Stumped For D&D Character Ideas? How About This F#%&ing Random Generator!

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Stumped For D&D Character Ideas? How About This F#%&ing Random Generator!

Pathfinder Characters Iconics

In the vein of all the other things that make your life choices for you, we present this character concept generator.

A few years ago, the internet was rocked to its very foundations[1] by a wonderful website called What the Fuck Should I Make for Dinner which, uh, does what it says on the tin. Furthering such glories, an enterprising and wondrous transformation has taken place, by which a website will now just spit out ideas for your next Dungeons & Dragons or Pathfinder character as quickly as you declare that you're dissatisfied with the one it just gave you. Mixing equal parts acutal D&D classes and actual D&D races, with a dash of odd backgrounds and absurd character quirks, Who The Fuck Is My D&D Character gives you everything you need to frustrate and amuse your Dungeon Master and/or fellow players with, for example, an irritable halfling bard from the forest who was raised by wolves.

In our time with it, the generator has produced such wonders as...

-SOPHISTICATED DRAGONBORN ROGUE FROM THE GUARD'S ACADEMY WHO HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM

-CRABBY ELF FIGHTER FROM A ROYAL LINEAGE WHO HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO OPEN THEIR OWN TAVERN

-ANXIOUS HALFLING CLERIC FROM A STRICT MONASTERY WHO MAKES INAPPROPRIATE JOKES AT THE WORST TIMES

-CONDESCENDING HUMAN WIZARD FROM AN UNCHARTABLE ISLAND WHO CAN'T READ

-A PATHETIC ELF SORCERER FROM A BOARDING SCHOOL FOR THE CHILDREN OF MIDDLE-CLASS WIZARDS WHO CAN'T READ

-TALENTED HALF-ORC PALADIN FROM THE CITY POST OFFICE WHO HATES THE MONARCHY

-ATTENTIVE DWARF FIGHTER FROM THE SMALLEST MOUNTAIN IN THE WORLD WHO HAS A BAD GAMBLING PROBLEM

Go ahead, take this piece of absurd creation out for a spin.

The site makes ingenious use of the aptly-named WTFEngine, a tool for making such things, and was assembled by clever twitterer Ryan Grant. Our hats off to Mr. Grant for the handy, amusing site.

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[1] Okay, just my kitchen.

YOU THINK YOUR CHARACTER IS COOL? MY CHARACTER IS A FUCKING
NOSY HUMAN WIZARD FROM A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON WHO HAS SERIOUS DADDY ISSUES

Totally saving this for any role-play shenanigans I get into sometime.

callous Half-orc Fighter from a maximum security prison who has anger problems

It only took me 3 tries to get one I'd actually use.

The other ones were pretty amusing though but obligatory "who can't talk to girls", what my character is a girl?

overemotional Dwarf Druid from a theatre company who is completely colour blind

forsooth tis a difficult life for a dwarf thesbian.

haha there are some ODD combinations
quick-tempered Half-orc Warlock from the city post office who doesn't believe in magic, ever

Angelous Wang:
The other ones were pretty amusing though but obligatory "who can't talk to girls", what my character is a girl?

Then they cant talk to themselves. Bam, you've got a character unable to face themselves in the bathroom mirror, perfect if you decide to switch systems and play WoD.

BOISTEROUS HALF-ORC MONK FROM A FORGOTTEN ELVEN MONASTERY WHO WAS RAISED BY GHOSTS

This sounds like a better setup for Ghostbusters 3 than the all-woman idea. Its got comedy relief characters, potential surprise reveals (what happened to the elves?), and plenty of potential for shenanigans.

Inventive Half-orc Ranger from a carnival freak show who mistrusts anyone smaller than them

This could be fun to roleplay

or this one if you want to play a complete paranoid

bitchy Elf Bard from an illusory forest who believes trees can speak to them and them alone

YOU THINK YOUR CHARACTER IS COOL? MY CHARACTER IS A FUCKING
SNOBBY GNOME BARBARIAN FROM AN UNCHARTABLE ISLAND WHO CONSTANTLY WATCHES THEIR BACK

Nothing worse than a snobby Gnome Barbarian.

"Dramatic Elf Wizard from a nocturnal town who doesn't believe in magic, ever"

Sure, I'm up for a challenge.

First visit to the site popped up with:

Dependable Human Wizard from a Carnival Freak Show who Hates Wearing Their Glasses.

Not bad, I gotta say. I also love the flagrant use of the F-Bomb on the site. Want a new randomly generated character? Just click "I Already Fucking Roleplayed That One!" or "That Sounds Fucking Terrible!"

lazy Halfling Cleric from a forgotten elven monastery who is downright racist towards living skeletons.

What the heck?

stoic Elf Fighter from a travelling band who is afraid of fire.

Well, he better stay away from the dimensions that are based on fire.

OVEREMOTIONAL HALF-ORC PALADIN FROM A CAVERN WITHOUT ECHOES WHO SUFFERS FROM CLAUSTROPHOBIA

Claustrophobic cave-dweller? That sounds...unfortunate. Must have been a big cave.

GROUCHY HALF-ELF MONK FROM A HAUNTED CASTLE WHO BELIEVES TREES CAN SPEAK TO THEM AND THEM ALONE

This guy sounds entertaining. I'd multiclass druid of course so that he eventually actually *could* talk to trees.

Both are less strange than some things I've played. I once had a relatively normal seeming halfling rogue, with nice high dex and int who dumped wis and charisma. Sneaky bastard. Our cleric got a wish, and our DM was malevolent regarding wishes. The cleric gave me an attitude adjustment and a new calling. Hence I became the least competent halfling paladin ever. On the upside I'd gotten two levels of rogue first, so I had evasion. I was wholly incompetent at actually *accomplishing* anything, but I was also nearly invulnerable.

I also once played what was nicknamed the pyrognome. Gnome Sorcerer from the borderlands of Thay, initial manifestation of his powers was unusually destructive and unusually early. Ended up being taken in by a passing cleric of Kossuth the Fire Lord and raised in the temple because the priest believed me to be an omen. Alignment was Chaotic Neutral, perfectly reasonable for a servant of Kossuth, but diametrically opposed to his temples. Incredibly zealous, but strongly against most of the tenets of the church. As he thought of it, the temple was corrupt and did not understand the truth, the glory of the pyre, the beauty of embers. When the game ended, I was in the process of trying to raise a cult to understand the true way to worship his divine flame. "Look into the flame, it is not rigid. It dances and spreads and consumes as it will. You must be as the flame, and not as the lantern that confines it." I had actually written some sermons for that character.

Groxnax:
lazy Halfling Cleric from a forgotten elven monastery who is downright racist towards living skeletons.

What the heck?

I know. What does he have against skeletons?

CHECK THIS SHIT OUT, I'M GOING TO BE A FUCKING
OUTSPOKEN HALF-ORC ROGUE FROM THE CITY POST OFFICE WHO IS DOWNRIGHT RACIST TOWARDS LIVING SKELETONS

The most justifiable of all racism!
I approve of how unashamed this site is.

GROUCHY HALF-ELF BARD FROM A BOARDING SCHOOL FOR THE CHILDREN OF MIDDLE-CLASS WIZARDS WHO MISTRUSTS ANYONE SMALLER THAN THEM

This...is...my next D&D character.

SENTIMENTAL GNOME DRUID FROM A CITY THAT NEVER SLEPT WHO HAS A HUGE DEBT TO PAY BACK

Oh, hell yes.

Me to my players: Okay, kids. This is what we're doing. Basic "save the world" campaign, but you have to play whatever this generator spits out for you. You get three spins. Oh, and this:

YOU THINK YOUR CHARACTER IS COOL? MY CHARACTER IS A FUCKING
NOSY HUMAN WIZARD FROM A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON WHO HAS SERIOUS DADDY ISSUES

...is your DPS.

Reading through the posts, it seems they need to add some more flavor text. Lots of repeats.

I'M GOING TO ROLL THE STATS FOR A FUCKING

GUARDED DRAGONBORN ROGUE FROM A MID-LEVEL CULT WHO IS AFRAID OF SHARP EDGES

Mace wielding rogue it is!

DELIGHTFUL HUMAN WIZARD FROM A SUPER RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING WHO HAS NO OTHER FAMILY BUT THE TEAM

Sounds like something that may annoy the hell out of party members... Check.

AGREEABLE HALF-ORC SORCERER FROM THE FOREST OF SADNESS WHO WAS BROUGHT UP TO BE A LIBRARIAN

I foresee a well of untapped repressed sadness and depression that will come about the first time someone desecrates a book or scroll.

HOT-HEADED HALFLING MONK FROM A FLOATING CITY WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MAGIC, EVER

"Floating city? Are you fucking high on mushroom dust again?"

MISERABLE TIEFLING ROGUE FROM A TINY VILLAGE WHO MAKES INAPPROPRIATE JOKES AT THE WORST TIMES

Is it any wonder they're miserable? It definitely would boggle the mind how they've survived this long.

THOUGHTFUL HALFLING BARD FROM A VILLAGE WITHOUT A TAVERN WHO HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM

It got so bad they closed down the tavern to get him to leave.

Some are hilariously contradicting:

ENTHUSIASTIC HALF-ELF BARD FROM THE SLAVE FIGHTING PITS WHO CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF BLOOD

PLAIN-SPEAKING ELF MONK FROM A SUPER RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING WHO WAS RAISED BY WOLVES

I'm actually a bit stuck for a character I have to make for a new campaign, and I think I'm just gonna spam this and pick something funny.

GLOOMY GNOME SORCERER FROM THE PIRATE INFESTED ISLES OF WOE WHO WAS RAISED BY WOLVES
Hmm, a magic feral gnome who's from an island that's clearly infested with both pirates and wolves. Maybe even pirate wolves?

Yeah, both sites mentioned in the article are going straight on the bookmarks tab.

peaceful Tiefling Bard from the forest of sadness who is a recovering cannibal.

Now that's interesting.

nosy Half-orc Wizard from an underground city who always alliterates their anecdotes.

That will probably get annoying.

METICULOUS DRAGONBORN BARBARIAN FROM A SMALL FAMILY FARM WHO FAILED OUT OF EVERY GUILD GOING

DECISIVE DRAGONBORN CLERIC FROM THE PETRIFIED WOOD WHO HAS NO OTHER FAMILY BUT THE TEAM

CRABBY DRAGONBORN SORCERER FROM A SMALL TOWN TAVERN WHO ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION

INCONSIDERATE HALFLING RANGER FROM A LOCAL STREET GANG WHO HAS SERIOUS DADDY ISSUES

This thing tickles my funny bone. Thanks for the share, JonB!

The only thing missing is a background. I mean, one can be inferred but if the background were explicit, the only things left to do would be to choose stats and proficiencies.

I'd also add a history function and a seed generator option.

Edit: WARY DRAGONBORN DRUID FROM A BOARDING SCHOOL FOR THE CHILDREN OF MIDDLE-CLASS WIZARDS WHO WAS RAISED BY GHOSTS

Wow.

NPC009:
"Dramatic Elf Wizard from a nocturnal town who doesn't believe in magic, ever"

Sure, I'm up for a challenge.

"Fireball?! Oh my God, I can't believe you! Everybody knows those don't exist, Becky! It's spontaneous minion combustion that HAPPENED to coincide with me pointing angrily at him and reciting one of those swears my Granddad taught me. I swear, either you get your head out of your ass or I am so done with this party."

DECISIVE TIEFLING WARLOCK FROM A RUINED CITY WHO ALWAYS REFERS TO INANIMATE OBJECTS AS 'SHES'

That... sounds like an interesting character flaw. Some sort of upbringing in a matriarchal society, perhaps.

Or even
SWEET HALF-ELF FIGHTER FROM A SMALL FAMILY FARM WHO IS TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE ADVENTURING BUSINESS TO SETTLE DOWN

Its a webcomic waiting to happen.

My browser says that the website has malware.

Thunderous Cacophony:

"Fireball?! Oh my God, I can't believe you! Everybody knows those don't exist, Becky! It's spontaneous minion combustion that HAPPENED to coincide with me pointing angrily at him and reciting one of those swears my Granddad taught me. I swear, either you get your head out of your ass or I am so done with this party."

That character is now officially best character.

My other results seem downright reasonable:

"Driven Dragonborn Druid from a haunted castle who is downright racist towards living skeletons"

Yeah, I'd imagine you'd get sick of skeletons trying to murder you when you spend most of your life in a haunted castle.

"Emotional Elf Monk from a company of sellswords who grew up fat"

Poor thing is an emotional eater. The stress of being a sellsword does that to you.

"cool-headed Half-orc Ranger from the forest of sadness who takes great delight in identifying new beetle species"

Look, if you're from a place called the 'forest of sadness' you need to find those small things that make life worth it if you want to remain sane.

I don't generally have this problem, but what the hey...

cynical Dwarf Sorcerer from an unpure bloodline who is afraid of fire

intolerant Human Fighter from a boarding school for the children of middle-class wizards who is afraid the rest of the party will kill them if they try to leave

pensive Elf Ranger from a local street gang who can't stand the sight of blood

funny Gnome Fighter from a super religious upbringing who believes trees can speak to them and them alone

headstrong Dragonborn Barbarian from a slave owning city who has serious body image problems

irritable Human Ranger from the slave fighting pits who deserted the army

...I can work with this.

I got UNSTABLE HALF-ELF WARLOCK FROM THE HIGH-PLAINS DESERT WHO SEARCHES ENDLESSLY FOR THEIR KIDNAPPED CHILD. Could be interesting I suppose.

BITCHY ELF BARBARIAN FROM A TINY VILLAGE WHO CAN'T STAND SILENCE

DUTIFUL HALF-ELF CLERIC FROM THE SALT FLATS WHO IS SEARCHING FOR THE PERFECT CULINARY DISH

METICULOUS HALFLING RANGER FROM THE SMALLEST MOUNTAIN IN THE WORLD WHO DRUNKENLY SWORE A BLOOD OATH AND FORGOT WHAT FOR

NAIVE DWARF PALADIN FROM A VERY TINY PROVINCE WHO ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION

ATTENTIVE HALF-ORC CLERIC FROM A LOCAL STREET GANG WHO CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF BLOOD

My top 5 choices, all very good~ I'm definately using this in the future

GRAVE TIEFLING CLERIC FROM A MID-LEVEL CULT WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MAGIC, EVER
I'd so play this one, it'd probably be funny as hell.
Though it'd probably just end up like Eridan.
"IT'S NOT MAGIC IT'S WHITE SCIENCE"
Bonus points if your deity is whichever one is the Deity of Magic.
BOISTEROUS HALF-ORC BARD FROM A HAUNTED CASTLE WHO IS DOWNRIGHT RACIST TOWARDS LIVING SKELETONS
I suppose one can only stand so many renditions of "Spooky Scary Skeletons" before one has a meltdown.

"RELIABLE DRAGONBORN ROGUE FROM THE WET DESERT WHO HAS A DEBILITATING FEAR OF WIDE OPEN SPACES"
How in the hell can he be "reliable" when he's from a desert and is afraid of wide open spaces.

Fuck some of this shit is funny.

crass Dwarf Paladin from a recently erupted volcano village who believes trees can speak to them and them alone

But all the trees are now burned down so I must be feeling really lonely right now :(

NPC009:
"Driven Dragonborn Druid

Try saying that 5 times fast :)

OT: This thing is great! Just a few funny ones I've saved.
"unpredictable Tiefling Paladin from a pompous wizard school who was brought up to be a librarian"
"fearless Dwarf Paladin from the worst brothel in town who bangs on about their genealogy to everyone"
"flamboyant Tiefling Fighter from a fallen kingdom who has cheated death more times than they deserved"
"gentle Human Sorcerer from a maximum security prison who secretly became an adventurer to impress a love interest"
"flirtatious Half-elf Barbarian from a carnival freak show who can't talk to girls"
"soulless Halfing Bard from a travelling band who hates music"
Personal favorite: "overemotional Tiefling Fighter from a string of terrible places to live who can't silence the voices"

Can we get one for FFG's RPG lines (WH40K and Star Wars)?

brave Human Barbarian from a nocturnal town who is completely colour blind.

Now that would suck.

crabby Dragonborn Paladin from the now dry swamp who is a recovering gambling addict.

inconsiderate Gnome Fighter from a town that only ever bartered for goods who gets nervous speaking in front of crowds.

Ouch.

enthusiastic Elf Druid from an illusory forest who saw their whole family consumed by a gelatinous cube.

One would wonder why he is still enthusiastic after that happened.

gloomy Human Monk from a strict monastery who doesn't understand the concept of politeness.

Sounds fun.

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