I'm a Mum to be and a gamer through and through, a real geek at times (says my FF8 figures).. I grew up with a Tandy computer at first, discovering Windows 3.1, messing in DOS with games like The Black Cauldron, Space Quest, and Bar Games (in which I slid mugs of beer over a bar to patrons, tried to date hot chicks, and poured water on pedestrians who were scantily clad or dressed in bunny suits?) My guy has the same kind of background and continuing love for games. We do not support the claims that playing games makes bad children and yet.. Here we pose ourselves this question and wonder.

I want my daughter to share my love of games! We hope she's a geek too (but we know she'll be her own person and won't be too disappointed if she isn't). But I want her to be healthy. I don't want to teach her to stay inside playing DDR rather than go for a jog in the sun. I was raised as a tech loving, stay inside mostly, gaming kid. I turned out great and well rounded and it worked for me, but I want something different for my daughter just the same.

What I did with my time was never regulated. I could play and watch whatever I wanted. My parents were clueless I suppose. I remember being less than nine, staying up late watching my Dad play Diablo, and being scared but fascinated by the blobby graphics! I look at that and say, my daughter, at age nine, will never see such a thing! What if she wants to play a 'grown up' kind of game? How old will we tell her she has to be? Will she just go play it at a friend's house anyway? Will it hurt her?

I want to talk about the effects of video games on children. Really. No Jack Thompson, random, unjustified comments. I just want reality. I never thought the decision would be this complicated! Any other parents or parents to be out there that game and have experience with this conundrum?

first off, kids seeing violent things and hearing crude language does not matter to your child's development, it's your responsibility to teach your child what is ok and not ok. The culture of fear the we have set out for children is bad for them, and has gotten worse with Cable TV because we become disconnected with our local community. I was playing diablo at a young age like yourself, i started playing Parasite Eve when i was 8-9 and it was extremely violent and sexual. I picked up GTA when i was 12-13. Im now a competitive gamer as my hobby, and i still put about 10-15 hours a week into gaming. But im not obsessed, i chill with my friends everday after work.

I'm the least violent kid you will ever meet, I've never gotten into a fight, i don't drugs, and anything else illegal. Don't blame anything bad that happens to your kid on a video game. It's your fault for not teaching him how to really interpret reality and decide what is right and wrong.

that's it : )

A dangerous question you ask. But seeing how you appear honestly interested in seperating the politics from the facts, I have a couple of suggestions. Believe it or not, I'm not going to take a stance on the issue, but instead I'm going to try to point you in the right direction for an actual inquiry;

1) Anecdotal evidence is meaningless, like the young gentleman in Vietnam who claimed GTAIV made him kill someone. Maybe thats true, maybe its not. But the experience of one person will not offer insight into the issue but will only confuse it. Why? Because personal experiences vary highly and can powerfully corrupt the issue for the person who had the experience.

2) No news source is unbiased. Sorry Escapist, even you. If you read a report online from some site with a .com at the end of it, be suspicious.

3) If you want to understand if violent video games are dangerous and, if so, which types of media in specific can be harmful to development, I recommend you look at this from the scientific point of view. When looking online, make sure that what you are reading comes from an honest to god institute of study.

http://www.psychology.iastate.edu/faculty/caa/abstracts/2000-2004/01AB.pdf

Iowa State isn't a great school, but a good scientist will follow the rules. I use the above as an example, and in no way do I think it is the dominating view on the issue. I just believe it to be a view, and a legitimate one at that.

If you find the internet...lacking...go to a local library. Ask the librarian. Yes, really. If he or she can't help, then ask if they have "JStor." JStor is a compilation of different scientific journals, and a search on it should be very productive. Sadly, it isn't generally offered free online but a public library should have it.

4) Lastly, theres more to this than "use your common sense." Everyone makes mistakes, even the most reasonable people. Find the knowledge and be prepared. Thats sorta what responsibility is all about, isn't it?

The end decision is up to you of course. However, as you've said, you yourself played and watched what you wanted, with little parental supervision. Now, do you still think though, that this in some way has negatively affected your own development?

Still, obviously, since you're so knowledgeable about these things, means -you- can pick and choose what you do or don't want your child to play. That said, it may be hard to decide between whether a game has any real value besides entertainment and it's content. There are after all, a lot of games that are violent, use mature language or sexual references etc. But, by that same token, there are a lot of -great- games that are violent, use mature language sexual references. :D

Maybe, just do a little research before-hand I guess. Actually, if you want to instill some measure of appreciation for games, maybe start with some older classics, you mentioned Space Quest there, maybe something in the same vein, I think there's a King's Quest Collection available, similar point & click style adventure, but with a medieval setting with magic and dragons and such, very friendly game, if not so ehm user friendly, so at any rate, it'll certainly be a lesson in patience.

I'd say you should let her play video games. I highly doubt that they'll have a negative effect on her. You might want to wait a few years to let her play Mature-rated games, though, and make sure she understands that she shouldn't imitate things in those games.

Just promise us you'll be responsible and won't blame a game for their screw ups ;)

If it were me, I'd monitor what your child plays and teach them the difference between 'OK' and 'not OK'. I've been playing video games for about 8 years now for ~2 hours a day, I dunno what that adds up to, but over time, it's a lot. I'm also, as other people say, the most mellow person they know. I don't drink/smoke/use drugs/etc. Even arguments are rare for me. I've never actually punched someone, the closest I've come is tackling people in football (American).

It all really depends on the household, I guess. My parents never really monitored what I played (my favorite game on the N64 was Turok, at age 8), but nothing really ever affected me negatively. I guess what matters is how impressionable the child is.

I'm no parent, but I have gamed since I were 6. Personally, I think it depends on the kid wether it hurts to play certain games or not. Somewhat smart kids know that GTA (which I think is the most relevant game) is fiction, it's just a game, and the less smart know that even if they would want to do anything like that in reality, they would get caught. I honestly think the hip-hop culture is more "damaging" then playing games.

Except GTA, I can't really see a game damage a kid in that way. I guess there are games that could make them have nightmares, and that depends on what the kid is afraid of, ofcourse.

Now, I'll try to answer your questions more directly.

First, if she wants to get/play a certain game, and you say it's not okay, I think she'll go to a friend. That's what I would do, and (honestly) everyone I know. I don't think games will make her stay inside more. If she is a stay-inside kid, she is - it doesn't matter if she likes games or not, in my opinion. I'm extremely nerdy and only go outside when I have to, but I have nerdy friends (less nerdy then me, I guess) that play a lot of games, but still spend quite a lot of time outside. If you avoid saying "No, why don't you play some DDR instead of going outside", or anything like that, I don't think you'll 'teach' her to stay inside.

Oh, right, if she wants to play a grown up game. Well, this depends if you mean.. Bar games, or violent games. Bar games, I would wait until I'd let her play that. Horror depends on the kid, as I said. Violent? Well, I played GTA and everything like that, and I'm the most nonviolent person I know. I haven't hit anyone. Ever. Not kidding. Can't help you making that decision, all I know is, that if she wants to play it, she'll probably go to a friend or something.

Sorry if it's hard to read my post or something like that. English isn't my first language, and long posts tend to be one big clutter if I produce them. (Oh yeah, games made me learn english. Really don't think that matters to you though ;D)

My only tip would be if she wants to play a game in the future, allow her to get it. Play it through, and THEN decide if she can play it.

Also bare in mind- Scary games just before bed will probably mean you get woken up because she can't get to sleep because of the monster in the corner :s

I was up and down with this argument, just because I'm sure we have all seen the negative affects of games on PEOPLE let alone children. And it doesn't even have to be violent games on any level. People can just be hooked. I wouldn't say it's bad to let your children play games, but I believe that a parent should certainly be sure to get involved in what they're playing and how long they play it for. Give them a healthy balance of everything a child should experience, like going to theme parks, playing in the park with friends, going for walks or going out with the family! Stuff that I believe is taken for granted too often when this discussion arises.

I agree somewhat what Jazzyluv says, as a child cannot judge what is right or wrong, and needs guidance in everything they see and experience. Although that point is null anyway, as the REAL issue there is that those kids should not be playing games outside their age group ANYWAY! That's why they put age restrictions on them.

I would simply ensure that the games you let your children play are played with your knowledge, and you keep tabs on what they play (not Big Brother style but you know what I mean!) and therefore you can make suggestions and step in whenever you feel is necessary!

Ionait:
But I want her to be healthy. I don't want to teach her to stay inside playing DDR rather than go for a jog in the sun.

It's not an either-or choice.

just make sure that you monitor what she plays. i didnt but i think it didnt have much affect on me. if you are worried about her being a shut in and wanting to do nothing but play WOW you should enroll her in sports like softball, soccer, or basketball. find out what she likes to do. apparently its dance so why not get her in a tap class. psychologically speaking dont let her play M games, or well games that have gratuitious sex or violence because an experiment done by Philip Zimbardo PhD. revealed that people who play violent games will resort to violence faster than someone who doesnt.

regulate her game playing and dont let her become behaviorally addicted to the screen.

gaming should be shared with all!

young and old!

yes, yes, and a thousand times yes you should, just be responsible with ems.

Now this is the golden age to shove a stick up the arse of the moral panicking Jack Thompson parents. Because in this age the parents are gamers. Personally I don't think a violent videogame has any more (less infact) impact on a child then playing with plastic pistols. And just as you tell your kids never to point that at someone, they will anyway because they aren't stupid. They know what's real and what's not. Same goes for videogames. When you raise a child you don't shape them as you want them. You give them directives and let them become their own person. But when they are very young they can't have that responsibility, as for parental control over videogames, it might be a good idea to hold them off from the very violent/scary ones until you think they are old enough to handle it. The ESRB thing isn't so bad actually. Except that most 14 - 15 year olds would still be able to handle a mature game.
If she turns out to like games, great! I'd worry more about her health so you'll have to restrict the hours a day she's allowed to play, I'm no expert but I'd say 2-3 hours when she really young and maybe 3-4 when she gets older (11-12). There is no denying that playing too much will affect your physical appearance and health.

And just as "Jazzyluv" says. I'm a very calm, non-violent person. I always try to avoid fights if I can. And I'm 192cms tall, work out and weigh 95kg, so it's not because I would be useless. This is not thanks to the fact that I never played violent videogames as a kid (which I did, ALOT!); It's thanks to my mother who raised me with the values I live by today.

However I'm pretty sure you could answer all these questions yourself. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you're like my sister was before she gave birth to my nephew. Nervous, first time mother/hormone monster! :D
And I'll tell you the same thing. Put your mind to it and you'll be a great parent, I'm sure of it.

The First game I ever played was Diablo when I was 7, while my next-door neighbor was all about sports. I still play video games and I am not screwed up (much like the guy above me " don't drink/smoke/use drugs/etc...... the closest I've come is tackling people in football (American)" that is basicly it. My neighbor on the other hand, has gone from sports fanatic to hardcore into Cocaine, dropped out of school and just basicly does nothing. Videogames are alright if you tell your kids what they are doing in the game is bad, sure it is fun to knife a guy in the back in Call of Duty every-so-often, but that does not mean that it should be applied in real life.

What I am trying to say is, games can be okay, so long as you treat it more like fiction, and less like reality, you detach yourself from the video game as "only being a video game" and that is it. Just keep your kid away from the bad stuff.

When I was young, my dad was really laid-back with his attitude to games and I remember playing the likes of Doom and the original GTA from about 4 or 5 years old. Never affected me in the slightest. Games are games, and reality is reality, seems a pretty easy concept to grasp to me.

Your kid will probably grow up to enjoy the same things you do if only slightly. Let them be free to play games, but do regulate the games you don't want them to play. You know video games, so you have a leg-up on other parents who don't have a clue and can't remember that M=Mature. Make sure you get to know your kid's friends and what they do. That way you can know if they might play a mature and violent game behind your back. It's really all about getting to know your kid and not overpowering them with rules due to a lack of knowledge.

There are many positive aspects of gaming.

First off, there are tremendous educational benefits. There are a wide variety of educational and activity software packages that teach reading, math, puzzles, etc for pre-schoolers and grade schoolers. These programs teach through interactive activities that resemble simple video games. The children find them rewarding and end up learning in the process. If you don't think these programs work or that being able to read early provides a significant advantage in the education system, you should look into it more. My daughter read the first six Harry Potter books in first grade. Those Jump-Start programs are not a joke.

Secondly, there are many, many age appropriate games even for 3 and 4 year olds on the consoles and on the pc. Also, having young kids is a great excuse to get out the old consoles. A four year old won't complain about how much the graphics suck on a Genesis or SNES and will just enjoy playing the same grat games you used to like. Mario and Sonic are great for kids. There are plenty of titles available that involve problem solving and trial ane error and kids still love them. As the kids get older they can move around better in a 3-d world.

Also, there are activities like the old Mac Draw and Microsoft Paint that are great for kids. Not technically games, but young kids learn through active play.

When I was 5 I played many differnt types and genres of games. Did me no harm at all. I'm now a collage student and doing quite well.

Get 'em into boardgames first. When your opponent is sitting across the table from you, rudeness and poor sportsmanship have very different consequences, compared to what happens if your opponents are on the other side of an internet connection.

Boardgames will give you and your kids an excuse to hang out and play together and with other friends, and they'll inculcate all that cultural geeky gamer goodness along with stealth lessons on resource management, probability analysis, planning, negotiation and others.

Start here. You've got a long, fun road ahead of you. They'll get to video games on their own time, don't worry about that.

You have all been very informative! And have made me feel a little better.. Almost like, ah, why was I so worried in the first place? I agree with Jazzyluv and kanyatta. I think the problem is parents aren't connected enough with what their children do, so they aren't sitting there watching/playing with them saying, this is right and this is wrong. I guess it's lucky that my guy and I are so geeky, because we will be right there when she decides to play a game.

And I'm like most of you. Never smoked, did drugs, drank, anything. I'm a pretty straight and narrow individual and my family always told me I was the most likely to actually get to college and graduate. xD Heck, I even watched Heavy Metal when I was very young. I'm not violent at all, much an optimist, and most people come to me for kindness and guidance.

Thanks dukeh016 for reminding me not to believe the hype.. I understand now why parents seem so idiotic on the news and whatnot.. It can be easy to get caught up in even the most obvious media lies when it comes to protecting someone you love. Just gotta stick scientific and weed out the garbage!

To jumplion - Never. I've played too many games and turned out way too well to blame any problem on a game itself. I'm a believer that the bad comes from games when parents raise their children to be that impressionable and stupid.

Folles - I could read ya perfectly! Great English for learning from games. And that does interest me. I think I learned maturity and vocabulary at a young age from playing some well written RPGs. And thank you for the harsh truth. She probably will go to someone else for what we forbid. We just hope we'll have an open enough relationship that she'll be honest and if it effects her she'll tell us.

Wordsmith - You reminded me of the idea I had. I agree with you completely. I was thinking of making a video game website for parents that didn't have so much a review of the game as, an overview. Like, how deep is the story, how gory the graphics, oh look out for this scene here. I think parents who don't game are at a disadvantage.

ike_luv - I know what you mean by hooked. My guy and I actually met through video games kind of, and at the time he was playing them mostly out of depression? I suppose I'd call it. Unhealthy stuff.. Stuff I really want to avoid ever again. And your post made me feel even better about the topic! It's true. If we show her all aspects of life and all the things she can do, I'm sure video games will be the least of our worries. My guy is much more outsidey than I am and we have already talked a lot about going biking and on all kinds of trips, doing and showing rather than just talking about the world.

Ah.. I think I'll be ok!

I actually think the problem of parents not knowing about games will be significantly less in future generations, seeing as games are much more widespread now, so basically when this generation of younger gamers grows up and has a family, they will be more likely to take an interest into their children's gaming habits, as they are interested themselves and know about the culture of it all.

Avispex - I just thought of that before I read your post! I played the Jump Start games, Reader Rabbit, Oregon Trail, Mario Teaches Typing.. They're all great educational tools. It's just that, like everything else, it has to be done in moderation. I know those programs are powerful but I also don't want to use them too much. I don't want to raise her to think she can just get everything from the computer. I want her to crack open some books and go to the library! Moderation! Wow.. Having a child will be a great excuse to play those Jump Starts again..

Edit to add:

Kiefer13 - You're right. I think/hope my child will be safer because of that. Maybe my generation of parent will be more educated and more thoughtful about what their children play/watch/do. Other parents being educated means my child is better taken care of when she goes to friends' houses too. It's a calming thought.

As a parent myself, I understand your concern. Just don't let that concern become rampant paranoia, though it seems unlikely that would happen given you have some experience in the enjoyment of games, so I am assuming you understand the benefits and the potential risks.

It wasn't too long ago that I was taking my little girl to a Healthy Baby Program and a Mother Goose, so she could spend time with other little babies her age and so I could learn from nurses and other parents (actually, I was the only dad there) on how they are meeting the challenge of parenting. And you know what I saw? Every little baby is their own person who looks to their parents for protection, comfort, and provisions but otherwise, they want to learn at their own pace.

"What does this have to do with games?" you might ask. Well, this is what I take from it, games have been around for as long as recorded history (and I extrapolate from that probably even before recorded history), I guess that games come natural to human beings, because we like to try to apply rules to things. We don't learn to game from our parents, we are born already gamers. Give children more credit for their ability to deal with this crazy place called reality - there are few people as bluntly honest as a child about their view point.

Here are three things I think we as gaming parents should all give a shot:
1) Talk to your children about games and listen to what they have to say (listening well is a skill, work hard at it, it pays back big in the long haul)
2) Play games with your children - remember there are more games than just ones on a screen: board, card, outdoor, singing, etc.
3) Let your kid make a game that you play with them, follow the rules until it breaks, and then explain to them why the game breaks down and ask them to propose a solution to the game breaking down.

In conclusion, my humble opinion is that parents should play with their children - both sides have a lot to gain from the experience.

as a fail safe before you make a rule replace video games with chess and say whatever rule you are thinking of out loud. If you do not think you sound stupid then you might be on to something.

As a slightly strange product of parenting, I would advise you to ensure you regulate your child's gameplay time as well- and ensure they enjoy a healthy and active life. I would also advise you to never let them join an internet forum or purchase a game developed by rockstar games until their sixteenth birthday.

But hey, I know nothing on the matter.

And see if you can get them to read 'Don Quixote' before their eighteenth birthday, do so. in fact, just make sure they do plenty of reading as well.

Hehe, how bout a child gamer opinion here?

What if you would encourage your daughter to go out to play in the day, but in the evenings (Like after 18:00/6PM or so or something...), would enjoy some together time playing non-violent video games? And with your permission, she could play during the day with her friends if she felt like it. I know that worked when I was "little". It was great fun too. Ah... Memories... damn it. I want to play Super Mario Bros with my dad now...

There's no need to be over-protective.
Also, if you're a gamer, you should know the ESRB is worthless and pointless.

17 to hear an "F-Bomb"? For shooting something in a game?

.J.a.T.:
It was great fun too. Ah... Memories... damn it. I want to play Super Mario Bros with my dad now...

I want my daughter to say that about me when she's older! ;_; And, to the rest of your post, you're very right. Regulation is the key! I'm not sure about giving video games a specific time slot. I don't want to be THAT organized. I do understand giving them a time limit though.

Fondant:
I would also advise you to never let them join an internet forum or purchase a game developed by rockstar games until their sixteenth birthday.

I have to disagree here (not picking holes in your opinion, just offering my own). As I said, I've played the GTA series pretty commonly since I was around 5 (granted, I havn't played GTA4 yet, as it's not out on PC ;) ), and it hasn't had any adverse effect on me (or any of my friends who also played it when they were a bit younger, nor has any other violent game. As long as a younger person knows that what they do in a game is completely different from real life.

And I'm just curious about the forum thing. Why exactly do you think people shouldn't join them until they are sixteen. I'm just about sixteen myself actually, but have been a member of various internet forums since I was about twelve, and again, this has not had any adverse effect on me. I would even go so far as to say that forums have probably actually had a positive effect on me in general.

No. Not if you let them play games like FF8 . . . =P

I want my daughter to say that about me when she's older! ;_;

Haha! That my dream too.

I'm not sure about giving video games a specific time slot. I don't want to be THAT organized. I do understand giving them a time limit though.

Hehe, did you notice the "or something or so" spot? I meant that you could enjoy time together in the evenings, and she could play on the day if she wanted, but she should still go out, just to clear things up. Oh, and nevar let your children get used to late bedtime while playing games... It wont turn out good...

Kiefer13 and Fondant - I agree and disagree with each of you. I think every person is unique, with unique experiences and people around them to shape them and the way they perceive things differently. I am pretty much for following ESRB, but I also believe that everyone matures and is ready for things at different times of their life, and different ages. Whatever the game is, I'm going to play through it myself first, with my husband of course, and we'll decide if she is ready for it based on partly her age and the ESRB rating, and partly on her unique level of thought and maturity.

As for forums.. I'm a little concerned about the internet. I don't think it will be a problem though. We're going to raise our daughter to be intelligent, capable, and open with us. I'm ok with her making friends online, just a little scared, as I have a right to be. So I hope when she does make new friends online she'll tell us, or we'll at least have taught her by then what information is right to give out and what is not. I want her to be safe online. That's the only worry about it though, that she'll have a creepy stalker or something.

I think interacting on the forums is the same as watching interaction in games or on tv, or even in life, or just interacting with different people on a daily basis. Nothing wrong with it at all. Sure someone might say something contradictory to our family beliefs, something vulgar, whatever. But we'll encounter that EVERYWHERE.

Save yourself the trouble of buying 50 systems because your kid wants to play Halo 3, MGS4, and Smash Brothers, only to realize later that PC gaming is awesome and want a "beter rig" to play DoW2 when it comes out.

I say no, from the financial standpoint.

UltraBlumpkin:
No. Not if you let them play games like FF8 . . . =P

That's my all time favorite! Pshaw! I am aware that popular opinion is FF8 = mushy poo however.