Occasionally a game comes along that is so innovative, so profoundly "ahead of its time", which the public simply cannot comprehend its impact and value until months, even years after its release.

I, like most of you I imagine, initially dismissed Golden Axe: Beast Rider as a callous attempt to save a shitty action adventure game, complete with a slutty looking heroine, by tenuously attaching it to a license with a modest amount of nostalgic appeal. That impression was only reinforced by the brutal 3.2 rating doled out in the IGN review.

However when I came across the title in my local Rogers Video store a quick examination of the box shattered that misconception immediately. Golden Axe: Beast Rider is not a bad game, it is simply so new, so unorthodox, so fucking innovative that the public and the current review system can't even comprehend it, never mind estimate its value on a ten point scale. It's like asking Neanderthals to give me a valuable opinion on Mozart. Idiocy.

So what does the game contain that puts it streak ahead of all the great titles released in the past two months? What could possibly make it better than Fallout 3 or Little Big Planet?

Simply, this.

That's right ladies and gentlemen. This game, this mere disk of pressed plastic allows you to, and I quote, "Battle increasingly savage enemies in melee comb."

Brilliance, sheer brilliance. While other games offer deep combat and satisfying combo options Golden Axe took it to the next level by allowing you to defeat your enemies with the magical power of grooming. There is truly nothing on the market quite like this game and for that reason, I highly recommend you buy a copy this instant.

This is brilliant!

They should put a giant comb in some game as a hidden weapon. Kinda like the frying pan from Fable 1.

You want it really bad, try the translations on the back of chinese black market games. It's not that they're misspelled, just that they're wrong. Seriously, the pictures are right, but the text is totally off. A friend of mine was stationed there for a year, and he picked up a copy of Dark Sector that had the box-back text for the movie "Remember the Titans". It was the wierdest thing I have ever seen.

Oh come on Decoy, now you're just trying to find new things to mock :P

If this was the case I would buy it.

"While other games offer deep combat and satisfying combo options Golden Axe took it to the next level by allowing you to defeat your enemies with the magical power of grooming."

M-m-m-m-magical power of grooming? Fighting with COMBS?!

GotY

Jumplion:
Oh come on Decoy, now you're just trying to find new things to mock :P

yeah but its so easy! ripe for the picking, like plump low hanging fruit

Melee comb... good find.

This reminds me of when I was still into Yu-Gi-Oh, I bought some fake cards that were so funny, I sill look at them now. Here's an example: "Fruis's Servant.

[Beast Soldier's Series.Effect]
Only when this card exists on its own battlefield of topside shown, your rival can not use 'Fruis' black flamedragon (including all grades) as the targets of the effects of with craft, trick, and moster beast."

Anyone who's ever played YU-GI-OH, and even some who haven't, should realize how wrong that is. I got such a laugh out of it that I intentionally bought several more packs.

Is it just me or do companies no longer invest in proof readers? I swear, I've seen more typos on prominent things like television episode synopses, product packaging, and instruction manuals in the last 6 months than I have since I could grasp the English language sometime in grade school.

"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

I won't lie.... it would be kind of cool to beat someone senseless with a giant comb and then be able to make a horned creature sport a set Jheri Curls of or a righteous Mullet.

I just checked up on the price and the game retails for £40! I was walking past Woolworths and I saw GoW2 going for £35, it's a bit cheeky if you ask me. In a couple of months it should be in the bargain bin though.

Amnestic:

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

Actually no, the meme originates from that picture.

Funny stuff.

I'm so buying this game next time I pass a bargain bin.

YESS!!! It needs to go to Reader's Digest right now for $500!!!

Simski:

Amnestic:

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

Actually no, the meme originates from that picture.

That's even better.

Awesome.

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/pics/swb251lt.jpg

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/pics/sw053ab.jpg

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

The guy who sent them also had a couple of Rocky Balboa.

Lol indeed.

Bravo, Doctorpus. :)

I loled.

well damn now i have to buy it.

doesn't quite top the road sign in wales

english version said:

"No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only"

or in welsh:

"Nid wyf yn y swyddfa ar hyn o bryd. Anfonwch unrhyw waith l'w gyfieithu".

That translated as: "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated."

Amnestic:

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

The line they're translating there is "Nooooooo..."

C-C-C-Comb breaker!

I was going to buy Golden Axe until I realized that they were missing 2 characters out of 3, that there was no co-op play and that they had focused on stupid beast riding. (Who wants to play the amazon anyway?)
That game has nothing to do with Golden Axe and as such should get sued for using the same title as Golden Axe.

Besides, the combing thing just proves how the dev team was off-topic.

hahahaha brilliant

hahaha awesome

Amnestic:

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

hahaha, that's awesome man, I'm reading this thing and it's hilarious.