Asteroids Film Adaptation Finds A New Screenwriter

Asteroids Film Adaptation Finds A New Screenwriter

Asteroids screenshot

Previous drafts of the Asteroids movie were apparently not up to snuff, as Universal has hired Jez Butterworth to rewrite the film.

I hope I'm not blowing anyone's minds, but yes, there is a film adaptation of the Atari classic Asteroids in the works at Universal Pictures. How does Universal think it can cobble together a serviceable movie from a game that can be described in its entirety as "tiny ship shoots giant rocks ad nauseam" is anyone's guess, but it seems the studio has found someone who might know: Jez Butterworth, the movie's newest screenwriter.

Variety reports that Butterworth has signed an agreement to rewrite the Asteroids script originally penned by Matt Lopez and Evan Spiliotopoulos, though details on the new plot are utterly lacking. For that matter, we know nothing about the prior, now-scrapped plot. Presumably it involves asteroids of some kind? Maybe a ship? Possibly some of those annoying flying saucers?

While Butterworth's IMDB profile is well-stocked with actual feature films, he's not done anything really high-profile as of yet, so we don't have any idea how to feel about this news. Honestly, we're too baffled at the idea of an Asteroids movie by itself to attempt the formation of any solid, witty opinions.

I mean, c'mon, how does Asteroids become a feature film? Battleship was a massive silver screen debacle, yet somehow Universal feels that adapting a game with even less plot potential will work out for the best? This is just an effort to piggyback on the presumed, near-future popularity of videogame film adaptations, isn't it? Ubisoft is busy pushing multiple gaming properties toward theaters, and it seems that Universal also wants to slice off a piece of that pie.

Will this prove lucrative? Who cares? As much as the concept of an Asteroids film sounds like a trainwreck on paper, I can't wait to see what it looks like in reality. At best it will be a serviceable film, and at worst it will be the new low-water mark warning game creators away from signing contracts with anyone who lives above Mulholland. Either way, that sounds entertaining.

Source: Variety

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It will only ever truly work as a parody, there is no other way to handle this thing.

sturryz:
It will only ever truly work as a parody, there is no other way to handle this thing.

With Nic Cage as the grizzled starfighter pilot brought out of retirement to defend the world from the threat of the deadly asteroids.

I'm already interested in the obligatory movie tie in game!

I'm curious if it'll be an fps

Um, we already had an Asteroids movie. It was called Armageddon.

Earnest Cavalli:
How does Universal think it can cobble together a serviceable movie from a game that can be described in its entirety as "tiny ship shoots giant rocks ad nauseam"

Easy.

Aliens are intent on destroying Planet Earth using mass drivers to hurl giant chunks of rock at near light speed into the defenceless planet!

Defenceless, save for one ship crewed by quirky misfits!

Who must set aside their differences to save Earth!

Their captain a hard bitten vet in disgrace for breaking the rules!

Only they can protect our world from being destroyed by a deadly interstellar rain of... A S T E R O I D S

One line pitch for Hollywood Producers: "It's like ARMAGEDDON only with more explosions!"

Tagline: GET READY TO ROCK

It's just going to be "The Core" but in space and with asteroids.

Lone white male scientist spots asteroids heading for earth, informs US government.
US government hides and block all knowledge of event.
US government revels top secret space ship project to lone white male scientist, with experimental energy weapons.
US government assembles a motley crew of people who don't get long, along with lone white male scientist and love interest.
Crew training and Ship completion scenes.
Mission start.
Experimental space ship and crew engage asteroids around Saturn or Mars (because they are the only two easily recognizable planets).
Experimental energy weapons work, then when they are almost finished ether an asteroid damages the ship or it just plain old breaks.
Crew try to fix ship, crew tensions and issues happen, people die ether from repair accidents or murder.
lone white male scientist and love interest survive and get close ect.
Ship is fixed and they rush to catch the remaining asteroids.
Ship gets there just in time and saves the day (possibly by overloading and ejecting experimental engine to destroy remaining asteroids).
The ship crashes.
Lone white male scientist and love interest survive.
Coast Guard team dispatched.
Make out scene, roll credits.

it cant be worse than wing commander the movie

Camarilla:

sturryz:
It will only ever truly work as a parody, there is no other way to handle this thing.

With Nic Cage as the grizzled starfighter pilot brought out of retirement to defend the world from the threat of the deadly asteroids.

Only The Rock can play as these rocks. And they should all be smirking.

Personally I'm looking forward to a movie adaptation of snake, always saw the potential for a heart-wrenching chick flick in that one (the protagonist is very phallic, so the love scenes will pretty much write themself). I'm hoping to get Uwe Boll to direct the movie.

That's a joke, right?

Please tell you're just messing with us...

FalloutJack:

Camarilla:

sturryz:
It will only ever truly work as a parody, there is no other way to handle this thing.

With Nic Cage as the grizzled starfighter pilot brought out of retirement to defend the world from the threat of the deadly asteroids.

Only The Rock can play as these rocks. And they should all be smirking.

In Space, nobody can smell what your are cooking :P

sorsa:
Personally I'm looking forward to a movie adaptation of snake, always saw the potential for a heart-wrenching chick flick in that one (the protagonist is very phallic, so the love scenes will pretty much write themself). I'm hoping to get Uwe Boll to direct the movie.

The titular Snake would be the enemy of the film. An unsatiable unstoppable horror that can only be killed by tricking it into eating itself.

How would this movie even work? There's no antagonist, no-one to fight against, no characters at all, no motivation, etc etc.

Someone should make an asteroids mod where each asteroid is Dwayne Johnson's smiling mug.

When are they making a Yar's Revenge movie? Get with it, guys.

I am waiting for the movie adaptation of Pong. Now that will write itself.

...Universal's execs should all be forced to watch Minesweeper: the Movie over and over, nonstop for 12 hours. Strapped into a very uncomfortable chair. With their heads strapped in place looking forward and their eyes wired open. Like that time Sterling Archer brainwashed Len Trexler into hating his mother.

Might convince them this is a bad idea. Hopefully.

Couldn't they just re-release Armageddon?

Earnest Cavalli:
I hope I'm not blowing anyone's minds, but yes, there is a film adaptation of the Atari classic Asteroids in the works at Universal Pictures.

Seriously? What's next, are they going to try to make a game out of Battleships or someth... oh. Well, I'm sure they'd never consider something as silly as Monopol... never mind. At least the classics such as Pacman are safe. What's that, a film and TV series? Goddamn it Hollywood.

Damn, I thought it said Asteroids Screensaver.
Oh well, a film is... is... what?

Am I to expect a snake movie sometime? or would that be too much of a rehash of pacman?

Camarilla:

sturryz:
It will only ever truly work as a parody, there is no other way to handle this thing.

With Nic Cage as the grizzled starfighter pilot brought out of retirement to defend the world from the threat of the deadly asteroids.

Captcha: well done

I agree.

 

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