Sonic '06 - Objectively Better Than Portal

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In light of my recent thread, I've come to the realization that many people feel that shorter games are not worth their money. They feel that the number of dollars spent should be roughly equal to the number of hours spent playing the game, or else they haven't gotten their money's worth. I've noticed a few other complaints about "modern" games as well, namely that many of them are first-person shooters with an extremely limited color palette, or are linear and just a succession of corridors that don't let you explore, or that they're too easy and don't challenge the player in any significant way.

Keeping all of these things in mind, I feel that I can now irrefutably prove that Sonic '06 is objectively better than Portal.

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It's no use, Portal!

First - Genre:

People always lament the prevalence of first-person shooters these days. Well, Portal is a first-person shooter. You run around in first-person view, and shoot things. Portals instead of bullets, but functionally it's the same.

Sonic '06 is a rare gem, though. A speed-focused 3D platformer. We don't get many of those anymore, do we? Truly it's much more unique than Portal, then, since as Sonic we're not walking around at half the speed of a snail waving guns around in peoples' faces.

Second - Color Palette:

Portal is a game that most of us know by now. Love-child of Valve, spawner of memes, and based around puzzles, it's a media darling. But... it has somewhat of a limited color palette, wouldn't you say? I mean, all of that white and grey... sure, you have the occasional blue or orange because of the portals themselves, but you're moving through such bland environments.

Sonic '06, on the other hand, is a bright and vivid collection of the entire spectrum of colors. Everywhere you go, you see not only grey and white, but blues and greens and reds and yellows and oranges, violets and blacks and browns and aquamarine and pink. It's so colorful, and it really brings the game to life.

Third - Level Design:

Portal is a puzzle game, set in a long-abandoned test facility. As such, most of the stages are small, self-contained maps that are generally pretty closed-off. It doesn't allow for much exploration, and there's really only ever one distinct path for you to travel along, no matter how obtuse the portal puzzles might make it seem.

Sonic '06, however, has a semi-open hub world with many missions strewn about, and all of the individual levels are large, with wide open terrain that invites and encourages plenty of exploration. Sometimes you might even get lost and need to search out your own way of continuing the level further, and really, how often does that happen in other modern games?

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All right, if I triangulate the hypotenuse of these three platforms... Princess, do you have a map?

Fourth - Challenge:

Portal is not a very complicated game. You find the wall you can shoot portals on, you shoot portals on it, and you travel through the portals. Progress! Consequently, it can be completed in a very short amount of time despite the sheer number of challenges present within the game. It's all so easy, right? And people hate easy games.

Sonic '06 is another story entirely. In fact, once you reach a level called "Crisis City", the difficulty bar skyrockets so quickly you'd think your grandmother just bitch-slapped you from the afterlife. It's long, it's torturous, and it's challenging as all hell. And that's exactly what people want, right? More difficulty in their games! Well, Sonic '06 has it in spades! In fact, I'd wager that it's the most difficult game in the entire Sonic franchise!

Fifth - Depth:

As I've previously mentioned, Portal isn't terribly complex. You get a portal gun, and throughout the course of the game you use it to create portals that lead you to the next testing chamber. The most it mixes up the gameplay are during sections that you need to weigh down multiple switches, and even then it just usually consists of shooting a few portals to move cubes around and then back-tracking until you reach the door you've opened.

Sonic '06 throws you right in and expects you to figure out everything for yourself, and there's quite a fair amount for you to learn. Between all of the separate controls, the different objectives missions have, the game switching it up by swapping you out to a different character, who have unique move-sets all of their own, or throwing Sonic into what's colloquially known as "mach speed" sections where you're constantly moving forward at a fixed speed and need to navigate perilous terrain, Sonic '06 was a modern pioneer of "easy to learn, hard to master" controls that games like Dark Souls would later popularize. There's so much variety that really contributes toward keeping the game from getting stale, which is more than can be said for the Portal "I'm Gonna Hide That This Is A Linear Hallway By Making You Shoot Vertically" Gun.

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Now you're thinking with portals, son.

Sixth - Length:

Portal is an incredibly short game. So short, in fact, that you could complete almost half of it over the course of an average lunch break. I don't know about everyone else, but to me that sounds like a pretty poor amount of content for the money you're spending. Who wants to be able to be able to beat an entire game during the time it takes to watch an episode of House? Not me.

image
It takes longer for me to diagnose 'not lupus' than it takes to complete Portal.

Fortunately, Sonic '06 is much longer. Not only do you get all of the content provided by Sonic's story from the start, there are also two extra playable characters with their own unique stories that unlock as you play through Sonic's. And the stages themselves aren't as short as the typical older Sonic games, either, where you could zoom through in two or three minutes. Oh no, these things are much more complicated than that, and a lot of them actually have multiple areas to go through before you actually reach the end too. Plus, then there's that overworld hub you get to explore, which also has its own missions. I mean, just look at the amount of content, and it's all for $15! What more could you ask for?

Seventh - Investment:

So, we've already covered how easy, simple, and short Portal is. Well, gee, but easy, simple, short games are pretty much poster-children for so-called "casual" gaming, aren't they? You don't need to put any significant amount of time or effort in to beat Portal, and pretty much everyone and their grandmother are able to beat it. You can just pick it up and play it without any problems, just like a mobile game!

Sonic '06 requires a much stronger resolve. You have to focus, you have to strain yourself to the limits of your gaming ability, and you have to tell yourself that you will beat it, no matter how much it kicks your ass around! And if you leave it for long enough, trying to go right back in will only end with the game kicking your ass even harder for being foolish enough to think your rusty playing would be good enough.

image
Get used to this screen - You'll be seeing it a lot.

"Better Than Portal" is hardly something to boast about.

Sonic '06 is a brilliant achievement. You have truly shown me the light.

I will now proceed to re-watch the bestiality/necrophilia dead Sonic kiss scene over and over again.

Fappy:
Sonic '06 is a brilliant achievement. You have truly shown my the light.

I will now proceed to re-watch the bestiality/necrophilia dead Sonic kiss scene over and over again.

Right?

All this time I thought Sonic 06 was just shit, but now I see that it's better than Portal! Everything I've known was a lie!

Also, that kiss scene? Best romance in a video game ever.

I agree.

Sonic also deals with relationships a lot better than Portal as well.

A romantic relationship between a human woman and a blue hedgehog teaches us that our physical forms are just barriers to something deeper.

Truly, Sonic '06 is the Citizen Kane of this generation.

I feel the need to throw a [/sarcasm] tag here before people start throwing temper tantrums, since sarcasm isn't really well conveyed over the internet.

I don't really know what else to add other than I admire you commitment to the joke, by writing out a fairly long post. Well done, you had me there for a second.

Daystar Clarion:
Truly, Sonic '06 is the Citizen Kane of this generation.

I agree, I mean just take a look at the first fight with Silver which introduces a lot of deep philosophical concepts.

It's a metaphor to show that life isn't fair, and that you're always going to be stuck between a rock and a hard place (or in this case a Silver and a hard building). Sometimes you just to have to accept the futility of what's transpiring before you as no matter your actions 'IT'S NO USE!'

Not only that but I'd say the various script errors are almost surrealist in design, challenging the players preconceived notions of reality itself. Maybe it is possible to teleport through a loop-de-loop onto a previously unreachable platform after all?

Truly the writers of Sonic '06 are at a level of philosophical maturity rivaling that of Friedrich Nietzsche or Jean-Paul Sartre.

As much as this could be considered just a joke, this guy is right on the money.

Portal is one of those things that have been blown up to be greater than what it actually is. It's a nice game but it doesn't have all that much to it.

However, as bad as 06 is, I feel like there was a least some genuine effort put in to make something amazing and it came to a roadblock near the end. And there are a few cool moments trapped under all the bullshit.

And the big thing you have to think about here is achivement and the feeling of fulfilment.

Portal, you can breeze through once you understand how everything works. But 06? Fuck.

Watch any episode of the AVGN when he does a notoriously hard game. Look at the elation on his face when he finally reaches the end. That's the kind of joy you can't get anywhere else.

Fuck it, 06 is better than Dark Souls while we're at it.

Shadowstar38:
As much as this could be considered just a joke, this guy is right on the money.

Portal is one of those things that have been blown up to be greater than what it actually is. It's a nice game but it doesn't have all that much to it.

However, as bad as 06 is, I feel like there was a least some genuine effort put in to make something amazing and it came to a roadblock near the end. And there are a few cool moments trapped under all the bullshit.

And the big thing you have to think about here is achivement and the feeling of fulfilment.

Portal, you can breeze through once you understand how everything works. But 06? Fuck.

Watch any episode of the AVGN when he does a notoriously hard game. Look at the elation on his face when he finally reaches the end. That's the kind of joy you can't get anywhere else.

Fuck it, 06 is better than Dark Souls while we're at it.

You my friend are a pyromancer.

Here, have my +1 Flameshield!

/Salute

Good luck.

OT: I feel I should mention I put 06' down after 5 minutes of gameplay XD

I don't necessarily think that shorter games are inherently worse than longer games.

Journey is a really short game, but I still found it to be worth the $15 I spent on it.

As for the whole complaint about modern games. While I can agree that there are a lot of shooters now-a-days, it feels like some people act like this kind of thing has never happened before. As a result, they talk about how shitty gaming has become or something along those lines.

Throughout the nineties there was a large amount of 2D platformers with colorful mascots that tried to ape the success of Mario and Sonic.

With mostly little success:

And during the mid nineties (the time I started gaming) to early 2000's, games shifted towards 3D platformer collect-a-thons. Like Super Mario 64, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro the Dragon, and Banjo Kazooie.

Mind you, I love all of those games. But I'd be lying if I said that they didn't follow a similar trend that a lot of games today do with with CoD.

I have to agree with you here, shrekfan. Despite the high praise that Portal receives across the internet, Sonic '06 betters it in every single way.

People are constantly complaining about the "brownness" that has inhabited video games nowadays. Well, Sonic '06 has a cornucopia of colour. There are blues, there are greens, there are reds, think of a colour, it's probably in there. Hell, the three main characters use more colour in the design that most whole games use now.

Another complaint are modern games is that games are too short. Well, by god, does Sonic '06 give you bang for your buck. You mentioned Portal, well a level or two playing as Silver encompasses that. In fact, the loading times for the levels probably encompass that silly little game. Three lengthy stories from three main characters, and a final "last story" to conclude? Portal wishes it was half Sonic's length. And as people always say, bigger is better, right?

A third complaint (my god, modern gamers are whiny little shits aren't they) intrinsically linked perhaps with shortness of games, are that they are too easy. Not Sonic '06. It makes you work for that 100% completion. You know what gamers love? Collectibles. And Sonic has that in the form of both Silver and Gold medals (Bronze isn't good enough for this bastion of gaming). Not only that but there are side missions galore for you to do, whether it be winning races, helping one of the fine citizens of Soleanna through a forest or even just picking up apples and putting them in barrels, Sonic '06 has it all. Dark Souls? Pah! Sonic '06 is where the true, hardcore gamers find their challenge at.

Now I would talk about the story but I believe it is something that every man, woman, child, dog, cat, dinosaur, should experience for themselves. One thing I will say though, that romance sub-plot is daring. You may love it, you may be disgusted by it, but it is revolutionary and may very well go down as the Romeo and Juliet of our time. Some people won't be ready for it, and I'll admit a romance between a princess and a lowly citizen like Sonic shocked me as well, but it is a true blue trailblazer of our time. This may be the beginning of a glorious moment where bestiality and necrophilia are no longer looked down upon, like society used to look down of homosexuals. I bless Sonic Team for having the gall to do something so daring.

Now shrekfan, you've encompassed why Sonic is indeed better than Portal and most of the reasons fit what I'm about to say, so I'd like to a few steps further. This isn't just better than Portal, oh no. This isn't just GOTY material. Game Of The Decade? Perhaps some people may stop there. No, I truly believe not only is this the game of our generation, I believe (until the inevitable virtual reality remake where you can be the one kissing the fair princess) this is the best game ever.

sonic 06 has a game grumps lp, therefore it is better.

Soviet Heavy:
sonic 06 has a game grumps lp, therefore it is better.

Sonic '06 is so amazing that it made Aerin have an existential crisis.

I love you man. I love you so much. This is brilliant. In fact, it is my pleasure to award you "Hero of the Trollviet union, 2nd class".

EDIT: you know what? This is so good, I'm not even sure if it's trolling or just comedy. Hats off to you, good sir!

Why the Hell are you comparing a broken mess that killed my childhood, with a game everyone would rather go to that actually works, let alone well at that, despite its length?

If anything, you might as well compare that pile of shit with Final Fantasy, since Princess Elise resembles a Final Fantasy character, and that whole mess was crapped out at the last minute to compete with the now-dying JRPG craze. Sonic '06 tries too hard to be all dark, serious, angsty, and whatever the Hell, even though the thing about Sonic is that he's a children's cartoon mascot! It's like what might happen if you were to introduce blood, guts, guns, sex, swearing and other superficially "mature" content into the Super Mario franchise; it just doesn't fit.

Just because the gaming industry is aiming toward an adult audience, doesn't mean Sonic the Hedgehog should "catch up" with it at the expense of its own core essence. That, and it's just nothing but a scathing clusterfuck of bad ideas, from gameplay elements that feel juvenile yet completely unnecessary, to new characters galore designed to hide the fact that these games suck. Hell, it was what almost kept me from playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl, which had Sonic the Hedgehog appearing in the same game as Solid Snake!

I never wanted to hear again from that pile of shit that changed gaming forever, and for all the wrong reasons at that! Even Sega never wanted to hear from that failure, because they once pulled that and plenty of other Sonic games out that had metacritic scores below 75! No, seriously! So why the fuck bring that childhood killer up?

Fappy:
Sonic '06 is a brilliant achievement. You have truly shown me the light.

I will now proceed to re-watch the bestiality/necrophilia dead Sonic kiss scene over and over again.

Thank you. I'd forgotten about that for a second. My evening <MODS DON'T LIKE THIS WORD> session is now postponed indefinitely. Great.

I agree completely. Sonic '06 is so much better than Portal it hurts. It literally hurts me to think of how good the game is. Portal is a derivative clone of an indie game that is made for casuals. Sonic '06 is a true core gamers dream, complete with an epic story, loads of variety, and hard gameplay to keep those grubby casuals out of our games (because, as everyone knows, every game needs to appeal to as niche an audience as possible). Anyone who thinks otherwise is just plain wrong, and probably a casual themselves who cannot comprehend anything more complicated or difficult than Angry Birds.

EternalNothingness:
Why the Hell are you comparing a broken mess that killed my childhood, with a game everyone would rather go to that actually works, let alone well at that, despite its length?

I know! I can't believe anyone would compare something as broken, bland and repetitive as Portal to a complete period definer like Sonic '06. It's offensive more than anything else.

EternalNothingness:
snip

He is being facetious (spelling?), using the example of Sonic 06 to illustrate how silly a lot of modern gamers complaints about the direction of the video game industry is such as greyness, lenght, difficulty, etc

Y'know, I want to play along with everyone here.

But I'm sorry, I can't.

I mean...I just can't joke about a game that managed to drive a popular internet animator to the point of mental breakdown.

Oh my God! How couldn't we see it. How could we let this masterpiece of a game to be torn apart by critics for being ahead of its time? It wasn't a failure. We as humans failed in our existance for denying this game its place on the golden pedestal of game design an history books.

I used to want Glados in every game.

Now I only want an underage girl kissing a dead hedgehog corpse IN EVERY OTHER STINKING WORK OF ART. (want you gone referance..kinda) because there are no other way for us to reach the enlightment as species. To the Necrophilia and Beyond!!!

Doclector:
Y'know, I want to play along with everyone here.

But I'm sorry, I can't.

I mean...I just can't joke about a game that managed to drive a popular internet animator to the point of mental breakdown.

Playing along...? I don't understand.

You mean, you don't truly believe that Sonic '06 is one of the finest games in all existence? I believe it is you who is the joke here, good sir!

Perhaps you have not been enlightened by the genius of '06 yet.

I'm still here, waiting for the "objectively" bit to be pointed out and elaborated on. So far, all I've seen was subjective stuff, or rather, you keep talking about why you liked Sonic more than Portal.

Sorry, but at the use of "irrefutably prove" and "objectively" in the OP, I think I will have to let my ol' pal Inigo Montoya do the talking.

Is it wrong that I was once a massive Sonic fanboy and genuinely, un-ironically enjoyed it?

*Sees incoming fall of flames*

Yeah...Guess it was.

Vegosiux:
I'm still here, waiting for the "objectively" bit to be pointed out and elaborated on. So far, all I've seen was subjective stuff, or rather, you keep talking about why you liked Sonic more than Portal.

Sorry, but at the use of "irrefutably prove" and "objectively" in the OP, I think I will have to let my ol' pal Inigo Montoya do the talking.

Someone missed the joke. >.>

Edit: I thought trolling was a big forum no-no. Apparently OP didn't get the memo.

fapper plain:

Vegosiux:
I'm still here, waiting for the "objectively" bit to be pointed out and elaborated on. So far, all I've seen was subjective stuff, or rather, you keep talking about why you liked Sonic more than Portal.

Sorry, but at the use of "irrefutably prove" and "objectively" in the OP, I think I will have to let my ol' pal Inigo Montoya do the talking.

Someone missed the joke. >.>

I tend to miss the unfunny ones, yes.

Silly me.

EternalNothingness:
changed gaming forever

Uuuuuuuh... I seriously think you're overstating the impact that Sonic 06 had.
It was a shitty game, sure, but it produced Pokecapn+Crew's LP and the GameGrumps series.
To be honest I enjoy watching those series a lot more than playing Portal. Not that Portal is bad.

fapper plain:

Someone missed the joke. >.>

Edit: I thought trolling was a big forum no-no. Apparently OP didn't get the memo.

But it's sooo funny! And it's not like it's hurting anyone!

Vegosiux:

fapper plain:

Vegosiux:
I'm still here, waiting for the "objectively" bit to be pointed out and elaborated on. So far, all I've seen was subjective stuff, or rather, you keep talking about why you liked Sonic more than Portal.

Sorry, but at the use of "irrefutably prove" and "objectively" in the OP, I think I will have to let my ol' pal Inigo Montoya do the talking.

Someone missed the joke. >.>

I tend to miss the unfunny ones, yes.

Silly me.

Come on. Don't be so jaded. Even if you don't find it funny, you must have seen the clever jabs at the "hardcore" and "retro" games...all of which tried to copy the genius of the Sonic 06 unsuccessfully. When will they learn?

fapper plain:

Vegosiux:
I'm still here, waiting for the "objectively" bit to be pointed out and elaborated on. So far, all I've seen was subjective stuff, or rather, you keep talking about why you liked Sonic more than Portal.

Sorry, but at the use of "irrefutably prove" and "objectively" in the OP, I think I will have to let my ol' pal Inigo Montoya do the talking.

Someone missed the joke. >.>

Edit: I thought trolling was a big forum no-no. Apparently OP didn't get the memo.

I fail to see where this is trolling. :D

These are things that many people like to complain are prevalent in "modern" games. Taking those complaints, I've matched them up to two separate games to see how they hold up. Examining each title closely, one clearly comes out as being superior to the other. They're both ostensibly "modern" games, one of which succumbs to all of these "tropes" that people like to say are huge problems with the current gaming industry, and one of which eschews the tropes in favor of the opposing stance.

Vegosiux:

fapper plain:

Vegosiux:
I'm still here, waiting for the "objectively" bit to be pointed out and elaborated on. So far, all I've seen was subjective stuff, or rather, you keep talking about why you liked Sonic more than Portal.

Sorry, but at the use of "irrefutably prove" and "objectively" in the OP, I think I will have to let my ol' pal Inigo Montoya do the talking.

Someone missed the joke. >.>

I tend to miss the unfunny ones, yes.

Silly me.

I thougt it was a pretty interesting read and I rather like this thread.

Now seriously. In my opinion: Portal is a good game but a tad overrated, Sonic 06 is kinda broken BUT its also pretty fucking hilarious to play a game with so many bugs. It was actually FUN. More than what I can say about other games...

image

I... ahh cant even teh brain i think broke it you hasss

Daystar Clarion:
I agree.

Sonic also deals with relationships a lot better than Portal as well.

A romantic relationship between a human woman and a blue hedgehog teaches us that our physical forms are just barriers to something deeper.

Truly, Sonic '06 is the Citizen Kane of this generation.

Daystar, you are right. And for that, I thank you.

Now, where is that cute little raccoon I saw yesterday...?

OT: Arguably, it could be better. But it's not. I know this is probably a satire but still. Sonic 06 is soooooooooo badly designed...

-The genre is a beloved one. It's kinda like a platformer but not all the way. It could have been great if well developed. Portal actually took the "kinda FPS" genre and made it their own.
-The color palette is bigger but just because you have colors doesn't mean you gotta use them all.
-The levels are more colorful but broken. You can glitch through them or simply die for no reason.
-Sonic 06's challenge is finishing the game without going nuts. So I guess it IS more challenging.
-The game wants you to figure everything on your own. That's ok...but there are ways to do it. Portal puts the solution in front of you and expects you to figure it out. Sonic throws you into the Lion's Den and doesn't even give you a toothpick to defend yourself.
-Sonic 06 is longer, perhaps too long. After playing a broken game for so long, you start to miss something like Portal.
-Investment is irrelevant and varies per customer.

But seriously, if you don't believe me, just watch Game Grumps playing Sonic 06.

Do it. Go now. I'll wait.

Actually, this would summarize it:

...

And I rest my case.

Vegosiux:
I'm still here, waiting for the "objectively" bit to be pointed out and elaborated on. So far, all I've seen was subjective stuff, or rather, you keep talking about why you liked Sonic more than Portal.

Sorry, but at the use of "irrefutably prove" and "objectively" in the OP, I think I will have to let my ol' pal Inigo Montoya do the talking.

You haven't really been around too many modern game disscussions have you?

Each point is a laundry list of what gamers say is "wrong" with games today. Those people think of wrong in terms of objectivity as well. I can see why. If I finish something in an afternoon, and have no story to really think about, nor interesting and varied gameplay, well does make a game shit.

Now statistically, many of the people that claim gaming today sucks will also look at Valve as the crowning acheivement of what developers should be doing. That there presents it's own issues. But I digress.

Take a well loved game and put it up against the standards being laid out, and you can see it fail horribly at it. While a game everyone hails to be shit hits all the high marks.

The ending result will have one of two options.

The first is that it gives you a wealth of insight into why something isn't as bad as people make it out to be. With this new viewpoint you can gain a newfound respect for it.

Or, alternatively, people who use all the hallmarks that allegedly make a game better have to abandon their system because looking at something like this will make them foam at the mouth.

In short, this thread is an epic exercise in critical thought. It's less of a "joke" as the others would think, and more of an analysis of the state of gaming as a whole today.

WaitWHAT:

fapper plain:

Someone missed the joke. >.>

Edit: I thought trolling was a big forum no-no. Apparently OP didn't get the memo.

But it's sooo funny! And it's not like it's hurting anyone!

Eh, I don't have a problem with it personally. It was actually kinda brilliant. I just wasn't sure if this was 'bad' or not, considering the Escapist forum rules tend to be conservative. If I'm wrong, than carry on.

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