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Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 525 Joined: 16 Jun 2009     | |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 375 Joined: 18 Apr 2009     | Repost, but... * Being hit by a flamethrower or a helicopter's chin gun is less dangerous than being bayoneted or bitten by a dog. * Despite that you can carry anything up to a thousand rounds of ammunition for your gun, enemies are always on their last mag / clip / speedloader, and it is always full or half full. It doesn't matter if they're visibly carrying entire belts of machine gun ammo or a bandolier covered in spare mags and grenades, they only have the one. * Snipers always put visible laser sights on their weapons and operate them by looking though the scope at all times and slowly tracing a random shape with the beam. If it's World War 2, they are always sure to polish their scope to the point it produces glare at least three times brighter than the rifle's muzzle flash. * A shot from a sniper rifle is instantly fatal to anyone wearing a helmet that covers their face. * All squads are issued a jittery rookie who didn't want to join up in order that he can die as per the above. * 'Relocate' means 'move at least two windows away.' * The Soviet Union defeated Nazi Germany because their SMGs had much bigger magazines. * It's perfectly safe to throw a fragmentation grenade inside a building with flimsy walls. There is never any risk of shrapnel penetrating walls or starting fires. This is because all videogame grenades are concussion grenades in disguise. * Recoilless rifles and rocket launchers have no backblast area. Instead, they shoot out a harmless shower of white dust which behaves like talcum powder and is about as dangerous. * A rocket launcher that can destroy a tank in one shot can't do a thing to harder targets, such as overturned cars, drywall or wooden doors. * Putting a single shell into a shotgun may cause any number of shells between one and fifty to be added to the magazine. * Wearing a hockey mask will allow you to survive an extra shotgun blast to the face or an extra three to the torso. * Mounted guns overheat incredibly fast and never have spare barrels. * Crew-served weapons should not be served by a crew. * If you dismount a gun you'll have to start reloading it. * Hearing damage is always temporary and is caused by flashbangs and explosions, but not squadmates firing machine guns right next to you. * Brass evaporates at room temperature. * The military is fine with you discarding a top-of-the-line modern battle rifle for a rusty AK just because you think the AK is cooler. * A Desert Eagle is approximately equal in all meaningful ways to a designated marksman's rifle. * New weapons are better than old weapons, but really old weapons are better than new weapons. * Experimental weapons are deployed for combat tests at a rate of one per entire armed forces. * Squad composition: jittery guy who dies immediately, guy who just wants to go home, angry guy, minority A, minority B, and a final guy who is ranking NCO, sniper, automatic rifleman, demolitions, medic, pointman and whatever the hell else he decides he wants to be. * It's also a good idea to assign your most critical missions to a squad with known problems working together, or a group who have never worked together before. * If a soldier has serious problems with discipline, he will be promoted and given important assignments until he learns to trust his CO. * It is important the automatic rifleman's weapon is always functional, and not in any way a bad idea for squadmates to attempt a muzzle inspection while it's being fired. * The ability to absorb infinite amounts of firepower is directly related to how much like a crate something looks. * It's ok for a 'realistic' AI to blind-fire and throw grenades so much it's obvious every soldier has infinite ammo. * Combined arms means rifles, machine guns and shotguns. If actual support is present, it will have to wait until the enemy comes to it. * Anti-tank weapons are correctly deployed by throwing them in a heap wherever your tanks are, next to an open crate full of ammo. * Mortars are designed to fire shots totally at random without any spotting or attempts to hit a specific area. * Having an EOTech sight fitted is no reason to actually switch it on. * Grenades trigger a soldier's spidey sense. * Under no circumstances should a breaching weapon ever actually be used for breaching anything. * An enemy soldier issued with a shotgun is not allowed to carry any other weapon. * Mouseholing is impossible. * The correct response to a squadmate receiving an instantly fatal gunshot wound is to scream "MEDIIIIIIC!" at the top of your lungs, even if your squad has no medic or you're the squad's medic. If there is a medic, he will never chew you out for risking his life and the lives of others to call him to a corpse. * A Javelin with three reloads and a .45 pistol with a half dozen mags are exactly the same size and weight. * If you're an enemy soldier, you must loudly report your status and that of your weapon at all times to nobody in particular, especially if you're reloading, your weapon is jammed, or you're throwing a grenade. It is also considered unfair not to shout "I SEE YOU" or something to that effect before firing on an enemy you have the element of surprise over. * Strategy will be built around ignoring the enemy's most powerful weapon until it's been fired and wiped out at least half your force. * Military training is always administered by R. Lee Ermey and takes one day. The soldier will be familiarised with the functionality of his neck, then his legs, then allowed to fire several weapons. There is no possibility of failing the training. The remainder of his time in basic will be spent learning to talk like Steven Jay Blum. * Soldiers are able to see their arms, hands, and sometimes their torso and legs, but their nose is invisible. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1511 Joined: 29 Jan 2009    | Deja Vu... Anyways: |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2020 Joined: 30 Aug 2009     | The barrels will always explode. No exceptions. Ever |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1853 Joined: 26 May 2009   | When low on health the enemy can shoot around a corner, through a wall and any cover you can find |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1346 Joined: 29 Dec 2008    | Hiding half your body behind something and blindfiring only works when it works. Always pump points into accuracy. Always. "Support Weapon" is just game lingo for "Go in there and bust their heads open with this". When the crosshairs turns red, you shoot. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1309 Joined: 22 Sep 2009    | * There's no such thing as half-a-clip. If you reload, all your discarded ammo magically appears in another magazine, and refills other ones. * GET TO DA CHOPPAH! * Your fellow soldiers are never at any point trained to avoid standing up in your line of fire, and you will be arrested on the spot if a bullet so much as grazes an ally. * Never bring a gun to a knife fight. * You can dodge bullets by jumping and crouching. * There is no chance of a bullet bouncing back and hitting you. Grenade shrapnel is also harmless, as long as you're not directly in the splash zone. * Enemies are always kind enough to make sure that essential parts of their defence systems or highly sensitive intel glow bright yellow. |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 626 Joined: 22 Feb 2009    | * It apparently only takes 2 shotgun shells to fully reload a shotgun (can anyone tell me what this is from?) * Fire doesnt last * A shot to the spine doesnt kill them instantly * Anything that is red and hollow will blow up if shot * Enemies will not run out of ammo * Zombies dont bite, they beat the shit out of you |
Press Junketeer Posts: 375 Joined: 18 Apr 2009 |
Resi 4, same as my 'any number between one and fifty.' |
Nobel Laureate  Posts: 20307 Joined: 11 Jul 2009     | Any wound can be treated by hiding behind a wall for a few seconds. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1414 Joined: 18 Mar 2009    | A shot to the neck doesn't kill instant. |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 93 Joined: 30 Jul 2009   |
A shot to the neck will have your enemy clutching his toes and hopping up and down like a retard You always run faster with a knife, not any other gun |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1194 Joined: 12 Jun 2008   | Hummm, time for some RPG rules (Space And/Or Fantasy) *Your party will always include the following: One comic releif, one silent badass, one mystical person, one evil person, one trobled person and a realistic person who looks mean and evil because they are the only ones who react the way normal people do. *You will always have to make a difficuly heartwrenching decision regarding a party member that has been travling with you since the start of the game. *The tought silent party member of your party has done somthing really terrible in their past. *You will have a minimum of three love intrests in the game: A straight male, A straight female and a bi-sexual person, usually female. *At some point a wise old person will join your group *The greatest armour and weapons in the game are guarded by creatures or challenges that said weapons and armour could not defeat or defend against *You will beat these unbeatable monsters with weapons and armour that are weaker than the uber weapons and armour the creature took from their previous owners. *The good classes can never pick a door or hack a computer, this is regulated to the lesser roles which you NPC companions will occupy. *Diolouge choices will boil down to the good comment, the neutral comment and the bad comment, which will apper with the good comment on top. *Every race in the game lives longer than humans, the more human they look, the longer they live *Elves are either wise imortal beings or second class citizens who are abused. Etiher way, they will always use bows and are always attractive. No ugly elves exist. *Dwarves always love ale and are expert miners. They always use axes and will have scottish accents 60% of the time. The only dwarves that don't have facial hair are dwarf women, children and dwarf wussies *There is always some kind of evil beast race that looks similar to orc's and goblins from the Lord of the Rings. *"Enchanting" is a euphamism for adding a super natural element to your weapon. *You can grind up one basic ingridient in water to make a potion that heals you. *There are always at least three other alien races: *One is a race of super wise beings that posses a god-like level of technology, they are either incharge of the intersteller body of government or they are extinct and the current races use and fight over their technology Another race is a warlike race that like to conqure everything in their way *A third will be some kind of scrappy race that exists at the bottom of society. This race will be a race of nomads who scavange supplies and equipment and re-sell it. *This race will usually at some point help the protaganist *The protaganists space ship will be unique, either is has a new apperence or has soem kind of expensive experimental technology equiped. *Despite the fact you can add highly improbable modification to your armour, you can never change it's color. *For both space and fantasy RPGs, you will fight and kill the antagonist you have been chasing the entire game only to fight an even harder boss an hour later. *Edit, Crap I just realize that this is dealing with war games, not games in general. Sorry |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1081 Joined: 19 Aug 2008 | You are the only person who knows how to 'cook' grenades. (Specific to COD 1-3 and some Medal of Honor games) Your allies'/opponents' reaction to a grenade at their feet is to pick it up and toss it back. Your reaction? Run away screaming like a little girl/forest elf. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2445 Joined: 3 Aug 2009   | *Chain link fences are completely impetatrable to everything including rocket launchers, dry wall however arent. *Your guns have instant enemy lock on capabilities as long as you ADS rapidly in the general direction of the enemy. *Sniper bullets never kill in one hit, including assult rifles, pistols however inact so much fear into the enemy that they die before the bullet hits them. *Your allies can take 1,000 enemy bullets to the chest, 1 bullet of yours however hits their majic achilies heel and kills them on the spot, automaticaly decomissioning you *Your allies may have gone through a 10 year training telling them how to suvive stab wounds and bullets to the eyes, yet they somehow left out the manditory driving test. *Your allies can spot a sniper with a gullie suit on 2 miles away but when it comes to a guy with a shotgun 2 inches away they can't spot him because their too buisy looking at the grafiti on the wall. *Said enemy with shotgun will proccede to completely not notice your allie infront of him and continue to shoot you. |
Press Junketeer Posts: 375 Joined: 18 Apr 2009 |
I liked how in Turning Point and Legendary they'd taken this to the logical conclusion; when you threw a grenade, three or four enemies would often run towards it in order to try to throw it back. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 414 Joined: 17 Aug 2008   | mainly RTS but whatever. "If all else fails build more tanks" |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 108 Joined: 18 Aug 2009   | Generally your character is a mute, yet everyone accepts this instantly because they clearly have an advanced understanding of sign language. Or maybe some things go beyond words, like givin' it the ole shooty shooty boom boom. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1414 Joined: 18 Mar 2009 |
I forgot the knife one! But in this other game called Combat Arms, you can go faster while holding a certain pistol. With the right equipment :p |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1708 Joined: 6 Oct 2009     | one bullet to the head is an instant kill one full clip to the heart will result in a red tinted screen shoot your enemy in the face if you are allowed to cary two weapons you will only ever use the crappy one (you'll save the good gun and ammo for when you really need it) your will always have the option of haveing a dog in your party a rusty dagger in the hands of a lvl 1 warrior is laughable in the hands of a lvl 30 warrior it can fell dragons beating a enemy over the head with you weapon is encouraged if you ever die you will remateralize five minutes in the past when in doubt make a wall of tanks and zerg rush the enemy |
Copy Clerk Posts: 121 Joined: 16 Jun 2008  | You can be recognised by your squadmates a great leader without even saying anything. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 375 Joined: 31 Oct 2009   | Rule ???: Dying is bad. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3928 Joined: 21 May 2008  | If a character's name is Jenkins, he's bound to die. |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 833 Joined: 6 May 2009 | Camping is always better than running around and waiting to be killed by a camper - I don't follow this but it is true No matter how good you are, you will be killed by a random object NPCs always will do the opposite of your goal |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 961 Joined: 16 Jul 2009   | Anything called a "Hunter", "Spotter", "Pathfinder", or something of that nature will be very scary and fast. Iron-sights and scopes are only for far away enemies. You aren't allowed to use iron-sights or scopes. *cough* Half Life 2 *cough* You will only find the good guns later. Alcohol cures not only cancer but all radiation poisoning. Pistols are stronger and more accurate then SMGs. Bleeding out heals you. You will win. |
On the Record  Posts: 7639 Joined: 3 Jan 2009  |
Bad idea, if you're playng a Bethesda game. They could be a quest giver. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2407 Joined: 25 Dec 2008  | * You will always find just enough ammunition in enemy bunkers to set you up for the next battle. * You automatically know how to use any weapon you're given with the skill of a professional. * Any enemy bunkers will contain a mounted gun and at least four troopers. The entire bunker can be cleared with a single grenade. * Destroying one particular tank will cause the entire enemy army to retreat. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1861 Joined: 13 Jul 2008  | -If you're doing well with a weapon, it's cheap simply because you're doing well with it. -A war will always be ended by a squad of normal soldiers who pull off a covert op. -An full army will always retreat when the enemy kills a set amount of soldiers. -A flag is of equal value to an infinite amount of soldiers. -There are ALWAYS snipers posted around the edges of a battlefield to kill any soldier that tries to leave, friendly or otherwise. -All soilders are superheroes with regenerative abilities greater than that of the incredible hulk. -The extra time your CO has in between telling you which glowing thing to persue next is always spent planning how to reach your location exactly as you complete the last of said orders. -White boxes with red crosses on them cure all injuries, ailments, and diseases, including cancer. -All enemies within a twelve mile radius will know exactly where you are as soon as you find a good spot to reinact the battle of thermopylae. -You can only have up to three special skills at any given time, unless you're fighting NPCs, then you have all of them. -Enemies will always know where you went once they first see you. |
Muckraker  Posts: 234 Joined: 25 Mar 2009 |
LEEEEEROOOOOOOYYY |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 766 Joined: 22 May 2009   | *Chaff/Flares always make the enemy missle miss, no matter what. |
On the Record  Posts: 5812 Joined: 12 Apr 2008    | If you have to equip a helmet, or they can be found lying around they will aid you in your task. However if the helmet is with you without your input it is made of tissue. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 183 Joined: 26 Nov 2009  | - Armoured enemy weak-points are always either bright red or glowing. - Enemies almost always suffer from the "Stormtrooper effect" (meaning they miss almost every shot). -All playable characters believe in Bhuddist-style re-incarnation. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1047 Joined: 14 Apr 2009   | - You need the Green, yellow, red, and Blue Keycards before you can open the flimsy wooden door that could easily be kicked down or broken. Oh, it's also a level 50 Door. - Run at the enemy. - Kill enough shit and you can put one experience point into X, Y or Z (I recomend Y). |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2321 Joined: 23 Oct 2008 | *A shotgun blast kills you at 2 feet distance, but just severely harms you at 3. *You always have one generic crap weapon, and one amazing weapon. *You never use said amazing weapon because by the time you would "need" it your so skilled with the generic crap weapon that you can even kill bosses with it. *Never ever ever walk through a doorway without throwing some sort of grenade through first. *probably been said but, NEVER BRING A GUN TO A KNIFE FIGHT! *A 50. high powered rifle shot to the neck/anything that's not the head will do alot of damage whereas a knife to the side of your foot is an insta kill. *There is always a sniper. No, no, i don't care if you just cleared the area, he's out there i tell ya....he's out there....... *There is always one guy on the enemy team who can single handedly wipe out your team. with a pistol if he feels like it. *Every so often you will pull a Rambo/McGuyver(depending on the situation) and completely rape the shit out of the enemy. then fail for the rest of the game. *did you catch that? *shotgun bullets disappear after a few feet. From Halo: *you can take a bullet to the face going mach 2 and be perfectly fine. * if you get hit by a pylon going 5km+ your screwed. *The aliens took lessons from Al Queda and now systematically send in suicide bombers. *stay away from explosions, not because the explosion will kill you, but the tiny debris just might. *You can punch your way through a war. Bullets are not necessary. and finally: Infantry=cannon fodder |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 883 Joined: 25 Dec 2008    | haha just reading the original list, these made my laugh =) -Anyone who does demolition is WAY too pumped (altho it was the first one that really got to me) |
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-If the NPCs are facing in a direction while going up an elevator, it's a safe bet that the enemy is in that direction at the top of the elevator.
-If an NPC hands you a gun and says you'll need it soon, believe him.
-If you have a best friend NPC, he will meet a horrible demise
-When your friend meets said demise, it's your job to take vengeance on those at fault.
-If it doesn't look like your fellow space marines, kill it.
-Anyone who does demolition is WAY too pumped
-Anyone who does tech. is TOO much of a pussy
-The black guy is usually the sgt. in charge
-The Lt. WILL receive either a bullet in the head or a medal
-Cops are never friendly
-If it's glowing or is shiny, it behooves you to interact with it
-If it's blinking, don't fuck with except from afar with a rifle
-If the woman is too hot, she might be evil
-Any vehicle you get will either be destroyed, or won't fit through the doorway
-The bigger/more agile it is, the higher rank it holds with the opposition
-Your shields are made of tissue paper
-The enemy shields are made out of shield
-If you can kill an NPC, do so
I just got bored, if you can think of more, POST THEM!