Are you a gamer? Do you need to shave? Are you tired of subjecting your face to the sub-par hacking of razors made for people who'd rather watch television or play some cards? Then you need to get the Gillette Fusion Power Gamer, the new razor that may just be the most mind-blowingly stupid crossover product ever conceived.
You've no doubt seen ads for the Gillette Fusion razor featuring appearances by Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and Derek Jeter, in which they smack their respective balls around and then kid each other with awkward camaraderie and forced machismo at the end. But men who play real sports, with their chiseled features, sculpted physiques and manly comfort with communal shower nudity can be intimidating to those of us who mash buttons for fun, their athletic prowess and ease with the ladies leaving us uncomfortably self-conscious as we look down at our pale skin and nacho cheese-stained t-shirts.
But now, Gillette has extended a hand to the pallid and the flabby, recognizing that even those of us who don't have a compulsive fixation with balls need some way to scrape the crud off our faces every now and then. Thus we have the Gillette Fusion Power Gamer Razor, a new five-bladed monstrosity that will shave gamers, and apparently only gamers, closer than any other razor on the planet.
What makes the Gillette Fusion Power Gamer different from other razors, like for instance the Gillette Fusion? It seems to have a slightly different color scheme, featuring gray accents instead of blue. The "loading" countdown timer on the Gillette Fusion Gamer website is shaped like a game controller rather than a big blue "G." Perhaps the most important difference, though, is that instead of being shilled by Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and Derek Jeter, the campaign for the Gillette Fusion Power Game features videogame-style digital representations of Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and Derek Jeter.
You think I'm making this up, don't you? But every word is true. Go here and look if you don't believe me. This is actually a product that someone at Gillette decided would be a sure-fire hit: A razor for gamers. How do you justify that? How the hell do you even conceive of such a thing? What's next, a Gillette blade for people who use mass transit? Maybe a new kind of shaving cream for men who prefer boxers? I know, how about Gillette: Remembrance, the hot new fragrance for men who can't remember where they left their goddamn keys.
Despite the hype, some early adopters have expressed concern over the technology at work in new razors; one poster claimed the battery indicator light on his Fusion Power Gamer began flashing red after only a few uses, signifying a general hardware failure, while others have raised questions about backwards compatibility with earlier Gillette models. The Amazon customer review forum have also been inundated with Schick Quattro fanboys who claim the new Fusion Power Gamer is just "two Mach 3s duct-taped together."
The videogaming world at large seems unanimous in its disbelief over this truly stupefying product; Kotaku brought it to my attention with a "cutting edge" report while Penny Arcade has once again managed to sum things up nicely in a mere two panels. And since we're having a laugh at Gillette's expense anyway, let me also recommend this prescient gem from The Onion, undeniable proof that when it comes to the shaving industry, the truth isn't just stranger than fiction, sometimes it is fiction.
If Gillette had actually done any research, they'd know that most gamers don't shave that often. Can't take time for personal hygiene when you're running raids in WoW, you know....
And why not use Gordon Freeman , Solid Snake and the likes in the commercial? This is basicely the same commercial as before, only with "digitized" athletes...
That reminds me. It's time for my monthly shave..... yes my facial hair grows at a snail's pace. I'm a grown man, I can grow facial hair as poorly as I want damnit!
Incredible! Now I can shave my face whilst gaming! Oh wait: that tends to lead to bleeding. Well, I can't say I'm suprised by this. Though it makes me crave some Gamer Fuel!
What presumptuous pricks! They should be expelled from the face of the Earth! Just because we are gamers we need a special razor for our facial hair!. We are people to you motherf**king twats. No different then they are, do not treat us like the special kids in school, just because we enjoy a different form of entertainment. They may as well be the jocks in highschool taking pity for the nerds but still treat them as lower class and still believe it is fine to treat them badly because we are viewed as lower, but guess what we are human! Go bankrupt gillette.
It'd be a gamer razor if they had pac man on it that you could play while you shaved. There'd probably be a lot of people accidentally cutting themselves, but I'd probably buy it.
fenrizz: i should be surprised, but sadly I am not.
And why not use Gordon Freeman , Solid Snake and the likes in the commercial? This is basicely the same commercial as before, only with "digitized" athletes...
Because part of what makes them awesome is their beards. There aren't that many completely awesome clean shaven male characters - hell, even Mario has a Moustache
If internet quizzes are to be believed (and they are!), if I keep scruffy-looking I'm Gandalf, but if I shave I become Saruman. The line between good and evil is razor thin...
just to be clear, this is the standard razor only with extra blades and a battery? to me the fusion (i will not acknowledge the existence of a gamer version) seems like a cheese grater with a battery...as in they expect me to use that on my face/neck?
ill make my own razor, with hookers and black jack...
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A Better Shave For Gamers
Are you a gamer? Do you need to shave? Are you tired of subjecting your face to the sub-par hacking of razors made for people who'd rather watch television or play some cards? Then you need to get the Gillette Fusion Power Gamer, the new razor that may just be the most mind-blowingly stupid crossover product ever conceived.
You've no doubt seen ads for the Gillette Fusion razor featuring appearances by Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and Derek Jeter, in which they smack their respective balls around and then kid each other with awkward camaraderie and forced machismo at the end. But men who play real sports, with their chiseled features, sculpted physiques and manly comfort with communal shower nudity can be intimidating to those of us who mash buttons for fun, their athletic prowess and ease with the ladies leaving us uncomfortably self-conscious as we look down at our pale skin and nacho cheese-stained t-shirts.
But now, Gillette has extended a hand to the pallid and the flabby, recognizing that even those of us who don't have a compulsive fixation with balls need some way to scrape the crud off our faces every now and then. Thus we have the Gillette Fusion Power Gamer Razor, a new five-bladed monstrosity that will shave gamers, and apparently only gamers, closer than any other razor on the planet.
What makes the Gillette Fusion Power Gamer different from other razors, like for instance the Gillette Fusion? It seems to have a slightly different color scheme, featuring gray accents instead of blue. The "loading" countdown timer on the Gillette Fusion Gamer website is shaped like a game controller rather than a big blue "G." Perhaps the most important difference, though, is that instead of being shilled by Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and Derek Jeter, the campaign for the Gillette Fusion Power Game features videogame-style digital representations of Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and Derek Jeter.
You think I'm making this up, don't you? But every word is true. Go here and look if you don't believe me. This is actually a product that someone at Gillette decided would be a sure-fire hit: A razor for gamers. How do you justify that? How the hell do you even conceive of such a thing? What's next, a Gillette blade for people who use mass transit? Maybe a new kind of shaving cream for men who prefer boxers? I know, how about Gillette: Remembrance, the hot new fragrance for men who can't remember where they left their goddamn keys.
Despite the hype, some early adopters have expressed concern over the technology at work in new razors; one poster claimed the battery indicator light on his Fusion Power Gamer began flashing red after only a few uses, signifying a general hardware failure, while others have raised questions about backwards compatibility with earlier Gillette models. The Amazon customer review forum have also been inundated with Schick Quattro fanboys who claim the new Fusion Power Gamer is just "two Mach 3s duct-taped together."
The videogaming world at large seems unanimous in its disbelief over this truly stupefying product; Kotaku brought it to my attention with a "cutting edge" report while Penny Arcade has once again managed to sum things up nicely in a mere two panels. And since we're having a laugh at Gillette's expense anyway, let me also recommend this prescient gem from The Onion, undeniable proof that when it comes to the shaving industry, the truth isn't just stranger than fiction, sometimes it is fiction.
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