Game characters, if they were seeking employment in the real world?

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Imagine, if you will, that in every video game world, the conflicts were resolved, and all the game heroes and villains had to move on and get regular jobs and contribute to normal society. What would they all do?

Example: Mario = plumber (yeah that's an easy one lol)

hehe, my captcha is "pipe down"

I can totally see War working in a supermarket stacking shelves. (Darksiders)

On a serious note, Sonic would obviously make a good athlete. However, he'd probably get disqualified for being a blue hedgehog, become bitter and depressed, mooch off Tails (who would of course become a genius in the field of aeronautic engineering) and ultimately die alone and unloved in some pool somewhere, his last thoughts being of his better days when he was still a hero.

Depressed?

The title made me think of this.


OT
Geralt could be a gigolo.

Well Travis Touchdown is already qualify in several fields of work (a cook, petrol refill, scorpion picker, kitten finder, stunt driver and assassin).

Well for one thing Link is forbidden to work in a pottery shop ever while I think Pikachu can as a power source in some powerplant. Sure that could be count as animal cruelty but if the paid is good Pikachu would do it.

Ramirez could do pretty much anything.

XMark:
Ramirez could do pretty much anything.

/thread

Wait... you started the thread just so you could post that, didn't you?

I'd imagine Big Daddies would make quite good nursery workers. And maybe Faith from Mirror's Edge could become a professional athlete or something.

John Marston marriage counselor (he was loyal to his wife Ill give him that lol)

Garrus Vakarian Mechanic (make some calibrations on the car)

Mad Maniac with axe-firing chainsaw:
I can totally see War working in a supermarket stacking shelves. (Darksiders)

On a serious note, Sonic would obviously make a good athlete. However, he'd probably get disqualified for being a blue hedgehog, become bitter and depressed, mooch off Tails (who would of course become a genius in the field of aeronautic engineering) and ultimately die alone and unloved in some pool somewhere, his last thoughts being of his better days when he was still a hero.

Depressed?

Have you seen Sonic for Hire on youtube? It is a show about Sonic looking for jobs in different video games. It was my first thought when I saw this topic.

Kratos... Butcher? What the hell else are you going to do with swords practically welded to your wrists?

the abyss gazes also:
Kratos... Butcher? What the hell else are you going to do with swords practically welded to your wrists?

We're in the 21st century man, we have cutting torches!

I could see Spyro selling the worlds best BBQ for some reason.

JaceArveduin:

the abyss gazes also:
Kratos... Butcher? What the hell else are you going to do with swords practically welded to your wrists?

We're in the 21st century man, we have cutting torches!

Truth.

So then how about motivational speaker or suicide hotline crisis counselor?

I believe this comic is relevant to this thread...

Besides that, I reckon Isaac Clarke would get a new job easily (military or Engineering, he's qualified for both by now) and Marcus Fenix would make a pretty awesome P.E. Coach.

the abyss gazes also:
Kratos... Butcher? What the hell else are you going to do with swords practically welded to your wrists?

Kitten Daycare service? It would certainly teach him how to be nice and gentle instead of 'Rawr! Kill!'.

...just might want to keep him away from a church, considering his history with gods and all.

Garrus Vakarian would be a goddamn lawyer.

Shulk from Xenoblade Chronicles would be a good engineer, I imagine.

Jack Rourke from the latest Need for Speed game would make a decent stunt driver.

I can imagine my grimrock characters would be great square dancing instructors.

My mind keeps coming back to the image of duke nukem stood as a cashier at, like, Tesco or something.

Imagine in his voice: "Hi, would you like a bag? Do you have a clubcard?" etc

The Heavy would be a professional boxer/wrestler.

The Medic would be, what else? A doctor.

The Scout would be a professional baseball player.

The Engineer would be a car mechanic. He would add sentries to a car's engine as a courtesy gift to his customers. :3

The Spy would be a lawyer.

The Pyro would be a gardener.

The Demoman would be a bartender. ...Actually that would be a terrible idea. Basketball maybe?

The Soldier would be a Gym teacher.

The Sniper would own a fruit shop.

Based on my most recent game playthrough, Mitsuru from Persona 3:FES could make love potions what with all the "Marin Karin" spells she casts all the fucking time (A largely useless charm spell)

Also been playing Shadow of the Colossus, Wander could probably become a gymnast due to that titan grip that allows him to literally hold on by the hairs as he gets tossed around like paper in a wind tunnel. Aggro could probably win some races

I imagine Andrew Ryan could be a successful douchewriter.

Provided he can pass the drug tests, Mario would probably go back to being a plumber. And I can see James Heller becoming a very effective bouncer or bodyguard.

Mad Maniac with axe-firing chainsaw:

On a serious note, Sonic would obviously make a good athlete. However, he'd probably get disqualified for being a blue hedgehog, become bitter and depressed, mooch off Tails (who would of course become a genius in the field of aeronautic engineering) and ultimately die alone and unloved in some pool somewhere, his last thoughts being of his better days when he was still a hero.

Depressed?

Sounds like modern day Sonic games nowadays.

I think most of them would be checking that little box on the application that asks if you're a convicted felon. Link would never be hired at any place with pottery or unopened boxes, Kirby would have to avoid restaurants, and Gordon Freeman wouldn't do so well as a telemarketer.

An easy one, Big Boss would train recruits in any army worldwide.
They'd be lucky to have someone of his caliber on their side.

Now all I can think of is the huge looming evil from some JRPG begin employed in Consumer service and sitting behind a desk as a little old grandma lady shakes in fear from the other side.

Anyways, I can see the various protagonists from assassin's creed setting up the most efficient pest control business that you've ever seen. (Just be sure to remove all pets form the premises before calling them in or they might get carried away).

Master chief could join the dallas Cowboys as a linemen he is like 8ft tall.
Shinobi ninja guy I forgot his name can become a pro knife thrower.
The rampage Monster guys can go work for a movie studio.

Issac Clarke (Dead Space) would be a story-teller. Hopefully not one for kids.

The main character from dark souls would be a crash test dummy.

Nathan Drake would be an archaeology professor of course.

And Cole MacGrath, an electrician. :p

well, gordon freeman should be set

PhD in theoretical physics.

Link would make an awesome handyman. And probably a good PI as well.

He could team up with Navi and start a firm.

Oh yeah, new thought: the kid from Bastion would either be a demolitions expert or he could just join the army. Everyone else from that game has a pretty obvious profession, although I don't think day care existed in Caelondia - that's where I'd put the narrator.

Karan Sjet - I don't know, IT support?

I can see a warrior class Dovahkin going far in military service. Or as a coffee fetcher in an office.

the abyss gazes also:

JaceArveduin:

the abyss gazes also:
Kratos... Butcher? What the hell else are you going to do with swords practically welded to your wrists?

We're in the 21st century man, we have cutting torches!

Truth.

So then how about motivational speaker or suicide hotline crisis counselor?

I don't think that crisis councillor is a good idea.... "Oh, you're feeling depressed? Well, I was manipulated by a god into killing my own family and did I cry about it? No! I killed that god, became a god myself, and then killed all the other gods too! Quit your whining!"

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