Lawsuit Demands Porn Filters For All Apple Products

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Lawsuit Demands Porn Filters For All Apple Products

Macbook Air

A Tennessee attorney has filed a lawsuit demanding Apple install filters to block porn on all of its products, because he can't stop looking at it.

Chris Sevier is a lawyer with a problem. He can't stop looking at porn. He can't stop comparing hot, young porn actresses to his wife, who it is implied is neither hot nor young. And he can't stop looking at porn. Did I mention that he can't stop looking at porn? Because he can't. Because porn.

But while this is Sevier's problem, in his worldview it's not actually his fault. It's Apple's fault, because Apple sold him a device that can access pornographic content despite the fact that it knows (or should have known) that it is addictive, unhealthy and downright un-American, causing "American girls traveling abroad to be abducted and cast into sex trafficking, since the proliferation of unfiltered pornography has given rise to a demand of illegal depravity."

The solution, according to Sevier, is simple: Every Apple product must be sold with a preinstalled and preset filter that blocks all access to all pornography. Users who want to view porn on their hardware would first have to prove that they are at least 18 years of age and then receive and acknowledge a warning from Apple about the dangers of porn. If, at that point, the user still wants to indulge, Apple would provide a password to bypass the filter and everyone goes away happy.

Sevier's lawsuit states that his problems began when he purchased a Macbook Pro from a Tennessee Apple Store. Using it as directed, he was able to access the internet, but shortly thereafter things fell apart. "In using Safari, the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com' and a host of websites that caused him to see pornographic images that appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and lead to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences," the lawsuit states.

"The Plaintiff began to prefer the cyber beauties over his wife, which caused his marriage to fail. His wife abducted his son and disappeared, which was a subsequent consequence of Apple's decision to sell its computer not on 'safe mode'," it continues. "The Plaintiff became depressed and despondent, unable to work as a result of observing porn on his Macbook and the impact it caused. The Plaintiff will have to continue to seek counseling to overcome the damaging impact that observing pornographic images online caused."

The suit goes on for 50 brilliant pages and concludes with a demand for an injunction requiring porn filters on all Apple products, a donation by Apple to agencies battling "the systemic problems that have stemmed from Apple's negligent decision to not safeguard its customers from the inherent dangers of viewing pornography," roughly $75,000 to cover loss of income and medical expenses and a public statement from Apple about the risks and dangers of porn. However, if Apple agrees to begin selling its products with porn filters installed and active before trial, Sevier says he will halt his litigation.

In his defense (so to speak), Sevier is in fact suffering from some kind of psychological disability: In December of 2011 he was placed on "disability inactive status" by the Tennessee Supreme Court for "mental infirmity or illness." Could there be a connection? Probably not, but it's still a great read.

Source: Above the Law

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Umm, good luck?

I really don't think his case holds up.

If I had been the court clerk in charge of reviewing this litigation, I would have just laughed, thrown it back in the guy's face and told him to stop wasting my time. It amazes me how many people do stupid things and then try to blame everyone but themselves...

RatherDull:
Umm, good luck?

I really don't think his case holds up.

To be fair he's using the exact same logic that groups have used for the entire history of the US (and probably globally) to make laws.

There is something he can't stop wanting to do or actually doing so he wants to make it illegal because he has no self control. They always ignore the fact that they are trying to screw with everyone else while trying to get their life in order but then people at the macro level don't seem to care about that kind of thing unless it impacts them (in a way they feel is negative) directly.

Only if they install religious filters on them too so I don't have to keep reading all the filthy religious sites, and message boards.

Well to be fair. If I couldn't stop comparing my wife to beautiful young porn actresses, I'd be angry as well. ^^

Andy Chalk:
the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com'

How do you even do this? The "u" key is so far away from the "a" key. Still, I almost wish this goes through just because of the hilarity of the thing.

Or y'know he could get on with his life and stop trying to impose on my wanking habits.

OT: How does one mispell Facebook as Fuckbook? Was he having a stroke at the time?

lol ... good luck buddy, hope your ready to get destroyed by Apples lawyer team

Only in America! :D

On the other hand, people got millions because they claimed they got cancer because the tobacco industry didn't do enough to warn them about the hazards of smoking. So maybe his chances are better than we think.

The irony is that Apple already does everything legally possible to keep porn off its devices. So he must really have tried to "accidentally" find porn.

synobal:
Only if they install religious filters on them too so I don't have to keep reading all the filthy religious sites, and message boards.

That would be nice.

I'm seeing another Jack Thompson-style disbarrment in this guy's near future. And that's about all I have to say about this. Most frivolous lawsuit I've ever heard of.

marcooos:
Or y'know he could get on with his life and stop trying to impose on my wanking habits.

OT: How does one mispell Facebook as Fuckbook? Was he having a stroke at the time?

obviously he was going into using the device for pornography in the first place, This shit is gonna kill whatever career he had. Oh well, atleast if that happens he can always go look at pornography to pass the time.

marcooos:
OT: How does one mispell Facebook as Fuckbook? Was he having a stroke at the time?

Oh yeah, he was probably having a 'stroke' of some description.

Andy Chalk:
"In using Safari, the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com'

Oh come the fuck on

This is a joke

This can't POSSIBLY not be a joke.

They are NOT being serious here.

No one could ever write that shit without shitting their pants with laughter.

Phrozenflame500:

Andy Chalk:
the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com'

How do you even do this? The "u" key is so far away from the "a" key. Still, I almost wish this goes through just because of the hilarity of the thing.

It's suprisingly easy. I wanted to go to xkcd.com one time and, through a series of unfortunate typing errors, ended up at lustylesbianhousewivescoveredinwhippedcreampaddlingeachothersbuttocks.uk.net/freepreviews and it's all Apple's fault even though I have an Asus netbook.

And yeah, you don't need to force regulations on possibly millions of other people just because you have a porn addiction and mental health issues. Just wear boxing gloves or something.

We should also remove all porn so kids should stop porning in school, because logic.

CriticalMiss:

Phrozenflame500:

Andy Chalk:
the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com'

How do you even do this? The "u" key is so far away from the "a" key. Still, I almost wish this goes through just because of the hilarity of the thing.

It's suprisingly easy. I wanted to go to xkcd.com one time and, through a series of unfortunate typing errors, ended up at lustylesbianhousewivescoveredinwhippedcreampaddlingeachothersbuttocks.uk.net/freepreviews and it's all Apple's fault even though I have an Asus netbook.

And yeah, you don't need to force regulations on possibly millions of other people just because you have a porn addiction and mental health issues. Just wear boxing gloves or something.

I always knew auto-correct was a bad idea, and would come back to haunt itself:P

It's sad that this guy is so obviously mentally broken despite being mentally sharp enough to become a lawyer, however it's really messed up that he's so self absorbed that he's going to make a laughing stock of his wife nationally to absolve himself of the blame.

To him I say Face You!

Or he could always do this:

Step 1: Google "Adult content blocker". If he's scared of being monitored by the NSA, he could always use something nobody else uses like ask.com

Step 2: Install any of the variety of options that have been presented to you. Allow someone else to set the password so you can't be a naught devil and change it!

Step 3: Ta-dah! You've blocked adult content on your PC/Mac, and saved everyone else time having to deal with your stupid time wasting bullshit lawsuit because you have the self-control of a horny 14 year old. Congratulations!

Andy Chalk:

Chris Sevier is a lawyer with a problem. He can't stop looking at porn. He can't stop comparing hot, young porn actresses to his wife, who it is implied is neither hot nor young. And he can't stop looking at porn. Did I mention that he can't stop looking at porn? Because he can't. Because porn.

I have to know, how fun was this to write?

This whole thing is pretty damn funny.

"caused him to see pornographic images that appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male"

This, this little bit from this "article" made me stop reading and start laughing a lot harder than I should ever have. Appealing to his biological sensibilities as a man..., that's fucking genius writing right there.

Talk about a baby's hand holding an apple :P

Phrozenflame500:
How do you even do this? The "u" key is so far away from the "a" key. Still, I almost wish this goes through just because of the hilarity of the thing.

Gay marriage made him do it.

Kamille Bidan:

marcooos:
OT: How does one mispell Facebook as Fuckbook? Was he having a stroke at the time?

Oh yeah, he was probably having a 'stroke' of some description.

Actually he was having a "streak" but I couldn't give less of a "face".

The sad thing is that I believe Apple might just put such a filter on anyway.

Ok, I'll just throw this out there. I look at TONS, I mean TONS of porn on a daily basis, and somehow it doesn't seem to hinder my life. He just needs to learn about priorities. Hmm, I really need to do this, but...porn...No. Work now, porn after. Wife sad, but...porn...No. Take care of wife now, porn after. One must learn to properly prioritize the use of porn.

Wife/girlfriend catches you watching porn? Blame *insert random corporation here*! they aren't doing anything to stop you from watching porn, it's their fault! Also, porn corrupts our youth, etc...

He can't stop spanking it so he is trying to get Apple to put filters on (which I think has already failed in the UK when ISPs were asked to do the same) there computers AND to get $75,000?

How about some self restraint? Christ, if it has caused this many problems he must have been spanking it like once an hour!

Also, how was he comparing them to his wife to the point they broke up? "hey honey, you should have seen this girl on the net! She had the nicest ass, not like yours, it was just so tight!"?

Kind of feel sorry for him.

Hey, guys, don't be so mean, it's a common mistake to accidentally go to www.sexual-escapades.com instead of www.escapistmagazine.com

Snark snark snark. No, seriously, this guy is dumb.

Let's say that they actually implement this. What would stop a potential porn addict from getting Apple to disable the filters? Nothing. Which makes it useless.

Also, I thought that in the US you had to be 18 years old to participate in porn, but 21 years old to watch it. Can someone from the US clarify this for me?

I don't see why a problem of his, and presumably a certain small portion of the population receive special treatment. If he has this problem, it's his responsibility to acquire and install a porn filter.

synobal:
Only if they install religious filters on them too so I don't have to keep reading all the filthy religious sites, and message boards.

^ Also this.

marcooos:

OT: How does one mispell Facebook as Fuckbook? Was he having a stroke at the time?

Of course he was, just the fun kind. I think Apple should just ban him from their products so he could go and bother Microsoft when the same thing happens.

marcooos:
Or y'know he could get on with his life and stop trying to impose on my wanking habits.

OT: How does one mispell Facebook as Fuckbook? Was he having a stroke at the time?

and really, there are so much better sites than fuckbook.

err, not that I would know of any, mind you, most certainly not a site that will give you a random number which takes you to a random video that could range from Never Gonna Give You Up, to some grade A stuff, to some 60 year old guy who has a taste for stuff from Bad Dragon.

I'm just going to go back to laughing at cat videos on the internet now.

Doom972:
Also, I thought that in the US you had to be 18 years old to participate in porn, but 21 years old to watch it. Can someone from the US clarify this for me?

Hah! Does that mean if you are a pornographic actor/actress between the ages of 18 and 20, you have to close your eyes while filming so you can't watch what is happening? Hehe.

But actually, I think it's 18 on both counts (participating and watching). You just can't be drunk while doing it :)

Also: This is the very definition of a frivolous lawsuit. Maybe this guy ought to look up the term "Personal responsibility".

omega 616:
He can't stop spanking it so he is trying to get Apple to put filters on (which I think has already failed in the UK when ISPs were asked to do the same) there computers AND to get $75,000?

Really? That can't be right....

Huh..Well look at that. It is.

http://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2013/06/isps-to-include-porn-filters-as-standard-in-uk-by-2014/

You got a link to how it might have failed?

Oh my god...

I can access porn from my iMac!?

WHY AM I ONLY LEARNING THIS NOW!!!?

I came in here expecting to have to rail against those moronic "Family Groups" but I find myself very surprised.

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