The Adventures of "Rutherford" Fisti Cuffington, a Fallout 3 Story

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"Good Afternoon Wasteland. This is Three Dog! And now...the News. There was once a guy, goes by the name of James, good guy. Anyway, he decided that..."

Wait, wait, getting ahead of myself.

Let me introduce you, my fellow Escapists, to the man known as Fisti Cuffington. Originally his parents had intended to name him Rutherford Fisti Cuffington, however due to Bethesda Vault-Tec's failure to make their birth certificates long enough, instead they settled for just Fisti Cuffington. Rutherford is somewhat of a nickname now, used only by those who know him, and by that I of course mean everyone.

At least when they're not giving him ridiculous titles like "The Legend of the Wasteland" or "Mister Vault 101" anyway.

So what's Rutherford's story all about? He was brought up believing only one thing above all others. That fists are the only weapon a man may use in a fight. True men, real men, refuse weapons or additions, they choose only the fists that evolution God gave them. This is Rutherford's story, captured in pictures by me, your narrator, which I wish to offer to you for your amusement.

*coughs* I apologise to my audience for that brief sidenote. Anyway, on with the show, as they say.

Fisti Cuffington's journey began as any other journey does, at the beginning. In this case it was Fisti Cuffington's escape from the wretched prison known as "his mother's womb". His father immediately identifies himself as a poor doctor.


A thirty second old baby manages to school his own father on what gender they are, as well as what name to give him. Needless to say this was the start of a rocky relationship between the two. Things hardly get better when there are complications with Fisti's mother.

So with that, Fisti's life fast forwards because most of it is terribly boring to the point where he is a toddler. Wa-hey! He immediately shows himself as superior to most other children by being able to walk perfectly without falling over once. After reading a magic book which drained him of his speed but drastically increased his strength and fortitude, his father returns from his "business" in the other room to show Fisti something.

Yes dear friends, in the world of Fisti Cuffington, the Bible is apparently a toy. Not only that but your father somehow expects you, an uneducated toddler, to be able to read. While we can read, it seems it's only the beginning of ridiculous expectations Fisti's father would set upon him in the years to come. His tenth birthday hardly went better. The robot Fisti's father hired to cut the cake managed to eviscerate it instead meaning that everyone went hungry.

Luckily for Fisti, some old lady he didn't care about gave him a sweetroll which he munched down. His temporary arch-nemesis Butch didn't take kindly to going to a party with no food, and attempted to engage Fisti in a fight. However at this point Fisti hadn't developed enough and was for some odd reason unable to bring up his own fists to fight.

Officer Nice-guy whose name Fisti quickly forgot stepped in to break up the somewhat one sided fight, before Fisti was whisked away by his Father to go into the basement with some scary black man. There his father gave Fisti his first weapon. Immediately noticing that this was his time to take revenge on his moron of a father, he immediately began pelting him with BB pellets. His father didn't take kindly to this.

Eventually Fisti tired of such minor annoyances. Finally giving in to his father's wishes, Fisti stripped off and stood next to his father so the scary black man could take pictures of them.

Once that was done, Fisti became somewhat of a recluse, his tortured memories of the day when he was abused by his father and the one they call 'Jonas'. Unfortunately, he was forced to return for a conversation with his father before his G.O.A.T. exam as he was feeling ill and had thrown up three times that morning already.

Once again showing off his keen doctoring skills (What's he a doctor of anyway?), his Father deemed that he wasn't ill at all and was perfectly fine. In response, Fisti decided to steal one of his father's possessions. Specifically, a small bobblehead item that was on his desk.

With that in hand he found his ability to administer treatments had increased and he was far more able in all medicine-based activities. Gleeful at his discovery, he left the clinic to head to his teacher to protest doing his exam, though not before avoiding Jonas-the-paedo who was stood on a chair outside his father's office, no doubt to try and catch a glimpse of some child's examination through the window.

On the way to the exam, he bumped into temporary arch-nemesis Butch and his gang of Tunnel Gays spouting lewd sexual innuendos at Amata, his childhood fuckbuddy friend. Initialy he'd intended to not get involved, however he felt a wave of nausea pass over him from the stench of Butch's hair gel and proceeded to vomit all over Butch's back.

Obviously, the Tunnel Gays didn't take kindly to this and tried to combine their powers like some sort of Power Ranger Zord knockoff into a triple attack to overpower Fisti.

Fisti however, was too strong for them, and proceeded to punch them all in the face repeatedly until they were forced to split apart back into their normal selves. Amata was grateful, and promised Fisti a blowjob later for his troubles. The adrenaline wearing off, his illness began to take its toll on Fisti once more as he headed to the classroom to have a chat with his teacher. Fisti, now sufficiently not in the mood for any bullshit test, told the teacher that he refused to do it. Surprisingly the teacher accomodated him and allowed him to fill it out himself. Giving himself the job of "Overseer-in-waiting", he ticked off a few things and suddenly felt his speech, medical prowess and fist fighting ability grow in strength.

Leaving the classroom so that the rest of the morons he was forced to associate with could waste their time on a useless test, he headed to his bedroom to await Amata's return so he could get a happy ending to the day.

Three years passed by in a flurry of no-strings sex, fist fights with his temporary arch-nemesis and being personally tutored by the Overseer on how to be a no-nonsense controlling asshole. During his 19th year in Vault 101 he was wakened by Amata.

Unfortunately she wasn't in the mood for any fun right now, to Fisti's annoyance. She proceeded to inform him that the paedophile of the basement was dead and, far more importantly, that Fisti's father had escaped the Vault. Seeing an opportunity for freedom away from the monotonous grey background of 101, he hatched a plan with Amata to escape. Leaving her the pistol she'd stolen as he had no such need of things, he headed out from his room. Officer Kendall was in his way but luckily the years of fighting Butch and the Tunnel Snakes' pokémon-esque tri-attack had left his unarmed skill incredibly powerful.

After tearing off Officer Kendall's leg with his bare hands, Butch approached him. Readying his fists for another fight, he was surprised when Butch requested his help saving his mother. Fisti's prowess with words had not yet developed enough to convince the snivelling wretch that Radroaches were easy kills for one of Fisti's ability and thus he should help in the rescue. Instead, the fool sat outside waiting pointlessly while Fisti did all the work. And all the work he did, he saved Butch's mother in record time, displaying once more that those who work with their fists shall always prevail.

He proceeded upstairs to the atrium, destroying more radroaches on the way, just in time to watch two stupid civilians eat the bullets of the guards. Why they'd run straight at them he couldn't fathom. He was temporarily overcome with a feeling that he should do the same and dashed straight at the two, engaging his Vault-Tec Assisted Targetting System to help him dispatch the two pistol wielding, armoured enemies.

Barely making it through the fight alive, he celebrated his victory by eating a dozen and a half portions of radroach meat. Feeling revitalised and a little bit weird, he looted the guard's ammo (though not their weapons), and moved on. In some sort of red-lit server computer room, he engaged wit a few more radroaches as well as the Security Chief. Another tough fight began as he weaved left and right, dodging blows from the Security Chief's baton. Finally his fists prevailed again and the chief was defeated. Seeing no reason to stick around, he rounded the corner to a amusing horrifying sight.

While normally he would have let this go and moved on, he noted that the Officer Mack was there. Officer Mack had always hated Fisti for his close proximity to the Overseer during the private tutoring sessions and had never made it a secret, occasionally beating Fisti round the head. Overcome with anger, he dashed at Officer Mack and delivered a crushing blow to the back of his head. It was not enough, and Mack forced him to retreat away to the server room. However once there, Fisti stood his ground and proceeded to beat the living shit out of him, tearing off one of his arms.

He headed back to the Overseer to go politely request for the key to his terminal so he could leave, however the Overseer had grown attached to Fisti and refused to let him leave. Taking a moment before leaving to drink from the sink to restore himself and looting the police lockers for ammunition and stimpaks, he left the Overseer calling for Officer Mack feebly.

Heading into the Overseer's familiar living area he noted that Jonas was dead on the floor. Taking an opportunity for minor revenge, he stole Jonas' glasses as a trophy and then proceeded to shake the body down for any more loot that might drop out of him.

Unfortunately, Jonas refused to give up anything more than a single stimpak and a recored note from Fisti's father. Making do with it he headed into the Overseer's dining room to find Amata crying at the table, bearing the bruises of the beating she'd just taken. She offered him the Overseer's pistol as well as the ammo. He took both before throwing the pistol back at her face. She should know better than to give him a weapon by now. He slapped her across the face, only making her cries worse. Leaving her to her sorrow he looted the two bedrooms, noting a picture of Amata on top of her dresser.

Not even looking at her as he walked past he headed to the office of the Overseer to take the terminal password and escape this wretched place. It was child's play to use the computer, having been shown it numerous times while the Overseer taught him everything he knew.

With the tunnel accessed, he headed out encountering one single radroach on the way. He snuck up on it and delivered a powerful punch to its wings, killing it in a single strike. Activating the secret door he headed out into the main chamber of 101's entrance. Taking a moment to admire the Overseer's equipment,

he headed to the control panel and flipped the switch to open the Vault door. How no one had escaped before now he wasn't sure, as all it had taken was a single flip of the switch for him to leave. Amata arrived, apparently over the fact that he'd just slapped her and had been tortured, to congratulate him on opening the door. When he inquired if she would be joining him on his travels she declined, much to his annoyance. Just as he was about to leave, two more guards arrived to accost him. It seemed fairly pointless to him, as all he needed to do was leave and they'd not follow him, but instead he remained long enough to tutor them on how to fight. He did it a tad too well however and killed the both of them. Feeling no grief over two more deaths on his fists, he headed back into the Vault to see if there was anything to loot. And loot he found.

Making off with another 6 Bobby Pins, a heap of scrap metal and a handful of stimpaks more to his name, he headed back to the Vault exit to make his final escape.


And thus, we end the rather long winded first chapter into "Rutherford" Fisti Cuffington's story. Next time: Fisti tries to hire a hooker, the tragic death of a deluded cowboy and the entrance of Fisti's new no-longer-temporary Arch Rival.

Comments, advice, criticism, requests for certain things, suggestions on how to improve are all welcome. Either post them here or send them to me via PM. I'll try to be as accomodating as possible within reason :)

GenHellspawn:
tl:dr. Was I supposed to read all of that?

I don't see why you wouldn't. You can read after all.

Anyway I likes it. And I look forward to the next installment of poor abused fisti's existence.

galletea:
I don't see why you wouldn't.

It's a mile-long thread about a game I don't even like.

That was pretty cool, looking froward to more. Just a question though, what graphic setting are you using?

GenHellspawn:

galletea:
I don't see why you wouldn't.

It's a mile-long thread about a game I don't even like.

If you don't like Fallout 3, out of interest, why did you click on the thread? Not that I'm complaining about the free bumps, it just seems a tad odd to me.

Piemaster:
That was pretty cool, looking froward to more. Just a question though, what graphic setting are you using?

Medium on 1024x768. My comp's a bit old, but I get very minimal FPS loss with this.

GenHellspawn:
tl:dr. Was I supposed to read all of that?

Reported. It's about time you had a 'time off' from the forums.

Amnestic, I was going to do this eventually you know? Already took screenshots and everything, just didn't have the creativity to create a story like you, so kudos.
You're a genius, I'll send ya some suggestions trough PM :).

Amnestic:

GenHellspawn:

galletea:
I don't see why you wouldn't.

It's a mile-long thread about a game I don't even like.

If you don't like Fallout 3, out of interest, why did you click on the thread? Not that I'm complaining about the free bumps, it just seems a tad odd to me.

Well, I had no idea of the subject matter. I thought it was going to be a review or maybe a thread that actually incited conversation, considering I've still played the game and could've offered my opinion.

Richard Groovy Pants:
It's about time you had a 'time off' from the forums.

Reported. Acting like a mod when you've only been here for slightly longer than a month and routinely make trollish comments yourself makes you look silly.

*double post*

Haha brilliant, some of the inuendo's were hilarious.

Flangle:
Haha brilliant, some of the inuendo's were hilarious.

Innuendos? They were pretty obvious to me ;o.

Richard Groovy Pants:

Flangle:
Haha brilliant, some of the inuendo's were hilarious.

Innuendos? They were pretty obvious to me ;o.

Ahh shushhh, you know what i meant.

I thought it was pretty creative, next time I'd like to see smaller pictures using the caption tag instead of the spoiler tag. Saves a lot of space, and makes it easier to read.

wilsonscrazybed:
I thought it was pretty creative, next time I'd like to see smaller pictures using the caption tag instead of the spoiler tag. Saves a lot of space, and makes it easier to read.

What is the caption tag? I can never figure it out, even when I quote people.

Also, Amnestic, you just gained a spot level with Livin' in Oblivion on my 'Video Game diary things' list.

wilsonscrazybed:
I thought it was pretty creative, next time I'd like to see smaller pictures using the caption tag instead of the spoiler tag. Saves a lot of space, and makes it easier to read.

What's the code for the caption tag?
I usually see some people do it in the RP and User Reviews forums but I can never memorize the damn thing, it's pretty nifty though.

wilsonscrazybed:
I thought it was pretty creative, next time I'd like to see smaller pictures using the caption tag instead of the spoiler tag. Saves a lot of space, and makes it easier to read.

Don't suppose you could point me into the direction of a tutorial for such a thing Wilson? It'd certainly help clean things up a bit and I'd be happy to do it to make it look neater :)

http://www.w3schools.com/TAGS/tag_caption.asp should tell you just about everything you need to know.

Edit, actually that won't... to put captions on pictures we use (replace parenthesis with brackets)

(img_inline caption="Write something here" height="265" width="300" align="left")http://www.picturesoffallout/urlofyourimage.jpg (/img_inline)

Help me.
Help me.

Wow very good.

Well done Amnestic, i look forward to reading more about Rutherford's adventures. Props to making him fists-only as well.

Ah, brilliant story. It bring up good memories of my playthrough of the beginning of the game. I look forward to reading chapter 2, but I hope I have the game before I see the second part as I dont want any spoilers.

Why do you keep looking at his pen0r

Amnestic has now inspired me to create Crash Crackdown (an RP character) of mine in Fallout. I won't be chronicling his epic and likely hard headed journey like this though. Good job, THIS is what it means to Roleplay in a CRPG.

Very impressive and interesting story, Amnestic. I was very surprised that Fisti managed to tear a security guard's arm right out of his socket, but in hindsight I don't know why I didn't expect anything less.

Question. How do you plan to beat the Behemoth with your bare fists?
If you say you'll just slide the difficulty bar to very easy then I'm going to start sobbing.

Richard Groovy Pants:
Question. How do you plan to beat the Behemoth with your bare fists?
If you say you'll just slide the difficulty bar to very easy then I'm going to start sobbing.

I bet he's going to have hell against the various snipers, too...

On that note, how does one disarm mines with their fists?

Charge into them and hope you survive.

Richard Groovy Pants:
Question. How do you plan to beat the Behemoth with your bare fists?
If you say you'll just slide the difficulty bar to very easy then I'm going to start sobbing.

It's set to normal unless my dripfeed of stimpaks can't keep me alive, in which case I'll start abusing doorways too small for the behemoth to fit through. That and I might do the whole "I run in circles around your feet too fast to be hit."

Dance like a butterfly, sting like an English gentleman.

NewClassic:

Richard Groovy Pants:
Question. How do you plan to beat the Behemoth with your bare fists?
If you say you'll just slide the difficulty bar to very easy then I'm going to start sobbing.

I bet he's going to have hell against the various snipers, too...

On that note, how does one disarm mines with their fists?

The Lightstep perk may become a necessity. Partly because of that and partly because I keep forgetting to keep an eye on the floor. Tripwires keep getting the better of me.

wilsonscrazybed:
http://www.w3schools.com/TAGS/tag_caption.asp should tell you just about everything you need to know.

Edit, actually that won't... to put captions on pictures we use (replace parenthesis with brackets)

(img_inline caption="Write something here" height="265" width="300" align="left")http://www.picturesoffallout/urlofyourimage.jpg (/img_inline)

Ta muchly, I'll keep that in mind for my next installment :)

One of the funniest thing I have seen today...cannot wait for the next installment.

You...you tore off his leg! With your hands!
Those must be some damn good fists.

you should send that story to letsplay.com I think that's URL anyways. I read a very humorous Fallout 1 story about a very average guy who starts a glorious journey to find a new water chip and learns about the wasteland.

edit: it's from the somethingawful forums, a subsection. A rule that I didn't read before though was that you need to wait 6 months from game's release so never mind. Do consider it though because I love these.

I can't describe how much I want this game. Unfortunately I have to wait a few weeks. But I have Fable 2 to keep me occupied.

I have a suggestion: Fisti should carry around a gun of some sort, BUT only use it to shoot the guns out of enemies' hands so that he can have a proper fistfight with them!

Anyway, good work, it's quite entertaining.

Awesome Amnestic. Can't wait for the next installment.

but,can you actually become overseer in waiting?

the protaginist:

but,can you actually become overseer in waiting?

I have no idea. That was added in for a bit of story-ness. The first time I played I got medical intern, the second time I got Fry Cook :( Every other time I just skipped the test and it doesn't tell you.

I can't wait to see how much things go to hell when Fisti gets the "Bloody Mess" perk. Oh, good god...

Amnestic:

the protaginist:

but,can you actually become overseer in waiting?

I have no idea. That was added in for a bit of story-ness. The first time I played I got medical intern, the second time I got Fry Cook :( Every other time I just skipped the test and it doesn't tell you.

So far I've taken that test twice. The first time I was told I'd be the next Vault Chaplain, the second said I'd be a Pip-Boy Repairman.

ThaBenMan:
I have a suggestion: Fisti should carry around a gun of some sort, BUT only use it to shoot the guns out of enemies' hands so that he can have a proper fistfight with them!

Anyway, good work, it's quite entertaining.

Better idea: Fisti does carry around some sort of weapon that would, more often than not, end a conflict outright (an Energy Pistol, a Magnum, something). However, he only uses it in situations where it's either unnecessary, overcomplicated, ironic or actually makes a situation worse. For example, Fisti manages to beat a Super Mutant to death with his bare hands, but then opens up a package of food by shooting the wrapper with his high-powered laser pistol.

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