Worst review I have seen in a long time (borderlands 2)

 Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 NEXT
 

Wall Street journal attempts to review BL2 and its just awful. I actually got some perverse entertainment out of reading this horrible review. Enjoy. :)

"Ask me what I think about Borderlands 2 from Gearbox Software, and I'd tell you about its dubious, convoluted plot. I'd talk about a mind-boggling array of guns and loot. At no point, though, would I ever say I was ready to "joy puke" my face off, as the game box predicts players will do.

The sequel to the highly acclaimed 2009 Borderlands game goes on shelves Tuesday in Xbox 360, PS3 and PC versions for around $60. At that price point, the first-person shooter, published by 2K Games, inevitably invites comparisons with the Halos and Calls of Duty games already out and due to come in the next few weeks and months. Borderlands 2 falls short because it's missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game - most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode. There's an extremely limited four-player cooperative mode, and if you have an Xbox Live Gold account, you can team up that way, but this isn't the type of deeply engrossing FPS game the headset-wearing COD crowds gather to play months and months after release. In comparison, I read on several sites that COD: Black Ops 2 will feature up to six teams, for a total of 18 simultaneous players, in multiplayer mode.

It's apparent that Borderlands 2 is going after that testosterone-filled, 18-35-or-so demographic, with its over-the-top marketing verbiage (eg. "a bazillion weapons just got bazilliondier"), gratuitous cussing in the game and prominent placement of a pre-order advertisement on the ESPN.com homepage. I played the Xbox version of Borderlands 2 for close to a week, and while the development and upgrades from the original are apparent, the quirk and novelty that made the 2009 game so endearing and popular (according to VGChartz.com), combined unit sales of the original topped 4.5 million for the PS3, Xbox 360 and PC) feel dated and tired in this game.

Borderlands 2 doesn't just bill itself as an FPS. It's a space Western FPS or a role-playing shooter, with the ability to build and customize characters. The game's premise is that you're a loot hunter fighting to free the planet Pandora from the evil CEO of Hyperion Corp, Handsome Jack. The evil CEO wants to wipe out the planet's ragtag population and turn Pandora into an industrial playground for his company. His presence is felt throughout the game by the hovering H-shaped space station that serves as his and Hyperion's headquarters. In actual gameplay, you're expected to fight your way across Pandora, hoping to stop Handsome Jack from awakening "the Warrior," an alien even more evil than he is. The events in Borderlands 2 take place several years after the original game and are a continuation of those events, albeit with four new playable characters.

I had to go back to Wikipedia descriptions of the original game to remember all the intricate twists and turns of the Borderlands backstory, which involved a couple of mega-corporations, called Dahl Corp. and Atlas Corp. Atlas set up shop on Pandora one fine winter, hoping to find a vault filled with high-tech alien weapons after finding a similar one on a neighboring planet. Alas, Atlas didn't realize what a hellhole Pandora was in summer, when horrifying alien monsters come out of hibernation, and abandoned the planet. Enter Dahl, which basically pillaged Pandora for the sake of mining its resources, using convict labor that it shipped in. Complicating the already complicated plot, a xeno-archaeologist working on Pandora while Dahl was in charge, actually did find the mysterious vault. When Atlas heard that, it sent in a private army to claim the vault. Dahl, doing what all brave corporations do when faced with imminent invasion, skedaddled, leaving behind the poor, huddled masses and convict labor on the monster-filled planet. The vault is uncovered at the end of the original Borderlands, but is resealed for another 200 years.

In this new game, in your battle against Handsome Jack and his minions and the Pandora monster aliens, you have your choice of playing as one of four protagonists - Axton the Commando, Salvador the so-called "Gunzerker," Zero the Assassin, or Maya the Siren - each fully customizable in appearance and each displaying unique traits. The game's opening sequence reminds you that Borderlands' developers chose to go the animation route, and I don't like it very much. The game isn't manga-like enough to be super-hip, so instead, it just feels cartoonish. Menacing characters like Handsome Jack, who tries to you off in the opening sequence via a double-crossing explosion, are not at all fearsome. Your four heroes from the first game all appear as non-playable characters in this game. They are pretty cool in conception and rendering.

Also back is Claptrap, a droid that's somewhat of a cross between a snarky, profane C3PO with the body of an R2D2. Claptrap acts as your guide, and is a fairly detestable character, who left me cold. When his camera eye got plucked out by an alien on the first mission, I didn't care. Still, I had no choice but to go out and put my Zero character at risk to restore the loathsome droid's sight.

Borderlands 2's single-player campaign mode isn't as good as what you'll find in games like COD: Black Ops or the Medal of Honor series. There's too much "feast-or-famine" hunting for tasks, supplies and a good battle for this to be a fun game all the way through.

I played with my 14-year-old son, and we found ourselves spending a lot of time mindlessly opening supply boxes and mailboxes to find bullets, health boosts and other goodies we didn't really want or need yet. You also wander a lot in winter wastelands that are hard to find your way around, due to the cartoonish blockiness. The game's mapping was detailed, though, and at first, it was fun to explore a bit. It became a nuisance later. I was reminded a couple of times of the desolate feeling you have on the road while playing Skyrim and struck by how long it took to get from one action point to another. Luckily, the developers built quick-travel machines into the game, allowing you short-circuit some of that boring travel time.

Controls are very similar to COD, which makes the game very familiar and easy to play right out of the box. Combat is definitely the best part of Borderlands 2, and when I found a good fight, I really got immersed. There were, however, too many interludes between pitched battles. The artificial intelligence of the aliens and other enemies in this game is excellent, and I found it hard to outsmart and outmaneuver them. I tried to outfox stone-throwing monsters by racing from one side of a sheltering shack to another, but they blew my strategy by simply coming at me from all sides, and in numbers. The best way to fight, I found, was to wade right in, blasting away with whatever weapons I had at hand.

The types of guns and sheer number of available weapons in Borderlands 2 is overwhelming. There are pistols, shotguns and automatic guns and lots of variations and accoutrements you can add to make them better or more deadly. Incendiary guns are a good way to stop other humanoid enemies, I found. In the early stages of the game, I was able to switch between two different weapons, and had to go into my backpack if I wanted to switch them out. Keeping an inventory of your weapons is a bit complicated as the game goes on, and I found myself holding onto too many guns that were too similar to each other to be of much use. Likewise, you can acquire or purchase better shielding for yourself.

There's a "fight-for-your-life" mode that lets you get a "second wind" if you kill an alien before your life meter runs out. The game slows down and goes black-and-white during this mode, and aiming is slower and harder, so you'll have to be deft to recover.

As a $30 impulse buy, priced about the same as games like "NASCAR Unleashed," I wouldn't have a problem recommending Borderlands 2 as a fun diversion. At twice that price, though, I think it's fair for players to demand the whole magilla - cutting-edge development, engrossing campaign gameplay, scads of downloadable content, a rich social media/community experience, sharing of loot and gear and online multiplayer modes that keep you and your friends coming back until the next version of the game comes out.

And Borderlands 2 misses on enough counts so that I not only didn't joy puke, I didn't even get a tiny bit of mirthful bile in my throat. It may be the game for you, but if you're in the market for a new FPS, I'd at least counsel waiting to compare it to Black Ops 2, due out in mid-November, or Halo 4, which is slated for a December release"

Special thanks to Jim Sterling for making me aware of this review. If you don't follow him on twitter its pure gold. https://twitter.com/JimSterling

Source:http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2012/09/18/game-theory-borderlands-2-fails-to-generate-joy-puke/

Yeah I read that I laughed. Honestly the guy is perfectly entitled to his opinion and I respect him if he doesn't like the game. I just hope the gamer community doesn't show its usual immaturity and attack the guy personally for it. But that's wishful thinking since at best the gamer community is a bunch of immature prats.

OP: Are you part of the Gearbox forums? That is how I discovered this review. EDIT: Glossed over the penultimate line, sorry!

OT: Check the comments: Went through the first 100 and everyone is SLAUGHTERING him! Rightfully so as well, as his opinion is BL2 is not part of a COD franchise or a COD clone, so therefore inferior.

Idiot.

What its not COD? good thing I read this review thingy and saved me some cash now I wont have to buy this baby kiddy cartoon CoD fail wannabe piece of junk.

Yeah seriously pretty crap review for one thats actually had some time put into its writing also he played it with his 14 year old son isnt the game an 18?

And this is what happen when you get someone who knows ball all about the subject to write a review

This is hilarious. Thanks for the link there. I have no problem with people voicing their opinions, but at least get the facts straight Mr. WSJ.

the first-person shooter, published by 2K Games, inevitably invites comparisons with the Halos and Calls of Duty games already out and due to come in the next few weeks and months.

image

Eh, I'm not going to rip the guy to shreds or anything. He can have his opinion like anybody else. But this is a poor review. He's supposed to be explaining the nature of the game, and the sort of people it would appeal to. Me, as a reader who is a certain type of gamer, might want to know if the game is for them, not hear an opinionated statement like "I'd prefer CoD personally"; you can add that sort of thing in too (it helps us readers to know the sort of gamer the reviewer is), but you've got to have at least a bit of objectivity in there. The most obvious question one could ask themselves is: would this appeal to somebody who liked the original? Surely, if one played the first Borderlands and enjoyed it, one would not be put off by differences compared to CoD. One is probably not going to be put off by the art style. Does this live up to the potential left by the first? What has been added to the formula? Do the additions work? Furthermore, it could perhaps be useful to describe what the game is to somebody who didn't play the original (guessing the reviewer is in this catagory). It doesn't take that many words: it is Diablo as an FPS. Surely a more appropriate start point to the review would be to look back at the release of Diablo 3 and to the upcoming Torchlight 2. They are more towards the same genre (and would appeal to a similar set of fans) than CoD.

Captcha: just dance. Hey! Look at me! I'm dancing, I'm dancing!

GAunderrated:
Borderlands 2 falls short because it's missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game - most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode.

I got to there and couldn't even take him remotely seriously anymore. He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about and seems to be criticising the game simply for not being COD.

EDIT:

Jim Sterling:
Ironically, the WSJ review is getting a taste of the "Rich Social Media Experience" that the writer was demanding.

Oh Jim, you never cease to put a smile on my face :D

Heh, as soon as I saw the thread title I knew what review it was referring too. It read as if he had no clue about gaming at all and just wrote what an outsider pretending to be in the loop thought gamers would think. Basically, he faked it and anybody and everybody who actually games can take one look at it and realize he hasn't got a clue.

EDIT: A little Devil's advocacy here. Maybe his cluelessness is the point. Maybe he's supposed to be reviewing from the point of view of a casual gamer who only buys Madden and CoD every year and this is the type of information they would need. A casual, multi-player only type of player would be disappointed with B2.

Oh, man. Fail review is fail. It's not for lack of trying, but it trys in all the wrong ways.

Oh, also: who is going to read the Wall Street Journal for reviews of entertainment products anyways!?!?

"Borderlands 2's single-player campaign mode isn't as good as what you'll find in games like COD: Black Ops"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Ohhhhhh, man. That's good stuff! *ahem*

OT: The amount of shit that's going to be flowing his way is going to be crazy.

This here is still the best Borderlands 2 review / first impression that there'll ever be:

Umm... The guy's writing for Wall Street Journal, ergo he's not exactly working with an educated audience here in terms of gaming where they only know of 3 franchises - CoD, Halo, and WoW.

Hazy992:

GAunderrated:
Borderlands 2 falls short because it's missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game - most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode.

I got to there and couldn't even take him remotely seriously anymore. He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about and seems to be criticising the game simply for not being COD.

My thoughts exactly... I just... I don't even...

I think I need to take a break from the net for minute.

"Menacing characters like Handsome Jack, who tries to you off in the opening sequence via a double-crossing explosion, are not at all fearsome.

And here is a mistake for you all to laugh at.

Honestly, comparing Borderlands to COD is like comparing Dark Souls with Super Mario. You couldn't have missed the point more.

Volan:

"Menacing characters like Handsome Jack, who tries to you off in the opening sequence via a double-crossing explosion, are not at all fearsome.

And here is a mistake for you all to laugh at.

Honestly, comparing Borderlands to COD is like comparing Dark Souls with Super Mario. You couldn't have missed the point more.

Exactly. I mean everyone is entitled to their opinion, but he could at least try and use some form of logic that would explain his point. It's just all bad

Lacks a multiplayer online mode, 'scads of downloadable content' and a 'social media/community experience' eh? Well this just makes the game sound all the more appealing to me...

And then he effectively said it doesn't offer the kind of value for money as "NASCAR Unleashed"? Wait, let me just quote the scathing Official Xbox Magazine[1] review of that game:

NASCAR fan or no, you'll want to steer clear of Unleashed.

Borderlands 2 falls short because it's missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game - most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahahahahaah *gasp*

no

Borderlands 2 falls short because it's missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game - most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode. There's an extremely limited four-player cooperative mode, and if you have an Xbox Live Gold account, you can team up that way, but this isn't the type of deeply engrossing FPS game the headset-wearing COD crowds gather to play months and months after release. In comparison, I read on several sites that COD: Black Ops 2 will feature up to six teams, for a total of 18 simultaneous players, in multiplayer mode.

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHA!!!!!

HAHAHAHAA!!!!!

FUCKCHUCKLES THAT IS THE MOST RETARDED BULLSHIT I'VE HEARD IN AGES.

Judging Borderlands by Call of Duty standards is utterly stupid, because that's exactly what it's NOT trying to be.

Borderlands 2's single-player campaign mode isn't as good as what you'll find in games like COD: Black Ops or the Medal of Honor series. There's too much "feast-or-famine" hunting for tasks, supplies and a good battle for this to be a fun game all the way through.

Yeah, because linear, heavily scripted shooting galleries are where it's at. BAWWWWW I don't like freedom in my games!!!

Stopped reading at "inevitable comparisons to Halo and CoD".

What a moron.

the first-person shooter, published by 2K Games, inevitably invites comparisons with the Halos and Calls of Duty games

HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHHAHHAHA

The game isn't manga-like enough to be super-hip

AHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Borderlands 2's single-player campaign mode isn't as good as what you'll find in games like COD: Black Ops or the Medal of Honor series.

HAAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

There were, however, too many interludes between pitched battles.

HAHAHAHAHAHHHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

I think it's fair for players to demand...scads of downloadable content

HAHAHHHHHHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

image

I don't even care that he doesn't like Borderlands, since I don't either--as a matter of fact, he even brings up a couple of gripes that I also have about the series. But the other, genuinely asinine, things he says make me double over in convulsions of both laughter and apoplexy.

EDIT: This comment on the article is particularly entertaining:

"Every year me and my son enjoy my wife's vanilla cake. It's light, moist and slightly sweet. This year we could not wait for my wife's cake so we decided to get a bakery fresh apple pie. I was shocked to find out that the warm apple pie I had purchased was, in fact, not my wife's vanilla cake. It was covered in some sort of crust and contained within warm, cinnamon coated apple pie filling which has a much different texture than cake. In short, next year I'll wait for the same cake I always eat because apple pie is not cake."

MammothBlade:

Borderlands 2 falls short because it's missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game - most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode. There's an extremely limited four-player cooperative mode, and if you have an Xbox Live Gold account, you can team up that way, but this isn't the type of deeply engrossing FPS game the headset-wearing COD crowds gather to play months and months after release. In comparison, I read on several sites that COD: Black Ops 2 will feature up to six teams, for a total of 18 simultaneous players, in multiplayer mode.

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHA!!!!!

HAHAHAHAA!!!!!

FUCKCHUCKLES THAT IS THE MOST RETARDED BULLSHIT I'VE HEARD IN AGES.

Judging Borderlands by Call of Duty standards is utterly stupid, because that's exactly what it's NOT trying to be.

Borderlands 2's single-player campaign mode isn't as good as what you'll find in games like COD: Black Ops or the Medal of Honor series. There's too much "feast-or-famine" hunting for tasks, supplies and a good battle for this to be a fun game all the way through.

Yeah, because linear, heavily scripted shooting galleries are where it's at. BAWWWWW I don't like freedom in my games!!!

I had a good laugh at that part too.

I will respect that opinion, but what in the fuck is he talking about?

It's not good if it doesn't have a good and rich online multiplayer mode? Yeah, because, heaven forbid, if a game has a good story and really great writing, I mean, who cares about that stupid shit if there's great multiplayer. >.>

...
...
...and this, folks, is why we leave these things to professional game reviewers. You know, the people who actually know what they're talking about?

Now excuse me while I go facepalm myself unconscious.

I think it's pretty safe to say that we can use this as the go-to example of sub-par professional reviews for the next few years. Classes could be taught from this. Flawed justifications of flawed arguments supporting flawed premises acting under false assumptions, wrapped in a tone too serious to be simply stating one's personal opinion but too conversational to be an objective appraisal of it's successes and shortcomings.

All around, a masterpiece.

Borderlands 2 falls short because it's missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game - most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode. There's an extremely limited four-player cooperative mode, and if you have an Xbox Live Gold account, you can team up that way, but this isn't the type of deeply engrossing FPS game the headset-wearing COD crowds gather to play months and months after release. In comparison, I read on several sites that COD: Black Ops 2 will feature up to six teams, for a total of 18 simultaneous players, in multiplayer mode.

18 players! If this guy ever sees TF2 he'll have a heart attack, never mind BF3. And I do love the "read on several sites."

9/10 would read aloud at a comedy club!

Usually I check out these threads to hear fanboys whining about "reviewer from Serious Publication didn't like a game I thought would be good and everyone else likes," but this one is indeed something special. I mean, we go to this site specifically to see well written reviews tearing apart beloved games. This one is just so much delicious nonsense that it's difficult to even tell if he likes it or not. I doubt he knows.

"I play games like CoD and Halo and this game isn't anything like CoD and Halo... except the parts that are like CoD and Halo. But the parts that are like CoD and Halo aren't enough like CoD and Halo, so therefore you should wait until they make a new CoD and Halo. They have all the graphics. And blast processing. I read that on several websites."

GAunderrated:

Borderlands 2 doesn't just bill itself as an FPS. It's a space Western FPS or a role-playing shooter, with the ability to build and customize characters. The game's premise is that you're a loot hunter fighting to free the planet Pandora from the evil CEO of Hyperion Corp, Handsome Jack. The evil CEO wants to wipe out the planet's ragtag population and turn Pandora into an industrial playground for his company. His presence is felt throughout the game by the hovering H-shaped space station that serves as his and Hyperion's headquarters. In actual gameplay, you're expected to fight your way across Pandora, hoping to stop Handsome Jack from awakening "the Warrior," an alien even more evil than he is. The events in Borderlands 2 take place several years after the original game and are a continuation of those events, albeit with four new playable characters.

So basically, they just ripped off the last half of the plot of Avatar, dumbed it down and made minor changes, I never liked the original Borderlands and this has not endeared me to the series, I'd rather play Modern Warfare.

lololololol.

Is he really trying to take Borderlands seriously? Ha!

And multiplayer mode? EVEN MOAR LOLS.

OT: It's a great game so far. I'm playing Siren while my buddy is doing Assassin.

We just got to the Sanctuary, and let me tell you, I have not laughed so hard playing a game since Portal 2.

Handsome Jack and his diamond pony are fucking hilarious.

I believe I've located a review that is to game reviews what Vampire's Kiss is to movies.

Vampire's Kiss is my favorite movie.

I'm pleased to announce that the expected extension holds true. This is possibly my favorite review ever written.

Well, one doesn't go to the WSJ for video game reviews, but while there are plenty of things to quibble over when it comes to Borderlands (my favorite so far is a persistent and undying glitch that renders only one very specific SMG combo almost entirely invisible), I'd dare say that if he's taking it as seriously as he's trying to make it sound, he's doing this very, very wrong.

Borderlands revels in its deranged cheerful violence, but also its affectionate interaction with its fanbase, if the Gearbox team recording and animating a comedic customized proposal for a fan and his fiance is any clue. Not about to see Activision okay that sort of thing...

I just couldn't read past the first two paragraphs, it's just too ridiculous! Obviously a guy who doesn't really know what he's talking about.

This review made me real-puke my face off, but boy was it good for a laugh!

CityofTreez:
"Borderlands 2's single-player campaign mode isn't as good as what you'll find in games like COD: Black Ops"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Ohhhhhh, man. That's good stuff! *ahem*

OT: The amount of shit that's going to be flowing his way is going to be crazy.

Haha, and that's the quote I found most hilarious. This guy better batten down the hatches. I see a shitstorm on the horizon.

neonsword13-ops:
lololololol.

Is he really trying to take Borderlands seriously? Ha!

And multiplayer mode? EVEN MOAR LOLS.

OT: It's a great game so far. I'm playing Siren while my buddy is doing Assassin.

We just got to the Sanctuary, and let me tell you, I have not laughed so hard playing a game since Portal 2.

Handsome Jack and his diamond pony are fucking hilarious.

Calm down, Butt Stallion!

OT: This man, whoever he is, fails on such an epic level that I peed myself a little laughing. Who in thier right minds compares anything to CoD! My gI'd, my sides hurt.

CityofTreez:
"Borderlands 2's single-player campaign mode isn't as good as what you'll find in games like COD: Black Ops"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Ohhhhhh, man. That's good stuff! *ahem*

OT: The amount of shit that's going to be flowing his way is going to be crazy.

Well it's certainly true of the first game so why not the second? Remove the co-op and it is tedious. CoD single player is short enough to remain fun, even if it is a little too easy to be challenging. You managed to mock one of his more accurate points :p

 Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked