Lawsuit Demands Porn Filters For All Apple Products

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This is really a thing? A dude with a massive porn addiction is demanding the internet be locked away behind safeguards and filters? Really?

What's Next? He'll have the FCC come in and Censor real life? People won't have genitals anymore?

Exercise some self-control, don't have unrealistic expectations about females and enjoy the woman you have. Although i doubt she'll stick with him for long after the comparison.

Kyr Knightbane:

What's Next? He'll have the FCC come in and Censor real life?

Not being american my first thought of the FCC was a band called the flying cunts of chaos. I was enjoying imagining them running around censoring real life.

OT: Yeah this dude needs help and not the kind that gives him a lump sum of money for making his problem everyone else's problem.

sleeky01:

omega 616:
He can't stop spanking it so he is trying to get Apple to put filters on (which I think has already failed in the UK when ISPs were asked to do the same) there computers AND to get $75,000?

Really? That can't be right....

Huh..Well look at that. It is.

http://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2013/06/isps-to-include-porn-filters-as-standard-in-uk-by-2014/

You got a link to how it might have failed?

I did say "I think", I was sure I read somewhere that it had gone the way of SOPA and PIPA but I might be wrong.

Not sure were I read it, if I did read it in the first place ... I might just be incorrectly remembering.

I love how it even states that the wife "abducted" their son. Don't me wrong a parent can kidnap their own child...but this time I don't think that's the case. I think this was a case where mommy saw that daddy was GOING NUTS and decided her child shouldn't have to watch that. It even seems to me that he's blaming his wife for not being as attractive as a pornstar...what the fuck? If she wasn't good looking enough for you then why'd you marry her? Also let's shove a human being up between your legs, let you carry it around for nine months, then shove it back out through a tiny hole, and then start taking care of this little human being pretty damn close to 24/7 and then we'll measure how hot or not you are, sir.

This guy has a lot more than just a porn addiction fucking him up. He doesn't seem to have any concept of personal reposibility. He must be a god send to his clients. "What? You mean you stuck your hand INTO the moving blades of your lawn mower without turning it off and lost your entire hand? CLEARLY THEIR FAULT! I'm going to make sure you get ten million dollars!"

I get that the guy has mental issues and all, but as someone who also has mental issues I know that it doesn't absolve me of my actions when I fuck up. It doesn't for this guy either. He's not just ruining his life with this shit, he's ruining his wife and his son's life. Just gotta hope that the kid has a healthier mind that dear old dad.

This is completely priceless. It's like he is inviting people to watch how mentally challenged he really is and then openly comment on it... it's like a free pass to make fun of the partially retarded guy. We should be thanking him for this once in a lifetime chance.... but not by allowing this ridiculous case to go through.

Seriously, if he wants a porn filter, that's software he has to install himself.
Like every other kind of software.

And the decision to look at porn or not is his his responsibility as well.
It's called "self-control".

Lol, the legal document is comedy gold. My favorite line so far: Apple products are the superceding cause of sexual addictions and dysfunctions, not the porn makers.

Also, I like how he seems to think Apple products are the superceding devices for connecting to the net.

Great. Just fucking great. It was bad enough when parents insisted that it wasn't their responsibility to monitor what their own kids do with media (kids playing GTA? Must be Rockstar's fault), and now the adults expect to be molly-coddled. I mean, come fucking ON, some people are trying to lobby for pro-choice and against corporate bullshit here (see Xbone kerfuffle), we don't need fucking morons like these up and saying "We have no sense of responsibility for our families, our kids or ourselves! Save us with your totalitarian laws, oh mighty governments and corporations! (Slippery slope I know, but you get the point)

Wholly crap I thin I blacked out for a year. How'd it get to be April first already? I mean really? REALLY? This can't be true. What? Why? How? amd why only apple does he not know you can get porn from other companies? That'll just blow his mind. ........... must resist self setup............

He's addicted to porn, and so he's using his position as a lawyer to blame everyone else for his own inability to stop jerking it?

HAHA. OH WOW!

How much you wanna bet is a Neo-Con Christian Republican.

The same types that want to force a women to go though mental and sexual assaults if they want an abortion.
Who think 'the pill' is evil, but Viagra is fine.

The same kind of backwards, inbreed, neanderthals who think gun control doesn't work because there will be a black market but think banning abortion will stop all abortions.

This guy is a complete moron and I hope he's disbarred for this.

I hope it goes to court, I hope he's asked to make a statement, then I hope the judge nails him (figuratively) with a massive fine for wasting the court's time.

Don't Apple pretty much hate adult content anyway? They might be suing themselves with this absurd case so they can tell all their customers "the courts demanded we do this".

To be OT and serious now, how many people would get in touch with Apple to get the password to unlock porn? It wouldn't bother me but then again I wouldn't buy a product that demanded I get permission to have a fap in the first place.

and yet, with the court costs and legal fees, he could have just hired someone to make one for him.

/bashes head against table

... reads article again...

/bashes head some more

...

Captcha: how the fuck am I supposed to know the name and function of a brand that doesn't even exist in europe by its logo alone? GRRR

Guys! He's after our porn! Not cool man not cool D:

And here I thought frivolous lawsuits were dead. Count on the lawyers to dig up this shallow grave and try to blame others for their problems.

Fdzzaigl:
Captcha: how the fuck am I supposed to know the name and function of a brand that doesn't even exist in europe by its logo alone? GRRR

Maybe you should sue Apple for allowing ads like that to be present on the internet. Kinda funny how the verification puzzles have now become paid advertising.

So we have a lawyer with a porn addiction. Normally I would be able to think of a snappy joke, but really, it writes itself. Looking at pictures of naked people or movies of said naked people having sex is not a problem. Not ever. His claim that all porn is a result of kidnapping and slavery will no doubt earn him a defamation law suit or two from America's own porn stars.

008Zulu:

Fdzzaigl:
Captcha: how the fuck am I supposed to know the name and function of a brand that doesn't even exist in europe by its logo alone? GRRR

Maybe you should sue Apple for allowing ads like that to be present on the internet. Kinda funny how the verification puzzles have now become paid advertising.

Just subvert them by answering the blatant advertising captchas with the word 'poo'. Flood them with useless data and they'll stop doing it, or they will advise Dolce Gabana to start a range of designer le toilette du papiérs (poncy loo roll). Entertaining either way.

Yes, let's put mandatory filters on products because one idiot doesn't have any self control. Defacto censorship totally isn't wrong!

He has a mental disability, is there any mental disabilities that can impair one's frontal lobe or what not to this degree? I know of things like turrets and other mental disabilities that make it so you instantly blurt out what your thinking, this I would like to know of if its true.

-Dragmire-:
I have to know, how fun was this to write?

Hey man, I just report the news.

;)

This man should be shot, then disbarred.

Then shot again.

And set on fire.

Then shot one more time.

Seriously, from now on when you look up the term "Frivolous Lawsuit", it should just have a picture of this guy and a brief summary of his lawsuit. I don't think I've ever seen a better example of blaming others for your own problems.

image

How is it even possible to sue for something like this? And his reasoning?!
I couldn't stop my biological crap, so it's your fault.
It's like a rapist suing someone he raped because "he just couldn't help himself".

So apparently it doesn't make you go blind, it only erodes your sense of logic and promotes dyslexia in areas of the brain responsible for basic typing skills.

Chaosritter:
Only in America! :D

On the other hand, people got millions because they claimed they got cancer because the tobacco industry didn't do enough to warn them about the hazards of smoking. So maybe his chances are better than we think.

Except the tobacco industry was actually hiding the negative health effects of smoking from the public despite knowing about them for years before any legal action was taken. Couple that with predatory marketing and outright fabrications of the "health benefits" of smoking that they extolled for years, the lawsuits that eventually came against them were far from frivolous.

Now if those lawsuits are still successful today, then that shit's messed up. The ill effects of smoking have been rammed into the public's head so much by now that if you're smoking, it's your own damn fault if you end up dying of cancer or emphysema.

Now to be clear this is speculation, but from what I can tell about this guy's lifestyle, it looks like he just wants a bunch of money so he can retire and live out his days watching porn. I say this because he made sure to include an adendum that porn could still be accessed on these devices. Usually, if someone really is fanatically against something, that would be a concession they might make, or be prepared to make, later in the the court proceedings. This lawyer was either savvy enough to know (in his horny and angry state) that his suit was less likely to work (and garner support) if he tried to outlaw porn entirely, or... he just wanted to still have access to porn once he won. Judging by the fact that this guy is apparently so addicted that it has destroyed his life... I'm going with the second.

hang on, wait... what?

ugh, I think the stupidity is blinding me. How the hell is this apples fault?! and how the hell do you misspell facebook to fuckbook? the c and e keys are on the opposite side of the keyboard to u and k, something tells me he started getting addicted to porn beforehand and his wife caught on, so now he's blaming apple... Riiiiiiiight...

clearly this problem isnt apples fault, its his wifes fault

if she would just give him a blowjob....

no actually this guy is nuts, and its not apples problem if he doesn't have the self control to stop looking at porn on his own

Roofstone:
Well to be fair. If I couldn't stop comparing my wife to beautiful young porn actresses, I'd be angry as well. ^^

Not as angry as your wife would be I'm guessing? :)

As funny as this is, with all the stupid law-related stuff that keeps happening these days I'm always half worried that these things seem so silly that no one will seriously defend against this enough.

This will probably get thrown out, but still, sometimes a frivolous lawsuit does actually go through and I cannot sigh deeply enough.

CriticalMiss:
...or they will advise Dolce Gabana to start a range of designer le toilette du papiérs (poncy loo roll). Entertaining either way.

Sadly, this already exists.
image

Ok it's not Duncey & Gabrollollolol, or however that name is spelt, but designer loo roll actually exists.

Oh I hate men with that type of mentality. Weak with no backbone. Much the same as this dentist. He even got the law to back him up.

Insane http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2252135/Melissa-Nelson-Judges-married-dentist-fired-aide-said-irresistibly-attractive.html

But I am pretty sure this lawyers case will fall short.

Here I came in expecting someone to ply the usual "won't someone please think of the children" line... And the truth is much worse.

File under "It is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too easy to pass the bar exam in the state of Tennessee."

Only time I had an obsession with porn was literally when I was 14 and made a magical discovery. I'm an adult now. I can easily control myself... If this guy is a sex addict then he should get some help dealing with the issue instead of trying to get stupid laws passed. Otherwise he should stop acting like a 14 year old. It's called self control...

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