the escapist shipment!

User was suspended for: Lock this.. (7 days)
Undead Dragon King
Press Junketeer
Posts: 489
Joined: 25 Apr 2008

Whoever stole that shipment did a disservice to keg parties across Australia, but a did a favor for pretty much everywhere else.

Fragamoo
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 543
Joined: 17 Sep 2008

It gets awfully lonely out at sea...perhaps the crew started having fun with them, and didn't want to give them up?

/innuendos :P

Indigo_Dingo
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Someone in Australia who has an unnatural attraction to fake breasts? Quick, find out the current whereabouts of Shane Warne.

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Chimpa
Paperboy
Posts: 42
Joined: 2 Dec 2008

I would just love to be there for a MSC Napoli esque recreation salvage operation where a large amount of chavvy families attempt to swindle themselves some free fake boobs.

sv93
BANNED
Posts: 2499
Joined: 19 Aug 2008

I can just see a poster about missing tits.

Myan
Ad Production Manager
Posts: 118
Joined: 16 Dec 2003

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ElArabDeMagnifico
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 4204
Joined: 20 Dec 2007

"Yarr! This ain't booty...it's...well, FAKE booty!"

PedroSteckecilo
On the Record
Posts: 5521
Joined: 7 Feb 2008

The Art of Theft 2: Trilby and the Ship of Tits

Lima
Artist
Posts: 83
Joined: 18 Jun 2007

I would hate to see what they do with that many boxes of fake ta-tas!

LesIsMore
Beat Writer
Posts: 207
Joined: 22 Jul 2008

I hope someone's sailing on a mammary raft somewhere.

LesIsMore
Beat Writer
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Joined: 22 Jul 2008

Myan:
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Woot shameless product placement woot!

The_root_of_all_evil
News Room Contributor
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Joined: 13 Feb 2008

LesIsMore:
I hope someone's sailing on a mammary raft somewhere.

As long as it doesn't go tits up. Then they'd have to do the breast-stroke.

Chimpa
Paperboy
Posts: 42
Joined: 2 Dec 2008

The_root_of_all_evil:

LesIsMore:
I hope someone's sailing on a mammary raft somewhere.

As long as it doesn't go tits up. Then they'd have to do the breast-stroke.

bad-dum tshh

WolfLordAndy
Press Junketeer
Posts: 434
Joined: 19 Sep 2008

The_root_of_all_evil:

LesIsMore:
I hope someone's sailing on a mammary raft somewhere.

As long as it doesn't go tits up. Then they'd have to do the breast-stroke.

Please... no more puns... they burn the eyes.

Singing Gremlin
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1574
Joined: 16 Jan 2008

The_root_of_all_evil:

"Unless Somali pirates have stolen them it's difficult to explain where they are," Pintado said.

Dammit! I wanted to make that joke!

meatloaf231
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2737
Joined: 13 Feb 2008

What... Why? What practical or financial reason would there be to steal fake breasts?

It certainly couldn't be for ransom, so I suppose recreation is the only possibility here.

needausername
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3314
Joined: 7 Aug 2008

Imagine finding that box. That would be hilarious.

Solo508
Muckraker
Posts: 292
Joined: 19 Jul 2008

I feel sorry that such an unfortunate thing happend to a needy magazine with such a decent sense of humor. Where is the justice in the world!? :D

xitel
Gone Gonzo
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Joined: 13 Aug 2008

Wait a minute, a magazine was going to give out fake tits? Why haven't American magazines done that?

ZeroMachine
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1336
Joined: 11 Oct 2008

needausername:
Imagine finding that box. That would be hilarious.

::opens box::

"THAT'S what I should get my wife for Christmas!"

(four weeks later)

"A man was found dead in a ditch today. Investigators are unable to find the killer, but the cause of death is fifty pairs of breast implants shoved down his throat. Many extreme feminists have openly praised the act."

.... I'm sorry I couldn't help it XD

crimson5pheonix
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2437
Joined: 6 Jun 2008

xitel:
Wait a minute, a magazine was going to give out fake tits? Why haven't American magazines done that?

There are American magazines showing fake tits. Isn't that close enough?

Kukul
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Call me old fashioned, but I think the fact there even was a ship filled with plastic tits is humiliating for the humanity.

User was suspended for: Zero Punctuation: inFamous. (90 days)
stoid7
Beat Writer
Posts: 149
Joined: 16 Oct 2008

I don't see this as a very great loss.

crimson5pheonix
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2437
Joined: 6 Jun 2008

If the ship sank, I now have a chance at catching a tit fish.

needausername
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3314
Joined: 7 Aug 2008

ZeroMachine:

needausername:
Imagine finding that box. That would be hilarious.

::opens box::

"THAT'S what I should get my wife for Christmas!"

(four weeks later)

"A man was found dead in a ditch today. Investigators are unable to find the killer, but the cause of death is fifty pairs of breast implants shoved down his throat. Many extreme feminists have openly praised the act."

.... I'm sorry I couldn't help it XD

No, I just mean on the basis that you could slap someone with a fake silicon boob. To me, that would be hilarious.

John Tacos
Beat Writer
Posts: 194
Joined: 25 Nov 2008

Not the boobies!!!!!!

Slycne
Video Producer
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Joined: 19 Feb 2006

crimson5pheonix:
If the ship sank, I now have a chance at catching a tit fish.

How could it sink? I think that much plastic could have kept the Titanic afloat.

xitel
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 4603
Joined: 13 Aug 2008

Slycne:

crimson5pheonix:
If the ship sank, I now have a chance at catching a tit fish.

How could it sink? I think that much plastic could have kept the Titanic afloat.

Well, if it were silicone then it would sink, but foam-rubber would float. All depends on how realistic they were.

EDIT: Okay, just reread the OP, and yeah, even then those are sometimes heavy rubber and not plastic.

Drake the Dragonheart
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1117
Joined: 14 Aug 2008

this whole thread has me laughing so hard my sides hurt. Maybe the thief wanted to get really in touch with their feminine side perhaps? Although I do have to agree is this really that great a loss, and not only humanity's sadness for the shipment, but it is even sadder still somebody felt the need to steal the booty. Ok no more bad puns, I promise!

crimson5pheonix
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2437
Joined: 6 Jun 2008

Slycne:

crimson5pheonix:
If the ship sank, I now have a chance at catching a tit fish.

How could it sink? I think that much plastic could have kept the Titanic afloat.

Well enough point, but I still like the idea of a tit fish.

PedroSteckecilo
On the Record
Posts: 5521
Joined: 7 Feb 2008

My guess?

Yahtzee is trying to fullfill his fantasy .as prophecized in his Saints Row 2 review which he likened to "Wrestling an excitable dog in a pool full of disembodied breasts."

This is probably the closest he'll ever get.

Myan
Ad Production Manager
Posts: 118
Joined: 16 Dec 2003

LesIsMore:

Myan:
image

Woot shameless product placement woot!

:D I figured it was appropriate to the thread topic.

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