The Pentagon Has a Zombie Apocalypse Plan

The Pentagon Has a Zombie Apocalypse Plan

CONPLAN 8888

CONPLAN 8888, the United States Strategic Command's "Counter-Zombie Dominance" plan for dealing with the rise of the undead, is not a joke.

In case there's any doubt that the Pentagon's plan to deal with a zombie uprising is a joke, the document's very first full sentence makes it clear: "This plan was not actually designed as a joke." The document states that its purpose is to "fulfill fictional Contingency Planning Guidance (CPG) tasking for USSTRATCOM to develop a comprehensive JOPES Level 3 plan to undertake military operations to preserve all 'non-zombie' human life."

The plan has three objectives: To establish a "vigilant defensive condition" to protect non-infected humans, to eradicate zombie threats and to aid civil authorities in maintaining law and order during and after an outbreak. But you may have noticed the "fictional" qualifier in the previous paragraph, and the truth is that while it's not a joke, it's not exactly a serious scenario either.

During a training session a few years ago, members of USSTRATCOM realized that "the hyperbole involved in writing a 'zombie survival plan' actually provided a very useful and effective training tool... Because the plan was so ridiculous, our students not only enjoyed the lessons, they actually were able to explore the basic concepts of plan and order development (fact, assumptions, specified and implied tasks, references etc.) very effectively."

Zombies also allow the U.S. government to avoid the potential embarrassment and other fallout that could come from using real-world adversaries in its fictional scenarios. But fictional or not, the 31-page document goes into remarkable detail with multi-stage supporting and collateral plans, operational limitations, command relationships and more. It breaks down types of zombies - pathogenic, radiation, evil magic, space, weaponized and many others - as well as their environmental effects and the legal considerations involved in handling them. Even the dreaded chicken zombie (CZ), "the only proven class of zombie that actually exists," is covered.

I have no doubt that whoever created this document had a lot of fun doing it, but there's some real-world value to it, too. Fortunately, the Pentagon recognized that fact and kept it unclassified.

"Our intent was to place this training tool 'in the wild' so that others who were interested in finding new and innovative ways to train planners could have an alternative and admittedly unconventional tool at their disposal that could be modified and updated over time. We also hoped that this type of non-traditional training approach would provide inspiration for other personnel trying to teach topics that can be very boring," the plan states. "Finally, we figured that an entry like this would not only be instructive, but possibly entertaining for personnel deployed away from their families supporting military ops abroad. If this plan help illustrate how JOPP works and brings a smile or a brief laugh in the process, so much the better."

Mission accomplished, I'd say. USSTRATCOM's CONPLAN 8888 can be read or downloaded in full from Scribd.

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Here I thought the Pentagon would deal with a zombie apocolypse the same way the president dealt with Raccoon City in Resident Evil 2/3: nuke the hell out of the place and wipe it off the map. :P

Well, those goddamn zombies aren't going to kill themselves, you know.

Or...kill themselves again. You get the point.

Well. Seeing as what happens whenever a new iPhone or someting is released, I don't think a zombie apocalypse is that unlikely...and it's even worse when they don't just shamble about slowly and clumsily.

Err it's good to know that they got a plan by the thing is since the undead for the most part are not real (as in come back decay looking and crave for brain/ flesh) dealing with them could be different in reality when compared to the media version of them.

Reminds me of an XKCD comic, where the students are doing what I can only refer to as velociraptor math:


It's got to be more useful than New Math, at any rate.

Pretty interesting/amusing stuff. Putting a fun (and politically convenient) spin on training exercises seems like a nice and harmless way to improve morale.

CZ's (Chicken Zombies) are simply terrifying to behold and are likely only to make people become vegetarians in protest against animal cruelty. They appear to be no direct threat to humans.

- from the report

.

Good stuff.

Neronium:
Here I thought the Pentagon would deal with a zombie apocolypse the same way the president dealt with Raccoon City in Resident Evil 2/3: nuke the hell out of the place and wipe it off the map. :P

I rather let them deal with it like the President in Black Ops - take a gun and go to town with it personally.

But hey, good to know that they take the whole thing at least to some degree serious.

dammit, wont you leave me live my post apocalyptic fantasy in peace?

captcha: hard captcha is hard

well what do you know, the captcha has a sense of humor as well

We may laugh here, but as advancements into nano-technology progress, that zombie apocalypse might be inching in closer, one day at time...

kanetsb:
We may laugh here, but as advancements into nano-technology progress, that zombie apocalypse might be inching in closer, one day at time...

We also have zombie brain parasites to worry about. And cordyceps fungus.

I think a lot of the research that went into making the zombie-apocalypse protocol was watching a lot zombie movies and Walking Dead and writing down what the saw under the DON'T DO THAT column.

Darth_Payn:
I think a lot of the research that went into making the zombie-apocalypse protocol was watching a lot zombie movies and Walking Dead and writing down what the saw under the DON'T DO THAT column.

i wonder what they learned from the chicken zombies in poultryguiest

We all laugh, but it is a good training/thought exercise for a number of situations that could spring up during a real-life disaster or attack: Widespread death and disease, low civilian and military morale, isolation and decontamination requirements, a lack of communication with command structures, a need to hold and defend strategic areas... it's a pretty big list.

Oh, and the importance of marksmanship. Because you always, always aim for the head.

That plan is, every one dies. :-) In the WWZ book the army fails as they are trained to shoot at the chest, which does nothing - also add Battle of Yonkers. Dammit, i still want my WWZ tv show. :-)

This article makes me want to slap someone (of course I never would, even with the chance, but...). My government LITERALLY wasted money planning a strategy for an attack by fictional monsters? Next, are they going to make a plan for when Godzilla attacks? This is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever heard my government do, and that is saying a LOT! And MY money went into this bleeding waste of time and space.

Seriously though, if they have a plan for a Zombie Apocalypse (that will NEVER, EVER happen, then they better have a plan for something like a giant meteor -- You know, something world threatening that actually COULD happen.

The whole thing was just to train planners. In a way that is both fun and inoffensive (In that you don't have folks worrying about why you've got a plan for attacking them.)

Steve Waltz:
This article makes me want to slap someone (of course I never would, even with the chance, but...). My government LITERALLY wasted money planning a strategy for an attack by fictional monsters? Next, are they going to make a plan for when Godzilla attacks? This is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever heard my government do, and that is saying a LOT! And MY money went into this bleeding waste of time and space.

Seriously though, if they have a plan for a Zombie Apocalypse (that will NEVER, EVER happen, then they better have a plan for something like a giant meteor -- You know, something world threatening that actually COULD happen.

You do realize that it's intended as a bit of a training exercise, right? It's not a serious plan and is obviously tongue firmly planted in cheek. It's literally just saying, "This is how you make up a plan." And it's intended to be something that people can read and get a laugh out of to retain the information better. This is literally a great tool for teaching. And also might have some real world applications such as Biological Weapon attack or Outbreak of some serious illness (Black Plague 2.0).

They've probably made actual plans for attacks from other serious threats such as Russia, but also insane ones that no one actually thinks will happen, such as North Korea and France. But letting that sort of thing get out would lead to Russia calling the US Government War Mongers, France insulting us and pretending that they haven't done similar things, and North Korea crowing about how 'The Great Satan' fears the might of the 'Korean People' or 'True Korea' or something.

Besides, this probably cost a fairly small amount of money in the long run, anyway.

Its actually not a Zombie apocalypse plan at all, its about dealing with a mindless mob of humans though. You know like a large scale out of control riot, these training exercises and plans are about dealing with wide spread uncontrolled civil disorder.

Go and watch the training videos to see what I mean.

kanetsb:
We may laugh here, but as advancements into nano-technology progress, that zombie apocalypse might be inching in closer, one day at time...

Nope. Do you know how HARD it is to evoke a blindingly enraged response consistently? The human brain is an insanely complex and incredibly varied thing. We may all run on the same hardware, but the software for everyone is almost completely different and even the hardware can be different in some ways too.

Just look at pharmaceuticals. Look how hard it is to get a semi-consistent desired response from a large group of people using a certain drug. Some won't be affected at all, some will just be a little sick, some will go flat-out crazy. You just don't know what will happen. Likewise, there can't be some sort of nanotech or disease that affects each person's brain in the same way so as to cause a very specific response because, as I said, everyone's wired so differently. It's like going into a massive program and switching out random lines of code.

Steve Waltz:
This article makes me want to slap someone (of course I never would, even with the chance, but...). My government LITERALLY wasted money planning a strategy for an attack by fictional monsters?

Over the coming decades environmental and military destruction combined with first world siege mentality will render parts of the world uninhabitable by today's standards, with the unfortunate humans living (and more frequently, dying) there deemed sub-human by the "bubble dwellers" in protected and wealthy areas. Far from "fictional", one name for these unfortunate humans outside "civilization" could very well be "zombie". The Pentagon is preparing for the expected future reality.

We currently live in a largely globalized world, where even people who will shortly be starving to death are living in the same hegemonic system as you and I. At some point in this dying world this will no longer be the case, and the presentation of "zombies" in current culture is ideologically preparing people who hope to be wealthy in the future to dehumanize all humans outside "the system". People inside the bubble are being trained to see themselves as "humanity's last hope", ala Zionists who "make the desert bloom", while those outside the bubble are to be viewed as zombies for whom death is a blessing, with their protests registering as "gggarrrgggggh" to the keen, amazing, awesome, wealthy creatures holding the guns calling themselves "human".

If things go well for what might be called the zombification of the world's most mistreated people, the process for powerful institutions to call upon "bastions of humanity" to take up arms and "exterminate the zombies" will go down as easily as a fruit smoothie. In their minds they will afterwards be "repopulating the human race", ala making the desert bloom. In reality they too, despite their many guns and much stolen wealth, will die. In the end the full terror of what they wrought will be upon them, so it could very well be a blessing that most humans will be dead by then.

By the end of the century the world will be capable of supporting half a billion people, notwithstanding possible political outcomes that could far reduce that number. So from now to then powerful people need to kill off billions of people, a massive project that they need a lot of help with. Turning poor humans into zombies in the minds of people terrorized into despising them could go a long way toward making such a project a success.

Remember the mottos: "Always shoot 'em in the head", "Shoot first, ask questions never", "Don't get any of them on us", and perhaps the most important one of all - "They aren't human".

And remember the emotion: fear. Always be afraid. Be terrorized, and only after you've blown enough of them away take a bit of a rest, until you blow more of them away. Be joyful for every one you kill, because you're one step closer to "repopulating the human race", making the desert bloom.

We'll be saving the world, one corpse at a time, just like our video games teach us.

Oh, Andy, at least give credit to the poster who linked you to this in the godzilla thread....

Arnoxthe1:

Nope. Do you know how HARD it is to evoke a blindingly enraged response consistently? The human brain is an insanely complex and incredibly varied thing. We may all run on the same hardware, but the software for everyone is almost completely different and even the hardware can be different in some ways too.

Just look at pharmaceuticals. Look how hard it is to get a semi-consistent desired response from a large group of people using a certain drug. Some won't be affected at all, some will just be a little sick, some will go flat-out crazy. You just don't know what will happen. Likewise, there can't be some sort of nanotech or disease that affects each person's brain in the same way so as to cause a very specific response because, as I said, everyone's wired so differently. It's like going into a massive program and switching out random lines of code.

not as hard as you think. human brain is complex. unreasonable anger is not. significantly increase adrenal gland production and you will have a "Rage virus".

people arent "wired some different". we are different individuals due to our neuron connections that do are different. the base brain structure however is not. you cant easily code random responses and switches, but something like turtning ap erson angry to the point of murdering others is not requiring complex adjustments.

its true that there are people immune to drugs as well as immune to diseases. statistically around 1% of people would survive any plague due to this. nanomachines are not viruses though, and we already know how to make them trick your body into thinking its part of the body. we do this in our genetic research.

zombies does not have to affect every person though. just the vast majority. the rest would perish as you see in the movies. you may be one immune guy but there is 1000 of them coming after you your chances to survive isnt that high.

If Resident Evil has taught me anything, it's that should a zombie outbreak occur, the safest thing to do would be to find a rookie police officer on his first day on the job and duct tape yourself to him. Because if you have a pulse, the two feet surrounding Leon Kennedy would be the safest place on Earth. And if you happen to be a beautiful Asian woman, then you'd be damn near immortal.

Neronium:
Here I thought the Pentagon would deal with a zombie apocolypse the same way the president dealt with Raccoon City in Resident Evil 2/3: nuke the hell out of the place and wipe it off the map. :P

You know, just once, I want to see this scene play out.

*Meanwhile, in the white house*

President: Ok, we need a plan to combat this threat.
*All present raise hands*
President: -_- A plan that doesn't involve Nukes, please.
*Everyone drops their hands with an "Awww!", complete with childish pouting*

Arnoxthe1:

kanetsb:
We may laugh here, but as advancements into nano-technology progress, that zombie apocalypse might be inching in closer, one day at time...

Nope. Do you know how HARD it is to evoke a blindingly enraged response consistently? The human brain is an insanely complex and incredibly varied thing.

If someone was to develop some kind of regenerative nano-technology (stuff that goes into your body and fixes it on the cellular level) and screw it up somehow... I imagine that it would have to damage the part of the brain which controls our social skills badly enough to make the subject act on pure instinct alone. After that the subconscious part of the brain would probably take over and if such a subject was in a high-fever state... well... zombie time. Mind you, this is pure sci-fi at this point. ;)

I don't think a "classical" zombie apocalypse will ever happen. But a thing like 28 days later... It's simple, you just take a well know virus and,if by misfortune, it undergoes a mutation that makes it volatile, you would see mankind end.

It's the Rabies...
At the first symptoms, you're dead no matter what; you are healthy carrier for three to six months, we can't diagnose it without a brain autopsy and a signle sneeze would contamine 200 cubic meters. And don't forget, all mammals are vitcims not only humans. Of course since governments think the sickness is controled today, no vaccines are products (for example in the USA only 11k doses are made each year) it would take six months to have a sufficient number of vaccines, with the incubation period, it would be too late.

So, we would see thousands of psycopathic peoples running in the cities without warning and bringing destruction and death everywhere... And they keep their memories, they knowledge and, contrary to any story about a zombie apocalypse, they're staying clever. Savage but clever.

It's a story i made for an apocalypse RPG ^^.

The zombie apocalypse is preposterous in the first place, on a scientific level, but it's sort of the Pentagon's job to plan for a LOT of stuff. They probably also have a document about what to do if Godzilla ever does rise up out of the ocean. This is nothing new, really. The CDC had a thing up for zombies not long ago, which sent a bunch of conspiracy theorists over the moon, claiming that the 'government knows about zombies, that they actually exist, and they're trying to prepare us for them,' when really, it was just a fun way for them to put out preparation advice for any kind of disaster, and they knew the word 'zombie' would catch people's eye. Then the bath salts thing happened in Florida and people freaked out...

Really, any plans you might put together to survive a zombie apocalypse can be applied to ANY survival scenario. Why anyone would actually WANT zombies to be a real thing baffles me even more.

Having a zombie contingency plan is actually not as ludicrous as it sounds. It's basically the same scenario as a plague-containment plan, except that the infected are not just isolated, but shot in the head if they come too close.

It might even come to a zombie-like scenario without actual zombies. Imagine a plague that is so infectious and deadly that the government feels compelled to cordon off entire blocks or townships. Obviously, some of the people in such a quarantined area will try to get out of there at all costs. And voila, you have yourself a "zombie" scenario.

Tiamat666:
Having a zombie contingency plan is actually not as ludicrous as it sounds. It's basically the same scenario as a plague-containment plan, except that the infected are not just isolated, but shot in the head if they come too close.

Because no infectious disease quarantine plan ever involved the containment and systematic execution of infected.

Some how I think this contingency plan centers around the use of napalm. lots and lots of napalm. As in everything with in 5 miles of a zombie napalm...

You want to get an idea of what the government's zombie strategy is? Read Andromeda Strain.

 

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