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Innovation, stupid people and hairdressing

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King of the Yetis
Posts: 2539
Joined: 15 Jul 2008

Occasionally a game comes along that is so innovative, so profoundly "ahead of its time", which the public simply cannot comprehend its impact and value until months, even years after its release.

I, like most of you I imagine, initially dismissed Golden Axe: Beast Rider as a callous attempt to save a shitty action adventure game, complete with a slutty looking heroine, by tenuously attaching it to a license with a modest amount of nostalgic appeal. That impression was only reinforced by the brutal 3.2 rating doled out in the IGN review.

However when I came across the title in my local Rogers Video store a quick examination of the box shattered that misconception immediately. Golden Axe: Beast Rider is not a bad game, it is simply so new, so unorthodox, so fucking innovative that the public and the current review system can't even comprehend it, never mind estimate its value on a ten point scale. It's like asking Neanderthals to give me a valuable opinion on Mozart. Idiocy.

So what does the game contain that puts it streak ahead of all the great titles released in the past two months? What could possibly make it better than Fallout 3 or Little Big Planet?

Simply, this.

image

That's right ladies and gentlemen. This game, this mere disk of pressed plastic allows you to, and I quote, "Battle increasingly savage enemies in melee comb."

Brilliance, sheer brilliance. While other games offer deep combat and satisfying combo options Golden Axe took it to the next level by allowing you to defeat your enemies with the magical power of grooming. There is truly nothing on the market quite like this game and for that reason, I highly recommend you buy a copy this instant.

image

BANNED
Posts: 6317
Joined: 29 Nov 2007

Clever.
Are you going to do one now about finding a used copy of Fuzion Frenzy 2? (Psst, the joke is that it say on the box art, "Not For Resale.")

User was banned for: The hypocrisy is KILLING me.. (Permanent)
Paperboy
Posts: 29
Joined: 27 Aug 2008

This is brilliant!

BANNED
Posts: 12958
Joined: 30 Jan 2008

If you really want to mock disc case mistranslation, go and look up Disgaea 3.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2770
Joined: 13 Feb 2008

They should put a giant comb in some game as a hidden weapon. Kinda like the frying pan from Fable 1.

On the Record
Posts: 5484
Joined: 13 Aug 2008

You want it really bad, try the translations on the back of chinese black market games. It's not that they're misspelled, just that they're wrong. Seriously, the pictures are right, but the text is totally off. A friend of mine was stationed there for a year, and he picked up a copy of Dark Sector that had the box-back text for the movie "Remember the Titans". It was the wierdest thing I have ever seen.

On the Record
Posts: 6207
Joined: 10 Mar 2008

Oh come on Decoy, now you're just trying to find new things to mock :P

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1661
Joined: 15 Oct 2008

If this was the case I would buy it.

Press Junketeer
Posts: 404
Joined: 18 Sep 2008

"While other games offer deep combat and satisfying combo options Golden Axe took it to the next level by allowing you to defeat your enemies with the magical power of grooming."

M-m-m-m-magical power of grooming? Fighting with COMBS?!

GotY

Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 699
Joined: 20 Nov 2007

Jumplion:
Oh come on Decoy, now you're just trying to find new things to mock :P

yeah but its so easy! ripe for the picking, like plump low hanging fruit

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3918
Joined: 16 May 2008

Melee comb... good find.

On the Record
Posts: 5721
Joined: 9 Jul 2008

This reminds me of when I was still into Yu-Gi-Oh, I bought some fake cards that were so funny, I sill look at them now. Here's an example: "Fruis's Servant.

[Beast Soldier's Series.Effect]
Only when this card exists on its own battlefield of topside shown, your rival can not use 'Fruis' black flamedragon (including all grades) as the targets of the effects of with craft, trick, and moster beast."

Anyone who's ever played YU-GI-OH, and even some who haven't, should realize how wrong that is. I got such a laugh out of it that I intentionally bought several more packs.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1810
Joined: 8 Apr 2008

Is it just me or do companies no longer invest in proof readers? I swear, I've seen more typos on prominent things like television episode synopses, product packaging, and instruction manuals in the last 6 months than I have since I could grasp the English language sometime in grade school.

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 857
Joined: 4 Jun 2008

"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

image

image

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

On the Record
Posts: 6713
Joined: 22 Aug 2008

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

Artist
Posts: 91
Joined: 18 Jun 2007

I won't lie.... it would be kind of cool to beat someone senseless with a giant comb and then be able to make a horned creature sport a set Jheri Curls of or a righteous Mullet.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1168
Joined: 2 Sep 2008

I just checked up on the price and the game retails for £40! I was walking past Woolworths and I saw GoW2 going for £35, it's a bit cheeky if you ask me. In a couple of months it should be in the bargain bin though.

Muckraker
Posts: 332
Joined: 17 Aug 2008

Amnestic:

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

Actually no, the meme originates from that picture.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 4341
Joined: 9 Jul 2008

Funny stuff.

Press Junketeer
Posts: 434
Joined: 6 Aug 2008

I'm so buying this game next time I pass a bargain bin.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1154
Joined: 10 Aug 2008

YESS!!! It needs to go to Reader's Digest right now for $500!!!

On the Record
Posts: 6713
Joined: 22 Aug 2008

Simski:

Amnestic:

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

Actually no, the meme originates from that picture.

That's even better.

Awesome.

BANNED
Posts: 3535
Joined: 11 Oct 2008

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*images*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

"HE IS IN MY BEHIND!"

Awrsum!

User was banned for: FUN FORUM GAME THX FO PLAYIN :3. (Permanent)
Muckraker
Posts: 332
Joined: 17 Aug 2008

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/pics/swb251lt.jpg

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/pics/sw053ab.jpg

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

The guy who sent them also had a couple of Rocky Balboa.

image

image

Lol indeed.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1084
Joined: 17 May 2007

Bravo, Doctorpus. :)

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 783
Joined: 27 Aug 2008

I loled.

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 706
Joined: 8 Sep 2008

well damn now i have to buy it.

Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 597
Joined: 17 Apr 2008

doesn't quite top the road sign in wales

english version said:

"No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only"

or in welsh:

"Nid wyf yn y swyddfa ar hyn o bryd. Anfonwch unrhyw waith l'w gyfieithu".

That translated as: "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated."

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3918
Joined: 16 May 2008

Amnestic:

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

image

The line they're translating there is "Nooooooo..."

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1684
Joined: 7 Feb 2008

C-C-C-Comb breaker!

Press Junketeer
Posts: 498
Joined: 5 Oct 2008

image

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 869
Joined: 7 Nov 2007

I was going to buy Golden Axe until I realized that they were missing 2 characters out of 3, that there was no co-op play and that they had focused on stupid beast riding. (Who wants to play the amazon anyway?)
That game has nothing to do with Golden Axe and as such should get sued for using the same title as Golden Axe.

Besides, the combing thing just proves how the dev team was off-topic.

Beat Writer
Posts: 140
Joined: 20 Mar 2008

hahahaha brilliant

Beat Writer
Posts: 140
Joined: 20 Mar 2008

hahaha awesome

Muckraker
Posts: 290
Joined: 5 Aug 2008

Amnestic:

Unknower:
"direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying."

*image snip*

Here's the rest:

http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

I lol'd. I'm sure the translator for the first pic was deliberately memeing.

hahaha, that's awesome man, I'm reading this thing and it's hilarious.

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