Ancient Male Spider Frozen "Stiff" in Amber for 100 Million Years

Ancient Male Spider Frozen "Stiff" in Amber for 100 Million Years

An ancient arachnid was caught in amber just at the verge of procreation, and preserved perfectly for a hundred million years.

Death comes for us all; all we can do is hope that we aren't caught with our pants down when it does. Isn't that right, Halitherses grimaldii? Oh, dear...

Yes, it seems the ancient spider offshoot was moments away from consummating with a lucky female of the species when it was suddenly overcome with sticky, deadly, and sturdy tree resin. The poor little guy was trapped and perfectly preserved over 99 million years ago - all with its erection on full display.

Modern spiders and scorpions actually use a modified leg appendage to deliver itsy bitsy sperm packets to females. Harvestmen, also known as daddy long legs, are arachnid cousins to spiders and have real, fully-formed penises. Frankly, grimaldii had nothing to be ashamed of: his own member stretched over half of his body length.

Harvestmen throughout evolutionary history are somewhat hard to tell apart. To laymen and scientists alike, they really do all just look like long-legged spider-y things. Jason Dunlop, who led the study and is with the Berlin Museum of Natural History, knows how to tell them apart.

"Different families, and even species, can have a characteristic penis shape," he says. "In fact, they [penises] are often even more important than the shape of the body and legs."

I am ever-so-grateful for people like Jason in the world.

Source: NatGeo

Permalink

inb4 porn parodies

That said, there's some little part of me that's incredibly gleeful that there's a picture of a penis here with "0.2mm" put next to it.

Well, shit. That ain't a picture that is easily scrubbed from the memory without at least two years of strategic drug abuse, bleach snorting, solvent abuse and chronic alcoholic dependence. *Shivvvers* Must. Binge. On. Disney. Must. Not. Think. Spider. Penis!

"Let's see what's new in the gaming world."

...

"Oh, a preserved 100 million old 1 millimeter spider penis. Thanks, Escapist."

Bingo: Arachno-DNA!

Now that's what I call a sticky situation!

Soviet Heavy:
Bingo: Arachno-DNA!

But since it's so old, can they fill up all those holes?

Nah, procreation had nothing to do with it. This spider is histories most enthusiastic exhibitionist.

god I'd be fucking pissed, you just got done with foreplay and are about to explode, when *WOOSHHH* a fucking avalanche of concrete comes in and fossilizes you.

I feel you spider, I do, bad luck brian to the max.

lacktheknack:
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Jurassic Prick

Jeez, and you're supposed to call the doctor after four hours.

The Rogue Wolf:
Jeez, and you're supposed to call the doctor after four hours.

Apparently, after a hundred million years, you call an anthropologist. And then a doctor.

Sixcess:

lacktheknack:
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Jurassic Prick

The Bone Before Time 2: The Great Amber Adventure

OT: Hope it was worth it for the little guy. That's gonna be one hell of a story the scientists are having about him.

Guess you could say that he got boned.

No?
I'll leave then.... *grabs coat*

The Rogue Wolf:
Jeez, and you're supposed to call the doctor after four hours.

I came into this thread for crude jokes. Yours was my favorite. Congratulations.

Y'know, you'd think that there couldn't ever be anything original added to the list of "I wasn't expecting to see that first thing in the morning" but this just topped it.
Thank you nature, escapist, and science for making my day.

I love that the thread listed above this one in the recent posts list is titles "Is this how we should handle Dick Picks". Poor spider was trying to sext some spider ladies, and got shamed with his pic on the internet.

Poetic Nova:
Guess you could say that he got boned.

No?
I'll leave then.... *grabs coat*

I read this in David Caruso's voice, and it was glorious.

Prehistoric priapism... that's one for the medical books! Or the Guinness books. Take your pick.

Well that lasted more than four hours

Objectable:
Well that lasted more than four hours

I'd say poor Spidey needs to see his GP or get himself to the ER, buuuuut... chances are I'd be too late.

So this is Spiderman's real father?

Why do you call it a male spider? Have you asked the spider what they identify as? No? Just assuming male because it has a penis is incredibly sexist.

gmaverick019:
god I'd be fucking pissed, you just got done with foreplay and are about to explode, when *WOOSHHH* a fucking avalanche of concrete comes in and fossilizes you.

I feel you spider, I do, bad luck brian to the max.

Do you know what happens to (presumably) male spiders after the 5min honeymoon?

"Instructions unclear, got dick stuck in amber."

PatrickJS:
Ancient Male Spider Frozen "Stiff" in Amber for 100 Million Years

Sorry if this is a bit nitpicky, but it's not a spider. It's a Opilione or harvester/daddy long legs.
Edit:
Even the bit you copy/pasted says it's not a spider and even explains why they are different >.>

Fallow:
Why do you call it a male spider? Have you asked the spider what they identify as? No? Just assuming male because it has a penis is incredibly sexist.

gmaverick019:
god I'd be fucking pissed, you just got done with foreplay and are about to explode, when *WOOSHHH* a fucking avalanche of concrete comes in and fossilizes you.

I feel you spider, I do, bad luck brian to the max.

Do you know what happens to (presumably) male spiders after the 5min honeymoon?

I'm...really hoping that first part was sarcasm. I can't tell on here sometimes.

as to the second part, I'm assuming there is some sort of ritual where he performs seppuku and she gorges on him?

First person to ask to clone this sucker dies by fire.

Spider dick, spider dick
Trapped in amber thats very thick.
Now he's been
fossilised.
And scientists
Will mock his size.
Watch out! That is a spider dick!

Being frozen in amber with a stiffy in full view? for millions of years?

That has to be the most embarrassing situation I've ever seen in my life, I think it could only be worst for the spider if he's still alive.

 

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