Shipment of Stonking Great Tits Goes Missing

A shipment of 130,000 fake breasts has gone missing on its way to Australia.

Australian Men's Magazine Ralph (NSFW!) has a problem: it's missing all of its stonking great (fake) tits. Not the kind of fake knockers you might find filling the sweater of nubile young Hollywood hopeful, but rather the plastic kind you wear on the front of your shirt (here, being modeled by Gazza).

The free boobs (worth $200,000) were meant to be given away with the January issue, but unfortunately something happened at sea.

Ralph editor Santi Pintado is desperate to find them because, amongst other woes, the magazine's parent company PBL media is already in major debt, to the tune of $4.3 billion.

"Unless Somali pirates have stolen them it's difficult to explain where they are," Pintado said.

Well...where would you look in Australia for someone obsessed with jubblies?

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Wanted: Fake Tits gone missing.

Whoever stole that shipment did a disservice to keg parties across Australia, but a did a favor for pretty much everywhere else.

It gets awfully lonely out at sea...perhaps the crew started having fun with them, and didn't want to give them up?

/innuendos :P

I would just love to be there for a MSC Napoli esque recreation salvage operation where a large amount of chavvy families attempt to swindle themselves some free fake boobs.

"Yarr! This ain't booty...it's...well, FAKE booty!"

The Art of Theft 2: Trilby and the Ship of Tits

I would hate to see what they do with that many boxes of fake ta-tas!

I hope someone's sailing on a mammary raft somewhere.

Myan:

Woot shameless product placement woot!

LesIsMore:
I hope someone's sailing on a mammary raft somewhere.

As long as it doesn't go tits up. Then they'd have to do the breast-stroke.

The_root_of_all_evil:

LesIsMore:
I hope someone's sailing on a mammary raft somewhere.

As long as it doesn't go tits up. Then they'd have to do the breast-stroke.

bad-dum tshh

The_root_of_all_evil:

LesIsMore:
I hope someone's sailing on a mammary raft somewhere.

As long as it doesn't go tits up. Then they'd have to do the breast-stroke.

Please... no more puns... they burn the eyes.

The_root_of_all_evil:

"Unless Somali pirates have stolen them it's difficult to explain where they are," Pintado said.

Dammit! I wanted to make that joke!

What... Why? What practical or financial reason would there be to steal fake breasts?

It certainly couldn't be for ransom, so I suppose recreation is the only possibility here.

Imagine finding that box. That would be hilarious.

I feel sorry that such an unfortunate thing happend to a needy magazine with such a decent sense of humor. Where is the justice in the world!? :D

Wait a minute, a magazine was going to give out fake tits? Why haven't American magazines done that?

needausername:
Imagine finding that box. That would be hilarious.

::opens box::

"THAT'S what I should get my wife for Christmas!"

(four weeks later)

"A man was found dead in a ditch today. Investigators are unable to find the killer, but the cause of death is fifty pairs of breast implants shoved down his throat. Many extreme feminists have openly praised the act."

.... I'm sorry I couldn't help it XD

xitel:
Wait a minute, a magazine was going to give out fake tits? Why haven't American magazines done that?

There are American magazines showing fake tits. Isn't that close enough?

I don't see this as a very great loss.

If the ship sank, I now have a chance at catching a tit fish.

ZeroMachine:

needausername:
Imagine finding that box. That would be hilarious.

::opens box::

"THAT'S what I should get my wife for Christmas!"

(four weeks later)

"A man was found dead in a ditch today. Investigators are unable to find the killer, but the cause of death is fifty pairs of breast implants shoved down his throat. Many extreme feminists have openly praised the act."

.... I'm sorry I couldn't help it XD

No, I just mean on the basis that you could slap someone with a fake silicon boob. To me, that would be hilarious.

Not the boobies!!!!!!

crimson5pheonix:
If the ship sank, I now have a chance at catching a tit fish.

How could it sink? I think that much plastic could have kept the Titanic afloat.

Slycne:

crimson5pheonix:
If the ship sank, I now have a chance at catching a tit fish.

How could it sink? I think that much plastic could have kept the Titanic afloat.

Well, if it were silicone then it would sink, but foam-rubber would float. All depends on how realistic they were.

EDIT: Okay, just reread the OP, and yeah, even then those are sometimes heavy rubber and not plastic.

this whole thread has me laughing so hard my sides hurt. Maybe the thief wanted to get really in touch with their feminine side perhaps? Although I do have to agree is this really that great a loss, and not only humanity's sadness for the shipment, but it is even sadder still somebody felt the need to steal the booty. Ok no more bad puns, I promise!

Slycne:

crimson5pheonix:
If the ship sank, I now have a chance at catching a tit fish.

How could it sink? I think that much plastic could have kept the Titanic afloat.

Well enough point, but I still like the idea of a tit fish.

My guess?

Yahtzee is trying to fullfill his fantasy .as prophecized in his Saints Row 2 review which he likened to "Wrestling an excitable dog in a pool full of disembodied breasts."

This is probably the closest he'll ever get.

LesIsMore:

Myan:

Woot shameless product placement woot!

:D I figured it was appropriate to the thread topic.