The Tiny Nightie Of The Velvet Assassin

She stalks her prey with ruthless efficiency, a sleek predator in an era of brutish savagery. She moves - she strikes - she takes off her clothes. All in a day's work for the Velvet Assassin.

What could be better than a mix of intense stealth action and Nazi killing behind enemy lines? Tits, apparently. Violette Summer, the eponymous Velvet Assassin, will have several outfits at her disposal throughout the course of the game, not least of which will be a hot, slinky lace number that even the developer admits serves no actual purpose whatsoever.

"From day one the developers at Replay Studios knew they didn't want to simply sensationalize one of the most tragic wars in human history, but to give gamers one of the first true-to-life experiences," the studio said in a press release. "An integral part of that mission was to provide players with an intriguing view of the war by portraying a strong, yet normal woman, not only in physique - but also in the reality of her abilities."

Normal, eh? I don't know about Violette's in-game abilities but as far as her physique goes the only thing separating her from Lara Croft territory is a ridiculous pony-tail. And while her conventional game duds earn a nod for their practical value, Replay isn't fooling me: These outfits are all sex, all the time. The Arthur Fonzarelli-inspired Pilot Outfit is pure, raw hotness, while the Leather Sneaking Outfit is more like the Leather Mistress Outfit. Seriously, who sneaks around behind Nazi lines in skin-tight, knee-high calfskin boots with heels? Great for the Dungeon, maybe, but not so much for occupied France.

Speaking of the Nazis, Velvet also owns a full-on Nazi Officer's Uniform, complete with - again - those crazy "do me" boots. A handy kit for moving undetected among the enemy, arguably, but don't try telling me that Max Mosley is the only man in the world with She-Wolf of the SS fantasies.

And then, finally, there is that hot, slinky "Night Dress," an outfit both wholly unnecessary and absolutely obligatory. "This outfit is completely unsuited to any of the exploits that Violette will undertake, but that's the point," the press release explains. "The entirety of Velvet Assassin is actually a flashback, with Violette remembering her efforts while in a coma. Whenever players get into a tight spot in the game, they can go into 'Morphine Mode' which simulates Violette getting an injection of the drug from her nurse to calm her down as she lives out the horrific memories of war in her violent dreams. When this happens, the action slows down and the world around her becomes more of a dreamscape, and whatever Violette was wearing is temporarily exchanged with the nightie she's garbed in at the hospital."

Which is possibly the worst excuse for working some T&A into a game I've ever read. I can see the email from the producer now: "We need boobs, boys, and I'm not too particular about how it happens!" Mission accomplished: The funbags are in, and plausibility is out. Is it beating a dead horse to point out that while the clothes disappear, the gun doesn't? Or perhaps I should call it a pistol; the guns are obviously the point.

Velvet Assassin is currently in development for the Xbox 360 and PC, and slated for release in April 2009. To learn more, check out the official site at velvetassassin.com.

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"Bullet Time?"

"No, Boobie Time!"

A sneaking WWII game where you play as a leather bound hottie, eh? Sounds like every thing most gamers want dosnt it.

wow.
i'll probably end up getting it :P

Virgil:
"Bullet Time?"

"No, Boobie Time!"

Stop. Boo- No, no, no. I can't rip the hammer like this. I just can't!

EDIT: So, whenever she gets hurt, she gets dressed in a sexy lace number? I can see the traffic of sexypain.com skyrocketing.

For the record, that may or may not be a real site, but I don't really wanna check,

Danny Ocean:
For the record, that may or may not be a real site, but I don't really wanna check,

Nope. Not real. Yeah, I was willing to take that bullet for you guys. At work.

Available business opportunity for ya, Danny.

That "Morphine Mode" sounds like the dumbest and greatest thing ever.

"Gah, I'm so sick of this game" *morphine mode button* "YAAAY! Bunnies, Rainbows, and Tits!"

Looks like their research for strong but normal women of the period went no further then betty boop.

Also, this all feels a bit too Assassins Creed for me. Having a similar game is one thing. A simular game with simular sounding mechanics & similar premises for them is just ripping off.

Andraste:

Danny Ocean:
For the record, that may or may not be a real site, but I don't really wanna check,

Nope. Not real. Yeah, I was willing to take that bullet for you guys. At work. ^{Don't you own the place?}

Available business opportunity for ya, Danny.

I think the good people at the Themis Group could capitalize on this to pay for the office secret Santa and Christmas party.

Not according to Replay Studios, Gamecock and Gamestop.

Why is she wearing that nightie in a hospital? And not a paper gown like the rest of us shmucks get?

xitel:
Why is she wearing that nightie in a hospital? And not a paper gown like the rest of us shmucks get?

Well, you could wear the nightie if you wanted; but, I think you'd get some weird looks from the staff.

xitel:
Why is she wearing that nightie in a hospital? And not a paper gown like the rest of us shmucks get?

Because they're hoping to avoid the AO rating.

Danny Ocean:

xitel:
Why is she wearing that nightie in a hospital? And not a paper gown like the rest of us shmucks get?

Well, you could wear the nightie if you wanted; but, I think you'd get some weird looks from the staff.

I don't know, I think I would look pretty good in that nightie. Much better than I would in a backless-paper gown. What if the zombies in No Mercy wore those?

Danny Ocean:

xitel:
Why is she wearing that nightie in a hospital? And not a paper gown like the rest of us shmucks get?

Well, you could wear the nightie if you wanted; but, I think you'd get some weird looks from the staff.

Because you are carrying a gun or wearing a nightie?

So why exactly did they add this? I personally don't want to be disgusted by a game, and adding near nudity doesn't help.

Terazeal:
So why exactly did they add this? I personally don't want to be disgusted by a game, and adding near nudity doesn't help.

Sure helps me in this frustrating period of my life.

What?

Danny Ocean:

Sure helps me in this frustrating period of my life.
What?

Eh? How?

Terazeal:

Danny Ocean:

Sure helps me in this frustrating period of my life.
What?

Eh? How?

Do you really want to know how a scantily clad woman helps him.

If a game needs to resort to this kind of thing, then it's clear the gameplay, plot and story are simply not good enough. Desperate plies like this actually turn me away from buying games.

She wears knee high boots and nightie. Why are people complaining! Look, boobs!

xitel:

Danny Ocean:

xitel:
Why is she wearing that nightie in a hospital? And not a paper gown like the rest of us shmucks get?

Well, you could wear the nightie if you wanted; but, I think you'd get some weird looks from the staff.

I don't know, I think I would look pretty good in that nightie. Much better than I would in a backless-paper gown. What if the zombies in No Mercy wore those?

*shivers*

Thanks, its like seeing that zombie arse for the first time all over again. I won't be turned on for a week, cheers.

" I have to sneak past a nazi, but How?... Dammit I can't think in this full Nazi uniform with appropriate passes and good weapon hiding spots. *takes off* now I can think...wait....I now look like a ghost... a little bit....YES!! *drops guns, runs at enemy* Whooooooo!"

I am buying this game

Indigo_Dingo:

SomeBritishDude:
She wears knee high boots and nightie. Why are people complaining! Look, boobs!

Because most of us already know what boobs look like, and it gets kinda boring. If they had something like a third eye, or maybe a video screen, that would be kinda different.

How about a third eye ON a boob?

I want morphine mode to be real. Whenever she rolls forward, she doesn't actually go anywhere. Merely a form of her with a trail of her actions flowing behind her makes the roll.

But I gotta say, it's fun to have a game that doesn't take itself too seriously. Morphine/Nightie mode will just be a fun, trippy experience. I'm not going to judge this game too harshly for it's portrayal of women since I would pretty much not be playing 90% of all first person shooters and adventure games. Just give me the gameplay and we'll call it even.

Says Replay Studios: "What's World War 2? We don't even know."

Oh man, the Cod of War skin was my favorite. He used fishooks.

Honestly I liked this game more when it was Saboteur.

This just in: No one cares! Sexy girls in videogames is not news! The Entire World is not at all shocked by this! It is not sensational, not a scandal, nor is it the least bit controversial!